


Nothing will happen

by JamesJohnEye



Series: Postcards [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Murder, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2018-12-21 21:23:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 102,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11952912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamesJohnEye/pseuds/JamesJohnEye
Summary: A sixteen year old girl goes missing.Decades later, another girl disappears.





	1. The kids are okay

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr; jamesjohneye
> 
> English is not my first language and I don't have a beta. Please help me out if you spot a mistake and leave it in the comments so I can fix it, thanks!

 

* * *

 

 

_There’s a sixteen year old girl standing in the middle of a shack._

_She has no idea that she’s about to die._

_Rain is pounding on the cracked windows and the wind howls outside. The forest is alive during the storm; trees groaning out warnings while branches reach out to snare anything they can reach. Animals have taken shelter in small holes and distant fields, driven by instinct to stay alive during this dark night. Clouds hide away stars but the moon peeks through every couple of seconds, flashing in the sky like lightning before fading into a swirl of gray._

_The girl moves to sit on the couch, two blankets wrapped tightly around her skinny shoulders. The fire went out a while ago. The rest of the wood is too damp to start a new one. She should have brought the logs inside earlier, before the howling wind ripped the plastic off their stash._

_She shivers. It’s not because of the cold._

_Soon, it won’t matter, she thinks. He will be home in just a couple of minutes and then he will sit down on the couch next to her, wrap an arm around her, pull her close to share his body heat with her. They’ll share the blankets like they share everything else. It’s never much but always enough._

_There’s no electricity here. She could get up to light the oil lamp but she’s always warning him about what a fire hazard that thing is in their wooden shack and she doesn’t want the soft glow to illuminate his smug smile when he sees it on. Doesn’t want to hear that the thing was a perfect investment after all. It’s not. The flame is always temperamental, unsteady, far too eager to spill out into their world and just take it all._

_Sometimes he mocks her for the demons she sees in little things._

_She won’t ever realize that he was right. That she’d been so focused on the little things that she never saw the real demon lurking nearby, wearing his skin._

_There is no worse way to die, she thinks, than burning. Her mother had always been scared of a fire starting in their home and her warnings still ring out clearly in her mind. Check the stove, check it again, is every device unplugged? Never put anything on stand-by, dear, and did you double check the candles? She wouldn’t have liked her daughter living in place that can only be heated by fire._

_The girl shivers again and pretends she doesn’t miss her. Tries to convince herself that her last words to her, spat out in anger, had been true. It makes it all hurt a little less._

_The sound of his truck pulling up, the groan of his engine nearly drowned out by the storm, eases the pain still more. She sits up eagerly, already pushing one of the blankets aside so he can slide right up next to her. A door slams, a couple of moments of silence except for the storm raging and then the front door opens._

_She smiles, beams, ‘hey. You’re back! Thank goodness.’_

_He walks in, closes the door behind him. There are dark spots on his gray shirt from the rain he caught on the dash to the house. Heavy boots cause the floorboards to creak. He doesn’t say anything, just leans against the door and looks at her. Eyes dark, hair color faded due to the sun. He works out in the fields all day, his skin is bronzed and now gleaming due to the rain. He’s older, almost twice her age, with broad shoulders and rough hands he raises in anger. They are gentler at night, begging forgiveness as they slide over bruised skin._

_He is so handsome._

_Her breath still hitches every time he looks at her, and he’s looking at her now._

_‘Everything okay?’ she asks, shifting a little and patting the seat next to her. ‘Sit down, it’s cold in here. Let me make you some food.’_

_She doesn’t really know how to cook, but she tries and he tells her she’s perfect even though she sometimes burns it all._

_‘They’re looking for you,’ he says._

_She tugs a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. ‘Well,’ she gives him a teasing smile, ‘they’ll never find me here.’_

_‘No,’ he agrees. He reaches for the hunting knife on his belt. ‘They won’t.’_

_  
_

* * *

 

 

 

‘Forty really isn’t that old, you know.’

Daryl leans back from the hood of the car and wipes his forehead with his wrist. He grabs a rag from the engine and wipes his hands, cleaning off the motor oil which has spilled all over his fingers. Then he glances at the register, ‘that so?’

A little girl is sitting on the desk, legs folded beneath her and a sucker popped into her mouth. Dirty-blonde hair hides under an old baseball cap. Her shirt is streaked with grease and oil, there’s even a smudge on her cheek, and her jeans are ripped at the knees.

She nods earnestly, ‘yeah. You should get a girlfriend.’

‘Because?’ Daryl edges.

‘It’s what boys do?’

Daryl snorts and shakes his head, ‘get outta here, pipsqueak. Or at least make yourself useful. Wrench.’

The girl shrugs and jumps off the desk, slinking over to his toolbox and getting the right wrench out. She slaps it into his outstretched hand, ‘wrench. Why not? Daniella from the movies always talks about you. That’s what Katie says.’

‘Daniella is sixteen years old, that’s illegal. And gross.’

The girl frowns and sucks on her lollipop, ‘she gave me popcorn. She isn’t gross. Miss Lela from the library is real nice, too.’

Daryl sighs, ‘how about you mind ya own business, huh?’

‘You’re my dad,’ the girl giggles, ‘you kinda are my business, right?’

The door of the garage suddenly bangs open, revealing Merle who throws his toolbox into a corner. A wicked grin appears on his face when he spots the girl leaning against one of the cars. ‘Ah, there’s my little tiger-princess! Come an’ give old Merle a hug now. He’s been workin’ all days, slavin’ away for his little baby brother and his lil ducklin’s.’

The girl giggles and runs over to him, jumping up into his arms, ‘na’ahw, poor old uncle Merle! Here, all better?’

‘All better,’ Merle echoes, ‘why’re you lookin’ like you crawled through an engine?’ He spits on his hand and rubs at the girl’s cheek. ‘Can’t have no tiger-princess of mine looking like a precious mess.’

‘But tigers have spots!’ the girl objects, trying to squirm away from him, ‘lemme go! Put me down!’

‘Put her down, man,’ Daryl says with a smile on his face, ‘did you get that old thing fixed?’

Instead of putting the little girl down, Merle swings her up and over his shoulder, carrying her fire-fighter style. ‘’Course I did, Darlina, that mean old thing got nothing on me. Why he wants it up ‘n runnin’, the good Lord only knows, ain’t worth the repairs, I keep sayin’.’

‘He needs it for the farm,’ Daryl says as he closes the hood of the car he’d been working on, ‘we should keep an eye out for a new one. It’s not going to last.’

‘The hell it ain’t. Five bucks it breaks down again next month.’

Daryl shrugs, ‘gave him a good deal?’

Merle nods, ‘old man just had to pay for the parts, my sweat was free today.’

‘Thanks man,’ his brother mutters as he wipes his hands on his jeans, ‘he gives the girls free shit sometimes when we’re at their store. Talkin’ ‘bout little girls,’ he walks past Merle to look at his daughter, who’s still dangling from his shoulder. ‘Thought I had two of you. Where’s Katie?’

The little girl presses her lips together and shakes her head.

‘Lex,’ Daryl says, tone darkening, ‘spit it out.’

‘Ain’t no rat!’

Merle hoots and lets the girl glide off him, ‘taught this one good, Daryl!’ He sobers up when his brother glares at him. ‘Now, really, you shouldn’t be keepin’ secrets from your old man, Lexi.’

Lexi grins and rubs at her nose, a familiar Dixon-move, ‘fine, she’s at Glenn’s, said she had something she wanted to ask him. Went right after school. She dropped me off first!’ She hastens to add when Daryl frowns unhappily. ‘But she went after, said she’d be home in time for dinner.’

‘Right,’ Daryl sighs as he rubs at the back of his neck, ‘go grab your things, we’re closing up shop. Staying for dinner, Merle?’

‘Na-ah, got a lady I gotta go see.’

‘That right?’ Daryl muses as he watches how his little girl dances around the garage, picking up the Batman backpack from behind the register. She’s singing something under her breath, probably a song they learned at school today. ‘Wouldn’t be a bald lady with a bad reputation, now would it, Merle? Can’t believe you’re hanging out with that douche bag again, fuckin’ Peter. Ain’t worth the trouble, man. Don’t go down that road now.’

His brother laughs, ‘why don’t you worry about your ladies, and I worry about mine?’

‘You worry about mine plenty, too,’ the younger Dixon points out. ‘Thought you weren’t hanging around Charly’s no more.’

‘Just ‘cause you lost your wings, doesn’t mean I did, baby brother. Besides, it’s just a few drinks.’

‘It’s never just a few with those guys, you know that.’ Daryl smiles when Lexi comes running over, backpack bobbing on her back, with his vest in her hands. ‘Thanks, doll. Let’s go see if your sister is home, okay?

‘Okay!’ She grins at him and holds her hand out for him to take. He does, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand for a second.

‘I’ll close up,’ Merle offers, ‘still got to put the money in the vault, clean up my shit. Go on ahead, I got the keys and everything.’

‘Thanks man, don’t forget the alarm!’ Daryl warns as he guides his little girl out of the garage.

‘Bye uncle Merle!’ Lexi screams just before the door closes behind them. ‘Why’s uncle Merle going to have dinner with a bald lady?’

Daryl snorts as he lights a cigarette, ‘just an inside joke, okay? He’s going over to Charly’s bar tonight.’

‘But we’re not allowed to go there!’ Lexi says with wide eyes.

‘’Cause you’re a midget who can’t hold no liquor. He’s a grown-ass man.’

‘You said a bad word. Sorta.’

‘Sorry pumpkin,’ he smiles. ‘Tell me about your day at school.’

The flood of stories keeps them entertained while they walk home. She bounces every couple of steps, hopping on one leg and avoiding the cracks between the tiles as she tells about her teacher and the adventures she had during the breaks.

‘Parent-teacher conferences are coming up,’ she tells him with a sly grin. ‘Maybe you could bring Miss Lela from the library.’

He raises an eyebrow, ‘not exactly first-date material, those grades of yours.’

‘’Course they are,’ she counters, looking affronted, ‘I’m real good at math! Got a star for my last task. It’s in my book, you can see it at home. It’s got glitters.’

‘Can’t wait. How’s your reading?’

She glowers a bit, ducking her head. ‘Fine, I guess.’

‘Does your teacher think so too?’

‘Sometimes.’ She looks up to her dad, ‘I mess the days up sometimes, too. Like, when she asks us. I mess it up. Everyone laughed.’

‘Days are easy-peasy,’ Daryl muses, swinging their hands as they walk. ‘We’ll practice them.’

‘You know all the days?’ Lexi asks.

‘’Course I know all them days, girl!’ Her dad laughs, ‘and you will too. Easy as pie. Careful, we’re crossing the street. What do we do?’

‘Look!’ Lexi leans around him, staring down the empty street. ‘Go!’

‘Other way!’ Daryl laughs, ‘Gotta look both ways, Batman!’

‘Looking the other way!’ Lexi announces as she twirls on the spot, ‘nothing! Go!’

Together they cross, over the street and down an alley until they hit their home at the edge of town. A pink bike is parked against their porch, leaning against the wood. They stomp up the small set of stairs together. On the top step, Lexi lets go of his hand and tears into the house.

‘Katie!’ She screams at the top of her lungs. ‘We’re home! And I ratted on you! But dad made me! Sorry! _Sorry_!’

Daryl shakes his head as he hangs his vest up and walks into the kitchen. The little girl is dancing around the kitchen table, trying to get the attention of her sister, who’s flipping through a magazine. She looks up when he enters, all dazzling smiles and innocence.

‘Hey, dad!’ she plucks one of her earphones out of her ear, ‘shut it, Lexi!’

Her little sister leans against her longer legs, ‘sorry,’ she whispers.

Katie rolls her eyes, ‘I told you not to tell! I wanted to do that! Dad, listen, I got a job.’

Daryl leans against his kitchen sink and folds his arms. ‘A job? You’re three years old.’

‘Sixteen, thank you very much,’ Katie answers, ‘but yeah! A job, a real job. Well, kinda, it’s not, like, official, but Glenn said I could work at his place! Said he’d give me money.’

‘Doing what?’

‘Taking the orders! You know, when people call and I can go all; _hello, this is Glenn’s pizza’s, how can I help you_. Isn’t that neat?’

‘You ain’t working no job,’ Daryl scoffs. ‘What’d you do with the money anyway? I give you plenty.’

‘Five bucks isn’t plenty, dad. I want to buy stuff.’

‘What kinda stuff?’

‘Girl stuff, just, you know, _nice_ things.’

‘Oh, I ain’t buying you nice things now?’

Lexi perks up at that, ‘dad bought me nice things! See? _See_? He got me this backpack for school, but I can use it on weekends too! Look at it! Katie, look!’

Katie glances at her sister, ‘I know what your backpack looks like, silly. Batman, yeah, yeah, I see it, real nice. Dad! I want to buy… you know! Make up!’

‘You’re not putting shit on your face.’

‘It ain’t shit,’ Katie laughs, shaking her head. ‘All the girls have it in my class. I’m not going to school looking like a boy! You’re always going on about me being lazy, so there; I’m not lazy because I’ve got a job. And it’s at Glenn’s! You like Glenn.’ Lexi tries to climb up on Katie’s chair but her sister pushes her away. ‘Lex, get your own chair. And drop the hat, it looks stupid.’

‘But uncle Merle gave it to me!’

‘Doesn’t change the fact that it looks stupid. Dad, tell her.’

Daryl shakes his head, ‘don’t be mean, Katie. You look great, Lex. Put your backpack in the hallway, please. We’ll talk later about that job-mess, okay? I gotta talk to Glenn first, and it ain’t happening on schooldays, or Sunday nights.’

‘Saturday night,’ Katie says with a nod, ‘for four hours. It’s just answering the phone, dad. He’ll even let me work on my school stuff while I’m there!’ She flicks her blonde hair over her shoulder. ‘Oh, and Maggie is taking me to the fair.’

Lexi’s eyes turn huge, ‘but we are going to the fair! Why aren’t you coming with us? Dad! We’re going to the fair, right? _Right_?’

‘Yeah, sweet cheeks, we are. Why Maggie?’

Katie shrugs, ‘she’ll let me help with the horses. You know, the ones little kids can ride on? She’ll let me brush them afterwards.’

Daryl groans, ‘don’t be nagging me afterwards about wantin’ a damn horse.’

‘Don’t want no horse,’ Katie murmurs as she flips a page, ‘I want lessons.’

‘We’ll talk about it later.’

She sighs, ‘you always say that.’ Then she perks up again, ‘there’s a new girl in class!’

‘Oh yeah?’ Daryl asks as he rummages through the cupboards, ‘hey, thought we had lasagna stuff left. Never mind, how about some venison, y’all?’

‘Yeah!’ Lexi screams. At the glare of her sister and father she clasps her hands over her mouth and murmurs, ‘I mean; yes,’ through her fingers.

‘How’s the new girl then? Show her around?’ Daryl edges, trying to keep the conversation going with his eldest daughter.

‘She’s kinda weird.’

‘Why?’ Lexi asks, always eager to hear her big sister’s opinion on everything.

‘Dunno, she just is,’ Katie shrugs. ‘Whole day, right? Didn’t say nothing to no-one.’

‘Maybe she’s just scared,’ Daryl offers. ‘First day jitters and all that.’

‘Don’t care,’ the girl replies with teenage bluntness.

‘I cried on my first day,’ Lexi confides them, nodding earnestly. ‘Miss let me sit with her all morning. That was kinda nice.’

Daryl laughs, ‘kinda nice? Ya didn’t want to come home no more! Outta sight, outta mind, ditchin’ your old man like that.’

‘Miss lets me paint,’ Lexi says by way of explanation when Katie smirks at her. The older girl suddenly whips around to face her father.

‘I’d never ditch you for paint, dad.’

‘Ya ain’t getting no horse, suck-up!’

‘Lessons! I want lessons!’

Daryl laughs and busies himself with making dinner. Behind him, Lexi climbs on a chair to chat with her older sister. It pleases him that Katie listens patiently, occasionally flipping a page of her magazine, eyes roaming the page but she still asks her sister questions about what she’d done during recess, what kind of puzzle she’d made and whether her friend Julie had managed to get that paint out of her hair all right.

Daryl reaches out and flips the radio on that’s on top of their refrigerator and lets the music mix with the voices of his children.

 

 

Several hours later, Daryl kisses his youngest daughter goodnight before slipping out of her room. He leaves the door open, letting the light of the hallway stream in through the crack. It’s just a habit by now; he’s pretty sure she would be fine without it. Maybe tomorrow he will close the door or leave the light off, but now he enjoys the way he can see how her blonde hair is a curly mess amidst all her stuffed toys, blankets and pillows. It makes it easier to slip in later and pull her thumb out of her mouth anyway, a habit she sometimes still has and he’s trying to break completely. With a soft smile playing around his lips he walks up the second set of stairs, towards the attic where Katie’s room is.

The teenager has her headphones on, her painted nails ticking along to a beat on top of her homework. There’s a pencil clenched between her teeth and the dark blonde hair is pulled back in a high pony tail. Daryl watches how she punches something into a calculator and frowns at the resulting answer before checking her book again. He knocks on her open door.

‘Hey,’ Katie pushes the headphones down and smiles at him.

‘Hey kit-Kat,’ Daryl murmurs as he sits down on the girl’s bed. He runs a hand through his shaggy hair. ‘What are you workin’ on?’

‘Math.’ Katie pulls a face. ‘We have a test next week and none of this makes sense, I mean, look at it, dad!’ She shoves the book into his lap, ‘who cares about this anyway? When am I ever going to need to know how to solve a formula?’

‘When your own brat moans about having to solve theirs,’ Daryl grins at her before passing the book back. He sobers a bit, shoulders slumping as he leans with one elbow on his knee. ‘Sorry I can’t help you out, kid.’

‘That’s okay. I’ll ask one of my friends tomorrow,’ she dismisses easily. ‘I need to build a pyramid for history class though. Can you believe it? How stupid is that?’

‘Sounds like an easy A to me.’

Katie nods, ‘can I use the stuff at the garage? I could make one out of metal parts or something. That would be better than just some dumb cardboard thing.’

‘We’ll see what we can scrounge up. Hey, thanks for walkin’ Lex home today, by the way. Know it must be annoying for ya, havin’ to watch her so much.’

‘She ain’t no trouble,’ Katie murmurs as she flips through her book. ‘If I wanna hang out with my friends, I can just drop her off at the garage when you or uncle Merle are there, like I did today. I didn’t want her hanging around during my first ever job interview.’ She looks very pleased with herself. ‘Besides,’ she glances up, ‘Dixon’s take care of their own, right?’

Daryl nods, ‘yeah. Listen,’ he scratches at the stubble on his cheek, ‘about the job thing. I think it’s great you got one on your own and everything, but… if you need anything, you’ll ask me, right? I know five bucks ain’t much, but if you want something, you know you can ask me, right?’ He grins, ‘even if it’s for make-up.’

‘I want a hundred bucks for lessons,’ Katie says as she closes the book and shoves it aside. ‘Kidding,’ she smiles when Daryl gives her a look. ‘I mean – it would just be nice to not have to ask all the time or tell you what I’m buying.’

Daryl raises his eyebrows.

Katie giggles. ‘Hardcore drugs,’ she nods. ‘That came out weird, I just don’t want to explain to you why I desperately need the new Beyoncé album and then nag about it for two weeks until you give me the money. I just want to buy stuff right away.’

‘And live to regret it because your daddy didn’t give you a week to think about whether you really wanted it.’

She nods. ‘And live to regret it.’ She punches his shoulder.

‘Well,’ Daryl sighs, ‘I guess you’re better at making decisions than I were at your age, I’ve been hearing nothing but Queen Bey or whatever for the last two months so… Fine, I’ll stop by Glenn’s tomorrow, talk things over, okay?’

‘Dad,’ Katie says as she scoots a little closer to him. ‘I’m sixteen. This is _my_ job. You don’t have to go in to talk about my hours with Glenn, I can do that myself. Saturday night for four hours. If he’s happy with how I do it, I can work more hours. It’s a sort of a,’ she flaps a hand near her face while trying to think of the term, ‘trial! It’s like a trial period.’

‘For both of you,’ Daryl nods. ‘You can try it, but you don’t have to work there, okay? You can work at the garage, sweep the floors, change the oil on-‘

‘I’m not going to work for you!’ Katie laughs while swiping at his shoulder again. ‘Good lord, I’m trying to get away from you!’ The pang of hurt must have flashed over his face. ‘Dad!’ she moans before sliding off her chair and into his lap, looping her arms around neck, ‘don’t look like that! It was just a joke.’

He loops an arm around her waist, pulling her closer against his chest. Sixteen years old and almost a young woman now, but he still remembers how she used to fit in the crook of his arm, tiny fingers reaching up to touch the scruff on his chin. He hums. ‘Better not be savin’ that money for any kind of college or nothing,’ he says. ‘Ain’t ever going to let you go.’

She grins. ‘Don’t have to, you and Merle have been saving for me plenty. _Right_?’

‘Don’t know about that plenty. Five bucks for a second-hand dictionary and you’re good to go, right?’

With a huff of laughter, she puts her head on his shoulder. ‘Five bucks is plenty, dad.’

 

 

It’s almost eleven o’clock when Daryl gets up from his spot at the dinner table, where he’s working on one of his latest projects. In his office upstairs he has the latest equipment for digital drawings; tablets and fancy monitors with spinning color wheels that react to touch, but he sometimes still prefers his old sketchbooks and color pencils, especially when he’s just doodling to try to come up with a new creative idea.

He works the kinks out of his shoulders by stretching a bit while he walks to the fridge. He grabs one of the cans of coke out of the drawer meant for vegetables and can’t help but wince a little. It’s Saturday tomorrow though, maybe he’ll take Lexi to Hershel’s farm to get some fresh produce if she’s in the mood.

He already knows Katie won’t be, though the possibility of her getting to pet one of the horses might sway her.

He opens the cupboard above the stove and grabs his cigarettes and lighter from the top shelve. Alcohol is forbidden in their home, but he hasn’t managed to kick this particular addiction to the curb just yet, even though he smokes less then he used to.

Out of habit, he counts the cigarettes in the package just to be sure. He fears that he’ll have to trudge up to Katie’s room one night and ask here where the missing ones are if he keeps them around, but she’s sixteen and a lot smarter than he was at her age, so maybe he’ll never have to.

They’re all still there for now so he heads outside, leaving the door open just a crack. It’s a cool night. He can feel the flare of heat when he snicks his lighter on, turning the little wheel fast enough for the flame to spring to life. The tip of his cigarette glows red and orange before he inhales sharply and the paper and tobacco shrivel to ashes.

There’s a small path leading to the shed nobody ever uses. The girls love to ride their bikes, mostly because Daryl doesn’t mind spray-painting them in neon colors at his shop, but they hate putting them away. Katie’s is always leaning against the front porch, a flash of hot pink against the white wood, and Lexi normally throws her down into the patch of grass. Sometimes Daryl drags it to the back of the house where it’s a little bit out of sight, but mostly he can’t be bothered. He’d picked that bike up second-hand. If someone steals it, he’s not going to mourn it. He always checks whether Katie has locked hers though.

She never forgets to do it. Merle had built the frame for her a year ago, claiming it was good practice to start from scratch with this project. It wasn’t really practice though. Merle is one of the best mechanics in the state when he’s motivated to actually get his hands dirty, and he loves creating his own work.

The bike turned into a showpiece. A pink chopper bike, almost an exact copy of Merle’s own motorcycle. With Merle doing the welding and hardware, Daryl had focused on the paintjob; Katie’s name in fancy lettering all over the crossbar. It had only taken them just two days to put it together, but the teenager had squealed when she saw it for the first time.

The fact that she still religiously cleans it, proves just how much she loves it.

When Daryl reaches the shed, he turns around to look up at the house. The light is off in Katie’s room. Sometimes he can see the pale light of her laptop shining up through the window, but it’s completely dark now so she must have gone to bed. She hasn’t yet realized that that’s how he checks on her, because she normally listens for his footsteps on the stairs before quickly turning the light off and pretending to sleep.

Every time he calls her out the next morning, commenting on how she wouldn’t be so tired if she’d just gone to bed at a decent hour instead of being on her computer till twelve o’clock, she’ll just sputter some protests before doing the dishes without being asked. It’s the only admission of guilt he’ll get and he takes it gladly.

He smokes while looking at the house. He should have it repainted when spring comes around again, but he’s been saying that for two years now. There’s always something else that needs to get done first. He tells himself he likes the slightly weathered look the building has now.

The cigarette falls from his fingers. He makes sure it’s out by crushing it with the heel of his boot. He glances up at the sky and shrugs a little helplessly.

‘At least the kids are okay, right, Sam?’

 

 


	2. Saturdays

 

* * *

 

 

‘So if today is Saturday,’ Daryl says as he pushes his sunglasses higher onto his nose while checking whether they can turn left yet, ‘then what day is it tomorrow?

‘Sunday,’ Lexi answers promptly from the backseat of the car. ‘Will Beth be there?

‘I don’t know, baby. She might be working or visiting friends, we’ll see. What day was it yesterday?’

‘Monday.’

‘It’s Saturday today, remember?’

‘Wednesday then.’

‘Stop guessing and think,’ Daryl orders as he glances at her through the rear view mirror. ‘Today is Saturday. What day was it yesterday?’

Lexi sighs dramatically and looks out of the window. Her blonde curls are tamed by a pink elastic hair band and she’s wearing plastic sunglasses with a thick green frame. They hide her strikingly blue eyes. Her thin lips are forming the words she’s been taught to learn the days of the week, fingertips dancing over her thighs to the tune. When she reaches her knees, she plucks at the holes there. She’s wearing the same jeans as yesterday, her favorite pair even though there are holes in them. It had been enough of a battle to get her to wear a different shirt, so Daryl hadn’t minded. They’re heading out to Hershel’s anyway. She’s bound to end up covered in hay and dirt and grass stains.

‘Friday!’

‘Yeah!’ Daryl laughs, ‘good job, Batman.’

His daughter beams at him for a second. ‘Can we get ice cream on the way back? It’s Saturday.’

‘Oh now you suddenly know them days, huh?’ he snorts, letting his sunglasses slide down the bridge of his nose so he can give her a semi-stern look via the mirror. She tries to copy him but moves her head down violently, sending the plastic glasses tumbling to the floor. ‘Keep your seatbelt on,’ Daryl orders with a laugh when she moves to grab them, one hand going to the clasp to unbuckle herself. ‘We’ll grab them later.’

‘Spider-man move! Pew!’ Lexi flexes her wrist to try and grab the sunglasses with the invisible web shooting out of her hand. ‘Didn’t work,’ she pouts when her dad arches his eyebrow.

‘That’s because Spider man knows all the days. You haven’t mastered all of his talents yet, but it’ll happen, just you wait,’ Daryl shifts gears and steers the car down the long lane leading to Hershel’s farm.

‘Don’t encourage her,’ Katie says from the passenger’s seat. There are earbuds in her ears but she doesn’t seem to be listening to any music. She’s wearing one of his old, faded sweatshirts with the hood almost covering the side of her face. ‘If she keeps pretending to be a superhero, liking all that stupid stuff? All the other kids are going to laugh at her, call her names.’

Daryl glances at his oldest daughter. ‘That what happened to you? They laughed at you, called you names, that’s why you stopped liking them?’

‘I never liked them.’

‘Then how would you know?’

‘Because I go to school?’ Katie asks and it looks like she wants to add _duh_ to the end of the sentence but she knows better than that. ‘I’ve seen it happen to other kids.’

‘Then you should have stopped it.’

‘What?’

Daryl looks at her again, ‘if you’ve seen other kids get bullied, you should speak up, try to stop it. Tell a teacher.’

‘ _Tell a teacher_ , are you serious?’ Katie snorts before looking out of the window again. ‘I’m not destroying my own life because someone else doesn’t know when to grow up and stop being a baby. They ain’t nothing to me. Dixon’s take care of _their_ _own_.’

‘Imagine….’ Daryl pauses to check whether the turn is clear and then lets the truck roll onto Hershel’s property, ‘imagine someone saw Lexi getting bullied. She’s alone, right, ‘cause you’re in a different building. Now she’s real scared, but someone sees it all go down. What would you want them to do? Huh? If it were your little sister?’

‘I don’t need a lecture right now,’ Katie murmurs. ‘I was just sayin’… You know what? _Fine_. Sorry, Lex. You can be whatever you wanna be, you wanna be a nerd? You go, girl. _Phew, phew, phew_ ,’ she wriggles her fingers, ‘oh dang it, the web-thingy doesn’t work. _Shocking_.’

Lexi huffs out a breath and wipes a couple of blonde strands of hair out of her face. ‘’s cause you’re doing it wrong,’ she mutters before looking out of the window again.

Daryl bites the inside of his cheek and nods. ‘Yeah,’ he tells his oldest daughter. ‘You are.’ He slows the car down so it rolls to a stop on the makeshift parking lot. The doors to the barn are already open. Two years ago Maggie decided to open a store in the building to generate some extra trade. Hershel hadn’t been in favor before, claiming that the local farmer’s markets were enough, but the steady stream of satisfied customers made him change his mind after a couple of months.

‘Is Beth there?’ Lexi asks eagerly as she leans against the window, leaving fingerprints all over it.

‘Maybe inside, hold your horses,’ Daryl says as he parks the truck and unbuckles himself. ‘A word, Katie?’

‘ _Let me out first_!’ Lexi shouts.

‘Inside voice,’ her dad scoffs. ‘Katie. Outside the car, now.’

The teenager sighs but unbuckles herself before sliding out of the truck, landing on the upturned earth with a soft thud. She’s wearing her biker boots and an old pair of sweatpants. She’d clearly been planning to spend all day on the couch watching her favorite show until Daryl had dragged her along to the farm. ‘God, what is it today? Parenting 101 with Daryl Dixon?’ she asks as she slams the car door. ‘Did you get another book or something? _How to deal with stuff by annoying my_ -‘

‘You’ll want to cut it out with the attitude, or you’ll be real sorry by the end of the week, okay? What’s gotten into you today? Did I kick you out of the wrong side of the bed?’

Katie folds her arms in front of her chest and scowls at her boots.

Daryl rounds on her, taking his sunglasses off. ‘Look at me when I’m talking to you.’

Her gaze meets his. It’s not for the first time that he’s amazed by how alike they look. She has finer features, sure, but their eyes are just as blue, darker when they’re angry. The same dark hair, even the same beauty mark on the left cheek.

‘What’s going on?’ Daryl asks, lower his voice and letting his shoulders sag to show that he isn’t angry.

‘ _Nothing_ ,’ Katie snaps but she bites on her bottom lip for a second before shrugging. ‘I just…’ she sighs deeply. ‘Nothing. I’m sorry.’

This moment happens once every two months or so and Daryl still has no idea what to do; let it go or insist that his daughter talks to him. He opts for letting it go, and prays he doesn’t do it too often. ‘Okay,’ he says, ‘thank you for apologizing.’

‘Yeah. I’ll get Lexi.’ Katie ducks past him to get to the other side of the car, where her sister is banging on the window with balled-up fists. She has already unbuckled herself, the sunglasses back on the bridge of her nose. ‘Stop it,’ Katie says before opening the door. ‘You’ll break the window one day.’

‘Where’s Beth?’

Katie rolls her eyes. ‘How should I know? Come on, Maggie will be at the store, we’ll ask her.’ She holds out her hand and her little sister grabs it, holding on tightly while they walk ahead of Daryl.

There are a couple of customers already. Three elderly men are sitting at the back of the store where Maggie has created a tiny coffee corner. They’re sitting hunched over their steaming cups, talking among themselves while their wives are gathering the produce. Every once in a while one of them will look up, glance at the basket their wives are holding and holler that they don’t need a certain item. The wife will nod but ignore them in the end, huffing to Maggie about the fact that he’s never done the shopping once in his life, nor has he cooked, so how would he know what to get?

Maggie is sitting on the counter near the door enjoying the sunshine while letting the customers roam around the store. She’s two years younger than Daryl but likes to pretend to be his big sister anyway. Her dark hair has been cut short at the start of summer, leaving her with a bob-cut her father pretends not to hate. As always, she doesn’t care much about the opinions of others.

‘Daryl Dixon, just the man I wanted to see.’

‘Morning, Mags,’ Daryl nods as he steps into the shadowy barn, putting his keys and wallet on the counter so he won’t have to carry them around the store.

‘You’re later than usual,’ she remarks as she slides down to land on the bare concrete. ‘Hey girls.’

‘Is Beth here?’

Daryl clacks his tongue, ‘lady greeted you, Lexi. Mind your manners.’

‘Good morning, Maggie,’ Katie smiles while jiggling her sister’s hand as the girl hides behind her leg after the light scolding.

‘Morning, Miss Maggie,’ Lexi whispers. ‘Sorry.’

‘That’s okay, Lexi,’ Maggie reaches out to tickle the girl briefly. ‘Beth is already doing her chores in the stables. You two can go visit her, she’ll like that.’ The girls grin at each other before storming off towards the stables. Katie runs alongside her sister, not having to hold back much now that Lexi is getting bigger. ‘Cuties,’ Maggie laughs while Daryl grabs a shopping basket.

‘You said it,’ the Dixon murmurs as he walks down the aisles, grabbing the usual products out of boxes and off shelves. He nods at the women and ignores the way they eye him suspiciously. He pretends he can’t hear that the men are talking about him at the coffee table. The fact that they’re old and have to speak extra loudly to understand each other makes it quite a challenge.

Apparently he’s not the only one having difficulties because Maggie stalks over with a tray of cookies and slams it down on the table between them without a word before walking over to Daryl again. ‘Might keep their mouths otherwise occupied,’ she says as she rolls her eyes. ‘Anyway – why you were just the man I wanted to see, are-‘

‘Weren’t for my pretty face then?’ Daryl snorts. ‘Strawberry or berries?’

Maggie frowns at the jars of jam in his hands, ‘berries. You always have berries.’

‘Best not switch it up then.’ He puts one jar in his basket and walks away.

‘ _Anyway_ ,’ the woman says pointedly as she follows him again. ‘Why aren’t you-‘

‘You got customers.’

Maggie looks back to see one of the women waiting patiently by the counter. ‘Shoot. I’ll be right back.’

‘Can’t fuckin’ wait,’ Daryl murmurs sarcastically even though he usually likes to talk to the woman. Not today though. He already knows what she wants to talk about. Luckily, the rest of the customers get in line too and Maggie is too busy ringing them up to annoy him. Just when he heads over to the counter with a full basket himself, Katie and Lexi come back. ‘Perfect timing,’ he smiles, ‘see Beth?’

‘Yeah,’ Katie grins. ‘But she was shoveling shit. Was kinda gross.’

‘Part of the job if you want to look after a horse,’ Daryl nods. ‘Did you help?’

‘A little bit. _Oh my god_ ,’ Katie gasps and then giggles, ‘Lexi picked it up with her _hands_. Oh my God it was so gross, dad. Don’t worry, I helped her wash her hands,’ she laughs when her dad looks at his youngest with slight alarm. ‘Was gross though.’

‘Was just helping,’ Lexi murmurs as she leans against her sister’s hip.

‘Thanks, Kit-Kat,’ Daryl says, ‘and I’m sure you did, Lex. Just use a shovel next time, okay? Or gloves at least. Mags, you ring them up?’ he passes his wallet to his oldest and grabs a big bag with potatoes, hoisting it onto his shoulder easily. ‘This too, okay? I’ll put it in the truck.’

‘Sure thing,’ Maggie calls out before she starts ringing his items up.

When Daryl throws the sack with potatoes in the back of his truck, he spots Hershel standing on the porch of his house. The man is talking to some of the customers who were in the store earlier. His gaze lands on the Dixon and he straightens, waving him over.

Daryl sighs but raises his hand before trudging over. ‘Morning, Hershel,’ he nods.

‘Almost afternoon, son,’ the elderly man answers with a pointed look but kind smile.

‘You had teenagers, you gotta know how impossible it is to kick them out of bed. And, you know,’ Daryl shrugs and leans against the banister, ‘I don’t got no cows that need milkin’ in the morning neither, so…’

Hershel laughs. ‘Of course. Listen, Harold here was just telling me about the trouble his truck is giving him, and Merle did an excellent job on-‘

‘Oh,’ the elderly man standing next to Hershel shakes his head and holds up his hands, ‘no – that won’t be… I already asked Jimmy to take a look at it.’

Hershel frowns, ‘Jimmy is from two towns over, Merle can have a look this afternoon, it will-‘

‘Really,’ Harold nods, ‘it’s fine. I have an appointment.’

‘’course ya do,’ Daryl says. ‘Jimmy is good at what he does, he’ll sort things out for you. I gotta go, the girls haven’t had breakfast yet. See you around Harold. Bye H-‘

‘Let me walk you to the store. I haven’t seen your little devils all week,’ Hershel says as he lopes down the small set of stairs before falling into step beside the Dixon.

Daryl shoots him a small grin while they walk back to the barn. ‘You know business is going great, right? Don’t got to keep tryin’ to set me up with these people.’

‘I’m not trying to set you up with these people, Daryl. I’m trying to set you up with the _town_.’

‘It’s been almost five years now,’ the Dixon smirks. ‘Time to start thinkin’ about givin’ up.’

Hershel gives him a sharp look. ‘You of all people should know how stubborn I am.’

‘This isn’t one of your projects, old man,’ Daryl says with a shake of his head. ‘The business is going great. If Harold wants to pay fifty bucks extra to get a shitty job done on his ride? He can be my fucking guest. Jimmy is going to fuck him over and next time he’ll be bringin’ it in on a day neither Dixon is workin’. That’s just how it goes. We still get to take their money though,’ Daryl grins, ‘so it don’t matter to me.’ The grin fades. ‘And they don’t treat the girls any different, so it’s fine.’

‘Maybe if you would come to church with us-‘

‘Don’t start,’ Daryl says. There’s coldness creeping into his voice now. The blue eyes narrow, leaving his eyes as mere slits.

Maggie’s father holds up his hands in surrender. They’ve had this conversation many times before. The two men share few character traits. The love for their families is one, and stubbornness might be another.

The topic is dropped when the old man is greeted by Lexi, so loud and enthusiastic, and Katie who is always more subdued and quiet in her ways. The older girl is carrying their groceries and gladly passes the heavy bag to her dad. He slowly walks back to his vehicle, signaling that they’re about to leave and the reunion will have to be short.

Hershel walks Lexi there by her hand. His hand rough due to the hard work on the farm, his thumb rubbing gentle circles into her soft skin while she babbles on about the horses. As always, he listens with a smile on his weathered face, assuring them that he always needs help on the farm and Beth wouldn’t mind to share her chores with them.

‘Maybe during the holidays,’ Daryl allows when Lexi asks whether she can get a job, too. They usually spend some time at the farm during the summer and winter holidays, enjoying the hospitality the Greene family always provides his. ‘You can collect the eggs again with Annette.’

‘And shovel poop,’ Katie adds. ‘Bye Hershel!’

‘Bye, dear,’ he laughs before helping Lexi into the car. He makes sure she’s buckled up and keeps her hands safely in her lap as he swings the door shut. Then he looks at Daryl over the hood of the car. ‘Don’t be a stranger, son.’

‘We’ll stop by for a proper visit soon,’ the Dixon promises. ‘Tell Annette I said Hi.’

 

 

They do stop to get ice-cream, but only after both girls promise not to tell anyone that they’re getting that before they’ve even had breakfast. Of course, Lexi tells the girl behind the counter all about it while they order even though Katie tries to smother the confession by putting her hands over her sister’s mouth.

‘If you kill her, Rick’s gonna lock you up forever,’ Daryl warns as he passes the money to the girl.

‘He wouldn’t,’ Katie grins. Her hands slide to Lexi’s shoulders, keeping her sister close enough so she can put her chin on the top of her head. ‘He likes me.’

‘Me, too!’

‘But you’d be dead so he’d like me more.’

Lexi pouts. ‘Would not.’

‘Totally would,’ Katie grins. ‘Take your ice cream, Lexi. It’s melting.’ She needs to help her sister by grabbing the cone from the holder because the counter is too high. She passes the treat to her grabby hands.

‘Go sit on at the table outside,’ Daryl tells them when Katie grabs her own cone and hands him his milkshake. ‘And try to not get ice cream everywhere, okay? Got enough laundry with the two of you already.’

They sit at the picnic table just outside of the parlor and watch the comings and goings of their small town. Lexi entertains them by narrating everything, commenting on every dog they can see between licks. The supermarket is quite busy, people rolling their carts over the parking lot towards their cars, kids and teenagers running around between them. The bell of the bakery on the corner tingles every time a customer enters and leaves.

When Lexi finishes her ice-cream, Daryl cleans her hands with a napkin before allowing her to run towards the play structure on the side of the parlor. He switches seats to sit next to Katie. This way, he can still keep an eye on Lexi.

‘So,’ Katie bites at her cone with a grimace. She doesn’t like the cones and claims that they will just make her thirsty, but she always argues that ice cream from a paper cup and spoon doesn’t taste as good, so she always insists on a cone anyway. ‘Why aren’t you going to Denise’s party tonight?’

Daryl looks at her out of the corner of his eye.

‘Maggie told me,’ Katie shrugs.

‘Don’t feel like it.’

‘Sometimes you have to _make_ yourself feel like doing something,’ the teenager says cheekily. It’s something Daryl has told her a million times over the past couple of years, whenever she complained about not wanting to do her homework because she didn’t feel like doing it.

‘Smart-ass,’ Daryl mutters before grinning and knocking their shoulders together.

‘So you’ll go? It’s her birthday, you can’t not go to someone’s birthday party, dad. We can get her a gift from that cute new shop on the way home. You know, the one that sells all those nick-nacks!’

‘ _Happy birthday, here’s more trash to clutter your house with._ Sounds like a real good plan.’

‘It’s the thought that counts. You never go to parties.’

Daryl nods. ‘I’d like to keep it that way.’

‘If you keep saying no, they won’t invite you anymore, you know?’

‘Good. Then I won’t have to keep saying no. Would save us all a lot of hassle.’

‘ _Dad_.’

‘ _Katie_ ,’ he mimics her whine. ‘Besides, I already told them I wouldn’t be able to make it. It’s Saturday night, where am I going to find a babysitter on a Saturday night?’

‘Oh my God,’ the teenager moans around her cone. ‘I’m sixteen, dad! We don’t need a babysitter. And I only need to come in sometime today at Glenn’s to pick up my uniform, I can do that while you pick up a present for Denise!’

Daryl frowns. ‘You need a uniform to answer the phone?’

‘I work there now,’ Katie says as she puffs up her chest proudly. ‘So yeah! Totally. I mean – it’s just a shirt and name-tag but he told me to wear jeans that don’t have any rips in them, too. So it’s basically a uniform. I’ll start officially next week, so you still have a free babysitter today.’

‘Free?’ her dad scoffs. ‘Ain’t free if you’re gonna be eatin’ all my chips and stealin’ my liquor.’

She rolls her eyes. ‘We don’t have any liquor, and one bag of chips is probably cheaper than any sitter in town, so…’

‘I already said no, Kit-Kat.’

The teenager shifts on the seat so she can face him. ‘But why not? I can do it! I can totally do it. Lexi will even be already in bed when you leave! I think I can manage to turn the lights off by myself, dad.’ Her expression softens a bit. ‘Nothing will happen, okay?’

Daryl bites on the straw of his milkshake and watches how Lexi goes down the slide to land on the woodchips. Her boots kick them up when she runs over towards the swings, grabbing holds of the padding while running and lying on top of it as it swings into the air.

‘Lex,’ Daryl shouts, ‘sit on it properly and hold on, or get off!’

The girl jumps off, staggers a bit due to momentum but then stills the swing to sit on it normally. She pouts a bit because it takes more work to get high in the air this way, little feet running over the ground every time it swings back and forth. ‘Sorry!’ she shouts back.

‘ _Nothing will happen_ , dad,’ Katie insists. ‘I watch her all the time.’

‘That’s exactly why you shouldn’t have to do it on a Saturday night.’

Katie scoffs. ‘That’s not the reason you gave earlier. Wasn’t that, like, rule number one or whatever? We don’t lie to each other, ever.’

‘Yeah?’ Daryl lifts an eyebrow. ‘So what time did you go to bed on Wednesday?’

The girl wrinkles her nose. ‘That doesn’t count as lying.’

‘Why the hell not?’

‘You’re _making_ me lie, that’s not fair! What’s that thing? I claim the – I can claim – the fifth! I can do the fifth!’

Daryl laughs. ‘You _plead_ the Fifth, and no – you can’t do that with your dad, you little minx. That’s what you tell Rick when he arrests you for skipping school.’

‘He can’t arrest me for that!’

‘’course he can. He’s my best friend, if I tell him to arrest your ass if he sees it outside of school during-‘

‘He can’t arrest me because I don’t skip school,’ Katie interrupts smugly.

Daryl narrows his eyes. ‘Then why do you got all these bad grades, if you ain’t-‘

Katie looks shocked and then stomps his shoulder, ‘I don’t have bad grades! Oh my God!’

Daryl laughs before looping an arm around her shoulders, dragging her close to kiss her temple.

She pushes him away. ‘Stop embarrassing me! _Stop_ , dad!’

‘Oh, it’s not cool to get kisses from your dad, now, is it? Huh?’ he threatens to bite at her ear and then plants another kiss on her thick, dark hair. She leans against him with a fake pout on her face. He sighs and closes his eyes, ‘I’ll think about the party,’ he promises.

 

_\--Using my kid now to do your dirty work? New low, Greene._

_-But did it work?_

_\--What time did it start again?_

 

 

Daryl stands in the doorway of Lexi’s bedroom. The little girl is curled up on her side, face pressed into the pillow while she sleeps. Her breathing has evened out, slow and quiet; reminding him of the days he used to hover above Katie’s crib to make sure she was still breathing, too anxious to leave the room in case she stopped suddenly.

She never did, of course. And Samara would usually drag him out of the room after five minutes.

The light from the landing illuminates the room, enough for him to walk over to the bed and sit on the edge. The sleeping girl doesn’t react. Her fingers are buried in the fur of her stuffed animal, her thumb inching towards her lips. He moves the hand lower before leaning in to kiss her blonde hair.

He leaves the door open on his way out.

There’s a strange nervousness running up and down his spine as he walks into his living room. He checks his pockets for his phone and grabs the cigarettes from the cupboard, along with his lighter. He counts them before putting them in the pocket of his leather jacket.

‘Are you leaving?’ Katie asks. She’s sitting on the couch, a blanket thrown over her bare legs. She likes to wear shorts and refuses to put on a pair of sweatpants at night, claiming that it’s cozier to just use a blanket. They keep a colorful pile of them by the end of the couch, just for her.

‘Yeah,’ Daryl pats his pockets, checking whether he has his phone again, the cigarettes and present, as well as Lexi’s drawing. ‘Okay, so… Yeah, I’ll be back around midnight, okay? I won’t stay out too late.’

‘I’ll already be asleep, so I don’t care what time you get back,’ the teenager shrugs.

‘You better be,’ he warns with a wagging finger. ‘I have my phone, so if there’s anything, _anything_ , you call me right away, okay? Then you call Merle, he’s home and knows you’re here alone.’ He sighs and wipes a hand over his face, ‘I’ll just call him and have him come over, there ain’t no need for you to-‘

‘ _Dad_! We’ve been over this a million times today. I got this. He’s on call, _but I got this_ , okay? _Nothing_ will happen!’

‘Okay, okay!’ he holds up his hands, ‘just, he’s nearby, okay? Call him if there’s anything. And Shane’s probably on duty so if you- but better call 911 if there’s an emergency though, then me, then Merle, then Shane, okay?’

‘And then the mayor, and the lady from the ice cream shop, and Glenn’s pizza place, and-‘

‘Katie!’

‘I know what to do, okay? Good lord.’

‘Okay. Check on Lexi before you go to bed. I’ll lock up behind me, so you don’t have to check the doors and windows, I closed the ones out back, so… and _don’t answer the door_ , no matter who says is on the other side, okay? You don’t open it.’

‘I know, dad.’

‘Do answer the phone in case your cell stops working but always tell people that I’m-‘

‘In the bathroom,’ Katie giggles before rolling onto her side and batting an impatient hand at him. ‘Now go! I’m gonna miss the start of my series if you keep talking like this.’

‘The _start_?’ Daryl echoes incredulously. ‘You’ve been watching that all evening!’

‘The next season starts in five minutes. It’s a marathon.’

‘How many seasons are there?’

‘Seven.’

‘ _Seven_?’

‘Don’t act like that! The Simpsons has 28 and you love that!’

‘That’s our little secret,’ Daryl laughs as he walks over to her, tickling her ribs before sitting down on the edge of the couch, ‘don’t shout it from the rooftops, little lady. Okay,’ he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. ‘I’m going. Just – call me if anything is – call me if there’s anything, okay? And text me when you go to bed.’

‘Okay,’ Katie nods. ‘You have fun. Say hi to everyone and don’t drink and drive.’

‘I never drink,’ Daryl smirks, ‘but I’ll be careful, _mom_.’

She swats his arm. ‘Dixon’s look after their own.’

‘Yeah, we do,’ he leans in to press a kiss to her forehead. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Kit-Kat.’

 

 

Five minutes later, he’s straddling his bike at the end of their drive-way. The headlight illuminates the curb across from him as well as the black asphalt stretching out from under his boots. The engine rumbles softly. He looks back at the house.

The curtains are drawn shut but he can see that the television is on. The light in the living room and kitchen are on too, as well as the spots near the backdoor. He never uses those and wonders whether Katie turned them on when she’d walked him to the door.

Maybe she doesn’t feel safe, after all.

It’s not the first time that she’s home alone of course, but it is the first time after dark. He always arranges someone to be at the house, whether it’d be Merle, Beth, Rick and Michonne or one of his regular babysitters.

He leans back in his seat, letting go of the handlebars. Maybe he should just text Denise that he wouldn’t be able to make it after all. Everyone would understand.

He remembers the first time he’d ever left the girls with a babysitter. Someone Lori had recommended, a sweet lady who had needed some extra cash to get by. Him and Rick had spent the night sitting in a bar, him nervously playing with his phone while his best friend had tried to distract him.

In the end, he couldn’t hold out anymore and had stepped outside of the bar to call the woman to check in. The girls had already been asleep by that point. Little angels, she’d said and he’d scoffed because they were sweet but in no way angels.

He’d gone back into the bar, falling into the seat next to Rick with a relieved smile.

‘See?’ His best friend had asked, ‘they’re fine. You can’t let that control your life like this, man. _Nothing is going to happen_. You can go out sometime, enjoy some time off for a change.’

He’d scoffed at that. How the hell can he not let what had happened control his life?

But Katie is getting older now, and she’s a smart kid.

He takes a deep breath and leans forward again, grabbing his handlebars.

He revs the engine.

The curtains part and Katie looks out. She waves.

He waves back and drives off into the night with a pounding heart.


	3. The birthday party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try and go back to my usual Tuesday + Friday posting, so an early chapter this time!

 

* * *

 

 

The party is held at a local bar one town over. Denise and Tara have rented the room at the back just for them. It’s already fairly busy when he arrives, pulling into the small parking lot on the side. He needs to park his bike on the pavement, right next to an old Harley he doesn’t recognize. He takes a second to check his phone, not sure whether to feel relieved or more anxious when he sees that there are no new messages.

He resists the urge to call his oldest daughter and check on her. The ride had only been fifteen minutes. She’d probably be annoyed at having her series interrupted. Rick keeps telling him that it’s good to give the kids a little freedom and responsibility, though he hardly ever takes his own advice where Carl is concerned.

Instead, Daryl just sits on his parked bike, swinging one leg over so he can rest his boots on the exhaust and peg, and smokes a cigarette before heading into the bar. There’s music slipping out of the building, raised voices and the steady thrum of a beat.

He thinks Tara might have picked the venue. It doesn’t seem like something Denise would particularly enjoy.

It’s been a while since Daryl has been at such an establishment for a party. He usually just sits with Merle or Rick at the bar, ignoring the dance floor completely, heads bend close together to be able to understand each other over the music. He hopes the cop has saved him a seat.

When his cigarette starts to leave the taste of burned filter in his mouth, he throws it down near the curb and slides off his ride. With his helmet in his hand, he heads towards the doors, pushing them open. The party started at nine officially, but it’s ten thirty now. Katie had warned him of the fact that everyone would show up late. That might be the case with her high school friends, but it seems like everyone has already arrived. The rest of the bar is pretty empty though, so they might be the exception to the rule.

The first people he spots are Abraham, Eugene and Rosita who have claimed a table in a corner. Abraham is sitting sprawled out on his chair, one leg stretched out while Rosita balances on the other, an arm slung around the soldier’s broad shoulders. Eugene is sitting across from them and looks doubtfully at his beer, sloshing it around. He’s talking, he always is, but neither Abraham nor Rosita seems to be paying him any attention.

Tyreese is hanging at the bar, trying to get the bartender’s attention, while his little sister is perched on a barstool next to him. Her sharp whistles does the trick and the man shoves her playfully before telling her that he had the situation under control.

He spots Rick a little further at the back, leaning against one of the higher tables, an arm looped around the back of Michonne’s chair. The man’s mess of curls is always easy to track in a group of people, and he’s usually never far from his girlfriend’s side when they’re attending a party together. They’re talking to Maggie and Glenn who are leaning against the other side of the table.

Another man joins them, holding five drinks in his hands without spilling a drop. Daryl has never seen him before but Maggie greets him warmly with a hand on his back, drawing him in for a kiss on the cheek. The skin around the man’s eyes wrinkles when he laughs. He looks about their age, maybe two years younger. It’s hard to tell due to the beard he’s sporting. A slouching beanie hides most of his hair but a couple of strands have escaped to frame his face.

‘ _Daryl_!’ Tara’s excited greeting cuts through the music easily.

Daryl raises his hand in greeting but makes his way over to the bar first. He leans onto it, signaling the bartender who agrees to keep his helmet safe below the counter for him. Then he heads over to his friend. ‘Hey,’ he smiles when Tara bounces on her heels at the sight of him. ‘Congratulations on your girl’s birthday.’

‘Thank you!’ She stomps his shoulder in greeting. ‘I didn’t think you would actually come!’

He rolls his eyes and unzips his leather jacket. ‘Yeah, ‘cause I’m always a buzzkill, right?’

‘All dads are,’ Tara jokes. ‘It’s kind of your job description.’

‘But you still think Rick’s _a cool dude_ ,’ he says, always reminding her of the way she’d described the other cop when they’d first met. She hadn’t known they were best friends at the time, but they’d gotten talking at another birthday party and she hadn’t taken the bait when he’d tried to get some dirt on Rick.

‘Yeah, well…’ she looks a little unsure for a moment. ‘Everyone understands that you’d rather stay home with the girls, you know, after…’

He lets her hang for a second before taking pity on her. ‘Yeah, so… open bar or I gotta pay my own way tonight?’

‘First drink is free,’ Tara grins, relieved about the topic change. ‘But don’t forget to tip or you’ll never get served again.’

‘Of course,’ he grins back before rolling his eyes. ‘Where’s the birthday girl? Got her something.’

Tara stands on her tiptoes to try and survey the room. ‘She was with Beth and Noah a second ago, so… at the back somewhere, hiding,’ she says with a pointed look.

‘’cause she got a crazy girlfriend, huh? I’ll find her.’

The woman flips him off as he walks away to find Denise. She’s indeed standing at the back with Beth and Noah, nervously fidgeting with the straw that’s sticking out of her cocktail. It’s some weird yellow, orange, red drink.

‘That looks fuckin’ disgusting,’ Daryl says by way of greeting when he reaches her.

‘Daryl! You came!’ She gives him a brief hug that causes some of her drink to spill onto the floor. ‘Oh, damn.’

‘Doubt you’ll miss it,’ he smiles, ‘hey, Bethy,’ he leans over to kiss her on the cheek before shaking hands with her new boyfriend, ‘Noah.’

‘Hello, sir,’ Noah nods.

Beth elbows him, ‘it’s _Daryl_. You don’t have to suck up to him right away!’

‘It is Daryl, but sucking up is great. I could use a coke,’ the Dixon nods before grabbing his present out of his inside pocket. ‘Here, happy birthday, Denise. The girls picked it out for you. And a drawing from Lex.’ He hands her the rolled up paper before lifting an eyebrow at Beth. Noah already disappeared into the crowd to get him his drink. ‘Why is he suckin’ up?’

‘His car is makin’ _a noise_ ,’ Beth says with raised eyebrows and a small laugh.

‘What’s up with this Greene family and wreckin’ their rides, good lord.’

‘It wasn’t me! I swear it wasn’t me this time! And well, we’re kinda savin’ up for this road trip next summer, so…’

Daryl narrows his eyes. ‘So you want me to give him a good deal, right?’

‘Right!’ Beth nods. She looks far too innocent with her big blue eyes and blonde curls, smiling sweetly at him. ‘Pretty please? I’ll watch the girls for free all year, promise.’

‘Boy should just get a damn job.’

The smile falters a bit. ‘You know how it is, with his leg? People in town are givin’ him a real hard time over it.’

‘Townies,’ Daryl says with a shake of his head, even though he’s one of them now. ‘He ain’t got no problem gettin’ me a drink just now. Might not be runnin’ no marathon soon, but he ain’t lazy. Fine, I’ll give him a good deal. Just the parts, but I ain’t rushin’ his ride. Gotta wait in line like everyone else, okay?’

‘You’re the best,’ Beth gushes.

‘And you’re still watchin’ my girls for free,’ Daryl smirks before he turns to Denise. The woman is holding a little white bag that has a big red cross on it. There’s a small plastic stethoscope in her left hand and a pink thermometer with a sticker of a green-looking smiley stuck on the end of it. ‘If you wanna be a doctor, you gotta have the right stuff. I think that was the point. I dunno, girl. Kids wanted to buy you shit.’

Denise laughs. ‘This is great, Daryl. And the drawing is really something.’

Most of the paper is still white but right in the middle is something that should resemble a birthday cake with candles. Lexi had wanted to depict the right number of lights for the birthday but got bored after ten and then just added a bunch of yellow stripes to the whole thing.

‘We’re lookin’ into whether Harvard got a decent art department,’ Daryl deadpans. ‘Really think she got a shot.’

‘It’s very… artistic,’ Denise nods.

‘Here’s your real gift,’ he hands her a gift card to a local store, ‘so you can buy your own junk. Happy birthday.’ He smiles before meeting Noah halfway to get his drink. The boy looks extremely relieved when he hears that he can bring his car in at the end of the week so Daryl can have a look at it over the weekend.

There’s excited whooping coming from the dance floor. When Daryl glances over his shoulder, he sees how Aaron and Eric manage to drag the man with the beanie onto the dancefloor to form a small circle right in the middle. At the last second, he grabs Tara’s hand too, forcing her to dance as well.

It doesn’t take long before Glenn and Maggie follow their friends to the middle of the bar, the Korean twirling his girlfriend easily before joining the circle that steadily grows bigger when more people find their courage.

Daryl smirks at Glenn but shakes his head and points at the table the man has just vacated.

Michonne slides off of her chair just when he arrives. She kisses him on the cheek. ‘You two straight white boys just sit there while we dance. We don’t want you two embarrassing yourselves.’

Daryl scoffs before taking her seat. ‘That’s your girl talkin’ like that, Grimes.’

‘Yeah,’ Rick grins with that little puff of amazed laughter, like he still can’t believe that she is indeed his girl, even after two years. He reaches out to grab some peanuts from a tray nearby. ‘Can’t believe she’s calling you straight, brother. I’ll have a talk with her later.’

Daryl snorts and shoves his shoulder. ‘Go fuck yourself.’

Rick shoots him an easy grin. ‘Playing for both teams and you still don’t have any game. It’s getting sad.’

‘I don’t want you hanging out with Merle no more,’ the Dixon grunts before taking some peanuts as well, popping one into his mouth and throwing another at his friend.

‘Who thought I would ever agree on something with Merle Dixon,’ the cop snorts. ‘Where is he anyway? Watching the girls?’

‘Nah, probably watching terrible TV at home or something, I dunno.’ Daryl fidgets with a coaster. ‘Girls are home alone tonight. Katie said she got it.’

Rick’s eyebrows shoot up as he turns to look at his best friend. ‘Oh? That’s great.’ He smiles knowingly. ‘Nervous?’

The Dixon looks away to the dance floor where Maggie is now dancing with the guy he doesn’t know. She’s laughing, one arm looped around his neck and holding his hand with the free one, swaying to a slower song. The guy moves smoothly, a smile plastered on his face while he talks into her ear. ‘If I’m pukin’ in the bushes in a sec, it won’t be ‘cause of no alcohol, that’s for sure.’

‘Carl’s home alone, too. It’ll be fine. Katie is a smart girl. Nothing will happen.’

‘Wish people would stop sayin’ that shit,’ Daryl mumbles into his glass. He resists the urge to put his phone on the table in front of him so he’ll see the screen light up when a message comes in. Instead, he just checks whether it’s still in his pocket before gesturing to Maggie. ‘Who’s the guy?’

Rick glances over. ‘Oh, some guy she and Tara have known since high school.’

‘Never seen him around.’

‘That’s what his teachers used to say too, apparently,’ Rick grins with a shake of his head. ‘Bit of a trouble maker. He dropped out and moved away. Guess he’s back now.’

‘Looks like it,’ Daryl says as he throws a peanut up in the air and catches it in his mouth. ‘So how’s mini-Grimes doin’?’

 

 

The promised text message comes at eleven o’clock. He slips out of the bar to smoke a cigarette while trying not to open the message too desperately. A picture pops up. It makes him smile instantly.

It’s Lexi, vast asleep. She’s splayed out on her bed, half-hidden by blankets, taking up way more space than her tiny body should be able to. The blonde curls are a mess and most of her stuffed animals have been pushed aside.

Another picture pops up.

Again, Lexi asleep in her bed. This time one of her stuffed animals has been placed in her arms.

_-all okay going 2 bed now night dad_

Daryl puts his cigarette between his lips so he can type with both of his thumbs.

_\--Are you lying to me right now?_

Katie sends a laughing smiley first before adding;

_-just going to check insta for a bit then zzzzzz_

_\--Don’t stay up too late. I love you._

_- <3 u 2 zzzzzz_

‘Funny?’

Daryl’s head snaps up.

The guy from the dance floor is standing next to him. Maggie and Tara’s old high school friend. He’s holding the beanie in his hand, going through his long hair with the other, scratching at his scalp with a pained expression. When Daryl doesn’t answer right away, he lifts his eyebrows and looks at the phone.

‘She likes to think she is,’ Daryl says with a wry smile before he tucks the device back into his jeans pocket.

‘Ah,’ the man nods and glances at the doors behind them for a second. ‘Okay, well…’

‘It’s my daughter,’ the Dixon says and he doesn’t even understand why he’s saying it so quickly. ‘On the phone. My oldest. They’re home alone, I told her to text me when she went to bed but she’s cheatin’. ‘s gonna browse Instagram and whatnot for hours in bed. Weren’t really what I meant by going to bed at a decent time.’

The man smirks. ‘Teenager?’

‘Teenager,’ Daryl nods. ‘Sixteen.’

‘Hard times, huh?’ He leans against the side of the bar before pushing himself away from it again, fixing his hair into a loose bun before pulling his beanie back on. Then he holds out his hand. ‘I’m Paul, by the way. Paul Rovia, but everyone calls me Jesus.’

‘Daryl Dixon.’ He shakes the hand.

Paul flashes him a bright smile, ‘what, no smart comment about the nickname?’

‘I live with a six and sixteen year old, that ain’t the weirdest shit I’ve heard today.’

‘I’ll have to try harder then.’

‘Yeah.’ A small smile tugs at the corner of Daryl’s mouth. ‘Guess so.’ He puts his hands in his pockets and wobbles on his feet for a second. ‘You smoke?’

‘What? No.’ Paul looks around outside, at the cigarette butts littering the side-walk. ‘I wanted some fresh air.’

‘Right.’

A long silence rings between them.

Paul laughs and shakes his head, gesturing to the door. ‘Tara said something and – I just thought… never mind, I completely misunderstood, so…. I’m going back in.’

‘What did she say?’

‘That I should step outside and introduce myself.’

Daryl frowns. ‘And you did.’

Paul laughs and nods, ‘ _yeah_. So, it was nice meeting you, Daryl.’

The door opens and closes behind him again, leaving Daryl standing alone outside the bar. The frown still lingers on his face. It draws his eyebrows together and makes his eyes even smaller. He takes his phone out and checks it again but there are no new messages. He looks up when the door swings open for a second time.

It’s Rosita.

‘Are you kidding me right now?’ she hisses as she stalks over to him and grabs his hands. ‘Silver platter much?’

‘The hell?’

‘Oh, you want me to spell it out for you? Okay,’ she pins him in place with her infamous stare, hands on her hips which indicates that she means business. ‘This is your first night out in years – no,’ she points a finger at him when he opens his mouth, ‘I mean; night out. Not a birthday party at Rick’s with the kids, not Hershel’s dinners, _a night out_! And you’re going to get your ass inside, leave those poor kids to their binge watching and chocolate eating fiesta, okay? You’re going to get your white ass onto that dance floor and you’re going to have a good time.’

Daryl raises an eyebrow. ‘Or what, you’ll fuckin’ _make_ me?’

She folds her arms in front of her chest. ‘Think I can’t?’

‘Know I don’t wanna fucking find out,’ he says before holding his hands up in surrender and moving towards the door. She opens it for him and points inside. ‘I’m goin’, I’m goin’. _Good lord_.’

Everyone seems to be on the dance floor now. Tables have been pushes aside to make room. He can see that the alcohol is starting to take effect; Glenn’s cheeks are bright red from liquid courage as he laughs with Tara, copying her strange dance moves. Eric is talking to Noah while Aaron dances with Beth. The rest is standing in a big circle among the usual crowd of the bar. Rick behind Michonne, his hands on her hips and chin on her shoulder as they sway together. They watch how Denise dances with Abraham and Eugene next to her, raising their glasses to toast on her birthday, cheeks flushed.

Maggie is hanging at the bar with Paul. Their heads are close together so they can hear each other over the pounding music. Two drinks are placed in front of them by the bartender. A cocktail for Maggie and a beer for Paul. It looks like Beth will be driving the Greene family home.

Daryl’s gaze travels over the man’s body. He’s wearing a simple gray shirt that hangs loosely around his frame, faded jeans and sturdy boots. There’s a chain going from one of his belt loops to his back pocket. He probably keeps either his keys or wallet on it. Daryl can’t be sure which from this distance.

‘Oh,’ Rosita scoffs as she brushes past him to head over to their group of friends. ‘ _Now_ he checks him out.’

He ignores her, figures that she’s talking about either Abraham or Eugene even though neither makes sense. Another song comes on, one that used to be popular about ten years ago and the group cheers. Rick raises his beer while Glenn whoops excitedly and Daryl shakes his head with a fond smile as he makes his way over. They’re getting too old for this shit.

None of that really matters when Rick detaches himself from his girlfriend to throw an arm around his shoulders, dragging him into the circle. He feels a little awkward at first. The rest has had a couple of drinks already, loose-limbed and shameless about their terrible dancing even though Michonne keeps laughing at them. He figures he might as well join in and have some fun. They’ve seen him at worse times. So he grins at Rick and doesn’t shove Eric away when the ginger puts his hands on his hips to get him to move with the beat. There’s more laughter, Tara draping herself over her girlfriend while Abraham roars at the sight of Daryl and Rick dancing.

The song is quite good, he has to admit.

Glenn joins the smaller circle, putting his hands on the shoulders of both Rick and Daryl, jumping when the chorus kicks off and shouting the lyrics along. It’s easy to join in after that, Daryl raising his hand while Rick rolls his shoulder back and sings along too.

The song ends and Glenn pouts a little when a newer song comes on. Beth and Noah cheer this time, sticking out their tongues and mouthing _old_ at the three best friends.

Daryl flips her off.

A hand on his shoulder makes him turn around. Paul grins at him and holds out a glass with dark liquid, ice blocks tinkling together. He leans closer to talk to the Dixon, ‘got you a drink.’

‘Thanks,’ Daryl takes it with a small frown, glancing up at the other man, ‘what is it?’

‘Just a coke, nothing in it, promise,’ Paul shouts over the music, stepping closer so they can talk easier. The beat still goes on around him and the man sways with it, hips moving easily as he raises his beer to take a sip. ‘Maggie said you don’t drink?’

‘Nah,’ Daryl nods, ‘ain’t pretty. Thanks.’ He’s a little surprised when Paul doesn’t move away. They’re close together, leaning into each other’s space while talking. ‘So,’ Daryl says when Paul’s gaze travels over the people dancing around them, drawing his attention back to the Dixon in front of him, ‘should I call you Paul, or Jesus?’

‘Whatever works for you.’

‘Right. Okay.’

‘You live here?’ Paul asks.

‘One town over,’ Daryl nods. ‘You?’

Paul just shrugs and takes a sip from his beer again. ‘Anywhere I want.’

‘You ever give a straight answer?’

The skin around Paul’s eyes wrinkles with laughter. ‘That a pun?’

‘No wh- ah.’

‘Yes. _Ah_.’

Daryl groans and brings a hand up to cover one eye in embarrassment. He glances at the man standing just a couple of inches away from him. Light flickers over his face, red, blue, green in quick succession which makes it hard to tell which color his eyes are. ‘Sorry. It’s… It’s been a while.’

Paul snorts with laughter and nods, raising his glass in a mock toast, ‘I can tell.’

‘Thanks,’ Daryl scoffs with a half-hearted glare and light shove at the man’s shoulder. ‘Rick told me you were a trouble maker.’

‘You were gossiping about me already?’ An eyebrow is arched while Paul drinks his beer.

‘ _I_ asked him; who the hell’s the guy? _You_ got Tara on our case and got Maggie to spill my dark drinking secrets, so I shouldn’t get cocky if I were you.’

‘ _Our_ case? There’s a _we_ already?’

‘Is there?’

Paul laughs, ‘see? You’re getting better at it by the second. Now we just need to work on the level of cheesiness and you’re good to go.’

Daryl snorts and shakes his head, ‘you started it with the _we_ thing!’

Paul shrugs. ‘It was that or the cocky thing, but that would have just turned it into a mess of a conversation.’

‘And you think this is going great?’

Paul smiles and raises his glass for a toast, ‘I think we’re getting somewhere.’

Daryl gives him a small grin as he clinks their glasses together before laughing.

 

 

It turns out that Paul is very easy to talk to, even in the busy bar that’s slowly turning into a club when more people arrive. Chairs have been stacked into a corner and their private room is invaded by other people just looking for a place that isn’t on top of someone else. Nobody minds. People keep buying Denise drinks when they hear there’s a birthday party going on and she keeps passing them on to the rest of their group, so everyone is very happy.

Right now, Paul is drinking a cocktail with a little umbrella sticking out of it. It has a horrible pink color and smells like bubblegum. He has assured Daryl that it is indeed as terrible as it looks and smells, but it was free so he’s not going to complain.

‘Really wish you’d taste it,’ the man says over the music, ‘me making gagging sounds really doesn’t do it justice.’

‘Yeah, I don’t drink,’ Daryl reminds him. They’re dancing together while they talk, their breaths ghosting over their cheeks as they lean in when the beat is particularly loud or their group is cheering about another free drink. Sometimes Paul’s hand land on his waist, steadying himself while keeping Daryl in place so they won’t bump heads. The hand lingers there a couple of beats before Paul pulls back again.

‘You know,’ Paul pulls a face as he takes another sip and puts his hand on Daryl’s waist, pulling him close so they can talk. His beard tickles the side of Daryl’s face when he turns his head a little. ‘That was your best opportunity.’

‘For what?’

‘To get me to kiss you,’ Paul says with a laugh, finger tightening on his waist for a second. ‘You could have been really cute about it and try to taste the drink like that. Diluted or something, you know? The taste but not the alcohol?’

Daryl grins, ‘you just made that sound really gross, you realize that, don’t ya? _Diluted_?’

‘It’s the drink. It’s affecting me.’

‘So now you’re drunk _and_ weird? You’re quite the catch.’

‘Thank you,’ Paul grins back. He rolls his eyes a second later. ‘Asshole.’

‘Skank,’ Daryl tells him.

‘ _Skank_? That’s what you came up with? You are rusty in so many ways.’

‘I’m still kind of trying to impress you with my manners and good character, ya know? Wouldn’t want to go full Dixon on your ass just yet.’

‘Yeah? When are you going to start impressing me?’

‘Well, I could say later tonight at my place but I’m not easy like some people here,’ Daryl smirks.

‘Yeah,’ Paul nods, ‘I mean, Aaron didn’t even buy Eric a drink and he’s still taking him home… for shame. For _shame_.’

‘Just dumpin’ that on Aaron, okay.’ The Dixon laughs. His hand trails to Paul’s hips, fingers brushing over his belt before coming to rest upon the leather. ‘I was referring to the whole; _you wanting me to kiss you-_ thing.’

‘Uh,’ Paul grimaces after another sip of the horrible drink. ‘There’s no _me wanting you to kiss me_ -thing. I just informed you of a missed opportunity.’

‘And taste that crap?’ Daryl grabs the drink out of the man’s hand and puts it on a nearby table. Then he steps close to him again, their hips slotting together easily as they dance, his hand on Paul’s hip once more. ‘Stop killin’ yourself with that poison just because it were free.’

‘There’s a better way I could be spending my time?’

The Dixon smirks before leaning in, ‘yeah,’ he says before-

A hand on his chest pushes him back. Rick smirks as he forces his best friend to take a step. ‘Midnight,’ he shouts over the music. ‘You told me to give you a heads up. The rest are going to that karaoke bar down at… what is it, 9th and..?’

Daryl looks and sees how the rest of the group are starting to put their coats on. ‘Yeah, I know that hell-hole. You headin’ home?’

Rick nods. ‘Carl’s home alone. Michonne is driving.’

‘Good.’ He can smell the alcohol on Rick’s breath, ‘thanks for the heads up.’ He glances at Paul who’s now talking to Maggie, leaning into her with narrowed eyes as he tries to make out what she’s saying. She gestures to the exit and then to the North, where the other bar is located. The man nods and flashes her a smile. ‘I’m heading home, too,’ Daryl tells Rick, shoving him away lightly. ‘Gotta get my helmet.’

‘Hey,’ Paul puts a hand on his elbow, pulling him closer, ‘you going to the other place?’

‘Nah,’ Daryl taps his watch, ‘gotta get back.’

There’s a fleeting look of disappointment on the man’s face. ‘Okay. Well, it was nice meeting you, Daryl.’

‘Got time for a cigarette,’ Daryl gestures to the door, ‘will take a while for everyone to get their shit together anyway, so…’

‘Lead the way.’

 

 

They’re outside in a matter of seconds. The bartender passes Daryl his helmet back and Paul had left his coat on a chair in one of the corners, so he doesn’t have to dig his out of the huge pile the others had created and are now sorting out again. They step outside into the darkness of the night.

It’s a lot colder than inside the bar.

Daryl is glad that he has the excuse of smoking, something to keep his hands busy because the music still rings in his ears, or maybe it’s the sudden uncomfortable silence between them. Paul wobbles a little on the balls of his feet as he pushes his hands into the pocket of his coat.

‘Does your friend always have terrible timing or was that just a lucky shot?’

The corner of Daryl’s mouth curls upwards. He sits down on his bike after lighting his cigarette. Smoke drifts lazily between them. His eyebrows shoot up when Paul sits down on the old Harley Daryl had parked next to. He opens his mouth to warn that nobody likes it when someone just sits down on their ride but the man shrugs.

‘It’s mine.’ He pats the engine lovingly. ‘So, terrible timing or lucky?’

‘Depends on who you’re asking, I guess,’ Daryl says. ‘That yours? Where’s your gear?’

‘In Maggie’s car. I didn’t know I could give it to the bartender.’

‘Small town privileges.’

‘I see,’ Paul nods. He looks away and scratches at his beard for a second. ‘So, I need to ask you something, just to get it out of the way.’

Daryl squints at him. ‘What’s that?’

‘You have two kids.’

The broad shoulders sag as Daryl huffs out a breath before taking a drag of his cigarette. He scowls at his own knees. He should have known, really. The handful of times he’s been out always resulted in this conversation. It seems to be a pretty solid deal breaker for everyone. As soon as they know why he checks his phone so often, they’re hightailing right out of there.

Paul ducks his head a little to catch his eye, ‘so, you’re what? Divorced?’

‘Something like that,’ Daryl mutters as he glides off his bike, boots hitting the concrete. ‘I gotta go.’

A frown appears on the man’s face. ‘Tara said I should give it a shot, who knew what would happen, right? Didn’t think she’d set me up with someone already in a relationship.’

‘Ain’t in a relationship.’

‘ _Something like that_ doesn’t sound like a bachelor life.’

‘The fuck is it to you?’ Daryl snaps as he grabs his keys and puts them in the ignition.

Paul laughs wryly. ‘I’m _trying_ to get your number here, but I’m not going to be a homewrecker. I’ve been that before. Guy said he wasn’t seeing anyone else but forgot to mention his wife. So I’m asking you; is there someone beside your kids waiting for you at home? Wife, husband, girl or boyfriend?’

‘No.’

‘Okay.’

They look at each other for a couple of moments. Daryl a little warily with his dark hair nearly obscuring his eyes. He’s not sure what to make of the other guy. He’s handsome, a couple of years younger and a little shorter than him, with toned arms and muscles he felt through the shirt while they were dancing. He’s graceful when he moves, light on his feet despite the heavy boots.

‘So,’ Paul draws out the word, ‘can I still get your number? Maybe we could grab a beer sometime? Or a coffee, I guess, since you don’t drink.’

‘They still serve coke, right?’ Daryl scoffs as he shakes his hair out of his eyes. ‘Gimme your phone, I’ll put it in.’ He watches how the other man grins and slides off the bike to get his phone out of his pocket. ‘What? They ran out of flip phones?’ he asks when he gets handed an old Nokia 3310. It’s been so long that he’s held one that it feels weird in his palm. Too small and heavy at the same time. He struggles to unlock the device and then navigate to the contact lists.

‘I don’t really like technology,’ Paul shrugs. ‘Too much work.’

‘Yeah, because this is way simpler,’ Daryl grouses as he tries to remember how these old keypads work, no longer used to having to push a button multiple times to get to the right letters to spell his name.

‘I mean with all the aps and stuff on them. I don’t really understand why everyone has to know where and when I’m drinking coffee or that I have to document it or it didn’t happen. And I don’t really care about your coffee either. Sorry. If I want to know what you’re doing, I’ll call or text you to ask.’

‘Sure,’ Daryl mutters. He finally manages to spell his name correctly on the damn thing and moves on to his number. He stops to look up when the door of the bar swings open and their friends come out. Abraham with his arm around Rosita’s shoulders, Noah and Beth holding hands, Eric with his hand on the small of Aaron’s back. Rick is led towards the car by an amused-looking Michonne, no doubt there will be merciless teasing tomorrow about hang-overs and the dancing.

Maggie and Glenn come stumbling out, too. Cheeks flushed as they bump into each other, the Korean still struggling to get his coat on while Maggie has given up on that completely, holding her jacket in her hand instead.  She clings to her boyfriend’s arm, almost tripping over her own feet when she does a double-take, her gaze snapping to Daryl and Paul on their bikes.

‘When did _that_ happen?’ she asks Glenn.

‘All night?’ he laughs.

Maggie lets go of him to head over to them. ‘Jesus, come on! We’re leaving.’

‘One second,’ Paul says with a nod as he looks at the phone in Daryl’s hands. ‘He’s almost done. I’m coming!’

Daryl saves the number and passes the device back, fingers brushing over Paul’s. ‘Here. Good luck at karaoke.’

‘Most people would say _have fun_.’

‘Most people ain’t partyin’ with Tara. _Good luck_.’

Paul laughs and reaches out, his hand coming to rest on Daryl’s shoulder for a second, fingers digging into the leather of his jacket. ‘I’ll let you know how it was. See you soon. Bye, Daryl.’ One last flashing grin and then he jogs over to Maggie and Glenn to rejoin the group.

The woman is still looking at Daryl, her brow knitted with something that looks like worry in the dim lighting. ‘Dixon,’ she shouts when he puts his helmet on, ‘dinner at dad’s, seven o’clock, don’t be late!’

He turns on his seat and flips the visor up, ‘I didn’t-‘

‘I already told Anette you’d be there!’

Daryl shakes his head but raises his hand, ‘all right. Seven, we’ll be there.’ The engine kicks to life beneath him, it rumbles when he pulls out of the parking lot. When he was younger, he would have made it roar when he passed his friends, just to show off, zigzagging over the road and flicking them off just for the hell of it.

He’s more careful now. He still revs the engine a bit to get their attention, catching how Eugene flinches at the sound and Paul’s gaze snaps to him, a smile starting to form on his face. Glenn is used to the noisy goodbye so he simply raises a hand in greeting.

Daryl gives them a small wave before tearing away into the night.

 

 


	4. Pancakes

 

* * *

 

 

 

Footstep in the hallway.

A door opening.

It all registers slowly in his sleep-muddled brain. Too slowly because the door is open now and there’s a giggle, running footsteps and then something heavy landing on the bed beside him, little hands burying themselves in his hair, patting his face clumsily before a weight settles on his back.

‘The fuck?’ he slurs, trying to push himself to his elbows.

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ a loud voice rings out as a new set of footsteps enters the room, heading towards the windows. 'Were you busy wasting your entire day? Oh, I’m so sorry for interrupting. Oh, oh no,’ the curtains are yanked open to allow bright sunshine to burst into the room. ‘My hand slipped, sorry about that.’

He recognizes his own words and wonders whether Katie normally dislikes him this much on Sunday mornings. He groans into his pillow and feels how Lexi giggles on his back, yanking at his long hair.

‘Get up, get up,’ she laughs.

‘Gently,’ Katie warns when the tugs grow too hard.

‘But he’s not gettin’ up!’

‘Grab the blanket.’

Lexi clambers off of him and grabs the edge of the blanket, tearing it off the bed. The morning breeze ghosts over his bare back and legs, causing the hairs on his arms to rise. He rolls over with a moan, curling in on himself. When he finally gets used to the new temperature and the feeling of being awake, he glances at the alarm clock on his nightstand.

Eight o’clock on a Sunday morning.

He feels affronted. ‘I never wake you up at eight o’clock, what the hell, Katie!’

The teenager is standing next to the window, arms crossed in front of her chest and a teasing smile lingering around her lips. She cocks her head to the side. ‘Lexi woke me up.’

‘ _Hungry_ ,’ the little girl moans as she slumps onto the bed again, half falling off of it.

‘The good lord gave you hands, right?’ Daryl grumbles as he glares at his oldest daughter. He raises a hand to brush his shaggy hair out of his eyes.

‘But not a six year old daughter, thank God,’ Katie grins as she walks over to the bed and jumps onto it, crawling over her dad to reach the empty spot beside him. She swats at his face. ‘ _Hungry_.’

‘A’right, a’right.’ With a heavy sigh, he drags himself out of bed and towards the chair in the corner where he had thrown his sweatpants earlier. The girls giggle when he almost falls over while trying to get them on. He grabs a plain white shirt from a pile in his closet and just drapes it over one shoulder. ‘Come on then,’ he motions to the door. ‘Breakfast.’

Lexi cheers loudly and thunders down the staircase.

Katie sits up and looks at her father. Daryl is fixing his hair a bit and wiping the sleep out of his eyes. He checks his reflection in the mirror hanging from the closet door. He sticks his tongue out when he realizes his oldest daughter is still looking at him.

She doesn’t respond. Instead, her gaze roams over his back.

Daryl sighs and straightens, pulling his shirt on properly. ‘Not now,’ he murmurs as he walks past the bed, heading towards the stairs.

‘You always say that,’ Katie mutters. ‘Why can’t you just tell me? I’m _sixteen_. And honestly? It wasn’t very hard to figure out.’

‘Think you know the story?’ her dad scoffs. ‘Think you know anything about that?’

‘I think grandpa beat the fucking shit out of you.’

Daryl closes his eyes for a second, breathing through his nose. ‘Know what I think?’

Katie raises her chin defiantly. ‘What?’

‘That you should watch your fucking language.’ He walks out of the room and heads down the stairs.

‘Seriously? _Dad_! Are you serious right now? I don’t get why you won’t just tell me, okay? I’m a big girl. Someone hurt my dad. I think I can deal.’

‘ _This ain’t about you_!’ Daryl turns around half-way down the stairs and looks up at his daughter. She’s standing a couple of steps above him, dressed in her pink pajama pants with a warm hoodie over her shirt. Fluffy unicorn slippers, hair in a messy bun. ‘Do you think I want to tell you shit like that? That I wanna sit down and have a good long talk about my dad? He’s dead, Katie. It don’t matter no more.’

‘Everyone always talks about him! The whole town talks about him and I don’t know if they’re right about-‘

‘ _They don’t know shit_ ,’ Daryl snarls. He jumps up two steps, landing on Katie’s, forcing the girl to lean backwards, eyes wide, mouth slightly open. Daryl’s chest heaves as he stares her down, hand trembling on the railing. ‘ _And neither do you_.’

‘Dad…’ He flinches at the word. There’s no fear in the girl’s eyes but they shine with unshed tears. ‘I’m sorry.’

He works his jaw and doesn’t know what to say. ‘Start makin’ breakfast,’ he grinds out before thundering down the stairs. Without sparing Lexi a glance, he grabs his cigarettes from the cupboard, stomps his shoes on and disappears outside, slamming the door behind him as he goes.

The fresh air is like a slap in his face. The sun is steadily rising, casting long shadows in the yard. Dew causes his shoes to become soaked as he makes his way over to the shed at the very back. There, he sits down on his haunches, leaning against the brickwork while lighting his cigarette.

The nicotine helps to steady his hands but it does little to slow his thoughts. He thinks about these stupid townies and their gossip sessions, the whispers that even haunt his children, the unmarked graves near the church. The marks on his back, the blood seeping into floorboards,

dripping down his spine. He thinks about Merle and Rick, that other fateful night in Atlanta, different shadows that haunt him still.

He think about how scared he’s been.

He remembers raging about how none of it was fair. Raging at Rick and Shane, raging at anyone who thought that there was a plan behind this all. That this was somehow meant to happen because it wasn’t. _It wasn’t_.

But it did and here he is; sitting in his backyard staring at a house he owns and should have painted last summer. With bikes in the grass and a football on the porch, with buckets Lexi used to make mud pies with and which now get kicked aside to play bigger and better games.

The house that holds his children, the roof over their heads he’s provided with sweat and blood and stubbornness.

His children.

He takes another drag and watches how Katie rummages around in their kitchen, taking out bowls and ingredients while her sister sits at the table, hands folded in her lap. Lexi isn’t moving much, probably frightened by the raised voices and the slamming of the door. A shiver runs through him, flashbacks of other doors and other voices, demons from another house he’s moved with them without wanting to.

The cigarette falls from his fingers. The smoke tastes stale on his tongue while it drifts out over his parted lips. It stings in his eyes, causes them to tear up. Or maybe it’s not the smoke that causes it, after all.

He gets up. His joints groan, chilled by the early morning and still rusty after too little sleep.

His boot ends the cigarette. Squashes it in the wet earth. The traces of it are wiped away by the soft grass as he walks back to the house. He hates how long the walk seems, how heavy his feet are, how they drag over the steps of their porch. It almost seems impossible to open the door, to close it again behind him and then to look up.

Lexi is staring at him with big eyes. His own, from years ago. Still so light and bright. He hopes to never see them lose that shimmer, and if he has to witness it one day, he prays it won’t be his fault and that he can bring it back, somehow.

Katie doesn’t look at him. She busies herself with the bowls, with the flour and butter and eggs. There’s baking soda and vanilla extract on the counter. She’s searching for the salt.

Daryl stops at the table and reaches over to stroke Lexi’s cheek. ‘Ain’t nothing wrong, Batman,’ he mutters, conjuring up a small smile for her. ‘Sorry for scarin’ ya.’

She fidgets with her hands but leans into his touch.

‘Thanks for settin’ the table,’ he adds when he notices that none of the plates or cups match and the cutlery is on the wrong sides of the plates.

‘Yeah,’ she whispers and he hates how quiet she is now.

He turns and watches how Katie roots through the cupboards. ‘There’s a new package in the storage – yeah, there,’ he says when the teenager yanks the closet door open and grabs a new bag of salt, throwing it onto the counter. Her movements are a little jerky when she grabs a bowl and cracks two eggs.

‘Shit,’ she breathes as she looks into the bowl.

‘What’s up?’ Daryl moves closer, leaning against the counter with his hip. There are tears shining in his daughter’s eyes.

‘There’s a piece of shell in there, I didn’t – Didn’t do it right, so…’

‘No problem,’ Daryl gently reaches out and takes the shells out of her hand, using one of them to scoop the tiny piece out of the bowl. ‘There, it’s out.’ He throws them away and washes his hands. ‘Hey?’

Katie has trouble meeting his eye.

‘I’m sorry,’ Daryl tells her. ‘I shouldn’t have snapped at you. It’s just – ‘ he sighs and bows his head before peeking at her through his bangs. ‘It ain’t yours. Any of that stuff, and  - I don’t want it to be a part of you. That’s my job; to keep all that ugly stuff away from my girls.’

Katie clenches her jaws, ‘but I _want_ to know. Everyone is always talkin’ about him and you never do, and I don’t know what’s true. It just makes everything bigger and badder and just – I don’t know - _worse_!’

‘It doesn’t matter anymore, Katie. He’s dead, and the world is a better place without him.  Ain’t no use in dragging all of that up. If anyone gives you shit then -’

‘Nobody is giving me shit,’ she sighs while rolling her eyes.

‘’cause they know better than to mess with a Dixon, huh?’ Daryl balls his hand into a fist and gently taps her chin with his knuckles. ‘Come on, chin up. I’m really sorry and I promise we’ll sit down and talk soon, a’right? Just not at eight o’clock in the dang morning.’

A smile flickers over the girls face when she lifts her chin to look her dad in the eye. ‘Hung over?’

‘From my goddamn cokes? Nah. Just old,’ he hooks a hand behind her neck and drags her close so he can kiss her forehead. ‘Sit down at the table, I got this.’

Before pulling away, Katie leans in to give him a brief hug. On her way to the table, she flicks the radio on. ‘Did Denise like the presents?’

‘Loved them,’ he nods as he quickly makes the batter for pancakes. ‘Lexi, know what she said about your drawing?’

The little girl chews on her fingers and shrugs, ‘no.’

‘That it was very _artistic_.’

‘Oh.’

‘That’s a fancy word for awesome,’ Katie explains as she reaches out and pulls her sister’s finger from her mouth. ‘Stop that, it’s gross. What’s with the long face? She liked your drawing and Dad is makin’ _pancakes_.’

Daryl leans onto the counter with the palms of his hands. He glances over his shoulder when he can’t even hear Lexi’s answer. The little girl has grabbed her sister’s upper arm, dragging her close so she can whisper in her ear.

Katie nods and then shakes her head. ‘No, he isn’t anymore – we made up. And he wasn’t even angry at you, so you don’t have to be upset. It’s done now.’

‘Went outside,’ Lexi mutters while she lets her feet thud against the legs of her chair.

‘Yeah, no big deal. He came back, right? And you could see him through the window, so you knew he was right there. _Anyway_ ….  dad, how was the party?’

Daryl shrugs as he makes the pancakes, stacking them on a plate right next to the stove. ‘Yeah, good.’

‘You were home later than you thought. You said you’d be back at midnight.’

‘I was, yeah. I was talking to one of Maggie’s friends, but how do you know that, hmm?’

‘The bike woke me up.’

‘Liar.’

‘It did! I _swear_ it did! I was asleep and-‘

Daryl shoots her an easy grin over his shoulder, ‘just teasin’ ya. Sorry it woke you up, Kit-Kat, I’ll take the car next time.’

She sticks her tongue out at him. ‘Nah. I think I was listening for it in my sleep, you know? It never woke me up before but…’ she shifts in her seat, ‘I just… I dunno. It was weird that you weren’t here.’

‘Yeah. Everything went okay though, right?’

‘Yeah, fine. Just weird, you know?’ She wriggles around to sit on her hands, swinging her feet beneath her. ‘Was glad you were back.’

Daryl sighs and shuts the gas off, carrying the pancakes to the table. ‘You should have called me if you were uneasy. I would have come back earlier.’

‘You had fun though, right?’

‘Katie…’

‘I wasn’t scared, it was just _weird,_ dad. You’re always around,’ she shrugs before her eyes go wide and she reaches out to put a hand on Lexi’s shoulder, distracting her from the pile of pancakes she’d been eyeing hungrily. ‘Lex. I have to show you something.’

‘What?’ Lexi asks while she grabs her plate and bumps it into Daryl’s forearm. ‘Dad! Pancake.’

‘Pancake _please_.’

‘Pancake please!’

‘Better,’ he mutters while nudging one onto the plate before grabbing one for himself as well. He’s not surprised when Katie pulls her cellphone from her pocket to show her sister something on the little screen. Usually they have the rule that phones are not allowed at the table. It helps to keep Katie’s attention on the conversation but also prevents him from trying to sneak a couple more minutes of work in.

He doesn’t feel like enforcing the rule this morning though. They’ve fought enough already and the two girls are giggling, heads so close together that the blonde curls seem to melt into the brown ones. Lexi has her fingers pressed against her lips while Katie covers her smile with her hand.

‘What is it?’ Daryl asks as he licks syrup off his fingers before grabbing his knife and fork.

Lexi’s shrieks are muffled by her fingers. Her sister tries to play it cool. ‘Just something on insta,’ she grins.

Her dad narrows his eyes suspiciously.

She presses the volume button.

An older song, thin through the tiny speakers, and three male voices shouting along with it. He can see lights flashing on the screen when Katie tilts it towards him, and then the shaky image of himself, Glenn and Rick in the bar, jumping to the beat and singing loudly. The camera is flipped and Tara gives it a thumbs-up.

Daryl groans.

‘There, there!’ Katie tilts the screen back to her sister and points at it. ‘See?’

Lexi nods eagerly.

Katie’s leering grin reminds Daryl far too much of Merle. ‘Who’re you dancing with?’

‘Probably Rick or Eric,’ Daryl shrugs. ‘Beth? I dunno.’

‘Doesn’t look like Rick or Eric, or _Beth_ ,’ Katie leers as she shoves the phone at him. ‘The little icon with Tara’s face.’

Daryl spins the phone around and taps the icon with a sense of dread. The first clip is the one of them singing along with the song, Glenn’s arm around his shoulders while he shoves Rick, who’s trying to laugh and sing at the same time, beer sloshing over the rim of his glass.

The next is just a couple of seconds of Eugene shuffling on the spot, Rosita doubled over beside him and the camera shaking with laughter.

A still picture of Denise, looking very happy, with a hand-drawn birthday hat on.

Maggie and Glenn shouting happy birthday at the camera, with Abraham making bunny ears behind the Korean’s head with his fingers. Daryl spots himself in the background, his hand on Paul’s hip, drawing the man close to say something.

Paul’s head tips back as he laughs, eyes closed and one arm coming up to curl around the Dixon’s broad shoulders.

‘Friend of Maggie’s,’ Daryl says when Katie ducks her head to get his attention again, eyebrows wriggling suggestively. ‘Paul, I think.’

‘You think.’

‘Yeah.’

‘ _Right_.’

‘Hmh.’

Lexi follows the one-worded conversation like she’s watching a tennis match. Eyes snapping from one side of the table to the other.

Daryl smirks at his oldest daughter and puts his hands on the table. ‘Know what would be good on that pancake, Lexi? Ice cream.’

‘Ice cream!’ the little girl screams excitedly before climbing down her chair and running towards the fridge, tugging at the handle. She does it so hard that she nearly topples over when the door swings open.

‘I better help,’ Daryl grins as he gets up.

‘Oh that’s a cheap move, dad!’

 

 

The rest of the morning and afternoon passes in a flurry of helping with homework and trying to get the last sketches done before meeting the client on Monday morning. He sits at the kitchen table with Lexi, listening to her slowly reading her book out loud to him, occasionally correcting words or making her start the sentence over when she gets lost among the big words. Her finger inches over the paper. She hates reading and he does, too.

Katie is just a blur when some of her friends come over to finish a project and she ducks in and out of the kitchen to get snacks. He appreciates that the friends stop at the table to say hello, shake his hand if they’ve never been over. One of her best friends tickles Lexi and compliments her reading, sitting down for a minute to listen while Katie rummages through the cupboards.

They’re good kids.

It’s almost six o’clock when he sends the last girl home and tells his own to grab their stuff.

Dinner at Hershel’s has been a tradition now for over four years. Not every Sunday, but at least once every month they will find themselves at the farmer’s enormous table, bending their heads as he blesses their meal. Daryl never prays but is always thankful.

They arrive early, parking behind Glenn’s jeep and next to Noah’s ride. It will be a full house tonight, Daryl thinks as he helps Lexi out of her seat. Sometimes that still causes his heart to ache a little bit. Guilt, for taking up space and time and –

‘Glenn’s here!’ Lexi states as she jumps onto the ground. ‘Glenn’s here! Katie! Glenn’s here.’

‘I can see that,’ the oldest sing-songs.

‘Chores before videogames,’ Daryl reminds them. ‘Help Beth set the table and-‘

‘Offer Annette help in the kitchen, we know dad,’ Katie laughs as she jumps onto the porch, ‘we’ve only been coming here for four years. You don’t need to keep reminding us. Oh! Hey, Hershel.’

‘I thought I heard trouble,’ the farmer says with a smile as he holds the door open. ‘Hello, girls. Noah is already helping in the kitchen, but I’m sure Glenn would like some company in the living room. He’s losing to Bethy and Shawn.’

‘I’ll help Glenn win!’ Lexi shouts as she darts into the house, screaming a greeting to Annette as she passes the kitchen before tearing into the living room.

‘Me too,’ Katie smirks as she slips past Hershel.

Daryl shakes his head and rubs at his left eyebrow. ‘You could have given them a chore.’

‘What, sweep the whole house? There’s a pile of laundry that needs to be folded,’ Hershel says with a smile. ‘They don’t need to work for their keep, Daryl. And neither do you.’ He pauses on the threshold, ‘though I would appreciate it if you helped Maggie out for a minute. I don’t like her being alone out there.’ He motions to the barn. ‘She’s closing the shop.’

‘You got it.’

 

 

The door of the barn is open. Warm light spills out onto the grass, touching Daryl’s boots and casting long shadows around him. It’s always quiet on this side of the farm, closer to the woods, after all the customers have gone home and the sun has started to set. Insects buzz around him, animals scurry away into the bushes as he approaches. Sounds which have always been familiar to him.

Maggie is sitting cross-legged on the counter. She’s counting money.

‘Should at least close the damn door,’ Daryl huffs as he leans against it, hands in his pockets.

The woman looks up and smiles at the sight of him. Her gaze flickers to the shotgun that’s propped up in the corner. ‘I’m not alone.’

He rolls his eyes. ‘Why ain’t Glenn out here with ya? Ain’t safe, girl.’

‘Because the money needs to be counted and he’s very distracting.’

‘Gonna get yourself killed like this.’

‘Can we not have the same conversation every other Sunday? It’s getting boring, Daryl.’

‘Fine. Suit yourself.’ He sits down on the threshold, back towards her, and lights his cigarette. The rustling of money mixes with the scratching of Maggie’s pencil on paper and the sounds of the night. The stars are bright out here, already peeking through the clouds even though it’s not completely dark yet.

He knows most of the constellations, most of the names of the brightest stars. He knows the stories, too. Myths and legends about warriors and lovers and animals, of the ones freed and trapped by starlight, bathed in the eternal darkness above them. When Katie was little, he would take her out on camping trips, away from the city and its light pollution. They would sleep beneath those stars, lulled to sleep by the legends dripping from his lips.

He’s not sure why he has never taken Lexi.

Maybe it’s because they’re so different. Because she’s loud and wild and joyful, maybe not as spellbound by twinkling lights she can’t ever reach as her sister is. They enjoy different things, after all. Lexi with her cartoons and superheroes, with her love for Halloween and everything that makes an unexpected noise. Katie, with her books and quiet observations, her cheeky grins and summer nights spend with friends around bonfires, with a wish that it could be summer forever.

They’re shards of him. Of her, too. They love things he’s never heard about as well, so he’s sure they’re not just the sum of their pieces, either.

He doesn’t care that Katie hates hunting season.

He shouldn’t care if Lexi turns out to not love the stars as much as he does.

But if he’s honest, it’s not rejection that doesn’t want him to find out.

It’s the slim chance that she’ll love it. That she will lie there, gazing up at the stars with him, curling into his warmth like Katie had done, and knowing her; asking her a million questions about the billions of stars out there.

That he would look down and see his own eyes staring back up at him and that he would realize; this is how it could have been.

Should have been.

He wonders whether Merle even remembers him like that. Loud and filled with questions. That he sometimes looks at Lexi and wonders how she’ll grow up. Whether she’ll be confident and fierce like Michonne and Maggie, or that it will all fade into that strong and quiet determinism that seems to drive Lori and Denise.

He hopes he gets to see it all unfold.

‘Gonna get yourself killed like this,’ Maggie parrots suddenly. She’s standing behind him kicking gently at his behind with her boot. ‘Hypocrite. Up you get.’

With a grunt, Daryl gets up. He puts the cigarette between his lips so he has his hands free to close the barn doors.

Maggie locks them. ‘Let’s check the grounds before heading in. Dinner isn’t ready yet anyway.’

‘And we need to talk?’

‘And we need to talk,’ Maggie confirms. She leads him towards the fence, her steps slow and measured as they follow it. Out in the distance, the cattle has gathered around the drinking spots, just dark blobs on their horizon now that the sun is behind the trees. ‘So how was Katie’s first time as baby sitter at night?’

‘Fine.’ Daryl throws the butt of the cigarette into the tall grass. He stops to stomp it out before trailing after the woman again. Fingertips ghost over the wooden fence, wary of splinters. ‘She said it was weird but fine.’

‘So you can do it again sometime. Go out. Have fun.’

He glances at her. ‘Maybe. Why?’

‘Nothing,’ she says, too quickly. ‘I just…’ she sighs and sits down on the fence, boots kicking against the lower beam. ‘You gave Jesus your number.’

‘Christ,’ Daryl grimaces. He pulls another cigarette out, taking a long drag once the end catches fire. ‘Bit early for the shovel talk, Mags.’

‘What makes you think that you’re the one getting that talk?’

‘He’s your friend, right?’

‘So are you.’

He rolls his eyes. ‘Either way, girl. Ain’t nothing to you.’

‘Daryl,’ she sighs. ‘I just – he’s not… Look, Paul is a good guy, but…’

‘But what? Spit it out or keep it to yourself, but quit it with the guessin’ game. I ain’t playin’.’

‘He is.’ Maggie closes her eyes for a moment, almost like she regrets the words. ‘I’ve known him since high school, he was my best friend for a whole year, right up until the summer you and Rick came to work on the farm. He grew up not far from here, actually. We were best friends and one day, he was just gone.’

Daryl narrows his eyes.

Maggie shrugs. ‘I don’t know why. He dropped out, left his home – just disappeared. I got a postcard after two months. _Jesus loves you_. He hadn’t even signed it.’

Daryl looks out over the fields and lets the smoke drift over his pale lips. Out in the distance, he can see the lights belonging to the next house. The road between the two properties is quiet at this time of night. No tractors or farmhands racing around to get to their next chore, no visitors for Maggie’s shop anymore.

‘It ain’t just with me, you know. It’s just what he does. He leaves. He visits sometimes,’ she says as she plucks at her fingernails, eyebrows drawn together in thought. ‘Brings back all these stories about new people he’s met. Been with.’ Another sigh and she looks up again. ‘He visits, Daryl. He’s not going to stay.’

‘What’re ya tellin’ me for?’

‘You gave him your number.’

‘So?’ He takes another drag. ‘’s my damn _number_ , ain’t the keys to my place.’

‘I know you.’

‘Yeah?’ he challenges, biting down on the filter of his cigarette and planting his hands on either side her legs, leaning in close. ‘Pfft. You’re actin’ like he asked my daddy for my hand. Maybe I’m just trying to get fuckin’ laid, okay? Ever thought about that? Got two kids, it’s been a while. Saw an opportunity. Took it. That’s all.’

She reaches out and brushes the long bangs out of his eyes. ‘Almost four decades and you still don’t sound like Merle. Stop trying.’

He scowls at her. ‘Some friend you are, sellin’ him out like that.’

‘I just wanted you to know,’ Maggie tells him. ‘He’s not staying. He’s just visiting. And yeah, go for it. Have a beer, get laid,’ she laughs and shoves his shoulder, ‘I don’t care, just… Don’t get… Don’t get attached. I know you, I know you do. So…’

He rolls his eyes and steps out of her space, leaning against the fence next to her. The cigarette dangles from his bottom lip.

‘It was so good to see you have fun again.’

‘Y’all are actin’ like I’m some kind of hermit,’ he scoffs. ‘I might not be gettin’ wasted every Saturday night no more, but I got a good life goin’ for me. Got a good thing here with the three of us.’

‘You do,’ Maggie agrees. ‘A _great_ thing. I can’t even begin to describe how proud we all are of you, Daryl. You’ve been so strong through all of this… I just don’t want to see you getting hurt.’

He sighs and ends his cigarette on the fence. ‘We gonna have this talk every time I give my number to someone?’

She cocks her head to the side, ‘I imagine I’ll change the topic to you being a bit of a slut after seven times.’

Laughter bubbles in his chest. ‘Seven the magic number now?’

‘Well, you’re a Dixon tryin’ to get laid… the good lord knows you need chances.’

He laughs and gently shoves her shoulder. ‘Pfft. Stop.’

She laughs and jumps off the fence, grabbing his hand and swinging it between them as they walk back to the house. ‘Seriously though, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t go for it, just.. be careful.’

‘Gave him my number but didn’t get his,’ Daryl says with a shrug. ‘Might never come to all of that. Might never call.’

Maggie squeezes his hand. ‘Oh, he’ll call. Trust me.’

 

 

 


	5. Small towns

 

 

* * *

 

 

‘So you want a bike inspired by nature, but you hate green,’ Daryl says as he taps his electronic pencil on the desk, regarding the man who is sitting opposite him. The man is wearing a suit, dark gray with shining cufflinks, obviously tailored. A golden watch peeks out from under his shirt.

‘Yes. _Inspired_ ,’ the man nods. ‘I mean, it doesn’t have to be green, right? You can be creative! It doesn’t have to be literal.’

‘Of course. Ain’t gonna make the frame out of wood neither, if that’s what you’re scared of.’

The man laughs. ‘I trust you,’ he says as he leans back in the chair. ‘I would be a fool not to. They say you’re the best.’

‘We are,’ Daryl confirms.

‘Yeah.’ He looks around the office, ‘I’m not going to lie. I checked out the other shop, had an appointment there, too. It didn’t feel right. They had some kid draw up some sketches, weird guy at the counter. It suddenly made sense when I heard that you had upped and left. Place is a dump.’

‘Sorry to hear it,’ Daryl says with a small shrug. ‘Was a good place.’

‘It happens when key players leave. It didn’t have _heart_ , you know? No soul. And I’m not a guy who talks about money, usually, but this? It’s going to take a lot, right? I want it to be done well. I expect the best.’

A tiny smile tugs at the corner of the Dixon’s mouth. ‘You want a custom bike. Ain’t gonna be cheap.’

‘Of course,’ the man nods. ‘I have to say though, the other place? Bit more central.’ He looks around the office again as if he’s overlooking the whole town. ‘What are you doing in this dump? Can’t be good for business so off the beaten path.’

‘You found us. Others did to,’ Daryl shrugs. ‘Business is going great.’

‘Still. Atlanta would make more sense.’

With a sigh, Daryl leans back in his chair too. One of his boots glides over the polished wooden floor as he stretches his leg below the desk. ‘Got kids,’ he says.

‘Ah. Wife didn’t want them to grow up in city smog?’

‘Something like that. Listen, I can send you the sketches, you won’t have to come down here. Just make a list of remarks and we’ll schedule a meeting at a later stage. That’s fine.’

‘No.’ The man sits up and offers him a wry smile. ‘I want to be involved in every step. I’ll come down here to discuss the sketches.’

Daryl’s grip on the pencils tightens fractionally. ‘Whatever you want, man,’ he nods. ‘I’ll give you a call when they’re ready then, you can get down here and have a look.’

‘Excellent.’ The man rises at the same time as Daryl does, extending his hand for a firm handshake. ‘I look forward to hearing from you.’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl motions to the door. ‘I’ll walk you out.’

They make small talk as they head down the staircase, cross the workshop and exit the building. The lights of his Audie flash when he unlocks it, casually leaning against it while Daryl explains how to get back to the interstate. Another handshake and he’s gone. The car growls as it turns back onto the road, making Daryl think that he’s driving a stick for the first time.

He sits down on the picnic table that’s right outside of his shop, smoking a cigarette. The whole front of the shop can be opened up, allowing everyone who passes to peek inside. Three cars have been parked inside, one is up on the bridge while the hood of the second is popped open. There’s music playing in the back somewhere, nearly drowned out by the noise of someone cutting metal. Sparks fly at Greg’s workplace, so Daryl assumes he’s the culprit.

The black and white checked floor is torn up in places, exposing patches of bare concrete. The walls are covered by tools and posters. Pin-up models leaning against bikes or the wide open roads and a setting sun. License plates, too. Those are an inside joke between him and Merle. They’re from all the rides they’ve crashed in their lives.

His brother comes out of the break room with two steaming mugs of coffee. He’s wearing his overalls but it’s tied around his waist, leaving him in a dirty wife beater. The work boots thump on the wood as he sits down, passing one of the mugs to his younger brother.

‘So what did moneybags want? A golden ride?’

Daryl snorts and nudges the package of cigarettes towards him. ‘A bike inspired by nature.’

‘ _Nature_? Like he ain’t gonna look like a damn monkey on that thing already. Wants a chopper?’

‘Yup.’

‘Asshole,’ Merle mutters around the cigarette. ‘Good luck with that.’

‘I’ll get it done.’

His brother looks at him out of the corner of his eye and then bumps their shoulders together. ‘’course ya will, Darlina. You’re the brains of the operation.’

Daryl smirks faintly. The warmth of the coffee mug spreads through his hands, the smell of smoke always clings to the Dixon brothers no matter how many years pass, or which of them tries to quit this month. He’d never imagined that they would end up back in this town, sitting on a picnic table in front of their own shop, shoulder to shoulder with an ease that speaks of blood shared between them.

It’s been a long road. Some people might scoff at the fact that it still led back to this place. People he used to go to high school with, the ones who’d wanted to go to other countries, different states, bigger cities. The ones who’d just wanted to get away, claiming to be looking for glory, fame and a bank account to prove both had been achieved. Their names on buildings, in papers, splattered all over gossip magazines which now litter his daughter’s bedroom floor.

He never wanted any of that.

Back in high school he just wanted a quiet life. To work a steady job, come home and sit on his porch, smoke his cigarettes and drink his beers while watching the sun set just to do it again tomorrow. Go fishing and hunting on the weekends, fix up a cabin somewhere in the woods, spend the rest of his days in peace. An old man’s dream in a sixteen year old’s head. Others would laugh at it, but he just wanted everything to be _quiet_. Normal.

It didn’t happen, of course. He got swept up by Merle’s idiocy, trailing after him from town to town, looking for the odd job and sleeping in their truck when that didn’t work out so well. Crashing on couches of people they called friends but didn’t act like it, trying to keep out of jail while doing stuff that could land them behind bars in heartbeats.

It still amazes him how one post card had made all the difference.

That one time when they went back to this town and Merle disappeared into a fog of drugs and dirty money while he tried to ride it out at Rick’s for a little while. Sleeping on a sofa he remembered from the olden days, lumpy and getting too small for him now, and still fearing the day Rick would replace it.

She’d send it to Lori, knowing he would never return to his old address.

He’d been sitting on that sofa when Lori gave it to him, right before offering to wash his clothes for him, to iron his shirt because he really couldn’t go out to find a job looking like that. Nobody told her he wasn’t looking for a job that would require him to look decent. Rick, still in training at that point, always turned a blind eye but never accepted his money when he tried to pay for groceries or the roof over his head.

Sometimes he left it on the counter.

Rick always gave it back when he returned.

But the post card was passed to him and he’d frowned, staring at the bulky letters and cheesy message. _Greetings for Atlanta, Georgia_.

Turning it over, there was Lori’s address but his name in neat handwriting he’d recognize anywhere. And her address.

A simple message next to it.

 _Wish you were here_.

He barely remembers shoving his meager belongings into his bag, texting Merle that he’d be gone for a while, kissing Lori’s cheek before shaking Rick’s hand, promising them both to stay in touch before hitting the road again. This time with a destination.

It had been the start of many new things, but one was a reversal of roles. Instead of following Merle around, tail between his legs, he was the one taking charge of his life. And later, Merle’s.

His brother would come to visit, first to try and drag him back to his old life, scoffing at the small apartment, ridiculing him for going back to school at night while working two underpaid jobs, nagging whether she had taken his balls along with half of his pay check. Then just to check up. Breezing in to see the new, bigger place, attend his graduation ceremony, raise a glass to celebrate his new job.

The attempts to get him back into their old drifting life stopped once he saw how his brother got settled in his new life. Fewer mentions of drugs and booze, a little less boasting about all the shit they had pulled together, a little more pride whenever he got off his bike and looked up at the house his brother was living in, with the woman he had left everything for.

He started talking about maybe getting his degree, too. He’d always claimed he didn’t need one, he could prove himself hard-working and knowledgeable as soon as he got a wrench pressed into the palm of his hand, but he admitted that they’d do it sooner if he had the right paperwork.

He never got the degree, but Daryl did manage to land him a job in another garage, begging his brother not to fuck it all up and ruin his own reputation.

There had been mishaps, of course, but Merle stuck with it.

He stuck with everything, following Daryl’s lead and settling down in a small town near Atlanta. Close enough that he could drive over to have dinner with them, but far enough to claim that he still hated the city.

And one summer night, while they were having a beer in Daryl’s garden, he’d said yes to becoming Katie’s godfather. Said yes to obligations and babysitting and sticking around for another eighteen years.

Daryl smiles at the memory. His brother’s face slack with surprise, beer bottle nearly slipping out of his hand before he’d jumped up with a whoop, clapping his brother on the back and sweeping Samara off her feet, twirling her around.

Their laughter mingling together, her arms around his brother’s neck, holding on tightly even as she was put down gently. The blonde curls spilling over her shoulders, her jeans still bearing traces of flour from the pasta she’d made for dinner. Standing on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek, thumb rubbing over his cheekbone as she threatened him should he even _think_ about leaving.

He hadn’t. Or maybe he’d thought about it when he finally detoxed, going cold-turkey on drugs he claimed not to be addicted to. When he was shivering and cold, miserable, or when he was in physical pain, refusing any of the pain medication in fear of just switching addictions. Or later, perhaps, when Daryl came by to raid his house, turning over every cabinet, every drawer, his bed and belongings until he was so sure there wasn’t a suspicious little bag in the house anymore, not a single pill except for cough drops in his medicine cabinet.

If he’d ever thought about it, he’d never said. And he probably stopped the moment he was handed a tiny baby girl in a hospital room, staring down at his niece who had their eyes, muttering something about how the last baby he’d held had been his own brother.

‘Stop spacing out, little brother,’ Merle huffs as he ends his cigarette by flicking it onto the ground. ‘There’s work to be done. You know what we should do? Should hire one of them…’ he waves a vague hand at the shop. ‘One of them social media people, you know? PR.’

Daryl lifts an eyebrow. ‘What?’

‘Yeah! Promote our shit on the internet.’

‘We got a website,’ the younger Dixon mutters. He takes a sip from his coffee.

‘A _website_ ,’ Merle scoffs. ‘Yeah, which was made in the fuckin’ stone age. Thing is ugly as fuck. Know it still got that picture of that god-awful racer we did? Gotta go, man.’

‘Only picture I had at the time. It don’t matter, man. Business is going good.’

‘And it’ll keep goin’ good if we put some goddamn effort into spreadin’ the word. Learned that at the workshop ya send me to. We need to be on the Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, everything.’

‘Say _the_ Instagram again and Katie will come murder your ass.’

Merle grins. ‘Feisty, that one. It’s always the quiet ones. But I’m serious, little brother. You listen to me. We need to move our asses online.’

‘I’ll look into it.’

The older Dixon nods. ‘You do that and then hire someone. My guys ain’t takin’ on more work. They ain’t gonna be runnin’ around takin’ pictures or nothing, we’re fuckin’ swamped as it is. And stop handin’ out free fixes to everyone. I know Hershel owns your balls and all, but we ain’t the Greene’s personal handyman, okay? Jesus. Ran into Beth,’ he explains when Daryl frowns at him. ‘She’s got a new boyfriend every month, we ain’t gonna fix up all their rides, you hear me?’

‘Noah’s comin’ around at Sunday dinners, man. He’s here to stay a while.’

Merle reaches out and clips him over the back of the head. ‘I don’t give a rat’s ass about who’s here to stay a while. Just lookin’ out for your business. But fine, drive it into the fuckin’ ground with your bleedin’ heart, see if I give a flyin’ fuck.’

‘Stop,’ Daryl says. There’s a smile playing around his lips. His brother might have changed just as much as he has, but he hasn’t lost his way with words. He’s crude and rude most of the time, only toning it down when he’s around the kids. In the early days of owning their own shop, it quickly became clear that Merle’s place is in the workshop, preferably with his head and torso stuck under a car so he won’t open his loud mouth too much. Daryl’s place is in the office or their separate workspace where they build their custom bikes. He draws up the sketches and plans, deals with their clients and suppliers, answers phones and emails for a living, it seems like. He’s happiest when he’s coming up with new designs or tinkering on rides though, but someone needed to be the face of the shop and Merle isn’t as charming as he thinks.

Daryl’s gotten better at it over the years, no longer flinching when his phone rings and there’s no anxiety building up in his stomach when he thinks about having to make a call himself. He doesn’t mind the interviews for magazines, will walk a red carpet if one of their bikes is unveiled at a special event and has learned to cope with all kinds of people who want work done by them. He still doesn’t like photoshoots, but it’s a necessary evil.

‘Come on,’ he claps his brother on the back and slides off the table. It’s already late in the afternoon, so he checks in with some of the boys working in the back to see their progress. Most of them have a lot of experience but there are two younger boys as well. Both had gotten in trouble with the law, hanging about, shoplifting, destruction of property, intoxication while being underage, but they’re working on their future now. One of them is planning to go back to school next semester, the other wants to stick around. They were both send here by the King County Sheriff’s department, no doubt by either Rick and Tara, or Shane and his partner.

A couple of parts have to be ordered, so Daryl does it for them on the terminal in the corner. They’re not authorized to do it themselves yet but also hate asking the other guys to do it for them. The men give the boys enough trouble as it is. All in good fun though, Daryl makes sure of that. And, secretly, Merle does too.

After that, Daryl wanders into the separate workspace. One of their bikes is in pieces on the floor, ready to be assembled. He checks the parts with Greg, one of their most experienced staff members before starting the process. He likes working with the man because he’s quiet and works fast. An hour later, they’ve made significant process.

They’re just discussing a small problem with the handlebars when Daryl’s phone rings.

He doesn’t recognize the number but still steps outside to accept the call. It could be a new client who got his number from another, or it could just be Katie, borrowing a friend’s phone.

It’s neither.

‘Dixon,’ he says as he steps into the sunshine, bringing the phone to his ear.

‘Yeah, hey, it’s Paul,’ a man says, sounding a little flustered. ‘From the bar? Maggie’s friend.’

‘I remember. Hey.’

‘Hey, listen, I know I should wait three days before calling to ask about that coke but something happened. I don’t want to alarm you,’ Paul says, ‘but half of your town has gone missing.’

Daryl frowns. ‘What the hell?’

‘I know.’

‘You always this weird?’

‘I’m serious!’ Paul laughs on the other end. ‘I’m standing on… it doesn’t even have street signs! I’m near the church and I walked five steps and the town ended, Daryl. Where’s the rest of it?’

‘Ten steps in the other direction,’ Daryl smirks. He sits back down on the picnic table, rubbing at his boots to clear some mud off of it and have something to do. ‘You grew up around here.’

‘Not in this place, couple of towns over. It was on the route of my school bus though, but I never realized how small it was.’

‘You thought there were a whole city hidden behind the bookstore or something?’

‘There’s a bookstore?’ Paul sounds pleasantly surprised

Daryl rolls his eyes. ‘Bitchin’ and moanin’ about how small it is and you ain’t even seen all of it. It’s down an alley on main street.’

‘Well, maybe you should show me the rest of it then.’

He glances at his watch. ‘You still at the church?’

‘Yeah….’

‘Got half an hour before I have to pick my kid up from school,’ Daryl mutters before bringing his fingers to his mouth and biting on the nail of his thumb.

‘You mean you can come show me right now?’

‘Yeah, if you wanna…’

‘Yeah, okay. That’d be cool.’

‘Okay, meet you out there in five.’

 

 

It’s not unusual for him to leave early. The guys know he picks Lexi up from school whenever he can. They also know that he spends most of his evenings after she’s gone to bed in his office to finish his sketches or on the couch with Katie while he answers emails. Nobody would accuse him of not pulling his weight. The eyebrow Merle quirks after a glance at the clock is easily dismissed by a raised middle finger.

The shop is located at the end of the main street shopping area, right on the corner where it melts into the residential part of town. When he crosses the street, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he can already see the white church tower. For a second, he slows his step to glance at his reflection in a window.

Boots and dirty jeans, a black shirt with a faded logo on the front, his snapback backwards to keep some of his bangs out of his eye. The rag he uses to wipe the oil off his hands is still dangling from his back pocket.

He winces a bit.

Maybe this spur-of-the-moment thing was a bad idea.

There’s no time to change his mind though because another couple of steps and he’s standing on the corner near the church. There’s a bus stop there with a bench. Paul is sitting there, waiting for him. With his boots and cargo pants, but without his beanie which allows his long hair to fall past his shoulders. It’s a strange mixture of dark and light brown, but definitely lighter than his own. The sleeves of his white dress shirt have been rolled up past his elbows.

‘Paul.’

The man turns and stands, smiling when he spots the Dixon on his left. ‘Daryl, hey. That was quick.’

‘Shop’s just around the corner.’

‘Ah.’ Paul wobbles on the balls of his feet for a moment. ‘So… I’ve seen the bus stop and the church. Any more high lights in the area?’

‘We got a statue of a fuckin’ fat cop on a cross-eyed horse in front of the sheriff’s station,’ Daryl offers with a small shrug.

Paul beams at him. ‘Lead the way!’

There’s a slight awkwardness in their conversation for the first couple of minutes. In the bright sunshine, Daryl can finally determine that Paul’s eyes really are neither green nor blue. The man is a couple of inches smaller than him, lean but toned with slim hips and a flat stomach. His laughter comes easily, startled out of him by Daryl’s wry commentary on the town and its occupants. The awkwardness melts away soon enough.

They talk about the birthday party, about those horrible cocktails and Eugene’s dancing attempts. Paul tells him about karaoke, using his hand animatedly as he talks and even doing an impression of Glenn and Tara trying to sing Eye of the Tiger.

Daryl laughs at his terrible singing and doesn’t care that a woman on the street throws them a judgmental look. ‘Do it again,’ he challenges.

Paul just laughs and does it again, somehow managing to make it even more horrible than the first time again, voice shrill and loud as he mimics holding a microphone.

‘Good lord,’ the Dixon exclaims as he falls onto a bench in front of the sheriff’s station. For a second he wonders whether Rick is working, a sense of dread trickling down his spine but only for the fact that the teasing from his best friend would be merciless if he saw him out on a date.

Rick’s car isn’t in the parking lot, however, so he relaxes when Paul sits down next to him.

‘That’s…. that’s extremely ugly,’ he says as he looks at the statue. ‘The person who made it… do you think he’d ever seen a horse in his life when he made this?’

‘Nah.’

‘And nobody started a petition to get rid of it?’

‘Small town,’ Daryl smiles as he stretches his legs out in front of him, taping his boots against each other. ‘Nothing ever changes here. And that’s _historical_.’

‘That’s one thing to call it.’

‘Yeah. You mind?’

Paul shakes his head when Daryl shows him the package of cigarettes. ‘No, go ahead. Just don’t blow it in my face.’

‘A’right.’ He lights it and inhales sharply, licking his lips before exhaling again. ‘So what’s the deal? You here to see Maggie ‘nd Tara?’

‘Yes. I’ve been away for a while – couple of years. Moved around a lot, eventually settled down just outside of Washington. A small town – not as small as this but… a good town. It was a nice place. When I left, I drifted around for a while before thinking I’d come back here for a bit.’

‘Why’d you leave the town?’

Paul looks away, ‘guy I was with kicked me out.’

Daryl takes another drag from his cigarette and nods as he squints up at the statue. ‘Sucks.’

‘It would have ended eventually. We just didn’t work out. I wasn’t sad about it. Bit annoyed that I suddenly didn’t have a roof over my head anymore after giving up my own place to move into his, but… oh well.’

‘Right.’ The cigarette wobbles on his lower lip as he wrings his hands for a second. ‘So now what? Back to your own town, or…’

‘Actually, I was thinking of sticking around here for a while. Tara hooked me up with this apartment, the uncle of a friend of hers owns the building, I think? It’s a little dingy and – it’s that block right next to the turn for the interstate at-‘

Daryl laughs. ‘You _live_ there? Thought it was some sort of undercover sex motel or something.’

‘ _Undercover sex motel_?’ Paul echoes, laughter bubbling in his chest, ‘excuse you, that is my _home_ now.’

‘Good lord. She put you there? What the hell did you ever do to her?’

He shrugs. ‘Beggars can’t be choosers. I’ll find another place, but first; I need to find a job.’

‘What do you do?’

‘Whatever pays my bills.’

Daryl smirks at him, letting the smoke rolls over his lips, ‘then maybe an undercover sex motel ain’t the wrong place for you to be at.’ He laughs when Paul stomps his shoulder and then gets up. ‘Come on, I’ll show you the rest of the town.’

He shows him the alley where the bookstore is, points the pizza place out where Glenn is the guy in charge, tells him where to get the best ice cream and cheapest gas. Their arms brush occasionally, sometimes Paul grabs his forearm when he pauses in front of a store window to make him stop and wait for him, their hands brushing when he lets his fingers glide down the Dixon’s arm as he lets go.

‘You know how to pour a beer?’ Daryl asks suddenly.

‘Sure,’ Paul nods.

‘That place is lookin’ for a bartender, weekdays. Ain’t gonna be much, but might get you started,’ Daryl shrugs as he nods at the local bar. It’s closed at the moment, the windows dark and sign next to the door faded. It doesn’t matter, everyone in town knows the place. He and the guys from the shop sometimes hang out there on Friday nights, or Rick drags him to it during the weekend for a round of pool.

‘Really?’ Paul walks over and peers inside, his hand shielding his eyes so he can see the faint outline of the bar, tables and chairs. ‘That’d be great. I’ll stop by tonight. Can I say that Daryl Dixon sent me?’

Daryl snorts. ‘Not if you want the job.’

Paul’s eyebrows shoot up.

‘Ain’t nothing, just don’t mention my name,’ Daryl smirks before he starts walking again. ‘Say Rick Grimes sent ya.’

‘Rick,’ Paul muses as he falls into step beside the man. ‘The one with the curls, right? Maggie said he was your best friend?’

‘Gossipin’ again?’

‘Still,’ Paul corrects with a  laugh. ‘Asked that before asking what kind of drink I should be buying you. You two looked close.’

‘’s my brother.’

‘So Maggie said,’ he nods. ‘And he won’t mind a little white lie?’

‘They ain’t going to check shit,’ Daryl scoffs. He turns down the main street and walks one block before stopping on the corner. The school is halfway down the next block. He can already see clusters of moms gathering outside of the gate, eagerly waiting for their children to come running out. When he spots a familiar face in the crow, he ducks his head before glancing at Paul again. ‘Listen, I gotta go – school’s about to end, so…’

‘Right,’ Paul smiles. ‘Well, thank you for showing me the ugliest statue I’ve ever seen. Oh – and for the heads-up about the job of course. This was short but… err, sweet.’

‘Right,’ Daryl echoes as he takes a couple of steps backwards, towards the school. ‘That ain’t even all of the town. You haven’t seen the best shop yet.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah. There’s a shop on the other end of Main, it’s a bike shop, customs,’ he nods. ‘It’s called Hogs ‘nd Cages.’

‘Hogs and Cages? Sounds more like a pet shop to me.’

‘Then you haven’t been a biker for very long,’ Daryl laughs. ‘But it’s a pretty cool place, you should check it out sometime. Heard that the owner likes coffee and usually takes his breaks at noon and an hour before school ends. Black, no sugar.’

Paul smiles. ‘Is he cute? The owner?’

Daryl can feel a blush rising to his cheeks. He tilts his chin a bit higher, ‘I’ll let you be the judge of that one.’

‘I’ll be sure to let you know what I think. Thanks again, Daryl. See you soon.’

‘See ya,’ Daryl raises his hand before walking away. He has the feeling that Paul watches him until he disappears into the mob of mothers waiting near the gates of the school, but the man is gone when he turns to look. With soft grunts and a gentle hand on their shoulders, Daryl pushes past the first couple of rows of people to get to the other side.

There’s a woman leaning against the low fence that surrounds the parking lot. Whip thin and stunning, with dark hair framing her face and piercing eyes that soften when her gaze lands on him. There’s a paper cup in her hands, steam still rising from it as she lifts it to her lips.

There’s another cup next to her on the fence.

Daryl walks over and takes it, hopping onto the wooden structure. ‘Thanks.’

Lori smiles at him, ‘you’re welcome.’ There’s something strange about her smile today, Daryl notes as he watches her out of the corner of his eye. It’s a little secretive, a little smug, with a strange hint of glee dancing beneath its surface. He knows why when her gaze flickers to the street corner. ‘Who is your friend?’

‘You fuckin’ kiddin’ me?’

Lori bites on her lips to keep from laughing. ‘Is that him? Paul? They weren’t wrong about the nickname; spitting image.’

‘Rick told ya?’

‘Sorry honey,’ Lori laughs when she sees his pissed expression. ‘I had to pick up Carl from his place on Sunday. Rick was _miserable_. Michonne always lets him make his own mistakes but this was just pathetic.’ She grins at him, ‘we had a good laugh over it.’

‘Bet he loved that.’

‘Tried to blame you,’ she nods. ‘You normally keep him on the straight and narrow, or at least on the tipsy side and not flat-out drunk. I told him he shouldn’t blame you if you wanted to spend time with the girls. Turns out you _did_ go to the party after all.’

Daryl scowls at his coffee and wishes the bell would ring.

‘Rick said you were distracted all night. Said you’d found Jesus at last.’

‘That the best joke you could come up with, for real? You’re both pathetic. Y’all divorced anyway, shouldn’t be gangin’ up on my ass no more.’

‘We’re always going to do that,’ Lori smiles as she bumps her shoulder into his. ‘Now it’s just the four of us.’

‘Fuckin’ hate this town,’ Daryl grumbles.

‘The feeling is mutual,’ the woman laughs.

‘Yeah, rub it in, why don’t ya.’ He glances at the other women. They’re all standing a couple of feet away from them, huddled close together as they discuss the latest gossip surrounding the school and town. Sometimes they will subtly gesture towards the two of them though Daryl wonders why they’re even trying to be polite about it.

He’s a Dixon and she’s Lori Walsh now.

They make quite the pair.

It had been strange at first. Lori and Rick had broken up, divorced, after countless attempts at therapy. All just ended with Rick pacing around in Daryl or Shane’s living room like a caged animal, snarling and snapping, while Lori did the same at Maggie’s.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief when they finally just decided to stop trying.

They’re still friends now, and not that loveless forced friendship for the sake of Carl either. Daryl had been scared that that would all change when Lori and Shane found each other, but after a first couple of difficult weeks, Rick got over any feeling of resentment towards his best friend and ex-wife, wishing them the best of everything.

They did split up as partners on the force, both taking a newbie under their wing, but that was enough of a separation for the two brothers. Carl stays at Rick’s every other week, hardly bothered by the smooth transition into their new lives.

The fact that there was no drama between the two parents didn’t stop the town from creating some, however.

Rumors about whether Rick or Shane was the father of Lori’s second child still haunt the playground and supermarket, anywhere the woman goes, really. Daryl always admires how she deals with it. Or rather, how she ignores it all.

They all know the truth. And that’s all that matters to her.

Head held high, a defiant sparkle in her eyes, and sharp word only for people who talk too loudly near Carl. The town only grudgingly accepts her now. It has to, as the wife of one of the police officers and active member on the schoolboard and at church.

Daryl doesn’t bother with those things.

He doesn’t mind being an outcast most of the time.

‘He’s cute,’ Lori says.

‘Stop stickin’ your nose in.’

She looks a little smug. ‘You think he’s cute too.’

Daryl looks at his watch, ‘why’s this goddamn bell always ringin’ late? You’re on the damn board here, should fuckin’ do something about it. They’re keepin’ our kids hostage.’

‘You totally think he’s cute. This is great,’ Lori takes another sip of her coffee and looks very pleased with herself. ‘You get a boyfriend, then we’ll really be the most scandalous people of this town. Give them something to talk about.’

Daryl shakes his head but still laughs.

 

 


	6. Texts

 

* * *

 

 

 

For as much as Paul claims to hate technology, he sure loves to text.

Because he’s the only in Daryl’s life who doesn’t use any sort of app to deliver the messages, he has his very own ringtone. Two short buzzes right after each other with a dull clicking sound. It saves Daryl from having to check the device too much while he’s working. He knows he can safely ignore them until he’s done or on a break.

Paul’s messages are never urgent. They’re usually random remarks about what he’s doing at the moment; complaining about how the flickering light at the end of his hall makes him feel like an extra in a horror movie every time he comes home late, telling Daryl all about how boring day-time television really is, musing about whether it would be completely illegal to murder his neighbor who likes to run on their treadmill at seven in the morning. There’s commentary on the town, too. About the shops and the people, but also about how much he likes the park and how he’s found the backroad that leads to the lake and thinks it’s beautiful.

He never minds that Daryl answers hours later unless he’s home and the Dixon has stopped apologizing for the delay. Instead, he updates the man on what he’s been up to, how far along they are with the new designs and how he’s fixed that tricky problem with that one bike that was brought in. After a couple of days, he hesitantly starts to make comments about his home life as well. About how he’d spent half an hour searching for some kind of form he was supposed to sign for Lexi’s school, only to find it stuffed beneath his pillow because that had made perfect sense to the girl. Or his bemused observations about how Katie keeps mentioning that there will be a big party thrown by one of her friends for their birthday but she keeps chickening out of asking permission to go.

Paul gives him helpful tips like holding Lexi upside down next time until she tells him where the forms are, or sending him the prices of baseball bats in case a boy will come to pick Katie up for the party.

The witty commentary makes Daryl laugh as he checks the messages on his way to pick Lexi up, but he’s sure to hide his smile when Katie is around. Teenagers are far too observant sometimes.

The hesitancy to share any information about his kids with the man came from a sense of protectiveness, of course. Paul’s not one of his best friends, no matter how often they text during the day. He doesn’t know the guy well enough to just spew information at him. And Maggie’s warning still lingers in the back of his head.

It seems like Paul is settling down, however. He’s still staying in the dump Tara had managed to set him up with, at least for the time being. The apartment was furnished when he moved in, which was a good thing because he’d sold almost all of his stuff when he’d moved in with the guy near Washington. He hadn’t bothered to buy new furniture after that.

One night while they’re texting, he tells the story about how he’d been sleeping on this matrass fine for the first couple of nights and now thinks about burning it after Daryl had called his apartment complex a sleazy motel.

He has gotten the job at the bar, too. It’s not his first time working behind the counter and the owner is glad to have some help. His shifts are irregular but he doesn’t seem to mind.

His phone is silent right now. It’s Friday night and Daryl is still at the office. He knows that Paul’s shift started an hour ago, so the next message will be later tonight, when he’s on his break. The interns have gone home already but Merle and Greg are still working downstairs. The music is louder now, droning into his office and his boot taps along to the bass while he reviews some forms that have to do with finances.

It’s one of his least favorite activities, of course. Paper work. He’s managed to find someone who does the bulk of it for him, but he still needs to make sure every bill is send off and send back stuff that needs to be signed by him personally.

Katie is staying at a friend’s for dinner tonight and Lori has picked Lexi up from school along with Carl. She’s taken them to some sort of indoor playground near the city with promises of pizza afterwards so Daryl could stay behind and catch up on some work.

He slides the last forms in an envelope when Merle barges into his office.

‘We’re closin’ up, baby brother. Friday night! Where’s Katie at?’

‘A friend’s place,’ Daryl mutters as he searches for his stamps.

‘A friend, huh? That friend got a dick, ‘cause I got something to say if that friend got a-‘

‘Good lord,’ his brother says with a frown, ‘no, she don’t as far as I know. I’m pickin’ her up later.’

Merle shoves some papers aside carelessly before plopping down on the edge of the desk. ‘So you got time now. We’re headin’ to the bar. You’re comin’ with.’

He glances at the clock before nodding. ‘Two hours, tops.’

His brother grins. He walks back to the door and grabs Daryl’s leather jacket. ‘Put your wings on then, Darlina. Clock’s tickin’!’

It’s their usual night out. The last Friday of the month always means that they’ll end up in the local bar at some point, though it’s usually after getting burgers. Merle had gone with Greg this time, bringing some back for him because he’d been swamped with work, but he knows he can’t skip a round of drinks before going home. He doesn’t really want to, either. Rick will probably be there too, so they’ll throw some darts or shoot some pool while trying not to get embarrassed by Merle and his antics.

So he shuts his computer down and hits the lights while shrugging on his jacket. He wears a leather vest with angel wings over it, one he’d bought to match the design of his first ever ride. The bike is long gone, crashed while trying to do a stunt on a backroad somewhere. He’d walked away with just some scrapes and bruises. A miraculous escape from almost certain death. So he’d kept the wings, reminding himself that he’d been saved once and that it wouldn’t happen twice.

Merle and Greg take their bikes while Daryl walks. There’s no point in driving his truck down the road for half a mile just to find a new parking spot. The night is warm, summer still in full swing, but the sun is going down so he’s glad he brought the jacket for the way back.

The walk is exactly the length it takes him to smoke a cigarette, but he lights another one when he joins Merle outside. His brother is leaning against the brickwork, eyes narrowed as he sucks air in through gritted teeth.

‘S’up?’ Daryl asks because he knows that look.

‘Got a new ride in town,’ Merle jerks his chin towards the parking lot.

‘What? Oh – yeah. It’s Paul’s. Friend of Maggie ‘nd Tara,’ Daryl says when his gaze lands on the old Harley.

‘Drive chain needs to be adjusted,’ the older Dixon mutters around his cigarette. ‘Needs some TLC, that one. Good bike tho. A beauty.’

‘He works here now, so you can tell him yourself. Get us a new customer.’

Merle nods. ‘Yeah, ‘cause you’d just be doin’ it for free again. I’m gonna show you how to run a damn business, baby brother.’

‘’cause I ain’t been doin’ it for five years now, right.’

The argument is waved away. ‘Done told ya, your bleedin’ heart will kill it.’

‘You not gettin’ the Yamaha to run is what’s gonna kill it,’ Daryl argues with a smirk. It’s easy to rile Merle up. He can just see the agitation bleeding into his expression. The bike has been stalled for two weeks now and Merle has no idea what’s wrong with it, but no one else is allowed to touch it. He swears he’ll find whatever is broken soon, even if he has to dismantle the whole engine piece by piece before rebuilding it again.

Daryl has no doubt he’ll find the cause, but he thinks waiting around just to save Merle’s pride is a waste of time.

‘Best shut your mouth before I help you with that, too,’ Merle grouses as he throws the cigarette away and heads into the bar.

The younger Dixon catches the door before it swings shut in his face and follows his brother. There’s a murmur coming from inside, a lot of the regulars have already found their way to their usual seats. The mechanics are usually the last to get there. Greg’s arrival is met with a cheer from his friends who’ve claimed a table in the corner.

The man claps Daryl on the back before he heads over to them.

Daryl’s gaze snaps to the bar and it’s met by Paul’s. The man is leaning on the bar with his forearms, a little hunched to stretch his back while talking to a woman sitting at the end of the bar with her husband. The long hair is pulled into a tight bun to keep it out of his face. He smiles and straights up when he spots Daryl.

‘ _Daryl_ ,’ a voice booms suddenly.

The Dixon closes his eyes for a moment before turning to his left. There’s a man sitting at a table, sprawled out, taking up way more space than he should. Gelled hair and a simple shirt, a white bandage around his wrist. One of his arms is curled around the back of the chair next to him.

Rick is sitting on that chair, a glass of beer in his hand while grabbing some peanuts with the other, popping them into his mouth with an annoyed expression. It’s their usual table, but the man next to him is not invited.

‘ _Daryl_ ,’ the man shouts again, attraction more attention than the Dixon likes. The bar almost falls quiet. ‘Come sit with us. Join the dead-wives club.’

Daryl grits his teeth.

The man leers at him. Then he glances at Rick, ‘oh, Rick, I’m sorry. Yours didn’t even die, right? She just got sick of your pathetic ass! That’s good, Rick. Real good. But you know, I think I’d rather have my lady six feet under than under my best bud. Maybe.’

‘Cut it out, Negan,’ Rick mutters around his peanuts.

The door opens and a couple more familiar faces enter the bar. Jackets are thrown onto the coatrack, some sliding to the floor immediately but none of them seem bothered by it. They’re usually the last ones to leave anyway. The one at the head of the group has one arm slung over the shoulders of his girlfriend, drawing her into his side possessively as he glares at Daryl and Rick.

‘Don’t look at them like that, Dwighty-boy. They were just leaving.’ Negan grins as he gives Rick’s shoulder a shove to get him to move. ‘Fuck off, Rick. And _you_!’ He holds his hand out for Dwight’s girlfriend to take, ‘you look smoking hot today, my dear. Come here. You know, I was feeling a little lonely tonight,’ he grins as he pulls her down in the chair next to him, ‘but suddenly I feel much better.’

Rick’s hand on Daryl’s shoulder jerks him out of his thoughts. He rolls his eyes as he follows the man towards the pool tables. ‘Why the hell are you hangin’ out with that son of a bitch, man?’

‘He’s not too bad.’

‘He’s fuckin’ scum and you know it,’ Daryl growls.

Rick sits down on the ridge of the table. He wipes the hand he’d been holding peanuts with on his jeans, face marred by a deep frown. ‘He lost his wife two months ago,’ the cop says softly, glancing up to meet his best friend’s eye. ‘I’ve seen what it can do to people. Tears them apart. He’s out here almost every night, getting drunk. Maybe he just needs someone he can talk to.’

‘And that’s gotta be you and not his possy back there?’ the Dixon scoffs.

‘They had two months to help him get back in the saddle but he keeps paying for their drinks. They’re not very motivated.’

‘They ain’t his friends. Some wanna be him, some wanna suck his dick and most are just mourning the fact they can’t fuck his wife no more, but he’s a grown ass man. If he can’t see it, it’s because he don’t wanna. Let him dig his own grave.’

Rick traces the rim of his glass. ‘You’re not usually cruel.’

‘Cruel? Pff. He invited me to join the dead-wives club, man. He’s lucky he still got his teeth.’

‘Maybe _you_ should talk to him sometime.’

‘And tell him what, Rick? It ain’t ever gonna get any better?’ Daryl offers while looking at his friend. ‘Good luck sorting out her things because you think you’re fucked up now, just wait until you have to empty her closet. Oh and yeah, get Rick as your best friend. He’s real good at makin’ sure you don’t drown in your own vomit, and he can kick your ass when you fuck up. And you _will_ fuck up, trust me.’ He raises an eyebrow. ‘That sound like a good talk to you?’

Rick sighs. ‘No. I’m sorry.’

‘You will be after I hand you your ass, come on. Let’s play,’ he motions to the pool table and moves to gab ones of the cue’s.

‘You really think that?’ Rick asks suddenly as he looks up from his beer again. ‘That it won’t ever get any better?’

His hand trails over the smooth wood of the cue before gripping it tightly. He thinks about it for a moment but already knows the answer. ‘No. I don’t. It just – It’s… First couple of days you don’t even know, right? You just get thrown into all of that and none of it hits home, until it does. And then it’s…’ he shakes his head. ‘You know how it was.’

Rick nods.

‘It’s better now,’ Daryl admits. ‘Won’t ever make peace with it, if only for the girls’ sake, but… Yeah. It’s easier now. It just never goes away is what I mean. When something happens now, one of the girls has their birthday or whatever, I always think, ya know; damn, wish you were here to see it.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Think she’d be pretty pleased with herself if she knew she still haunts me,’ Daryl snorts, trying to make light of the situation.

‘I’m not so sure, brother,’ Rick mutters.

‘Come on, man,’ the Dixon says, nudging the man’s leg with the pool cue. ‘Let’s play a round.’

It’s just when he’s racking up the balls with the triangle that he realizes he hasn’t even said hello to Paul. His gaze snaps up but the man is standing with his back to the bar, working on mixing a drink for Dwight’s girlfriend. His movements are fluid and sure when he grabs a bottle down from the rack, twirling them once before pouring the drink.

The woman thanks him and motions to put it on Negan’s tab.

Paul nods before turning back to the bar, grabbing a rag to dry it while talking to a customer. A sense of dread fills Daryl when he realizes that the customer is Merle.

‘Do you think we need to save him?’ Rick asks, the words laced with amusement as he follows Daryl’s gaze to the two men at the bar.

‘Nah,’ Daryl smirks when he hears and sees his brother roar with laughter while Paul ducks his head in embarrassment. ‘Everyone has to fight that battle on their own. Come on, you break.’

It’s easier to ignore the people around them when they play their games. Negan’s booming laughter no longer causes his fingers to turn white on the cue and years of experience has made it easy to drown Merle out completely. Paul’s laughter causes him to glance over still, catching a glimpse of his smile before Rick draws his attention again.

After half an hour, a hand between his shoulder blades makes him look over his shoulder.

It’s Paul.

‘Another beer for you, Rick,’ he put the drink on a table nearby, ‘and a coke.’

‘Thanks, Jesus,’ the cop nods. ‘Put them on my tab.’

‘I got it,’ Daryl says as he puts the cue aside to grab his wallet.

‘It’s on the house, for getting me this job in the first place. Flag me down if you need another, okay?’ He collects some empty glasses from another table before heading back to the bar.

Daryl darts forward, gently tapping him on the arm to get his attention, ‘hey, I didn’t mean… I wasn’t ignoring you or nothing, I just-‘

‘Yeah – no,’ Paul looks at Negan’s table, ‘I saw you were busy talking to your… friend.’

‘Ain’t my friend.’

‘Okay,’ the man says easily. ‘It’s fine. I’m working anyway, so…’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl rubs at his chin, nails scratching through the scruff there, ‘when’s your break?’

‘In half an hour.’

He glances at his watch. ‘I’ll still be here, probably, so maybe… I dunno…’

‘I’ll give you a signal,’ Paul smiles, ‘I usually sit in the back alley for a bit, just to get out of the heat in here.’

‘A’right.’ Daryl watches how he walks away, how he stops to talk to some of the locals, taking their orders before sliding behind the bar again, pouring a couple of beers.

Rick gives him a knowing look but refrains from saying anything when Merle and Greg come over for another game of pool.

 

 

It’s colder in the alley, darker too. It’s illuminated by a light to the left where the garbage is kept and Daryl wrinkles his nose as he steps outside, following Paul who leads him to the right, closer to the road. They can see cars zipping by on the main street, can hear the voices of people who are smoking right in front of the bar.

Paul pulls the hairband out and runs hand through his hair, letting it fall freely over his shoulders. There’s a bottle of water in his hand and a sandwich in the other.

Daryl busies himself with lighting a cigarette.

‘So,’ Paul says after a bite from his dinner and Daryl can feel dread pooling in his stomach again. Maybe this is why he’d avoided Paul after running into Negan. The dead-wives club. Everyone in the bar had heard the comment, but everyone already knows the story of both men so that hadn’t bothered Daryl much. Except Paul _doesn’t_ know. And Daryl can’t blame him for being curious.

He braces himself.

‘Has Katie asked permission for the party yet?’

He blinks. ‘What? Oh – no. Think she’s going to take the plunge tonight though. She’s at a friend’s place now, bet they’ll pester her about it. And the party is next Friday, so she’s runnin’ out of time here.’

Paul nods while he chews and swallows. ‘You gonna let her go?’

‘Probably. Can’t keep her locked up forever or she’ll sneak out.’

‘You think she’d do that?’

Daryl leans back against the brickwork. ‘Nah.’

‘She’s sixteen, right?’

‘Yeah,’ smoke rolls over his lips and hides the fact that he’s mildly impressed that the guy had remembered that after the wild karaoke night. ‘Lexi is six.’

‘Short for Alexis?’ Paul asks.

‘No just Lexi. We wanted names you don’t have to shorten, though I butcher it to Lex all the time now. Guess it didn’t work out the way we’d planned.’

‘Hardly anything ever does, right?’ the bartender laughs. ‘Best laid plans...’

Daryl nods.

‘Oh,’ Paul chews quickly after another bite and swallows with a grimace, ‘are you going to the get-together Tara is having tomorrow night at her place? I think it’s a movie night or something.’

‘No.’ Daryl takes another drag from the cigarette. ‘Already ditched the girls tonight, and Katie’s going to her job for the first time. Like to be home when she gets back, ya know? Hear the story.’

‘Right. She got a job? Where?’

‘Answering the phone at Glenn’s to get started. Guess she’ll be waitin’ tables after a little while or something, I dunno. Ain’t much places for them kids to work at in this town, so I’m glad she landed this one. He didn’t just give it to her, had an interview and everything.’

‘That’s good,’ Paul nods. ‘It will give her some work experience.’

‘And money. The shit they wanna buy these days, man…’

He laughs. ‘Like you were any different at sixteen.’

Daryl smirks. ‘Hmm. Maybe. At least I didn’t blow my money on lip gloss that smells like cupcakes or whatever.’

‘Well, personally, I think it would suit you,’ Paul smirks back before throwing the wrapper of his sandwich away and taking a couple of gulps of his water. He leans back against the wall too. Boot scraping over the bricks, his jeans sagging a bit so a sliver of skin is exposed when he raises his hand to run it through his hair again. ‘Is it hard?’

Daryl can feel the tips of his ears burn. ‘What is?’

‘Raising two girls on your own?’

‘Oh. Ain’t on my own,’ the Dixon shrugs. ‘My brother lives in town, and Rick ‘nd Michonne. Lori ‘nd Shane. Hershell and his family. Glenn. Everyone helps out.’ He kicks his boots against each other before glancing up again, ‘but yeah – weren’t easy. Especially when Lex was real young, ya know? That was hard. Couldn’t have done it without Lori ‘nd Rick. Merle.’

‘Merle?’

‘My brother. Asshole who was probably bitchin’ to you about your bike earlier.’

‘That’s your brother?’

‘Hmm-hmm.’

Paul shrugs. ‘Guess I should have known. You both have the same stunning blue eyes. I thought I’d seen them in another face before.’

Daryl scoffs.

‘What? You’re handsome. You didn’t strike me as the coy type.’

‘You don’t know shit about me,’ the Dixon answers but he smiles to let Paul know that there’s no fire behind the words.

‘I mean – we both thought the statue was terrible, we both drink our coffee black. What else do I need to know? We’d be perfect together.’

‘What, you got a gut feelin’ about it or something?’

‘No! I just explained the logic to you, Daryl!’ Paul laughs, pushing himself away from the wall. ‘The statue and the coffee. You are a little bit slow, but I can get you up to speed, no problem.’

Daryl watches how he comes closer. He drops his cigarette and licks his lips. ‘Yeah? How’re you gonna do that?’

The man steps into his space. A hand comes up to curl around the back of his neck, thumb stroking over the hair in his nape before gently pulling him down. He doesn’t say anything but Daryl see how he searches his own face for signs of protest.

Daryl’s gaze flickers to the man’s lips. He leans down and kisses him. One hand comes up to cup his bearded cheek, the other on his hip, drawing him a little closer until their boots knock together. Paul huffs out a breath of laughter against his lips before capturing them again, two pecks before he deepens the kiss.

There’s a hand on his chest, rounding to his shoulder, nails scratching over the soft fabric and Daryl groans softly. Paul loops his arm around his shoulders. He pulls back a second and kicks against Daryl’s boots.

The Dixon widens his stance.

Paul smirks as he steps even closer, pressing their hips together during the next kiss.

The air around them is cool. The bricks hard against Daryl’s shoulder blades but he doesn’t care right now. The sounds of the town are far enough in the distance for him not to have to worry about that at the moment. He just chases their pleasure, enjoying the sensation of having someone pressed against him, someone following him when he pulls away to adjust their angle, someone wanting him like that.

He rolls his hips just to feel Paul groan. A rumble in his lean chest.

They part again.

‘You say anything about bein’ rusty right now, I’ll fuck you up,’ Daryl promises.

Paul snorts and lets his forehead fall to the man’s broad shoulder. ‘No! I wouldn’t – _you aren’t_. God.’ Then he peeks up, ‘but my gut was right, right? Perfect.’

‘In a dark alley, gettin’ scrapes from the damn bricks –‘

Paul silences him with the next kiss, the laughter smothered between them, dying in their lungs. This time, Daryl reaches up to put a hand in Paul’s long hair, mussing it. He presses back a bit harder which causes the shorter man to take a step back; taking control of the kiss instead of being led. He deepens it easily, bites gently on a lower lip, nudges his nose against Paul’s before kissing him again.

Paul’s hand jerks away from his hip where it had begun to reach to his backside when Daryl’s phone suddenly vibrates in his pocket. ‘Christ,’ he says, breaking the kiss and laughing again. ‘Jump scare.’

Daryl snorts and fishes the phone out of his pocket, ‘sorry, gotta check, it’s probably-‘

 

_Can u pick me up in 45????_

‘Yeah, it’s Katie, I gotta go,’ Daryl says apologetically as he glances at Paul. ‘Gotta pick her up someplace.’

‘Okay, yeah, sure.’ Paul backs away and runs a hand through his hair to smooth it out.

Daryl watches for a second before pushing him against the wall, claiming another kiss. Hot and a little messy, just to show that the text wasn’t a cop out. ‘Her party is Friday night,’ he breathes against Paul’s lips when they part. ‘Can’t leave – Lexi will be home, but maybe… you could come ‘round?’

‘I’ll check my schedule,’ Paul nods. ‘But yeah, if I’m free. _Yeah_.’

‘Cool. I just – I don’t mean for… Just to talk. We can watch a movie or something.’

‘Of course. If you pick the movie, I’ll bring the snacks.’

‘Deal.’

 

 

Twenty minutes later, he’s slipping past Shane into the man’s house. He refuses a drink but sits down on the edge of the couch to hear what the kids have been up to at the indoor playground and where they’d stopped to get pizza. Lori puts her book away to tell him all about it while Shane cracks jokes from his armchair.

‘She’s in our room,’ Lori tells him even though she doesn’t need to. By now, they’ve watched the girl so many times that he heads up the stairs in the dark, easily finding his footing and crossing the hallway to get to the master bedroom.

Lexi is asleep in the big bed. He gently pulls the covers back and puts socks on her feet. She protests a little, murmuring into the pillow but not waking up. He grabs the batman backpack off the floor and is glad that Lori already packed it with her jacket.

He scoops the little girl up and carries her downstairs, thanking Shane and Lori for watching her before making his way to his truck. Buckling her up is actually much easier than when she’s awake because she just slumps in the seat now and isn’t actively fighting her restraints like usually.

He makes it to the friend’s house on time and texts Katie that he’s outside.

Soft jazz music keeps him entertained while he waits. After five minutes, the front door opens and Katie comes out. She waves at her friend over her shoulder and then slips in the car, glancing at her sleeping sister on the backseat before closing her door softly instead of banging it closed like she normally does.

‘Had a good time?’ Daryl asks as he pulls away from the curb.

‘Yeah. We made a cake. It was really good but I think I’ve had too much,’ Katie rubs over her stomach. ‘Blegh.’

‘Serves you right.’

‘I took two pieces home, for you and Lex,’ the girl says. ‘Her brothers ate the rest.’

‘That’s sweet of you, thank you.’

‘Yeah…’ Katie looks out of the window. ‘You know this party Joline is throwing? I’ve told you about it, right?’

Daryl bites his lip for a second to hide his smile. ‘Yeah – I think you’ve mentioned it. Next Friday, no?’

‘Yes! Everyone is going, and I was kind of wondering…’ she shifts in her seat so she can look at him. ‘I was wondering if I could go, too. It’ll be at her place, it’s not that far. I can take my bike, I’ll text you when I get there and when I leave, I’ll come home on time. I _promise_.’

Her dad frowns. ‘I dunno, Kit-Kat. How about I come pick you up?’

‘Dad, no! It’s just a couple of blocks away, nobody’s parents will be there to pick them up! Besides, I don’t want you to drag Lexi out of bed and then back into bed just to pick me up. I can totally just ride my bike home.’

‘Who else is coming to the party?’

Katie rolls her eyes. ‘Everyone, dad. It’s her birthday party and like, the whole school is invited or something. It’s going to be wild. I mean – great. _Not_ wild.’

Daryl laughs as he drives down their street and parks in front of their house. He shuts the engine off but doesn’t get out of the car just yet. ‘Okay, you can go. But here are the rules; not a _single_ _drop_ of alcohol. Not one drag from a cigarette, nothing I wouldn’t approve of. There’s gonna be a whole lot ‘a kids, gonna be a whole lot of trouble, you hear me? I want you home on time, and you will text me when you leave. You will pick up your phone when I call, no matter what. And you _will_ call me if something happens.’

‘Nothing is going to happen!’

‘You ain’t ever been to a party like that. I have. You gonna stick with your girlfriends, don’t do anything stupid. I trust you.’

She beams at him, ‘yeah, I promise I won’t do anything stupid. Thanks dad.’

‘Yeah,’ he sighs and then drums his fingers on the steering wheel. ‘Okay, get inside before I change my mind.’

Katie is gone in a flash, running ahead of him to unlock the door while he carries Lexi inside.

 

 

The text message comes an hour later, when he’s watching a documentary about car designers.

 

_Checked the schedule – free on Friday night! See you then, text me the address later?_

 

 

 


	7. Mornings

 

* * *

 

 

 

‘I don’t want to.’

‘Baby, please,’ Daryl says as he goes through Lexi’s closet to grab a pair of jeans and a skirt, throwing both on the bed next to the little girl. ‘You have to wear pants to school, okay? Or a skirt, whatever you want.’

‘I don’t want to.’

‘I know, but you have to. You can’t go to school in your underwear, that’s silly. Come on, hurry up, we’re going to be late.’

‘I’m not going.’

‘Why not? You love school.’

‘Don’t.’ Lexi scowls at her bare knees. She has crossed her arms in front of her chest, looking very upset with the world right now.

Daryl glances at the clock before he kneels down in front of her. ‘Lexi, we don’t have time for this. Pick a pair of jeans or pick a skirt, put your shoes on and grab your backpack. Now, please.’

‘ _I said no_!’

‘Okay,’ Daryl grabs her hand and tugs her off the bed, guiding her to his office. There’s a chair he never uses in the corner. As soon as the girl realizes what’s going on, she falls to her knees and screams, yelling that she’s sorry. ‘Should have thought of that earlier, you’re being a pain this morning. Sit down,’ he snarls, plopping her onto the chair.

‘I’m sorry, dad, I’m sorry!’ she screams.

He squats down so they’re on eyelevel. ‘Stop screaming at me, right now. You’re going to sit here for six minutes and then you’re going to apologize for your behavior. You were screaming at me and stubborn for no reason. I gave you two options, you picked neither.’

Lexi is crying now. She reaches out for a hug, her hands trying to grab his broad shoulders.

‘No,’ he guides her hands back to her lap. ‘Six minutes, and you better not get off this chair in the meantime.’ He leaves the door open on his way out so she can hear him thunder down the stairs. There’s anger curling around his spine, making his movements a little too rough. The sight of tears on his girl’s cheeks always makes his heart ache for her, but he knows she’s just trying to play on his emotions and wriggle out of her punishment for being such a pain this morning.

He glances at the clock. They’re definitely going to be late.

‘Hey, dad?’ Katie breezes into the kitchen. ‘Do you know where my pink shirt is? I need it for track today and I can’t find it anywhere.’

‘I don’t know, baby,’ he says while putting Lexi’s small bottle of water into her backpack along with some fruit. ‘Just grab another one.’

‘No! I need the pink one.’

‘What?’ Daryl frowns as he leans on the counter, bowing his head a little to stretch the muscles in his neck. ‘Because you’re slower in the green one or something? Just grab another. Makes no difference.’

‘It _does_!’

‘Katie, please,’ he grinds out through clenched teeth. ‘I don’t have the patience, okay?’

‘Oh my God, I was just asking you a question, but never mind. I’ll just wear my green shirt even though we’d all agreed to wear the pink one today. I’ll just look like an idiot! _Thanks, dad_!’ she spats sarcastically while she starts to rummage through the cupboards. ‘Where is my water bottle? Why is everything always missing in this place? Good lord.’

Daryl glares at her. ‘Maybe it’s somewhere in that fuckin’ pig-sty you call a room. Or maybe it’s in one of those goddamn piles you leave around the whole fuckin’ house because you seem to think that I’m going to clean up after you. I’m not. _Your_ stuff is _your_ responsibility, Katie. Don’t come bitchin’ and moanin’ about missin’ shit now because you could have prepared your backpack yesterday, okay? We’d have time to look for your fuckin’ pink shirt and damn bottle, okay? I don’t have the time right now.’

Katie throws up her hands in mock surrender, ‘whoa, whatever. I was just asking a question!’

‘You were giving me attitude,’ Daryl snaps. ‘And you _will_ cut it out.’

‘So wasn’t,’ the teenager mutters under her breath as she grabs an apple and sits down the at kitchen table to eat it.

‘That’s your final warning, right there.’

Katie visibly bites her tongue before glaring at him and munching on her apple. They’re silent while Daryl watches the minutes tick by until he can go back upstairs and get Lexi ready for school.

‘Oh,’ the teenager flicks her hair over her shoulder, ‘I’m going to study at Rachel’s place after school, by the way, but I’ll be home for dinner. Okay?’

‘What, you’re askin’ me or tellin’ me? We had an agreement; you ask me this shit a day in advance in case I need you to watch Lexi – so I can find someone else. You don’t spring this shit on me the day of, Katie!’

‘You never need me to watch her on Mondays, you always get her!’

‘That’s not the point! We had an agreement – a rule, and you’re not following it.’

‘But it doesn’t matter! If you’d said no, I would have come home, so what’s the point-‘

‘The point is this; this is _my_ house and you will follow _my_ rules. I tell you to do something, you do it without these goddamn discussions every single time. You will ask a day in advance the next time. There. End of story.’

The girl rolls her eyes, ‘ _fine_. Jees. Why are you so uptight today? You never-‘

Daryl slams his hand down on the table. ‘I said; _end of story_. Give me attitude one more time and you’re kissin’ your laptop goodbye.’

‘What the hell? I didn’t even-‘

‘You’ll get it back on Wednesday,’ Daryl says with a curt nod as he whirls around, heading back to the staircase. ‘You can use my computer for schoolwork, but I will be monitoring it. And I’ll limit the data on your phone. Go to school, you’re going to be late.’

Katie gapes at his back for a second before quickly getting up, running after him but stopping at the bottom of the staircase. ‘What the _actual_ hell, dad! I didn’t even do anything wrong! This is so – so – so _unfair_! Oh my God!’

‘ _Go to fuckin’ school, Katie_!’

‘ _I hate you!_ ’

Daryl stands on the top of the staircase. One hand raised to cover his eyes. His fingers are shaking while he listens how his daughter storms back into the kitchen to grab her stuff before she runs out of the house. The front door slams shut. She yanks her bike upright, he can hear the metal scraping over the wood. Everything is quiet after that.

He takes a deep breath before walking into his office.

Lexi is swinging her feet back and forth, nervously chewing on her fingers while she looks up at him with big, wet eyes. There are tears on her cheeks. He doubts they’re fake this time around. She gets frightened every time Daryl and Katie fight, fearing one of them will storm out and never come back.

She doesn’t have any memories of that night, but she has heard so many references and broken-off starts of the story that she has managed to construct her own. That’s not what happened, of course, but he doesn’t feel ready to tell her how it _had_ happened, so he leaves it like this. At least her story has a reason, a cause for how everything turned out, a lead-up that predicts the heartache in which it all ended.

The real story doesn’t. It all just happened. Suddenly, and without any reason.

He doesn’t know how he could ever explain that.

And right now, it still hurts too much to try.

Daryl kneels down in front of his youngest daughter. ‘Do you have anything to say to me?’

‘I’m sorry,’ the girl cries, hiccupping while being too scared to meet his eye now, ‘for bein’ a pain.’

‘Thank you for apologizing,’ Daryl says before holding his arms out.

She flies into the embrace, clutching to his chest, legs barely managing to wrap around his waist. Little fingers grasping onto his collar.

‘There, all made up,’ he grunts as he gets up, carrying her back to the bedroom. He presses a kiss to her temple. ‘I love you.’

‘Love you, too,’ she sniffles. In the end, she picks a skirt to wear to school and hunts down her socks and shoes in record time. Daryl leans against the doorpost to keep an eye on her and make sure she’s not trying to waste more time. After fifteen minutes, they’re out of the door.

Lexi hops and skips next to him, babbling about something that happened on her favorite TV show while they walk to school. He hums and nods along even though he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. They pass several parents who are already on their way back home. The looks of disapproval cut deeper than Daryl likes to admit.

The school grounds are deserted, except for Lori who is leaning against Shane’s truck in the parking lot. She’s glancing at her watch while her phone is clutched in her right hand. The agitation melts away when she spots the two Dixon’s crossing the grounds.

‘There you are!’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl waves his hand vaguely, ‘you needed me? I’m just gonna get Lex inside and then-‘

Lori cocks an eyebrow, ‘did you bring the art supplies?’

‘What?’

‘The art supplies. They have this arts and crafts project this afternoon and you were supposed to bring supplies. It was in the newsletter.’

 Daryl sighs and rubs at his eyebrow, keys jangling in his hand. ‘Fuck me – those goddamn newsletters will be the death of me.’

Lexi giggles.

‘You didn’t hear none of that,’ Daryl says as he squeezes her hand. Then he glances at Lori. ‘They ain’t gonna exclude her, right? Shit. They hate me already and now this? I can swing by at lunch and get – what kind of supplies do they need?’

The woman gives him a fond look before she pulls her car door open, getting out a plastic bag she holds out for him. ‘You didn’t think I was just waiting around to rub salt in wounds, now were you? Here. Toilet rolls and cotton balls.’

 ‘Life-saver.’

‘Face-saver,’ she corrects with a laugh. ‘Go on, they already hate you, let’s not make it worse. Hurry up.’ She leans in to peck his cheek before squatting down to hug Lexi tightly and fix her hair a little. ‘See you soon, princess.’

‘Bye Miss Lori,’ the girl beams. ‘Thank you for the rolls and balls dad doesn’t have!’

‘ _Lex_!’

The little girl look up at him with wide eyes, ‘what?’

Daryl wipes a hand over his face, grimacing. ‘Nothing – good lord. Okay, let’s go.’

The look on the teacher’s face says it all. She reminds him again how important it is for Lexi to be on time and how dismayed she is by having her class interrupted. It doesn’t matter how much he apologizes, nor that it hasn’t happened in almost a year now. When he kisses his daughter goodbye, the teacher walks him back to the door and pretends to kindly remind him at what time he should pick her up again.

He resists the urge to slam the door on his way out of the school. Instead he stalks through the town, smoking cigarette after cigarette and taking the long way to the garage just so he can smoke one more. His hands stop shaking about a block away from his work.

For a moment, he thinks about calling Katie and apologizing but her class will have started already. They’ll talk later.

Just when he dismisses the thought, his phone rings.

It’s Paul.

Daryl sighs and takes it, bringing the device up to his ear. ‘What?’

‘Wow,’ the other man laughs. ‘Good morning to you, too.’

‘Hmm,’ he hums around his cigarette. ‘Sorry, rough one. ‘s up?’

‘Sounds like you need coffee,’ Paul muses. Daryl can hear noises coming through the line and he wonders whether the man is cooking breakfast. ‘I was hoping to catch you before work, I’m not bothering you, am I?’

‘Wouldn’t have picked up if you were,’ Daryl says honestly. ‘I’m headin’ in now.’

‘Ok. Good. Well, do you need coffee, because I predict that I will have an extra one at around twelve o’clock, and you know what’s the best thing about me?’

‘That thing you did with your tongue the other day?’

Paul snorts. ‘No. Well, it was pretty good, but – no. I deliver. Coffee, mostly.’

‘Train wrecks of conversations, every goddamn time,’ Daryl laughs as he walks into the garage, raising his hand at Greg and Merle before walking up the staircase towards his office. ‘But coffee sounds good, too. Twelve o ‘clock?’

 

 

‘No, it’s okay,’ one of the interns says as he steps into the room at the back of the garage and turns the volume of the radio down. ‘He’s back here. Daryl? Hey,’ he walks around the frame to see the owner lying on the ground, a pencil clenched between his teeth and a ruler in his hands as he measures the little room that’s left to place one of the pipes leading towards the exhaust. It’s probably not enough space so he reaches up to mark them and have Greg alter them.

‘What?’ Daryl grunts when the intern just looks at him nervously.

‘There’s someone here to see you.’

‘Who the fuck is it then?’

The intern pulls a face, ‘he says his name is Jesus. I dunno, he said he had an appointment but he isn’t in the book, so-‘

‘Yeah, it’s-‘ Daryl groans as he gets up, feeling his muscles protest from lying on the concrete ground for so long. ‘It’s a friend. Thanks, man. Go take your break, I’ll hold down the fort.’

The teenager beams at him before running off, grabbing his backpack from behind the counter. Daryl smiles as he watches him go. Merle and Greg left just a couple of minutes ago with the others to take their break at one of the fast food places nearby. He’s trying to catch up to them.

When he steps into the main part of the garage, he sees that Paul is walking around slowly. The long hair pulled into a messy bun in the nape of his neck, and he’s wearing a loose tank top to combat the Georgia heat. There’s a pair of sunglasses on the counter, along with two Styrofoam cups of coffee and a bag from the local bakery.

‘You break it, you buy it,’ Daryl warns when Paul leans over one of the cars to inspect the engine block.

‘Isn’t that why it’s here? Because it’s broken in the first place?’ Paul asks. There’s a smile playing around his lips.

‘You think the only thing that can break is the engine block?’

‘I meant the car in general.’

Daryl smirks and saunters over to him. ‘We don’t do _cars in general_. We deal in parts,’ he puts a tentative hand on Paul’s hip when he gets close, growing a little bolder when the other man’s gaze drifts to his lips. ‘And man-hours. And _sweat_.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Best believe it,’ Daryl says before he leans in to kiss him. ‘’s what we do.’

It’s no coincidence that Merle and Greg are both out and that they took the interns with them. The fact that one got left behind to answer the phone was a small hiccup that was easily resolved. He’s not quite sure what they are, him and Paul, but he knows that he doesn’t need Merle hanging around while he figures it out.

The fact that Paul is a guy doesn’t matter anymore, though Merle’s jokes will be merciless and mostly in bad taste, but he’s learned to deal with that. It’s hard enough to teach a man like his brother new beliefs, trying to teach him to be polite might be pushing it.

Most of his friends know that he’s bisexual, and he’s known since high school when it took him a shockingly long time to figure out what he was feeling for that boy who was sitting three rows down from him. Something so different from being brothers that it had hurt when his crush had called him that for the first time.

If he’d ever noticed that Daryl liked to kiss boys at parties who looked exactly like him, he never mentioned it.

‘Hey,’ Paul says as he reaches up to cup Daryl’s jaw for a second, thumb brushing over his cheek. ‘I brought coffee and donuts. Hope you’re not a secret health-freak.’

‘Nah.’

‘Good, here.’ He grabs one of the Styrofoam cups and passes it to the owner of the shop. ‘I like the feel of this place,’ he says as he looks around. ‘Almost feels like one of those strange diners in the middle of a desert, you know what I mean? Out of place, but right on time.’

Daryl snorts, ‘the hell?’

‘I like it,’ Paul concludes with a nod.

‘Thanks, wierdo.’ Daryl fishes around for a chocolate-covered donut. ‘And thanks for the coffee. You were right, needed it. Come on, let’s sit outside.’ He leads Paul over to the picnic table. The chocolate has melted a bit inside the bag and he sucks it from his fingertips.

Paul sits beside him, eating one with yellow frosting. ‘Bad morning?’

‘Yeah, pretty shitty.’

‘Oh.’

Daryl hums as he eats his donut.

‘This is the part where you don’t make me beg to tell you what made you have a bad morning,’ Paul tells him. ‘It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me, but that would mean we have to talk about what I just saw on the Jerry Springer show and that was… that was really something, so…’

‘Can’t believe you watch that shit,’ Daryl laughs before he takes a swallow of his coffee. ‘Was just stuff with the girls, ya know? It happens. We’ll sort it out.’

‘Okay.’

He sloshes the dark liquid around in his cup. He glances at the man next to him as he licks the last bit of chocolate off his fingers before wiping them on his jeans. Then he runs a hand through his shaggy hair with a sigh. ‘She couldn’t decide whether she wanted to wear a skirt or jeans.’

Paul’s eyebrows shoot up as he lifts his cup to take a sip. ‘What?’

‘Lexi. She couldn’t decide and it fucked up the whole morning. Made us late. Had to put her in my office to let her cool down ‘cause she were sulkin’ ‘bout the whole thing, so I put her on the chair and told her to stay put, ya know?’

Paul nods

‘It just riled me up. You try to goddamn plan everything, everything’s goin’ great, ya know, and then – I dunno. Everything’s fucked up and we look like the hot mess we usually are. Lori had to save my ass _again_.’

‘She told the teacher you were running late?’

‘No – they have this – ‘ he waves a hand, ‘art stuff this afternoon.’ He searches in his pockets for his lighter and cigarettes. ‘Apparently, they had to bring supplies. It was in the _newsletter_ ,’ he gives Paul a pointed look before lighting the cigarette. ‘Lori brought some for Lex.’

Paul chews on the last bit of his donut and rubs at his nose. ‘Okay, so that was solved then. You had a shitty morning because Lexi was late at school?’

Daryl sighs. ‘Ain’t even that, ‘s just… all them other parents just lookin’ at me, right? Sharks, all of them, just waitin’ on me to screw it up and they were smellin’ blood this morning. That teacher, too. She’s a good teacher, I guess, but damn… She told me the time to pick Lex up, like I haven’t been doin’ it for years now and –‘  he takes another drag and inhales sharply through his teeth. ‘Whatever. Fuck ‘em.’

‘Yeah,’ Paul says easily. ‘Fuck them.’ He traces the rim of his coffee cup. ‘That was not all, though, right? You just don’t seem the type who gets so easily riled up.’

The Dixon snorts at that. ‘Am,’ he contradict as he flicks some ashes to the ground. The tip of his ring finger traces his lower lip. ‘Katie said she hated me.’

‘Teenagers say a lot of things they don’t mean.’ Paul leans to the side so their shoulders touch for a moment. ‘What happened?’

‘I dunno. I was busy dealin’ with Lexi, was thinkin’ that we’d be late, all that shit and she just – she wanted a specific shirt or something and something else, was being difficult about it and I just – ‘ he waves his hand and scratches at his temple, ‘lashed out at her. She jumped this thing on me and it really weren’t no big deal, could have just told her off a little without making it a whole thing but I was already mad and she just waltzed in at the wrong time.’ He takes a drag, ‘confiscated her laptop.’

Paul winces and then laughs. ‘Mean.’

Daryl smirks and nods. ‘Yeah, that was so undeserved, no wonder she freaked, too.’

‘Just tell her you’re sorry and don’t take her laptop.’

‘That would make me inconsistent,’ Daryl says, ‘and all the books say that’s bad.’

‘Books?’

‘How to not be a hot mess 101,’ Daryl laughs. ‘No – I don’t know what they’re fuckin’ called. I read them all when we were expecting Katie. My parents – they… they fucked up good, ya know? I just wanted to be prepared. Be better, I guess. So I learned all the techniques before she were even born and then forgot all about most of them because she were just too dang cute to punish.’

Paul laughs. ‘Had daddy wrapped around her little finger.’

‘Yeah. Still does, most of the time. We’re a great team.’

The other man nods. He fidgets with his cup for a second before looking up. ‘Do you have a picture of them?’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl puts his coffee down and shifts so he can get his wallet out of his back pocket. He flips it open to reveal his row of credit cards and the little square that holds a picture of him with his girls. It was taken a while ago at the opening of Maggie’s store. Lexi sitting on top of his shoulders, leaning down to show the camera the apple she had gotten from Hershel. Katie leaning against his side, one arm wrapped around his waist, beaming at Merle, who had taken the picture.

Paul takes the wallet and looks at the picture. ‘Whoa,’ he says with a grin, ‘Katie looks just like you.’

‘Yeah. Got the curls from her momma though.’

‘She’s stunning. And Lexi looks really cute.’ He glances at the father, ‘that’s a great picture.’

‘Thanks,’ Daryl takes it back. ‘Was a good day.’

Paul nods. ‘I know I don’t – I don’t know anything about kids or raising them so you can just ignore me if I’m not getting it, but maybe you can just talk with Katie tonight. Just say you were wrong, that you were frustrated because of Lexi’s shenanigans and that you took it out on her. Maybe lower the punishment from taking the laptop to doing more chores, or something, if she was being difficult, but… you obviously feel bad about what happened. Admitting that you made a mistake doesn’t make you inconsistent.’

‘Just a terrible dad.’

‘Yeah, because everyone expects you to be perfect all the time.’

Daryl snorts. ‘Hmm. You’re probably right, about the laptop thing…’ He flicks his cigarette to the curb and regrets it immediately. He fidgets, twisting his own fingers together before bringing one hand up gnaw on the nail of his thumb. ‘Sorry for dumpin’ that all on you.’

‘Don’t be.’

‘Ain’t ever gonna change, ya know?’ Daryl mutters. ‘It’s a package deal, us three so if you wanna… If you want that thing on Friday to be a date or something, just…’ He trails off and chews on his nail again.

Paul gives him an easy smile. ‘I wanna.’

‘Okay.’ He’s not sure what to do now.

‘Okay,’ Paul echoes. ‘I’ll let you get back to work for now. We’re still on for Friday then?’

‘Yeah. I’ll text you.’

‘Good, it’s a date.’ Paul slides off the table and grabs the empty cups and bag. His hand curls around Daryl’s shoulder, squeezing tightly before he leaves.

 

 

Katie’s bike is leaning against the porch when they come home.

Lexi throws her backpack down in the hallway but carefully places the toilet roll monstrosity she created during the art and crafts afternoon on the kitchen table. She’s very proud of it. It was supposed to be a dog at first but she changed her mind half-way through and decided she wanted to make a giraffe instead. It’s neither, now. A spotted dog with an abnormally long neck and a sheep’s coat because the teacher had told her to use the cotton balls as well.

She painted it red because she could.

The kitchen has been cleaned.

Daryl narrows his eyes when he hears the washing machine doing a cycle in their bathroom.

‘Here,’ Daryl give Lexi a banana. ‘Go watch some television for a little while. I have to talk to Katie, okay?’

The little girl hums as she plops down on the couch, kicking her shoes under the table, eyes already glued to the screen.

Katie is cleaning her room. There’s a pile of dirty clothes on the landing and a plastic bag with clean clothes leans against the door, ready to be donated. The girl is standing on her chair, it swivels lightly when she reaches out to clean the top of her wardrobe, dusting it off. He’s told her a thousand times to not use her chair but to grab a stepladder instead. It’s more stable than something that swivels whenever you move.

He knocks on the doorpost.

She looks over her shoulder. ‘Oh, you’re home already? Hi.’

‘Yeah, Greg’s closing up at the shop today, so we came straight home. I have to finish some stuff later tonight though. What’re you doing?’

‘Cleanin’.’

He sighs. ‘Can you come down for a sec? We need to talk.’

Katie sighs too but she still climbs down the chair. She sits down on the bed instead, fidgeting a little with the cloth she’d used for cleaning before she throws it into a bucket with water again.

‘I thought you were going to your friend’s place.’

The girl shrugs. ‘Didn’t feel like it no more.’

‘Ah.’ Daryl leans on his knees with his elbows. ‘Listen, I’m – I’m real sorry about this morning. Lex was drivin’ me up the wall with her stallin’ and you just – you came out of left field with your whining at the wrong time, missy,’ he slings an arm around her shoulders to drag her into his chest.

Katie smirks up at him, ‘I didn’t mean to whine, and I know I gotta take care of my own stuff, I was just – I should have gotten everything ready yesterday, I know, but I’d forgotten and… I don’t know.’ She puts her head on his shoulder. ‘I’m sorry about what I said. I don’t hate you.’

‘’cause I feed you pizza?’

‘ _Venison_.’

‘Dixon through and through,’ he laughs as he kisses the top of her head before letting himself fall onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling. His feet still planted on the floor, one boot scraping over her carpet. Almost nervously. ‘Ain’t takin’ your laptop by the way. That was… that weren’t right. I’m sorry.’

‘Thanks,’ Katie says as she lies down too. ‘Is it okay if Rachel comes here tomorrow?’

‘If you pick up Lex on the way home and bring her to the shop. I have a meeting but Merle can watch her for a bit.’

‘Sure thing.’

Daryl bounces his leg. ‘There’s something else… Friday, there’s… there’s someone coming over while you’re at the party, okay?’

Katie frowns. ‘What, like Rick or something? Why are you-‘

‘No, not like Rick,’ Daryl laughs as he rubs a hand over his face. ‘It’s like... it’s a date, okay? So… just wanted you to know, so it ain’t weird if you come home early.’

Katie sits up and looks at him. ‘A _date_?’

‘Yeah.’

‘You’re takin’ a date to our _living room_?’ the teenager asks with a laugh. ‘That’s the lamest thing I’ve _ever_ heard, dad.’

‘Well, I gotta watch Lex, what do you want me to do, girl?’ Daryl laughs. He can feel how the tips of his ears burn. ‘You two; killin’ my game.’

‘Pfft!’ she shoves his shoulder and falls back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. ‘So? Who is she? Do we know her?’

‘ _His_ name is Paul and no, you don’t know him. He just moved here.’

‘You’re dating a guy?’

‘Yeah.’ He lets that sink in for a couple of moments. Then he looks at her. ‘’s about the person, right? On the inside. Ain’t about anything else.’

‘Right,’ Katie says softly.

‘You feel weird about it?’

‘Ain’t nothing to me.’

Daryl laughs because he recognizes his own words. He rolls to his side and reaches out to stroke the curls out of Katie’s face, thumb ghosting over her cheek. ‘’course it’s something to you, ‘cause I’m your dad and you’re never gettin’ rid of me, no matter how much you say you hate me, you dirty little liar,’ he growls as he grabs her hip and pulls her close enough so he can hug her.

‘I said I was sorry!’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ he sighs, nose buried in her mess of curls.

‘Is he the guy who keeps texting you?’

‘Hmm-hmm.’

‘You think he’s funny.’

Daryl nods. ‘He’s got some wild theories about that god-awful statue in front of the sheriff’s department.’

The teenager hums.

‘Hey.’

She looks at him.

‘’s always gonna be _us_ , you know that, right? You, me and the little gremlin downstairs.’

She smiles. ‘Yeah.’ Her index finger curls around his pinky. ‘But it’s kinda unfair that you’re always outnumbered, so I guess it makes sense.’

‘Yeah. He gave some solid advice about what to do about you hatin’ me so-’

‘Oh my God, you told him about this morning? Now he’s gonna hate us, dad! He’ll think we’re crazy kids!’

Daryl smirks. ‘Nah. He told me to give you your laptop back.’

Katie laughs and kicks his shin. ‘Marry him.’

 

 


	8. Friday night

 

* * *

 

 

It’s Friday night and Daryl is standing in his living room. He looks around with his hands on his hips, a slight frown marring his face. There are still some toys shoved into the corner next to the television; the game of monopoly Katie had been playing with friends this afternoon and swears they’ll finish one day, as well as Lexi’s random collection of junk she likes to keep within sight. It was a compromise to leave it all in the corner. The rest of the room has been cleaned. There are no crayons littering the kitchen table, no action figures on the floor, no schoolbags hanging from chairs or stacks of chemistry notes covering the coffee table. He even grabbed his own sketches off the top of the cabinets to put them away in his office.

The kitchen is gleaming. He hasn’t bothered to mop the floors but has vacuumed everywhere and wiped every surface down until Lexi even got curious why he was suddenly cleaning on a Friday afternoon. He tries to keep up with such chores during the week but always ends up cleaning on Saturday mornings when even Lexi sleeps in a little. On Friday afternoon, he usually falls onto the couch with a cold coke only to get up to make dinner at some point, playing games with his girls or trying to get Katie to finish her homework before the weekend with no luck.

Soft footsteps on the stairs causes him to turn.

Katie smiles at him.

He smiles back.

She lifts an eyebrow.

He looks confused.

‘ _Dad_!’ She gestures at her clothes. Sneakers and skinny jeans, a flannel shirt tied around her waist, a baggy shirt with the name of a band he doesn’t know. Her bracelets jingle when she reaches up to tug at her ponytail, teasing the curls that spill onto her back.

‘Oh! Yeah – you look nice.’ They’d been standing side by side in the bathroom earlier. He leaning forward over the sink to trim the scruff on his cheeks and chin as she tried to bump him aside while brushing her teeth. A playful scuffle when he rinsed his blade and she tried to spit the toothpaste out and rinse her mouth. He sits down on the armrest of the couch. ‘Are you going to tie that shirt up when you’re a block away from home?’

‘Yup.’

‘Wish you wouldn’t.’

Katie laughs and grabs her keys out of the bowl on the kitchen counter. ‘That’s why I’ll do it a block away from home. Saves me from having to see the disapproving looks.’

‘You’re sixteen. Keep the shirt down.’

‘Everyone wears their shirt like that,’ she dismisses while shrugging on her jacket. She pats herself down to check where her phone is.

Daryl crosses his arms in front of his chest. ‘And you wanna be like everybody else? Set a trend, Katie. Wear the shirt down.’

She laughs. ‘An A plus for effort there, dad. Nice try. I’m going.’

He pushes himself off the couch again and walks with her to the front door. ‘Okay, well, have fun. Text me when you get there and when you leave again. I’ll stay up and wait for you.’

‘You don’t have to.’

‘But I will anyway.’

She throws him a smirk, ‘because _Paul_ will be here to keep you up?’

He hates how his ears turn slightly red beneath his shaggy hair. ‘He will be gone by the time you get back. And you’ll get back before midnight. 11:59, you’re back or I’ll call Shane to break the party up, you hear me?’

‘I hear you,’ she confirms. She zips her jacket up and pops the earbuds of her phone into her ears, searching for a song to listen to on her way over to the party.

‘Hey,’ he puts a hand on her upper arm. ‘Call me if there’s anything, and don’t think you have to stay until the end. Come home early if it sucks.’

‘And ruin your date?’

‘I’m serious, Katie,’ he insists. ‘I don’t want you to feel like I’m kickin’ you out for the night.’

‘You better not!’ she shoves his shoulder. ‘I was here first! But I also don’t want to be around when some random guy comes over to hook up with my dad. That’s weird. Oh my God,’ she laughs when he wipes a hand over his face to hide behind it. ‘Stop blushing! You’re too old to hook up with anyone. Stop being gross!’

‘Ain’t gross and we ain’t – ain’t _hookin’ up_. Stop distracting me, I’m tryin’ to give you the dad-talk before you go.’

‘No drinking, no smoking, no leaving with strange guys, text when I get there and leave again, home by midnight. I got it, dad.’

‘Call me if you need me. Stick with your friends.’

There’s a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as she stands on her tiptoes to hug him tightly. ‘Yes, dad. See you tonight.’

‘Have fun,’ he presses a kiss to her temple before opening the door for her. He follows her out, leaving the door open as he sits down on the railing of their porch, boots thudding softly against the wood. He smokes a cigarette and watches how she unlocks her bike, resets her music and then leaves. At the corner, she looks back and waves at him.

He waves back and thinks about the time he used to run behind her while she was on the bike. One hand on her back to steady her as she learned to ride around on a parking lot in their old neighborhood. Samara had always hated him for teaching the girl to ride. She thought it wasn’t safe in the city, too busy to zip around on two wheels, leaving the girl far too vulnerable.

Nothing had happened, but Daryl hadn’t ever let Katie ride alone as a compromise.

He glances at his watch. Just ten more minutes until Paul is supposed to get there. He throws his cigarette onto the asphalt and heads back inside.

There are pictures on the walls. A _lot_ of pictures. The wall behind the couch is almost completely covered with frames in various shapes and sizes. Pictures of their friends and family, of course, but also one of their old home in Atlanta, one of the shop he’s so proud of, the house Samara had grown up in, Hershel’s farm. Rick, Lori and Carl posing on the steps of their own home, Shane and Rick lying on top of the hood of their police car with matching grins, Michonne and Lori laughing together in a kitchen. There’s Glenn and Maggie, sticking their tongues out. Tara pinching Merle’s cheeks. Merle asleep on a couch with Katie curled up beside him, still small enough to fit in the crook of his arm. Lexi and Katie posing for school pictures, and several more where they’re covered in dirt and mud after playing, sitting together on the garden path leading up to Eric’s home, where Aaron has moved into not too long ago.

Right in the middle of all of that is a picture of Daryl, Samara, Katie and Lexi. He’s holding Lexi, who’d been only several months old at the time, while Samara has her arms around their oldest daughter, holding her close. He remembers that day because the picture was taken on Rick’s birthday. They were standing in his backyard, were listening to Glenn’s speech about what a shitty friend Rick could be but how they loved him anyway.

He takes the picture down and holds it in his hands.

No wonder someone had wanted to ruin it. He’s never seen two people so happy. In the picture he’s stealing a glance at his wife and she’s laughing at something Glenn said, eyes closed while their daughter looks up at her, puzzled by the comment of their friend but amused by her mother’s laughter.

He thinks about putting the picture away. His fingers tighten on the frame.

He puts it back, makes sure it hangs straight again and smiles at the image.

A knock on the door.

He’s still smiling when he opens it to see Paul standing there. ‘Hey, man,’ he ushers him inside, ‘didn’t hear the bike.’

‘Hey, I walked over,’ Paul’s hand trails over his arm as he steps past him. The greeting is soft and timid, the words barely more than a whisper.

Daryl frowns as he closes the door. When he turns around, Paul is already kneeling down to undo his boots, tugging at the laces before he toes them off. One of them thuds unto the floor and he winces. ‘Shit,’ he whispers. ‘Sorry.’

‘’s fine,’ Daryl says bemusedly. ‘Didn’t have to take them off or nothing, but whatever you want. Come on through. Want something to drink?’ He leads the other man into the living room. ‘Could you find the place okay? Forgot to tell you about them roadworks two blocks down.’

‘Yeah,’ Paul whispers back. ‘It was fine, could walk past them. Katie left already for the party?’

‘Yeah.’ The Dixon folds his arms and leans against the doorpost. ‘What’s up with your voice?’

‘Nothing?’

‘Why’re you whisperin’ then?’

Paul looks unsure for a moment. ‘Lexi is asleep, right?’

Daryl laughs. ‘You’re tryin’ to be quiet for her?’ he grins when Paul nods, looking a bit sheepish now. ‘She ain’t sleepin’ in the damn living room. If you think you can wake a sleeping Dixon up by kicking your boots off, then you got another think coming fast. Good lord. You thought we were gonna watch a movie with just subtitles? The sound muted?’

‘I don’t know,’ Paul laughs, ‘I just – I don’t know, okay? I’m so lost, I don’t know anything about kids.’

Daryl kicks the door to the hallway closed behind him with a laugh, shaking his head fondly as he walks over to him. ‘Good thing that’s my job, then.’ Fingers carding through the bartender’s long hair, nails scraping lightly over his scalp as he leans in to feel those lips on his again. A light peck, quick and fleeting. ‘Hey. Good to see ya. Drink?’

‘Yeah. Beer’s fine.’

‘Don’t have any alcohol,’ Daryl says as he pulls the fridge open, ‘but I got all sorts of goddamn soda’s and juices and whatever the fuck else.’ He raises an eyebrow, ‘chocolate milk, even.’

Paul laughs. ‘No thanks.’

‘Lexi is addicted. Wish I could just order one of those oil tankers with the stuff, have them back right up on my driveway, would save a lot of trips to the damn store. This okay?’ He shows Paul a bottle and hunts down two glasses after a nod. Soft footsteps fade into the living room but come back after a couple of seconds.

‘I like your house. It’s really nice.’

‘Thanks,’ Daryl passes him a glass. ‘Got lucky getting it, friend of a friend of a friend,’ he waves a vague hand, ‘small town stuff working out for once. It helps to know the sheriff’s deputy and his ex-wife.’

‘Rick?’

‘Rick ‘nd Lori,’ Daryl nods as he puts the bottle back and heads into the living room. ‘They were local celebrities for a while. Grew up around here, high-school sweethearts, he became a cop, she stayed home after Carl were born. Perfect family. Lori was very…. Town-oriented. Went to all the meetings, all the bullshit. Goes to church, volunteers, ya know? Something happening in town? Bet your ass Lori knows about it.’

Paul nods and sits down next to him on the couch, sitting sideways so they can face each other. ‘You’re friends, though, right?’

‘Yeah. She gave me a heads-up that this place would come on the market and helped me with snaggin’ it. Was a steal. But yeah, she’s a good friend of mine. Has been since high-school.’

‘And you’ve always lived here?’

‘Nah,’ Daryl jingles his leg a little. ‘Didn’t finish high school the first time around, followed my brother around some. Ended up in Atlanta, stayed there for ten years and then came back.’

Paul is watching him closely, eyes a little narrowed like he’s trying to figure something out. ‘Ten years is a long time.’

He nods. ‘Moved in with a girl, finished school, got a degree. Katie was born there.’ He runs a finger over his lower lip, ‘was a good place.’

‘But you still came back here.’

‘Yeah.’

‘To the town you seem to… _not_ love,’ Paul says with a small grin.

‘All my friends were here. Needed their help, is all.’ His phone vibrates in his pocket and he fishes it out, checking the message. ‘Sorry, it’s Katie. Told her to tell me when she got there.’ He sends a thumbs-up back to the girl and throws his phone on the table grateful to be able to shift the attention to the other man. ‘So what about you? How’s the sex-motel treatin’ ya?’

Paul grabs a cushion and smacks him with it.

 

 

‘-and _this_ is _exactly_ why I don’t want it,’ Paul says as he waves at the television with the remote. ‘You _don’t_ _need_ a million movies to choose from. You need one! And it didn’t used to matter that it was a shitty one because it was all you had, but now you can just say it’s shitty, quit the thing and go back to step one; picking a movie! The same step we were at _an hour_ ago. This is terrible. I don’t want it anymore.’ He throws the remote onto the couch. ‘Fuck it.’

Daryl is laughing, one hand covering his eyes while the other is held out at the disgruntled bartender. They’re still on the couch, though neither is sitting normally anymore. In fact, they’re sprawled out on it, lying with their heads on either arm rests, their legs brushing against each other’s. Paul’s glass is now on the floor so he can reach it easily and Daryl is hogging the pretzels. ‘C’mere,’ he says but laughs again when Paul hands him the remote. ‘No, I meant _you_. But gimme that, too.’

‘Stop laughing at me, _you_ were supposed to pick the movie, asshole,’ Paul mutters but he shifts his legs and then crawls between Daryl’s, falling heavily on his chest. ‘All this time wasted and you could have just watched Jerry Springer with me.’

‘Ain’t watchin’ that shit,’ Daryl laughs as he flicks the television off with a press of the button and turns his music system on. The radio starts to play. He lowers the volume before dropping the remote again. He’s pretty sure that Paul doesn’t really watch that show either but just keeps it as a running joke between them whenever he’s bored.

‘Great stuff,’ Paul says as he shifts around to get more comfortable. His back against Daryl’s chest. ‘I really don’t think you appreciate all the intricacies of that show.’

The mechanic hums. ‘Probably goes right over my head.’

‘Tragic. Hey,’ he plucks at Daryl’s jeans-covered knee, nails scraping over the fabric, ‘did you see the trailer for that new horror movie? The one about that house?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Wanna go see it sometime?’ he asks as he looks up, eyebrows raised as he tries to catch a glimpse of the man’s face. It’s hard due to his position, and harder still when Daryl drapes an arm over his chest to keep him from squirming around.

‘Sure.’

‘We can catch an early showing so you won’t be home too late,’ Paul muses, ‘in case you need to hire a baby sitter.’

Daryl nudges the dark blonde hair with his nose. ‘Beth owes me a favor, so it’s fine. She usually stays the night when it gets late.’

‘Oh? So _technically_ you won’t have to come home until breakfast the next day then.’

‘Technically,’ Daryl agrees with a soft laugh. His hand moves over Paul’s chest, fingertips brushing over the buttons of his shirt. Sometimes they slip between them, feeling warm skin for a second. ‘But I don’t know what you’re implying.’

‘You’re the one who’s feeling me up right now, not that I’m complaining.’

‘Maybe we should go a little slower,’ Daryl says but he lets his fingers slide between the buttons again.

‘Yeah, maybe,’ Paul agrees as he undoes the first two buttons to give the man more access. ‘I’ve never been really good at going slow, though. I’m kind of an all or nothing, head-over-heels kind of guy. Some people can date for months and then still claim to not be together. I don’t get that.’

‘Seems like a waste of time,’ Daryl agrees. Then he cocks an eyebrow, ‘are you head over heels now?’

The man laughs and sits up before turning around. Hands braced on the armrest next to the Daryl’s head, muscles bulging as he lowers himself slowly, hovering just above him. Their hips slot together and Daryl can’t help but let his hands wander over his sides to his lower back, over that slope of his ass. Fingers slip into back pockets of tight jeans. ‘You wish,’ Paul says. ‘There’s fast and there’s crazy. I mean you’ve got Maggie and Tara in your corner, and you’re hot as sin, but I’m not entirely sure I’m not dating a serial killer.’

‘Seems risky to come to the house then, could bury you in the backyard right now.’

Paul smirks. ‘I can take care of myself.’

‘Yeah?’

‘I’ve been doing it since I turned fifteen, so yeah, I’m really good at it by now.’ Paul leans down for a kiss but one of Daryl’s hands leaves his ass to cup his cheek. His eyebrows are drawn together in a slight frown, the blue eyes a mixture of curiosity, concern and confusion. It’s an oddly specific age. Most people boast about standing on their own two feet after turning sixteen, eighteen, twenty-one, but fifteen usually means something happened. And nothing good. ‘Not really first date material,’ Paul says. ‘I’ll tell you, sometime.’

Daryl nods. ‘Okay. But this better be our third date, or _at least_ the second, ‘cause I were boastin’ about not bein’ easy and you’re makin’ that really hard right now.’

‘We made out in an alley behind a sleazy bar, next to a couple of dumpsters. I’m not sure how you were planning on having any dignity, but you’ve failed. That ship has sailed,’ Paul grins, ‘move on.’

The kiss starts light and teasing, the air between them when they part filled with laughter. A peck and then another, stronger, longer, and then Paul’s hand is in his hair, fingers pushing the strands back out of their faces while the other hand lands on his hip, urging him to roll them upwards, against him. There’s music playing in the background but it doesn’t mask the wet sounds their mouths make, or the groan that escapes Daryl when Paul’s tongue swipes over his lip and later dips into his mouth.

Daryl’s hands slip under Paul’s shirt, caressing his lower back and his sides. He can feel muscles shift beneath the skin though he gets distracted by the hot kiss Paul shares with him. Everything about this feels new and exciting, so different than any of the other times he’s been intimate with someone.

In the five years that it has been just him, he has tried to date other people. The longest relationship was four months, the shortest an hour-long encounter in Atlanta in the early days, when he’d still been trying to find women with blonde curls and blue eyes and a laugh that sounded just right. He’s not proud of that one, but the woman hadn’t wanted anything more than he’d offered that night, so he supposes they both got what they wanted.

The longest was with a woman he’d met while attending a conference with Merle. She’d been really nice, attentive and kind, but when she’d asked if she maybe could meet his kids one day, he’d broken it off with pathetic excuses that they weren’t ready for a new person in their lives. Sometimes he uses his kids to get out of things. Claiming Lexi is sick to not have to attend a party, or meeting at schools, getting Merle to do the paperwork for once because he needs to run home to a perfectly healthy kid. He’d never used them as an excuse to break up with someone before though.

None of those relationships had felt just right. Or maybe he just hadn’t been ready yet.

Glenn was always telling him to take his time. He should have listened before breaking that woman’s heart. But he feels like he’s ready now. Or as ready as he’ll ever be.

And Paul shows no signs of wanting to back out at the last moment. Just their second date and it feels more comfortable already than any of those four months. Daryl had been a little nervous at first, sitting stiffly on the couch, but he’d relaxed considerably when Paul had just made himself comfortable on his end. Pulling up his legs to sprawl out, legs falling open while he leaned back against the armrest and pretended to look for a movie they could watch while chatting freely. The search for something to watch had been abandoned half-way through Daryl’s story about the time he’d taken Rick and Merle fishing, which had included a terrible road trip, never arriving and a big fight by the side of a road somewhere before they headed back home with soothing promises to never try again.

Paul pulls back and gazes in the other man’s eyes, fingers tracing his sharp cheekbones. ‘Daryl,’ he breathes, ‘I – I just…. I really have to use the bathroom.’

‘Pfft,’ Daryl puts his hand over Paul’s face and pushes him away. ‘Asshole. In the hallway, door on the left.’

Paul laughs as he climbs off the couch, padding towards the hall on his sock-clad feet.

The mechanic checks his phone but there are only work-related e-mails in his notifications. He’s been thinking of getting another device to keep his work and private life separated but he doesn’t like the idea of having to carry two phones around. He throws it back onto the table and stares up at the ceiling for a moment

‘Contemplating your bad life choices?’ Paul asks as he walks back in after a little while.

‘Yeah.’

‘Well, at least you look cute while doing it,’ the man says when he swats at Daryl’s head in the passing. He grabs his glass off the floor. ‘Can I grab some more to drink?’

‘Yeah, of course. Fridge,’ Daryl says with a wave of his hand towards the kitchen.

‘You want some?’

‘Nah, I’m good.’

‘Daryl. I know you’re going to blame this on your kids, but I need you to explain this to me, okay? Because you keep acting like you’re raising them right, with your books and everything, but this is just… _What_ is it?’

Daryl frowns and sits up, turning around to look at Paul, who is filling his glass at the kitchen table. He points at Lexi’s arts and crafts project.

‘Oh. That’s a dograffe. Can’t you tell?’

‘A _dograffe_?’

‘A dog and a giraffe at the same time,’ Daryl nods. ‘It’s a new species. My kid invented a new species and you’re hatin’ on it? Go fuck yourself, man.’

Paul laughs. ‘Lexi?’

‘You think a sixteen year old made a dograffe and proudly displayed it on the kitchen table? Good lord, yeah it was the midget,’ Daryl snorts. ‘You really don’t know anything about kids, do you?’

‘Kids scare me. I never know what to say to them or what to do with them. They’re so… unpredictable,’ Paul says as he puts the bottle back into the fridge and comes back to the couch. ‘And loud.’

‘They are that,’ Daryl agrees as he opens his legs so Paul can sit between them again. ‘But they’re cute when they’re sleeping, so I’m keeping them, no matter how much you bitch about them.’

Paul laughs again and settles down, leaning back against the broad chest. ‘Fine, fine. Keep them. Whatever, you’re obviously attached to them, invested a lot of money in them, I get it. Would be a waste to kick them out now.’ He takes a sip from his drink. ‘And I bet they’re great as tiny wingmen, picking up hot moms at the playground.’

‘Stop,’ Daryl groans, nudging the side of Paul’s head with his nose.

‘What? You need all the help you can get. I practically had to shout at you; _I’m gay and I think you’re hot_.’

‘Pfft. You came out to introduce yourself, big deal,’ the mechanic says. ‘ _Nobody_ would have caught onto that bullshit come-on. Don’t act like it were obvious.’

‘You’re pathetic but it’s okay.’ Paul pats his knee sympathetically before he sits up to put his half-empty glass back onto the table.

Daryl runs one of his finger over his lower lip as he narrows his eyes at the other man. ‘Hot as sin. You called me hot as sin earlier, man.’

‘First-date lies,’ Paul nods, ‘I was just trying to be nice.’

‘You’re _such_ an asshole.’

‘Yeah,’ Paul smirks a little. ‘Wanna make out some more?’

‘Yeah.’

There’s more laughter echoing between them and then still more kisses shared. Daryl likes the way Paul melts into him, pins him down with his weight and dominates the kiss, forcing him to submit before turning the tables, surging up and hooking his leg around Paul’s and grinding their hips together. Normally he’d get frustrated with kisses like this; a little dirty but tame at the same time when Paul just runs his fingers through his hair without tugging at it, without biting down at Paul’s exposed neck and trying to slip hands under waistbands. Arousal simmers in his veins but they break apart for a couple of quick pecks before it flares into something more.

This time, however, he doesn’t mind these kinds of kisses. He likes exploring Paul’s mouth, likes to learn the little sounds he makes, of surprise and suppressed laughter, of arousal. The small breaks to catch their breaths and take a sip of their drinks are filled with stories. Daryl has been dying to ask Paul all about his Harley and is pleased when the man seems to know his bikes. They chat about the classics, their first bikes and the ones they wish they owned. It turns out that Paul learned to ride on dirt bikes on back roads. There’s a scar on his leg from where he’d crashed one of his rides and they both agree that it’s just a matter of time before any rider wrecks one of their bikes.

 ‘Is that how you stay in business?’ Paul asks as he leans back against the pillows, legs draping over Daryl’s. ‘People wrecking their rides?’

‘Mostly because townies don’t know how to change their oil,’ Daryl smirks. ‘And rich people wantin’ a special bike.’

‘Those damn rich folks putting your kids through college, shame on them.’

Daryl laughs and brushes his hair out of his eyes. ‘Yeah. Fuck ‘em.’

‘What do you ride on?’

‘Got several, most are at the shop as show pieces. I still ride the first bike I ever built, just change some parts to upgrade it every now and then but it still has that _; I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing_ -vibe to it. Love that thing.’

‘Can I see it?’

‘Yeah, it’s out back.’ He pushes Paul’s legs off of him and stands up, stretching before heading to the back door.

He stops in his tracks when his phone rings.

Paul leans over and glances at the screen. ‘It says Katie.’

Daryl frowns but Paul is already holding the device out to him. A swipe of his thumb and then the phone is against his ear. ‘Katie?’

A little bit of static and distant music, the sound of clothing rustling and then a soft sob.

‘Katie? Are you there? What’s wrong?’

‘Dad?’ his daughter asks, voice almost breaking on the word. She’s crying, he realizes as shivers run down his spine.

‘Yeah, it’s me, baby. Where are you? Are you okay?’

‘Can – can you please come and get me?’

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

* * *

 

 

‘Yeah, I’m on my way, baby. Where are you? Are you still at the party? Paul, give me your phone, man.’

Paul quickly unlocks his phone and gives it to Daryl who jogs to the kitchen to grab his keys while clutching his own phone between his shoulder and ear. There’s a second of hesitation, the number all a jumble in his head now he can’t speed dial, but then he gets them in order and makes a call with Paul’s phone.

‘ _Katie_? Talk to me, sweetie. Are you still at the party? Where are you?’

‘Yeah – yeah, I’m – we’re outside, a couple of houses down.’

‘Okay. I’m on my way, _don’t go anywhere_. Paul, put your shoes on, I’m sorry, I’m –‘

‘Who the fuck is this?’ a rough voices cuts in.

‘Merle, it’s me,’ Daryl says as he switches phones. ‘Wake the fuck up and get your ass over here, I need your help _right now_. Listen up. You get your ass over here, pronto, okay? Something’s wrong and I need to get Katie. Lex is upstairs. I need to-‘

‘I’m comin’, baby bro, I’m comin’,’ he can hear how Merle stumbles out of bed and starts to yank some jeans on. ‘Where’s Katie at?’

‘A party, she went with friends but-‘ he hear the jangle of keys, the stomping of boots and then a front door slamming shut. ‘Okay, you’re on your way. Okay. I’m going. Thanks, man.’ He hangs up and gives Paul his phone back. ‘Sorry, I – I got to go, so you-‘ he gestures to the front door before yanking the door to the hallway closet open and grabbing his helmet.

‘I can stay here and wait for your brother. Watch Lexi.’

‘No.’ Daryl shrugs his leather jacket on. ‘You need to go.’

‘But your brother isn’t here yet and - ’

‘What if she wake up, goes downstairs and finds some strange guy in the living room? That ain’t happenin’ again, man. Merle lives four blocks down from us, he can _see_ the damn house from his lawn. Now please; just go, okay?’

Paul grabs his jacket, ‘of course. I didn’t mean to… Of course,’ he heads towards the door, ‘let me know if she’s okay.’

‘Yeah.’ Daryl leaves with him, pulling the front door closed behind him. Then he jogs over to the side of his house, where the bike is ready to go. Helmet on, jacket closed and then he’s putting his keys in, revving the engine loud before rolling onto the road. Slowly, so slowly – until he can see Merle’s silhouette under the streetlights at the start of his block.

His brother raises a hand.

Daryl opens the gas and lets the bike roar.

 

 

The party is still going strong when Daryl arrives. The lights are on inside and he can see that the place is packed. There are people on the lawn, too. Some are just sitting around, listening to the music that is spilling from the house while others are helping their drunk friends get home. One guy is throwing up in the bushes. People are filming the whole thing. Daryl watches long enough to see one friend handing the guy a water bottle and leading him towards the curb to sit down away from everyone, so he figures he’ll be okay.

The bike attracts some attention, but most kids ignore it. Everyone in town knows that a bike means that a Dixon can’t be too far.

He revs the engine and searches the block.

A couple of houses down, he spots Katie sitting on a low stone wall. The sound of the bike causes her to stand and walk to the curb. He pulls over and takes his helmet off.

‘Are you okay? What happened?’

There are streaks of make-up on her temples from where she’d wiped her tears away. Dark stains on pale skin, almost like bruises in the bad lighting. She’s hugging herself tightly. The blue eyes are still shimmering with unshed tears and she wipes her nose on the back of her hand. She nods. ‘Yeah. I’m okay.’

He kicks his standard out and hops off the bike. The helmet comes to rest on his handlebars before he steps closer to her, taking her face in his hands, thumbs brushes away the tears that now roll over her cheeks. Only now does he notice that she’s not wearing her own jacket. This one is too big on her and bulky, warmer than her own had been. When he opens his mouth, someone else slides off the stone wall and steps into the light.

It’s Max, one of his interns at the shop. He’s a couple of years older than Katie and thinking of dropping out of school to work full-time even though Daryl has advised against it. A good kid and smart enough to do anything he wants, with a passion for bikes that rivals the Dixon brother’s. He wants to design them, too, has shown him some sketches that were pretty good.

The boy has some trouble meeting his eye now. Shy and unsure, hands in his pockets as he kicks his feet together, scuffing the pavement. He looks up briefly. ‘Hello, sir.’

Daryl has asked him a thousand times to quit calling him that but he usually only cuts it out around lunchtime every day, when the others will start making fun of him for it.

Katie glances up at him, too. ‘Max was just sitting with me until you got here.’

‘Just lookin’ out for her,’ Max mutters with a nod.

‘Where’s your own jacket?’ Daryl asks as he shrugs out of his.

‘Still inside. I don’t want to go back in.’ She hands Max his coat before slipping her father’s on, angel wings decorating her back now. ‘Thanks for staying with me,’ she tells the boy. ‘That was real nice of you.’

There are so many things he wants to know and ask, but Daryl bites his tongue. ‘Yeah. Come on, let’s get you home. We’ll get your coat back some other time.’ He hands her his helmet before sliding back onto the seat, pushing the bike of the standard and firing it up. Katie puts it on after tugging her hair out of her ponytail and then climbs onto the back. The movements are easy and she takes her time to get comfortable behind him; feet searching for the pegs before she puts one arm around his belly and her free hand on his shoulder. Two taps to signal she’s ready.

‘Bye, Katie,’ Max says, loud enough to be heard over the dull sound of the engine. ‘Take care. See you Monday, sir.’

‘Yeah, you will,’ he says with a hint of warning lacing the words before he lets the bike glide onto the road again. He takes the longer way back, not wanting to drive past the house again. Katie sinks into his frame, leaning against his back with her head propped on his shoulder. It makes it hard for him to look around at crossroads, but he doesn’t tell her off for not sitting properly like he’d taught her years ago.

It’s a short drive, anyway, and the streets are mostly deserted at this time of night.

When he parks the bike next to the house, Katie climbs off easily. She stands to the side while he locks it, tests whether the standard will hold the weight and then looks over at her. She’s fidgeting with the chinstrap of his helmet before she hugs it to her chest.

‘Did anyone hurt you?’ he asks.

‘No, it was – can we just go inside and… I don’t want to talk about it. It was just a dumb party. I wanted to go home.’

‘Don’t try to bullshit me now, girl,’ Daryl warns her. He sits down on his bike. ‘You were cryin’. Tell me what happened.’

‘God, dad!’ she snaps, sounding irritated as she puts his helmet on the porch railing. ‘A couple of older people crashed the party and got everyone drunk. They were starting to play these games, okay? Darin’ each other to do things. It doesn’t matter.’

‘Did they do something to you?’ Daryl presses. ‘Did anyone – did anyone touch you-‘

‘ _No_! They were just talking shit – were riling each other up and then they all ganged up on me and – it doesn’t matter. Can we just-‘

‘Your _friends_ ganged up on ya?’

Katie sighs and runs her hand through her hair, ‘no, dad! The people who crashed the party! They were way older, most weren’t even in school anymore but they’d heard there was a house party going on and they just crashed it.’

Daryl frowns. ‘Why didn’t y’all just call the cops on them?’

She rolls her eyes, ‘and get us _all_ arrested? It was a _party_ , dad. People were drinking before those others arrived. Not me!’ she says quickly. ‘I hate that stuff. They had beer. Merle let me taste some on my birthday, remember? Gross. And I was with Jenny, she doesn’t drink either, so that makes it easier to say no.’

‘A’right,’ Daryl nods. ‘So the others came in, crashed the party, got everyone drunk doing that damn game and – what? They turned on ya?’

Katie sits down on the steps of the porch, tugging his leather jacket tighter around herself, fidgeting a little with the collar. ‘Yeah. I was just watching at first but I left for a little while and when I came back they were all riled up and-‘

‘Why’d you leave?’

Katie looks at him with an outraged expression, holding her hands out to him. ‘What is this? Did you take lessons with Rick and Shane or something? You turned into a cop when I wasn’t looking?’

‘Yeah, or maybe you’re not telling me shit right now and I’m trying to fuckin’ understand what the hell is going on!’

‘ _I left to make out with Max_! There! _God_!’ She takes a breath and then hides her face behind her hands, mortified.

Daryl has no idea why he, too, feels embarrassed suddenly. He shifts on his bike and wishes he’d grabbed his cigarettes on his way out just to have something to do with his hands now. It’s not that he never expected to hear something like this, he’s been a damn teenager himself, but it’s a strange thing to hear out of his own daughter’s mouth. ‘ _Okay_ ,’ he tries to say casually but it comes out strained and a little squeaky.

Katie huffs out a breath of laughter behind her hands.

Daryl laughs, too. He shakes his head, ‘we’ll – we’ll talk about that later but-‘

‘Oh my God,’ Katie moans, ‘we’re _never_ talking about that!’

‘Yes, we are,’ he insists because he’s her dad and he’s pretty sure it’s his job. He’s glad to see a smile on her face again though. ‘But,’ he continuous, ‘let’s not get side-tracked here. So… you – you came back and what?’

The smile disappears. ‘Jesus, dad, can you just drop it?’ She gets up. ‘Thanks for coming to get me. I just want to get some sleep now.’

‘Katie,’ he gets up too and follows her towards the door, putting his hand on it so she can’t open it. ‘Come on, we got to be able to talk about this.’

She gapes at him. ‘We got to be able to – are you kidding me? _You never want to talk about anything_! That’s so – you – oh my god, you _hypocrite_! This is all your fault anyway! You want to know what happened? I went back into the room after a while and they were still doing this stupid game and then someone dared this guy to ask me whether _my grandpa killed my mom_!’

Daryl stares at her. His hand falls away from the door.

Katie looks up to him with angry eyes, so dark that it almost frightens him, but shimmering with tears again. She reaches out and pushes at his chest, forcing him to take a step back. He does without resisting, lets her create the space she needs, too numb to do anything but stand there.

‘And I don’t know,’ Katie cries. ‘ _I don’t know_!’

Daryl opens his mouth but no words come out.

‘I don’t remember,’ the girl sobs. ‘And everyone was laughing and asking me whether it was true and I don’t remember anything about that night, except for the gunshot. I don’t – I don’t know what’s true, and everyone is always talking about it but I didn’t – I don’t…. _Did_ he kill mom? Was it him?’

He does remember that night.

That he’d walked up to the front door, twirling his keys around his finger and whistling because he’d just finished a big project late and was excited to celebrate Independence Day with his girls. That the front door had been open. Walking in with a frown on his face, not quite realizing how his whole world had been torn to pieces while he hadn’t been looking.

The bloody footsteps in the hallway.

The numbness when it led him to the living room and then the kitchen, where a puddle of blood had already gone cold. Shimmering in the darkness, surrounding the lifeless body of his wife, drenching her blonde curls and staining them black. Her eyes closed, one hand over the bullet wound is if she’d been trying to stop the bleeding.

How he’d whispered her name. And then had screamed it.

Falling to his knees next to her, hands shaking as he tried to get his phone out to call the emergency number. The operator ordering him to stay calm, to look for a pulse and then asking whether the front door was unlocked and if there was anyone else in the house.

The phone clattering to the floor as he ran into the hall, up the stairs, bursting into Katie’s room and finding it empty. Their master bedroom. Empty. The nursery, empty.

How his first reaction had been to scream, but how he’d stood there, silent and waiting for that one sound, that one sob, and then remembering. _Remembering_.

Walking into Katie’s bedroom and sitting down on the bed, trying to keep his voice steady and calm clenching his fists. Softly saying her name. Asking her to come out, that it’s dad and he’s here and where is she? Is she there? Inside? Safe? Please, baby girl, please, please, please…

The smallest of sobs as answers.

That he’d launched himself off the bed, running to the study, a hunter’s hearing leading him to the closet at the other side, pulling the doors open to find Katie curled up on the bottom, sobbing softly with her hands over her ears, shaking from head to toe. But with her baby sister next to her. Lexi, just a couple of months old, staring up at her sister with wide, curious eyes.

So alive.

He remembers gently picking her up before kneeling down to also scoop Katie up with a soft grunt. Carrying her to the bedroom, putting her down in the soft nest he’d left behind early in the morning when everything had still been so great, when Samara had complained softly about him working on a national holiday but still had kissed him goodbye.

Another phone in his hands, waiting for a while until Merle finally picked up. Barely getting the words out, not wanting to upset Katie further and not wanting to fall apart himself. Just summoning his brother because his legs were beginning to shake as he heard sirens in the distance.

Rick next. The words getting stuck in his throat this time, just mournful noises escaping him as he’d sank down onto the floor, one hand reaching up to grab Katie’s hand tightly while making sure that Lexi was safe in his lap. Bowing over her protectively, crying to his brother on the phone who’d already been stomping his shoes on the moment he’d heard Daryl’s voice break.

The rest of it… the rest of it is a blur. The cops arriving, the paramedics, the detectives. Merle in the middle of all of that, Rick hot on his heels and flashing his badge to get more information and take charge, making phone calls to get the right people working on this case from the very start.

He barely remembers the week that followed.

The questioning, the numbness, the funeral, the coffin, the gravestone, the music, the flowers, everything that had to be arranged. Counseling for Katie who had been woken up by a gunshot and had wandered downstairs to ask her mom why people hadn’t waited with the fireworks until she’d woken up from her nap, ignoring the offers for therapy for himself while trying to cope with being a single parent suddenly.

The funeral had been a disaster. People told him it had been beautiful afterwards, but he can’t remember anything other than not being able to shush Lexi and having to hand her to Lori after a couple of minutes just so the ceremony could continue.

He does remember standing next to the grave, holding Katie so close that they were nearly one person, shielding her from the looks and the whispers, and not being enough. That he’d looked up and….

Remembers Shane dragging him off his father.

The blood on his hands.

Merle grabbing their dad’s arm, yanking the old man to his feet before pushing him roughly towards the carpark, Rick walking calmly behind them, ready to intervene.

‘ _Was it him_?’

Daryl sways on his feet, feeling sick as he looks at his distraught daughter. ‘No,’ he manages to say. ‘No. It weren’t him.’

She doesn’t look convinced. ‘You said he was a monster.’

‘He was,’ Daryl nods, ‘but not the devil that took your mom. Oh, baby.’ He reaches for her and is glad when she buries herself in his chest, clutching to his back. It feels strange to rub over his own angel’s wings comfortingly, but he kisses her temple before hugging her tightly. ‘I’m – I’m sorry. I didn’t think anyone…’ He hadn’t thought anyone would bring that night up around his girls, no matter what rumors were circulating in the small town.

The fight in the graveyard, Dixon against Dixon, had been enough to fuel the gossip mill for almost a decade now.

He hadn’t thought the story could be so warped before it ended up back at his own feet.

‘It was a junkie, you know that,’ Daryl whispers. ‘Just some guy, lookin’ to make a quick buck by stealin’ our stuff and runnin’ into your mom. He shot her. It was just some guy, baby girl.’

Shane had asked him if he’d wanted to know the name.

He hadn’t.

There had been enough evidence to convict him without Katie’s testimony, so he’d withdrawn himself and his family from the proceedings, only asking his lawyer to pursue on his behalf and to contact Shane with any updates or further questions.

Katie digs her fingernails into his back. ‘Thought that were just some story you’d made up.’

He kisses her again, closing his eyes. ‘We don’t lie to each other,’ he whispers. ‘Your grandfather was a fucking monster, but he didn’t do this. This was just…’ he doesn’t know how to explain it. Fate. Destiny. It makes him so angry when anyone tries to imply that this was part of a bigger plan. ‘I’m sorry this happened, Kit-Kat.’

‘They were all just laughing at me and asking and-‘ she shakes her head and just cries into his shoulder, shaking like a leaf.

‘I’m sorry,’ he whispers. His hand strokes her hair and he makes shushing noises until the sobs die down after a couple of minutes. Then he softly pushes her back so he can look at her, reach up and brush the tears away before cupping her cheeks. ‘I’ll send Merle over to fuck them all up, okay? And maybe Shane, just to scare the livin’ daylights out of ‘em some more.’

She laughs through her tears, wiping her nose on the back of her hand. ‘Yeah…’

‘Bet we can get Rick on it, too, if you ask real nice.’

She takes a deep breath and dries her cheeks with the sleeve of her shirt. ‘Yeah, okay.’

‘Yeah?’ he ducks his head and raises his eyebrows. ‘Hey. I love you.’

‘I love you, too. Thanks for coming to get me.’ She scrunches her nose up, ‘and sorry for ruining your date night.’

‘Didn’t ruin anything, and you don’t gotta thank me for coming to get you.’

‘Dixon’s take care of their own.’

‘Yeah, exactly.’

She glances at the windows and sees a shadow pass as someone paces around inside. ‘Is he still here?’

‘No, that’s Merle. Called him to look after Lexi.’

Her shoulders sag in what looks like relief. ‘Good. Don’t want to meet him now. _Hey, here’s my mess of a kid, she doesn’t usually look this crappy but hey, what’re ya gonna do_.’

‘You always look beautiful, don’t be crazy. Come on, let’s get inside before Merle sets fire to the whole town.’

Katie smiles at him and nods, walking ahead of him into the house. She slips upstairs without greeting Merle while trying to wipe the make-up stains from her face. He watches until she disappears into the bathroom and then heads into the living room where his brother is still pacing from side to side. He stops when he spots Daryl.

‘She good?’

Daryl shrugs and closes the door behind him. ‘Will be. Shitty party, shitty people. Same old, same old.’ He sighs and wipes a hand over his face. ‘Thanks for coming over, man.’

‘Yeah, ‘course,’ Merle murmurs as he sits down on the kitchen table. There’s a deep frown on his face. ‘She got in trouble or something?’

‘Nah. Some guys crashed the party her friend was having, ya know? Like we used to do. Free booze, young girls,’ he rolls his eyes. ‘Were playin’ this game… Jesus. Someone came up to her, asked her whether our old man had killed her mom.’

Merle sighs. ‘Fuckin’ hell.’

‘Yeah.’ Daryl leans against the wall and closes his eyes.

‘Told ya,’ Merle says. ‘I _told ya_ this would happen. Ain’t worth keepin’ that secret, man. ‘s only gonna make things worse for the kids.’

‘You’re not helping,’ Daryl says as he pushes himself away from the wall before walking to the kitchen to grab a glass of water for Katie.

‘ _I_ am not helping?’ his brother scoffs. ‘Get off your high horse, Darlina. You’re the one fuckin’ up and I’ve been tellin’ ya, done told ya from day fucking one. They’re gonna ask, I said. They’re gonna want to know.’

‘Ain’t none of their damn business!’

‘We should never have come back to this hell hole.’

He leans against the counter. ‘Didn’t have a choice. Needed help.’

Merle scoffs again. ‘We would have been just fine, baby brother.’

Daryl shakes his head because he knows he could have never made it without Rick, Lori and the Greene family. It’s not about the times they babysat the girls, or how they helped getting them settled into the small town. It’s about surrounding those girls with a loving family, people to turn to, people who show up when you call them in the middle of the night, and people who know what to do when everything goes up in flames and you’re left with nothing but ashes. A family.

‘Did you tell her?’

Daryl grabs the glass of water and turns around. ‘About the junky that killed her mom? Yeah, years ago. She thought I’d been lyin’ because people keep talkin’ shit about us. Thought I were protectin’ him or something.’

‘No.’ Merle looks at him and sets his jaw, tilting it up a bit in defiance. ‘Did you tell her about dad?’

‘Ain’t nothing to tell, man. Thanks for coming over. I owe ya,’ he walks towards the hallway.

‘Didn’t tell her about what he’s done to mom?’

Daryl glares at him. ‘Yours or mine? Lock the door on your way out, and keep your mouth shut about that shit. Ain’t telling her about that.’

 

 

Katie is quiet the next morning. There are dark circles under her eyes which tell Daryl that she hasn’t slept much, but she curls up with Lexi on the couch to watch cartoons with her while he makes breakfast. Their easy conversation soothes his nerves a little. He reads the paper while they horse around the living room and only breaks the party up when Lexi almost takes a tumble off of one of the chairs at the kitchen table.

Both girls beam when he sighs and puts his boots on. ‘Come on,’ he groans as he grabs his keys. ‘No ice cream this time.’

‘Hershel’s?’ Katie asks.

‘ _Horses_?’ Lexi screams.

‘Why are y’all actin’ like we don’t do the same thing every Saturday morning?’ he laughs while jingling his keys. ‘Let’s go see if Beth has some more shit for you two to shovel.’

Lexi sits in the back while Katie sinks into the passenger’s seat. She plays around with the radio station, trying to find something better than the classic rock Daryl likes to listen to. He doesn’t mind as long as it brings a smile to her face. When she finds the right station, she leans back and looks at him.

‘You’re not gonna be mean to Max, right?’

Daryl frowns. ‘Did he treat you right?’

‘Yeah. He’s nice.’

‘Then I ain’t gonna be mean as long as he turns up to work on time and gets the job done.’

‘He sat with me until you came, told everyone to fuck off when they were… when it happened. So… yeah. He’s nice.’

‘Good. You don’t owe him shit, though. He better not be lording that over ya. That’s just bein’ a decent human being. That’s _normal_ , okay?’

‘Dad,’ Katie smiles. ‘He’s _nice_.’

 ‘Yeah,’ Daryl murmurs. ‘But I’ll still drop a car on him if he does something we don’t like.’

She reaches out and squeezes his lower arm. ‘Thanks.’

‘Sure thing,’ he grins back, ‘accidents happen all the time at the shop. Yo, batman,’ he says a little louder to attract Lexi’s attention. ‘Don’t think I don’t see you with your feet against Katie’s seat. Put them down. Sit like a normal human being. Good thing I have eyes in the back of my head, one girl being a monkey in the car, the other chasin’ boys. Pff.’

Lexi scrunches up her nose. ‘Boys?’

‘Not you, too,’ Daryl laughs. ‘Boys are icky, remember? We don’t like boys.’

‘Tell it to Paul,’ Katie murmurs softly and she gasps when Daryl clips her over the back of her head. ‘ _Dad_!’

‘Don’t get smart with me or I’ll drop a car on your boyfriend.’

‘We ain’t dating!’

‘ _Katie has a boyfriend_?’ Lexi screams from the backseat.

‘No!’ Katie laughs. ‘We hate boys. Bleh. Ew. They’re all stupid, okay? Cooties and… and – they’re all stinky. Ooh, I love this song,’ she quickly turns the music up. ‘ _Great_ song, _ssh_. Let’s listen to it in silence. Thank you.’

Daryl’s laughter mixes with the music. He rolls the window down to let the cool air brush over his cheeks, his forehead, kissing the bridge of his nose. Out of the corner of his eye, he watches how Katie smiles. She’s watching how the green fields flash by. Fingers tapping along to the music, mouthing the words of the chorus. When she notices that he’s watching her, she holds out her hand. He intertwines their fingers and squeezes.

It doesn’t take them long to get to the farm. He parks in his usual spot and helps Lexi get out of the car. With his arm lung around Katie’s shoulders, dragging her close to him, they walk towards Maggie’s shop. Lexi runs ahead of the two of them, already screaming for the older Greene girl. Wild curls bouncing as she runs, arms flapping.

Daryl laughs but freezes when he steps into the shop.

The little girl is standing at the counter, bouncing on the balls of her feet still but staring up at a man. Pink Converse all stars and her ripped jeans, the black shirt with the batman logo on her chest and Merle’s old hat clipped to her yellow belt. Blue eyes wide as she stares up at the stranger curiously, too excited to stand still for very long, almost dancing in place.

‘Who are you?’ she demands to know.

Paul blinks at her. He looks a little overwhelmed at first and just stares back at the little girl before a smile breaks out onto his face. He sinks down to sit on his haunches to be on eyelevel with her. ‘Hi,’ he says. ‘I’m Pa-‘

‘ _Jesus_ ,’ Daryl cuts in.

Lexi whirls around to look at him.

‘His name is Jesus,’ Daryl nods. ‘He’s – ‘ he looks at Paul as the man slowly rises again. ‘He’s a friend of Maggie.’

Lexi turns back to the man. ‘Is that true? Is your name Jesus? I never met anyone called Jesus before but we once met a man called _Jesus_ at a gas station,’ she tries pronounce the name the way Spanish-speakers do but doesn’t quite manage, ‘and he said it was okay if I just called him Jesus but we never saw him again so I didn’t call him anything.’

Paul looks unsure of what to say. ‘Oh. Err. Okay.’

‘Where’s Maggie?’ Lexi asks abruptly.

‘She went to get us some tea.’

‘There’s coffee here, you can make coffee here but no tea,’ the little girl says as she runs to the table at the back of the store. ‘Can I have a cookie?’ She reaches for the tin can on the middle of the table but can’t quite reach.

Before she starts to climb on the furniture, Katie groans and slumps over to her, ‘you’re so weird. Calm down, Lex, I’ll grab it. I said; _calm down_.’ She forces her little sister to sit on one of the chairs before grabbing the box and taking two cookies out, handing one over. ‘Here.’ She sits down on the table, feet beside Lexi’s knees on the chair in front of her. Just when Daryl thinks he’s safe, she cocks an eyebrow. ‘Jesus is a pretty uncommon name.’

‘It’s a nickname,’ Paul says. ‘People just call me that.’

‘Why?’

‘Lots of reasons.’ The man leans against the counter and crosses his arms in front of his chest. The long hair spills over his shoulders and sharp eyes train on the teenager. The corner of his mouth curls up to soften the look he gives her.

‘Okay,’ Katie pops a piece of the cookie into her mouth. ‘What’s your real name then?’

Paul glances at Daryl before saying; ‘everyone just calls me Jesus now.’

‘Stop hassling him,’ Daryl grunts as he pushes past the man. ‘And stop acting like I don’t feed ya,’ he grabs Lexi’s hand because the little girl had been trying to grab another cookie. ‘You two go bother Beth for a while and I’ll get our shit.’

‘Sure, dad. Come on, Lexi.’ Katie drops back onto the ground and then stoops low so her little sister can climb onto her back to get a piggy ride to the stables. ‘Bye, Paul.’

Lexi giggles. ‘His name is _Jesus_ , Katie!’

‘Oh,’ the teenager laughs. ‘I’m so sorry, Jesus!’

Paul winces. ‘Err. Yeah. Bye, girls.’

Daryl sinks down on the table, taking Katie’s spot. Boots on the chair, hands wiping over his face as he groans. ‘I forgot she saw the pictures and clips from Tara’s birthday. Told her your name then. Shit.’

‘Hmm.’

‘Whatever,’ Daryl sighs. ‘What a fuckin’ shit storm, man. But, hey,’ he gets up and walks over to Paul. Putting a hand on his hip to draw him close and kiss him.

Paul turns his head.

Daryl kisses his cheek and frowns. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing.’ Paul hops onto the counter. ‘How’s Katie? You didn’t text me.’

‘Shit, you’re mad I didn’t text ya? You gotta be kiddin’ me.’

‘I’m not thirteen years old, so no, I’m not mad that you were too busy looking after your family to text me.’

‘So you’re sulking because…?’

‘I’m not,’ Paul shrugs.

Daryl sighs again. ‘Look… we made out two times, you ain’t meetin’ my kids, man. Not like… not like _that_. We got a lot of stuff going on right now, and Katie is kinda cool with that part but… Gotta be sure, can’t just throw people into their lives who then just disappear again. They… they get attached quick, ya know?’

‘Sure.’

The Dixon puts his hands on either side of Paul’s thighs and leans in, dark hair falling into his blue eyes. ‘C’mon,’ he murmurs, ‘gimme a break here.’

Paul scoffs. ‘I didn’t expect you to introduce us as anything, just – I’m _Maggie’s friend_?’

‘Yeah, sorry. I panicked a little,’ Daryl lets his hands run over the man’s thighs, stepping between his legs. ‘We were just talking in the car how all boys are yucky and we don’t date them.’

The man gives him an amused look. ‘Really?’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl nods, ‘we think they’re stupid.’

‘Well,’ Paul traces his cheek and then flicks his nose sharply, ‘some are.’ He leans back on his hands and looks Daryl. A small smile plays around his lips. ‘Your kids are really cute though.’

‘Cute? You looked scared, man.’

‘It’s not every day that you almost get knocked over by a female mini-Daryl. It was a weird moment, holy shit,’ Paul laughs. ‘But they’re cute. And nice to each other, helping each other out to get cookies.’

‘Thick as thieves, those two. When they’re not trying to kill each other. That’s mostly by accident though, but it happens.’

‘Oh my God,’ Paul smiles. ‘How many close calls do you have?’

‘A day?’ Daryl laughs. ‘Four or something. Lexi almost split her skull this morning by trying to do a pirouette at the top of the stairs. You get used to it. You get a sixth sense for dumb ideas growing in those tiny brains.’ He runs his hand from Paul’s knees up to his thighs, to his hips, ‘anyway. Wanna make out?’

The man snorts at the sudden change of subject. ‘In Maggie’s shop where her dad can walk in any second? No thank you.’

‘A’right,’ Daryl smirks as he steps away from the counter. ‘Still wanna go see that horror movie sometime?’

‘Yeah!’

An hour later, he’s sitting with Maggie and Paul in the grass next to the shop. They’re watching as Beth teaches the girls how to saddle a horse. It’s not a formal lesson, but the youngest Greene girl needs to get the horses ready for the first rides of the day before the classes start and doesn’t mind the two Dixon’s hanging around. Maggie and Paul are talking quietly while Daryl watches how Lexi gets spooked when a big horse nudges her hand suddenly in a search for treats. He loves how she darts to Katie’s side immediately, and loves how the teenager just puts a soothing hand on blonde curls while not interrupting Beth’s explanations.

He glances at his side.

Paul laughs at something Maggie said.

Daryl smiles and leans back, tilting his head so he can look up at the sun, eyes closed, basking in the rays.

 

 


	10. Giving moods

 

* * *

 

 

They sit side by side and share salty popcorn. It’s the early showing so most of the theatre is still empty. Daryl has planted his feet on the seat in front of him even though Paul calls him a jerk for doing it. There’s nobody sitting there so Daryl just flicks him off before the commercials and trailers start.

‘Looks like shit,’ Paul mutters after the first trailer and Daryl agrees.

He reaches for the popcorn but only finds Paul’s fingers. The man captures his hand.

‘You want to hold hands? Okay. Super sweet of you.’

‘Fuck off and give me my popcorn,’ Daryl laughs.

‘That _I_ bought for us.’

‘Be a fucking gentleman, Paul. Share your food.’

Paul laughs and lets go of him. His boots land on the seat on front of him with a dull thud.

Daryl turns to him in the dark, ‘you’re fuckin’ kiddin’ me, right?’

‘You’re really not supposed to talk during the movie, Daryl. God, you’re so rude. I can’t take you anywhere,’ the man moans before reaching out with his hand and pushing Daryl’s face until he’s looking at the screen again. His shoulders shake with laughter. He reaches down to grab his coke from the holder on his seat and bites down on the straw to stifle his chuckles before taking a sip.

The movie starts. Daryl sinks lower in his chair, shifting his feet a little to the right so he can lean on his left elbow, his shoulder barely touching Paul’s. It makes it easier to reach over and grab the popcorn. Neither of them talks during the showing. Daryl hates it when people do that, so he’s glad when Paul stays silent.

It’s only when Daryl flinches after a jump-scare and Paul nearly drops the popcorn that the man hisses; ‘ _you_ scared me more than the movie did!’

‘Didn’t see it comin’,’ Daryl laughs, wiping a hand over his face in embarrassment. ‘Shit.’

‘Don’t worry about it, I saved the popcorn, you pick up your masculinity that’s in pieces on the floor, okay? Take your time.’ Paul pats his thigh sympathetically and leaves his hand there. The weight is warm through the rough denim. After a couple of seconds, Daryl puts his own hand over it, squeezing the fingers before lazily drawing patterns onto the skin.

All in all, the movie is pretty good. When the credits roll, they get up and grab their helmets from the seats next to them. Paul needs to go to the bathroom, so Daryl waits for him outside by their bikes. He smokes a cigarette and calls Beth, who is watching the girls.

Paul had come to pick him up in the afternoon so they could take the long way up to Atlanta. Just the two of them on their bikes, with Daryl leading the way because he knows which backroads lead past the best food places. Eating corn on a cob that’s dripping with spicy butter, stopping to get milkshakes and ice cream at a farm near the city. The weather is great, so they had sat by the side of the road to enjoy their snacks, sitting in parking lots on their bikes while laughing about whatever crossed their minds.

‘They’re still alive, don’t worry,’ Beth laughs when she picks up the phone.

‘Was more concerned about you. They ran you ragged yet?’

‘They’re very sweet,’ the young woman says. ‘I think they know I’m in charge of the ice cream tonight, so that helps.’

‘Don’t spoil them rotten,’ he warns before taking another drag from his cigarette.

‘You beat me to it. Katie was home on time, she’s upstairs right now to finish her English essay before dinner so I can check it tonight for her. Got Lexi out of school, no problem. She’s doing her homework, too. Do you want to talk to her?’

‘Nah that’s okay. She has enough trouble concentratin’ as it is. Okay,’ he glances up to see Paul walking out of the theatre. The long hair hidden away by a dark-green beanie, simple black shirt and light jeans, his dark boots. Black helmet in his hand. ‘Was just checkin’ in, I guess…’

‘Sure.’ He can hear Beth’s easy smile in the word. ‘Well, have fun on your date, and I’ll see you…?’

‘Yeah, we’re going out for dinner now, but I shouldn’t be home too late,’ he glances at his watch. ‘Before Lexi’s bedtime.’

‘Oh, okay – wait.’ He hears how the backdoor opens and she steps out of the house. ‘You know I got this, right?’ she asks when the door closes behind her again. ‘And I brought all my stuff, so I could spend the night at yours, send them off to school in the morning. It’s no problem. You could come home as late as you want! Or, you know, not at all.’

Daryl glances at Paul again. The man is leaning against a lamppost a couple of feet away. He’s not playing with his phone like anyone would do nowadays, instead he’s observing the people on the sidewalk. Gaze roaming over faces and lingering on dogs, one side of his mouth curling up in a crooked smile whenever someone nods hello to him. One hand in the pocket of his jeans, pushing it a little lower by accident, casually taking in the city life.

When Paul notices that he’s being stared at, he smirks at Daryl.

‘Wait up, Beth,’ Daryl mutters as he lowers the phone. ‘So what’s the plan? Dinner?’

‘What _is_ the plan,’ Paul asks. ‘Yeah, dinner sounds good. I know a place downtown, but we could also head back, grab something on the way. Whatever you want. We can look whether they have something around here, too, I don’t know,’ Paul says as he looks around. ‘Downtown would make it a bit late for you, maybe, with traffic, you know?’

‘Beth’s offering to stay over. Dinner and a drink?’

‘Yeah!’ Paul beams. ‘I mean - if you’re sure, man.’

Daryl smirks at his enthusiasm and faked nonchalance as he raises the phone to his ear again. ‘Beth? Yeah, okay, could you stay over? Ain’t gonna be gone all night, I’ll take Lex to school tomorrow, but I ain’t sure how late I’ll be home, so… Just go to sleep whenever. I haven’t made the guest bed yet, but the stuff is –‘

‘In the closet, lowest shelf, I know, Daryl,’ Beth answers. ’This ain’t my first rodeo. And _yes_ , I can stay over. I’ve only offered it a million times since you asked me to babysit.’

‘You just want a taste of my famous pancakes tomorrow morning.’

Paul raises an eyebrow.

‘Yeah,’ Beth says before laughing. ‘Lexi won’t shut up about them!’

‘Lexi won’t shut up about anything. Give her a kiss goodnight from me, okay? And tell Katie I said hi. Okay, bye,’ he ends the call and glares at the other man, ‘what?’

‘Stop flirting with the babysitter, Daryl. It’s rude,’ he laughs when he sees the flicker of horror crossing Daryl’s face. ‘Beth knows you’re oblivious, don’t worry. If we’re going to get drinks after dinner, I know a better place that’s closer to here, by the way.’

‘Okay,’ Daryl slides off his bike and joins him on the sidewalk, falling into step beside him. He looks around. They’re close to the midtown area, but he’s not too familiar with these streets. ‘How come you know your way around here? You ever lived in Atlanta?’

‘No. You’ll see.’

They walk in comfortable silence for a couple of blocks. Daryl resists checking his phone again and wonders whether Paul might be onto something with the old phone that can’t connect to the internet. During their entire date, he’s only checked his phone once to read a message from Maggie, while Daryl checks his every fifteen minutes. He’s too afraid to miss a message from Katie or Beth to leave the thing alone.

It doesn’t seem to bother Paul, however. Or at least he hasn’t rolled his eyes yet.

After another left turn and then an alley, they end up in another neighborhood. Small shops and cafe’s mixed with nightclubs that are still closed. Some people are still sitting outside on the terrace but it’s getting darker and lights are flickering on everywhere. Two women walk by, arms wrapped around each other’s waists, heads bend close together before entering a bar on the corner.

‘Left here,’ Paul says with a nod. ‘Are burgers okay?’

‘Yeah, fine.’

‘Great, then this is us,’ Paul opens the door of one of the smaller cafe’s for him. There are booths lining the wall and tables in the middle. There’s soft music playing in the background but it’s almost drowned out by the laughter of a group of students sitting in one of the booths. They’re drinking draft beer, reenacting a lecture as one of them hides her face behind her friend’s back while swearing she didn’t actually fall asleep.

‘Table, guys?’ a waiter asks as he comes over. He shakes his head but smiles fondly at the group. ‘They’re loud today, their final exam is tomorrow.  I’m sorry about that. If it bothers you, I’ll ask them to tone it down some.’

‘’s fine,’ Daryl nods. ‘And yeah, a table for two?’

‘Right this way, handsome,’ the waiter points at the second booth. It’s far enough away from the students to not let the laughter bother them. The nickname causes Daryl’s eyebrows to shoot up but he bites his tongue. ‘I’ll grab you some water and menu’s, and then I’ll be right back, okay?’

‘Thanks,’ Paul says as he slides into the booth. The helmet gets dumped beside him. ‘What’s wrong, _handsome_?’

‘Stop.’ Daryl sits down too. ‘So how do you know this place? Was this your college hang-out, too? Bit of Dutch courage before the final exams?’

‘Never went to college,’ Paul says with a shrug. He reaches out and grabs a glass from the table, where it stood beside the napkin holder. He plucks something out of it. At first Daryl thinks it’s a toothpick, but then he notices that there’s a little flag attached to it. ‘Came here for something else,’ Paul says with a small smirk as he bites down on the toothpick, flag twirling as he rolls it over his teeth.

It’s a tiny pride flag.

‘Good lord,’ Daryl says with a huff of laughter.

The waiter returns and passes them their waters and menu’s. He scribbles down Paul’s order for a beer and nods at Daryl’s request for a coke before heading back over to the student’s table to refill their drinks.

Daryl is glad that the man just orders a beer because he feels like it, despite knowing that he doesn’t drink. Some people dance around the issue, either urging him to get a beer as a well, or switching to soda’s and then complaining about it the whole time. He doesn’t care what anyone else is drinking, as long as he’s having a good time.

And he is.

‘So, no college,’ Daryl says while trying not to stare at the toothpick rolling over white teeth and pink lips. ‘What did you do?’

‘Not graduate high school, that’s for sure,’ Paul says and his gaze flickers to the window. He watches how people pass. A woman carrying her son on her hip, two teenagers with heavy backpacks, a delivery guy, a girl who drags her boyfriend along by his hand. ‘Dropped out and never went back. Had big plans about becoming a journalist, then a photographer, then – ‘he waves a hand. ‘A million other things.’

‘So what happened?’

Paul shrugs. ‘Can’t live off of dreams, right? So I travelled around, took on the odd jobs here and there. ‘s fine.’ He leans onto the table with his elbows and plucks the flag out of his mouth.  ‘I like it. Don’t need a lot of money or a lot of stuff. It’s just me, right?’

‘Hmm,’ Daryl nod. ‘So you like it, bein’ a bartender?’

‘Yeah. I guess. I still get to hear all the interesting stories, just don’t have to write them all down.’

‘And when the town runs out of stories, you’re movin’ on?’

Paul looks at him. He drums his fingers on the table and cocks his head a fraction to the side. ‘Maybe I’ll just make up some stories, spread some rumors. Stick around.’

Daryl can barely hide the small smile tugging at his lips. ‘You do that,’ he murmurs and bows over his menu.

 

 

It gets busier while they eat their burgers. Couples sit down in the booths and students occupy the tables in the middle, shoving tables together to create space for all of them. The atmosphere is very good, with laughter ringing out every couple of seconds but not so loud that it bothers anyone else.

Daryl eyes a couple that sits in a booth across the room. Two men, both sitting at the same side of the table. Close together, close enough to steal kisses while they wait for their food to arrive, hands intertwined under the table. They look happy together. Laughing and smiling and squeezing fingers tightly.

His gaze shifts to Paul.

The man is already done eating, plate shoved aside with mumbled apologies that he’s a fast eater and that Daryl should take his time. He’s shifted in his seat, leaning against the wall now and with his legs stretched out on his bench. Fingers drumming onto the table between them.

‘I know a party trick,’ Paul says suddenly.

Daryl lifts an eyebrow and dips his fry in some ketchup. ‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah. It’s gonna blow your mind. Wait, you got a pen?’

‘’course not,’ the Dixon snorts.

A passing waiter gives him a pen and Paul grabs a flyer for draft beer from a holder. One smooth motion has him smirking at the mechanic. ‘There. Perfect circle.’

‘ _That’s_ the party trick?’ Daryl laughs before he licks ketchup off his thumb.

‘Yeah. What’s yours? Looking sexy while eating fries?’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl grins, feeling brave. ‘But that shit comes naturally, how long did you have to practice doing that shit?’

‘An embarrassingly long time,’ Paul admits.

‘Might impress Lexi more.’

Paul’s eyebrows shoot up for a second before he schools his features back into their usual smile. ‘Worth it, then.’

‘Guess so.’

The wink he gets in return shouldn’t cause his heart to warm, but it does.

The conversation flows easily between them. Daryl learns more about the jobs Paul has had over the years, from bartending to being a delivery guy, to working in an outdoor shop close to the Canadian border and the one where he got to park cars at some fancy golf club near Washington. He still misses those tips and the expensive cars, even though he’d never buy one himself should he ever have enough money.

Daryl tells him how he’d been a busboy himself when he’d first moved to Atlanta, just taking the first job he could find to not have to rely on Samara’s paycheck. About the roommate she’d kicked out to make space for him, tired of having to put up with the smell of weed clinging to her curtains. Then the job at a garage which had allowed him to work during the day so he could go back to school at night and finally get his degree.

‘You could go back,’ Daryl says as the waiter takes their plates away. ‘To school, I mean. Finish high school, get a degree, all that.’

‘Maybe.’ Paul shrugs and plays with a napkin, folding it into an intricate shape. ‘Just didn’t like school. I doubt I will like it now.’

‘Ain’t about likin’ it. Sometimes you just gotta bite that bullet. Opens a lot of doors.’

Paul throws him a look. ‘Save the speech for when Katie wants to quit.’

‘Probably Lexi,’ Daryl says. ‘Katie’s good at school, Lexi’s gotta work for it. I mean, she’s good at math, shit like that. Reading and writing? Not so much. Hates it.’

‘Did you hate it, too?’

‘Yeah,’ he rubs at his eyebrow and then leans onto his elbow. ‘Readin’ and stuff, nah. Ain’t for me, but I try to get her to do it. Drag her to the library and everything. Hope Katie rubs off on her a little. Monkey see, monkey does that one, so when she sees her big sister with a book, she wants one too. Doesn’t really have the patience of it, though. Just skims and claims she’s done.’

‘It’s a start,’ Paul offers.

‘Been working on it for six years, what do ya mean _it’s a start_ ,’ Daryl scoffs. He throws a balled up napkin at the man.

Paul sniggers as he bats the projectile away. ‘Well, we don’t all have to be the next Shakespeare. I was good at it, actually liked writing essays and reading the classics.’

‘You and Katie would get along.’

‘I hope so.’

Daryl chews on the nail of his thumb.

‘Look,’ Paul shifts again and his feet land on the floor below their table. Their knees bump. ‘I’m not pushing, okay? I get that you don’t want people to just come into their lives like that, but… the cat’s out of the bag, Daryl. Katie already knows, and –‘

‘It ain’t about her _knowing_ ,’ Daryl interrupts. ‘I just don’t want them gettin’ attached and then having to say goodbye again.’

‘So you’re just never going to introduce them to anyone who might leave?’

The Dixon scoffs. ‘Don’t play dumb. I introduce you as… as my boyfriend? You hang around the house, spend time with them? That’s different than havin’ Greg from the shop pack his bags and fuck off now.’

Paul narrows his eyes, ‘so you think I’m going to pack my bags and fuck off?’

‘Maybe, yeah. Hell, I don’t know. Ain’t going down on one knee for ya, that’s for sure, so yeah; things might not work out and I ain’t riskin’ it.’

‘So if I run into you in public again, I’m still _Maggie’s friend_? I’m nobody’s dirty little secret, Daryl. And I wouldn’t be here on a date with you if I didn’t want this. You. And I realize that it’s a package deal, I’m just – I’m willing to try doing this, that’s all.’ He puts his hands on the table. ‘ _That is all_. I won’t mention it again, it’s all up to you of course, just.. Just so you know where I stand.’

Daryl sighs and leans back in the seat, head coming to rest on the cheap leather. He stares up at the ceiling for a couple of moments. ‘I’ll think about it.’

‘Fine.’ Paul waves the waiter over and asks for the bill. 

There’s a tense silence as they leave. Daryl pauses on the sidewalk to light a cigarette but Paul keeps walking, only stopping when he gets to the end of the block. He checks his phone and then just watches the people passing by again, arms folded in front of his chest and a slight scowl on his face.

Daryl checks his own phone, too, but there are no important messages. Just Rick telling him something that happened during his shift and Aaron asking him to come over with the girls sometime next week. He doesn’t respond to them, will do it tomorrow morning as he walks to the shop.

Paul glances at him when he steps up beside him. ‘Do you still want to grab that drink?’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl says. ‘But, look…. I ain’t tryin’ to be a dick here.’ He looks around, ‘come over here.’ He leads Paul to an alley down the block where they can talk more privately. It reminds him of the alley behind the bar, where he’d been pushed up against the wall, Paul’s leg between his own and those lips on his. He shivers. ‘I’ve never introduced them to anyone like that. It’s always been just the three of us. And I – I like you, okay? And it’s not like I’m gonna wait until the six-months mark or anything, but I need some time to figure it out.’

‘And I get that,’ Paul nods, ‘I just don’t want to pretend like we talked briefly at a party once and that’s all there is to it.’

‘Well, Katie already knows there’s more to it, so you want me to explain to Lexi about how I got a boyfriend now?’

‘Would that be so fucking hard?’

Daryl scoffs. ‘No. She’d be fuckin’ thrilled, but you better be prepared to answer the thousands of questions that’ll follow. Like whether you like peanut butter. That’s a big thing. And what your favorite ice cream flavor is because if it’s something stupid like not-chocolate, she will shank ya.’

‘Shit,’ Paul breathes. ‘It’s vanilla.’

‘See?’ Daryl smirks as he takes a drag from his cigarette. ‘I’m doing ya a favor with not introducing you two. Might get ya killed.’

‘But I can lie and _say_ it’s cholate. I can do chocolate.’

‘You ever met a six year old? You can’t lie to them. They know everything, except all the important stuff like how not to starve on their own and how to find their shoes and shit.’

Paul laughs. ‘Okay. Okay, better not meet her yet. I’ll try and work on my taste. Do you have any more tips?’

‘Yeah, you should let their dad ride your Harley. I think they would like that.’

‘Sneaky,’ Paul wags his finger at him. ‘And I offered; you can ride bitch anytime you want, but you’re not getting those keys, Dixon.’

‘Guess there are advantages to ridin’ bitch,’ Daryl smirks as he reaches out to put his hands on Paul’s hips, dragging him closer. The cigarette is flicked to the curb. Feet knocking into each other as Paul leans in and puts his hands on the brick wall next to Daryl’s head. Daryl eyes his lips hungrily, thumbs ducking under the man’s shirt and stroking the pale skin there.

‘Guess so,’ Paul agrees before he closes the gap between them.

 

 

Two hours later, Daryl is standing at the bar to get them more drinks. He leans with his elbow on the counter while he waits and looks back at the table they’d claimed earlier. Paul is chatting with some guy. Three people had joined them at the table because the place was filling up fast, two men and a woman. The music is getting louder now so Paul has to lean into the man to be able to hear him. There’s a smile on his face as he nods in agreement to whatever the guy just said.

They roar with laughter seconds later, shoving each other playfully.

Daryl smirks and pays the bartender. He’s still thinking about the conversation they had earlier. Introducing Paul to the kids seems like a major step to him. He’s never introduced anyone like that to them and the thought of having to do it makes him uneasy. The fact that he’s pretty sure that the girls will be smitten with the easygoing guy does nothing to soothe his nerves.

He remembers his dad’s girlfriends. Remembers stumbling into the kitchen on Sunday mornings, eleven, twelve, thirteen all the way up to sixteen years old and always wondering who the hell this new woman in their living room was. Passed out on the couch or making themselves breakfast, eating stale fruit loops and using the milk he’d bought for himself because dad and Merle thought their first cigarette of the day was a healthy breakfast.

He doesn’t remember their names. Not a single one of them. There hadn’t been a point in trying to, they’d just be gone the next month. At sixteen, he’d just liked the ones who didn’t steal his damn breakfast best.

It’s not the same now, he knows, but it still feels like a balancing act. One wrong step and he might fall off the cord.

The people he’d dated before never even got close to his circle of family and friends, never set foot in his life, really, but Paul’s already there. Hanging out with Tara and Maggie, getting to know Rick and his family, cracking jokes about Aaron and Eric like they’re old friends. Maybe he _should_ introduce Paul to the kids. It could show them that dating is perfectly normal, there’s nothing secret about it, nothing shameful in wanting to spend time with someone, liking their company.

And if he leaves, he’ll show them that it’s okay to be sad about it, but that life still goes on.

Maybe that would be better than dancing around the subject with Katie. He’s glad that she hasn’t brought it up after running into Paul at Maggie’s store except for the smug look she’d thrown him when they’d climbed back into the car and Lexi had screamed; ‘ _bye Maggie, bye Jesus_!’ through the open window.

Or maybe he should discuss it with her first. She might be fine with the distant concept of her dad dating a guy, but she might be uncomfortable with anyone coming into their lives. The fact that he’s dating someone shouldn’t impact their lives.

He’s not sure how he could ever managed that, however.

‘Fuckin’ hell,’ Daryl sighs before grabbing their drinks off the bar and heading back to the table. He’ll think about that mess later. He manages a weak smile when he sits down beside Paul again.

‘Thanks,’ the man beams as he takes his water, ‘and you’re just in time. Will you _please_ tell this guy that the capital of Australia is _not_ Sydney?’

Daryl screws up his nose, ‘it’s Canberra, right?’

‘ _Yes_!’

‘ _No_!’

‘ _100% yes_ ,’ Paul laughs. He puts a hand on Daryl’s cheek to draw him close, pressing a kiss to the beauty mark. ‘Thank you.’

Daryl can feel the tips of his ears burn as he awkwardly stretches his arm out to curl it around Paul’s shoulders. The other man leans against him easily, taking a sip from his drink before laughing at the other guy again.

‘Told you!’

‘Yeah, yeah. I’ll buy you two a drink next round.’

Paul lifts his glass in a toast before turning back to Daryl, ‘do you need to call Beth or Katie before they turn in? I’ll look after your drink, no problem.’

‘Nah, send Katie a message at the bar,’ Daryl says as he nudges Paul’s ear with his nose. ‘She said hi.’

‘Hi back,’ Paul grins. ‘So… What are the chances of me getting you on the dancefloor?’

‘You wanna dance?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Then let’s go.’

Paul gapes at him for a moment, ‘wait – what? Really?’ he laughs when Daryl gets up and cocks an eyebrow at him. ‘You just don’t seem like the dancing type, that’s all. Wow, okay. That was way easier than I thought it would be. Joke’s on you though because I was going to lure you over with promises of a blowjob later.’

Daryl shakes his head to hide his smile. He can feel that Paul presses up behind him as they walk to the dancefloor, a comforting weight leaning against him. Hands on his hips, fingers ghosting teasingly over his belt buckle before coming to rest upon the leather of the belt itself. A bearded chin scratches the back of his neck as Paul nuzzles him.

He looks over his shoulder. ‘Maybe I’m just in a givin’ mood tonight.’

Paul groans. The sound rumbles through his chest as his hips roll. ‘Don’t tease.’

‘Ain’t,’ Daryl murmurs as he turns around so they’re facing each other again. Hands come up to cup Paul’s face, guiding him up for a deep kiss. The music is loud now, engulfing them, causing their blood to vibrate in their veins, or maybe it’s arousal and adrenaline when Paul looks at him with pupils so dark that there’s no more green in them. People bump into them on the crowded dancefloor but it doesn’t matter. Paul’s hand is on his ass, dipping into his back pocket to feel him up while Daryl claims another kiss.

Nobody is watching them. Nobody knows them here.

Daryl laughs into the kiss.

 

 

‘BMW R-series, 1965.’

Daryl nods, ‘that’s a sweet ride. It has the bar end turn-signals, right?’

‘Yeah. It’s a classic. I love it. What’s yours?’

‘Ducati, XDiavel.’

‘No,’ Paul laughs, ‘but that looks like you’ve already parked it against a moving truck, head on!’

‘Shut up,’ Daryl says as he shoves Paul’s shoulder. They’re walking back to their bikes which they had left behind at the cinema. It’s dark now and colder too, after spending so much time on the dancefloor with other bodies pressed against them. Leather jackets zipped up against the breeze, hands itching to grab hold of the other’s but not quite daring to.

They’re quiet for a little while, just walking along in comfortable silence.

‘Did you….’ Paul kicks an empty coke can out of his way before he glances up at Daryl. ‘Did you have fun tonight?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Good. Me too. Have you ever been to a place like that?’ Paul throws a look over his shoulder as if he can still see the bar they were at a couple of minutes ago.

‘Nah. Never been inside one before,’ Daryl says with a shrug. He pushes his hands into the pockets of his jeans. ‘Tried once. Think I were eighteen. Merle had dumped me in some place, we didn’t know nobody there. Was a big place, had bars like these. And I just wanted to see, ya know? Wanted to know.’

Paul nods.

‘Went there. Didn’t have the balls to go in though. Just stood outside and watched for a while, then went home.’

‘What were you scared of? That you would actually like it?’

Daryl snorts. ‘Nah, knew I would like it there. Always knew I liked both. Couple of other people knew and never gave me shit about it, so it was cool. I think Merle always knew, but he kinda just ignored it. Told me he didn’t have to know where I liked to stick my dick.’

Paul laughs. ‘Fair enough.’

‘’s just different, right? Going into a place like that. It felt like a big deal at the time, like I were announcing it to the whole damn world or something by checking the place out. Just got scared and didn’t try again.’ He bites on his nail for a second, hesitating. ‘I’d broken up with Samara just before the summer. I’d already dropped out of school at that point. Hershel gave me a job on his farm so I could make some money. We kept seein’ each other but then she started talkin’ about how I should move with her to Atlanta, gettin’ a place together… all that.’

‘So you broke up with her?’

Daryl nods. ‘Freaked me out. She was nice, ya know? Real nice and I was just… fuckin’ everything up in my life, thought it was all bullshit. Didn’t want to drag her down with me, make her stay in that hellhole, so I just upped and left with Merle.’

‘But you two got back together,’ Paul edges.

‘Yeah. Missed her something fierce. I’d been thinkin’ about it for a while, thinkin’ about callin’ her, ask Maggie where she were now, but… Didn’t. Too scared that she’d laugh in my face. Turns out she’d send a card to Lori with her address ‘nd everything. It was addressed to me. _Wish you were here_.’

Paul smiles. ‘Tell me you packed your bags and ran.’

Daryl snorts. ‘Hightailed it out of that town, straight shot to Atlanta. Ran every light, got three speeding tickets and had to wait hours in front of her door before she came home, but it was worth it.’

‘That’s a good story,’ Paul says. ‘Romantic, I guess.’

‘Or fuckin’ pathetic. The one where the Dixon fucked it all up. Got a lot of those.’

‘You got back together, had two kids, right? Doesn’t sound fucked up to me.’

Daryl shoot shim a small smile. ‘Right. Maybe that one wasn’t so bad.’

They reach their bikes and slide on them. Helmets and gloves on, engines revving before Paul leads them out of the city and back to the smaller town. They share a lane on the highway, signaling to each other about which turns to take, careful to keep enough distance between them. Paul looks surprised when Daryl signals that he’ll follow him when they leave the highway, taking a left where he should have gone right.

After a couple of seconds, Paul just shrugs and heads to his home. It’s right next to the highway, so he parks three minutes later in front of a low block of apartments. Most of the paint is coming off the doors, most of the numbers are either missing or hang lopsided, but that doesn’t matter.

Paul and Daryl park their rides and lock them.

‘You’re walking me home?’ Paul asks with a smirk as he heads to a main entrance door.

‘Yeah, something like that,’ Daryl mumbles. He watches how Paul fumbles with the lock for a second, but then the door swings open. The other man leads him into a narrow hallway.

A light flickers at the end.

‘Okay, well, this is me,’ Paul stops to open another door. ‘Do you wanna-‘

Daryl pushes him inside and kicks the door closed behind him. His hands on Paul’s chest, forcing him up against the wall, then dragging down to give him enough room to lean in for a heated kiss. Helmets thud to the floor. Keys land on wood.

Paul moans into his mouth, surprised and excited, hands coming up to hold him in place. ‘Fuck,’ he laughs.

Daryl’s hands move over the buttons of Paul’s shirt, lower and lower, until they come to rest upon his belt buckle. He sinks to his knees. ‘Giving mood, remember?’

 

 

 


	11. Bonding

 

* * *

 

 

‘I just thought this would be nice, but you can stop glaring at me now.’

‘I’m having a _great_ time. Can I get a drawing that I can color? Are there pencils?’

Daryl glares at his oldest daughter. ‘We’re having bonding time. Get fuckin’ used to it.’

Katie rolls her eyes, ‘we never do this. What even…’

‘We're doing it now, so stop your sulkin’ and drink your tea.’

The teenager moans softly while slumping in her seat. She plucks at the cupcake in front of her. They’re sitting at the back of the bakery, where there’s a small café. Six tables with wooden chairs that make Daryl’s back ache. Two of the tables are taken by business people on their laptops, a steaming cup of tea by their elbows and dirty dishes of cupcakes and pie littering the table. Katie has ordered fresh mint tea with honey, and the frosting on her cupcake is neon pink.

Daryl opted for black coffee and a bagel.

It’s one of those days that Katie only has class in the morning. Her teachers are preparing for the parent-teacher conferences that are coming up soon. Daryl is on his lunchbreak and has summoned the girl to the bakery, determined to spend some quality time with her. It’s not going so well. They’re both just sitting there, him worried about all the work he still has to do before the weekend, and the girl wishing she could hang out with her friends instead.

‘This is a _great_ conversation, dad,’ Katie nods before popping a piece of the cupcake into her mouth. ‘We should totally do this more often. I love it.’

He sighs and shifts in his seat, no longer eyeing the people who come in to get some bread but focusing on his daughter instead. ‘There something you wanna talk about?’

‘No. There’s something _you_ want to talk about, otherwise we would not be sitting here and I would be at Jenny’s house to hang out with the girls.’

‘Fine,’ he runs a hand over his face and plants his elbow on the table, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. ‘There is. Listen, it’s about…’ he falters and changes his mind. ‘I might have to put in some more hours at the shop next week, to make up for some time, okay? I can get Merle or Beth to watch Lexi if you’re busy so…’

‘Are you serious right now?’ The teenager sighs and breaks the cupcake into tiny pieces. ‘Fine, yeah, whatever. I can watch her until Merle comes. You didn’t drag me out here just to tell me that, right? Oh my God, you could have told me that at dinner.’

‘It’s a crime now to want to spend some time with you? Alone? I know I’m always busy and Lexi is always taking up a lot of time, so I just thought-‘

‘Is that what you do?’ Katie asks with a roll of her eyes, but there’s a smile playing around her lips. ‘You just blame us for whatever? _Oh yeah, I was plannin’ on havin’ this super important talk with my kid but I chickened out so I’m just gonna blame something on the kid that isn’t there. Good plan, Dixon._ Except we don’t lie to each other,’ she gives him a sharp look. ‘That’s what you always say.’

‘Ain’t a lie. I don’t know what’s going on with you half of the time.’

‘I go to school and I have a job, that’s all that’s going on right now, dad. And I tell you all about it at dinner, every night, because you won’t stop nagging until I do. So…’

‘I don’t nag.’

‘You _totally_ nag.’

Daryl wrinkles his nose, ‘that’s just because you won’t tell me otherwise.’

‘Because it’s none of your business. Happy and healthy, check, check. Go worry about something else.’

He drums his fingers on the table. ‘Okay. So… how’s Max?’

The sneer that takes over her soft features frightens him a little bit.

‘Really? You really want to have that conversation? Okay,’ she narrows her eyes. ‘I don’t know. He texted me after the party to make sure I was okay, I texted him later to make sure you weren’t mean to him about the whole thing. Haven’t talked to him since.’

Daryl nods and remembers how Max would make sure that he was never alone with him in the shop, ducking in and out of his office to get his signature on important papers, always leaving the door wide open, so eager to get away from him. He’d been pretty stunned when Daryl had brought him a slushy on Monday, a silent thank you for looking after Katie. He’s vowed not to say anything about it though. At work, he’s the boy’s boss, not the father of the girl he kissed at a botched up party.

‘So there. Now you know. How’s Paul?’

Daryl narrows his eyes, too. ‘We can’t have a normal conversation about this? You think you gotta hit me back or something? I’m just showing some goddamn interest in your life, okay? Sorry.’

‘Well, I’m doing the same with you! It wasn’t meant at a – as a _hit_. Christ, sorry I asked.’

Daryl closes his eyes for a second. She has a point. He didn’t ask about Max to tease her, he really had tried to show some interest in what was going on in her life. The return question was nothing if not expected. Snapping and trying to scare her off won’t do either of them any good, but it’s such an ingrained habit with him that it’s still hard to break after decades of trying.

‘Sorry,’ he mutters, shifting in his seat and wrapping his hands around his cup of coffee. ‘Erm… Yeah, he’s doing good.’

‘Okay,’ Katie says before she pops another piece of cake in her mouth. ‘Good.’

‘Yeah. He – err – he works at the bar down the street.’

The girl rubs at her nose. ‘He’s a bartender? Cool.’

‘Hmm. Got a bike.’

She looks up, ‘what kind of bike?’

He wiggles his eyebrows, ‘classic Harley.’

Katie laughs, ‘is that why you’re dating him?’

‘Definite perk,’ he nods and smirks when the teenager giggles. ‘But nah. He’s… he’s real nice.’

‘Must be, if you like him,’ she traces the rim of the tea cup, nudging the spoon along. It makes a soft ticking noise and fills the silence between them. A slight frown draws her eyebrows together. He knows that look, because sometimes he catches sight of it in his mirror, in every reflective surface. Softer on her, but Dixon-steel flashes in her eyes while she thinks.

He waits patiently.

‘Do you think mom would have liked him?’

The question throws him. He hides his expression behind a smile, hoping it’s not as painful as it feels. ‘Yeah,’ he nods. ‘I think so. He smiles a lot, she would have liked that.’

‘That’s what she used to tell you, right? That you should smile more.’

‘Smile and talk, yeah.’

‘You still don’t talk a lot,’ Katie murmurs before she takes a sip of her tea, ‘but that’s okay.’

Daryl nods. ‘I know. I’m tryin’ though. It doesn’t help that my brat keeps glaring at me over her damn cupcake when I want to sit down and have a chat about something.’

Katie smirks into her cup. ‘Blamin’ your kids again. Nice one.’ The smirk slowly fades as another silence stretches between them. Her dark hair is tied in a high ponytail until she reaches up to free the curls, letting them cascade down her back. Fingers running through them until some fall in her face, obscuring her eyes. He doesn’t doubt that was the plan all along.

He, too, likes to hide.

‘Do you still miss mom?’

‘Every day.’ He leans onto his elbows on the table, hunching in his seat. He scratches at his neck as if trying to distract himself but then lets his hand fall onto the cool surface. ‘I talk to her a lot, like, in my head, ya know? Bullshit, mostly,’ he smiles when Katie peeks at him through her hair. ‘ _Good lord, Sam, where did I leave that permission slip for Katie’s school trip_? And, _Sam, Lexi just did a cartwheel and almost tumbled into traffic but she’s okay._ Mostly that; _they’re okay, Sam_.’

‘Like,’ Katie draws a figure in the condense her glass left behind on the table, ‘you think she’s still watching over us?’

Daryl scoffs. ‘You met your mom? ‘course she’s watching over us. Can imagine her up there, givin’ me that _look_ , ya know? _Daryl, our kid is kissing boys at parties, what are you doing_?’

Katie laughs and blushes, ‘she’s not watching like that!’

‘’course she is,’ Daryl laughs, ‘so you better think twice about doing that again, hmm?’

‘Stop,’ she moans, slumping in her seat again.

Another silence falls between them until Daryl drums his fingers onto the table. ‘I – I was thinkin’, maybe… I dunno, maybe Paul could come over sometime. Have dinner at our place.’

Katie shrugs. ‘Yeah, sure. We can eat at uncle Merle’s or something. Or at Rick’s? He’ll actually cook something, not just order pizza or whatever.’

Daryl bites on his lip. ‘You don’t wanna meet him?’

That causes the girl to look up with a surprised expression on her face. ‘ _Meet him_? Yeah. I mean – I just thought you didn’t want us to. We saw him at the shop, remember? You hated that.’

‘That was a while ago,’ Daryl nods. ‘We weren’t really – we weren’t serious, so I just thought it would be a bad idea.’ He rubs over his lower lip with his thumb. ‘He was kind of mad about that, to be honest. Introducin’ him as Maggie’s friend and all.’

‘Yeah, that was weird.’

‘Sorry.’

‘Hmm.’

‘So… would that be okay? If he came over?’

She nods and pushes the cold tea onto the table, away from her. Her gaze travels to the rest of customers, a worried look passing over her features.

Daryl frowns. ‘What’re you thinkin’? I get it if you don’t want to, or if you, like… If people at school will give you shit for your dad datin’ a guy then we can play it cool. Nobody got to know. Forget it,’ he pushes his own cup away, too and fishes his wallet out of his pocket. ‘Never mind, was a bad idea.’

‘No! No. Sure, people will talk, but I can deal with that. My friends won’t give me shit over it or anything. They’re cool.’

‘Then what is it?’

Katie bites on her lip. ‘What if he doesn’t like us?’

Daryl laughs at that. ‘Oh, come on, Kit-Kat. What’s there not to like?’

‘I dunno,’ she murmurs. ‘What if he hates kids?’

‘Well, he’s pretty scared of kids,’ Daryl smirks. ‘But I think he’ll like you two. And if he doesn’t? We’ll kick him out, ‘cause we’re a damn team, okay? Dixon’s stick together. Look after their own, we don’t need no bartender stickin’ his nose up over us.’

Katie smiles. ‘But he’s got a Harley.’

‘I’ll train Lexi to snatch his keys before we kick him out.’

‘She’d be pretty good at that.’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl laughs. ‘Bet she would be, the slippery eel. Now come on, tell me how that history test you had yesterday went, because you dodged that question yesterday at dinner. Don’t think I forgot about that, missy.’

 

 

Rick and Michonne are working in the kitchen. Standing side by side at the counter, him chopping some vegetables while she stirs the soup. Their body language is completely relaxed, shoulders low and smiles gracing their features as they move around each other easily in the tiny space. Hands linger on the small of backs, hips bump playfully. Rick bows his head as he laughs, leaning heavily onto the counter while Michonne shakes her head at the story he’s telling her.

Daryl watches from their backyard. He’s sitting on the little bench, smoking a cigarette just to get out of the noise for a little while.

Katie is sitting at the kitchen table with Carl and Lexi. Her phone is in her hands, texting with her friends or checking her social media, but she’s chatting with the two kids at the same time. Carl is always a little quiet, but Lexi usually manages to get him to talk after a couple of minutes.

Michonne leans into room by holding on to the doorpost.

Katie nods and puts her phone away before getting up to grab some plates. She sets the table.

Lexi runs to Rick, jumping up against his side, arms around his waist as she talks.

Rick laughs and lifts her up easily, sitting her down on the counter so she can wash her hands before doing the same with his son.

A dishcloth thuds against one of the windows. Michonne lifts an amused eyebrow when Daryl starts and she waves him inside. ‘Dinner’s ready,’ she mouths.

It smells amazing in the house. He closes the door and smiles when he sees that Rick is giving Lexi a piggyback ride to the table while also carrying Carl under his arm. It’s a little crammed at the table, elbows touching and feet kicking, but that doesn’t matter.

Dinner at Rick and Michonne’s is always a bit of a double-edged sword for him. On the one hand it means that he won’t have to cook and gets to spend time with his best friend, but he also has to watch how sickingly perfect the couple is. Sometimes it makes his heart ache. He wonders whether that could have been him and Samara. He sometimes wonders how different his life would have been if nothing had happened. Whether they would still be living in that house they’d bought in Atlanta, would he have his own garage, would he have pulled of that perfect hat-trick; family, home, job?

But he also wonders whether Rick would still have been his best friend. Their lives are so different now and so hectic, how would they have had the time to make it up to Atlanta every other week? Would he have found other friends? If he’s honest; probably not.

‘Earth to Daryl.’

‘ _Earth_ to _Daryl_.’

‘Earth to-‘

‘Dad!’

Daryl looks up sharply. ‘What?’

Katie smirks, ‘Rick.’

Daryl’s gaze shifts to his brother and Rick laughs, ‘I’ve been trying to get your attention, man.’ His smile fades into something more serious as he leans forward. ‘I need to talk to you about something. Have you been out hunting lately?’

There used to be a time when he would have to ask the return question of; cop or friend? Because some things he used to tell Rick could have easily landed him behind bars. When he turned up at his doorstep with pupil’s twice their normal size, shaking hands and a double tongue, refusing to tell Rick what he’d taken until the man would shake him roughly, snapping; _friend, friend, I’m your damn friend right now_!

He doesn’t have to ask that question anymore, and doesn’t have to answer Rick’s because Michonne gives her partner a sharp look. ‘Not at the dinner table, Rick,’ she says.

Rick nods at her but his gaze lingers on Daryl.

‘Ain’t the season,’ the Dixon says, ‘so I haven’t been in a while. Why?’

‘Daryl, could you give Carl some potatoes, please?’ Michonne asks pointedly.

‘Sure,’ he grabs the heavy bowl and scoops some onto the boy’s plate. ‘Here ya go, bud. Lex, you want some, too?’ Instead of waiting for the answer, he just dumps some onto her plate as well before taking some himself.

‘I need to talk to you after dinner,’ Rick says as he leans back in his chair, the blue eyes sharp and cold.

‘Same,’ Daryl says, ‘but about different shit.’

Carl chuckles.

‘Different _stuff_ ,’ Daryl corrects. ‘Sorry.’

The coldness leaves Rick’s eyes immediately as he leans forward again, ‘is something wrong?’

‘Nah, just… stuff, ya know?’

The cop looks suspicious for a moment but lets it slide with a small nod.

The rest of the dinner goes smoothly, with Lexi talking a mile a minute while Daryl tries to get her to actually eat her food. Katie talks with Michonne about her new job and how she’d accidentally just picked up the phone at the pizza place with her own name instead of the company’s and how the girl who’d been training her had teases her mercilessly about it. The woman laughs too but then tells her about her own mishaps at her first ever job, which leaves the teenager in giggles and feeling a bit better about the whole ordeal.

Rick indulges Lexi, listening to her stories with a soft smile and hums of encouragement while Daryl coaxes Carl into a conversation about school and his little league practices. He doesn’t know a lot about the sport, but neither does the boy so it doesn’t really matter. Carl’s eyes go wide when Daryl tells him he’s once been to a NASCAR race and he shyly nods along when Lexi insists that they want to go to one, too.

Time always flies when he’s with family, so it seems like only minutes later when he finds himself standing next to Rick at the kitchen counter, doing the washing up while the girls and Carl retreat into the living room. The two youngest play a game on Carl’s console while Katie and Michonne chat about a sale that will be held in a large clothing store at the mall.

‘Dad,’ Katie shouts excitedly, ‘can I go with Michonne to the mall on Saturday?’

‘If she’ll take ya, yeah, sure,’ he answers. It’s no secret that he loathes shopping for anything, be it clothes for the girls or himself, or for furniture and house supplies. Even the regular trips to the supermarket leave him in a bad mood, the Saturday morning runs to Maggie’s shop being the only exception.

‘I want to go, too!’ Lexi shouts.

‘You can go with Michonne another time, Bat-man,’ Daryl says as he dunks a pan into the hot water to clean it.

‘She won’t mind taking both of them,’ Rick says while drying a glass.

‘Nah, they need to have their own things,’ the Dixon shrugs. ‘Their own experiences, don’t always need to be joined at the hip. Gives Katie a chance to say her piece, ya know. Talk about different shit than whatever six-year olds are obsessed with that day.’

‘Yeah.’

Daryl glances at the cop. ‘Glass ain’t gonna get any drier than that, man. Move on or we’ll be here ‘till fuckin’ midnight.’

‘Sorry.’ Rick puts the glass in a cabinet near his head. ‘Look, what I wanted to talk to you about... You know that guy who lives past the watermill? He owns the hunting cabin next to yours.’

‘Merle’s,’ Daryl corrects automatically. ‘But yeah, Rigsey. What about him? He done something stupid?’ He hesitates for a moment but then shrugs, ‘caught him makin’ moonshine again? I know he rebought the shit to do it.’

‘No, it’s not about that. He came into the station yesterday, said he’d found something weird in the woods beyond the cabin.’ Rick dries his hands on the towel and grabs his phone, opening a folder with pictures. ‘This is confidential, okay? I’m not showing you this.’

‘’course not,’ Daryl hums. ‘Didn’t see shit.’

‘Good. He said he likes to take walks to _check his land_. We know he hunts off season,’ Rick says before Daryl can open his mouth. ‘We just don’t have the manpower to catch him red-handed, but that’s not the point right now. He came across this.’ He shows Daryl a picture.

It’s grainy, clearly a picture of another picture displayed on a computer screen. It shows a fallen tree, probably felled by a summer storm. The tree had splintered, leaving a couple of feet at the base upright. Perched on top is a deer’s head. Eyes dull and with blood dripping down the bark of the tree.

‘Shit,’ Daryl whispers as he leans in closer to look at the picture. ‘That was on his land?’

‘Yeah. What do you think?’

‘What do I think about a deer’s head on a damn stake?’ Daryl whispers with a glance at the living room. ‘That there’s one sick dude out there. Cuttin’ off their head ‘nd taking it home, fixin’ it up themselves like some damn trophy , yeah, that shit happens. But leavin’ it like _that_? Fuck.’ He sucks on his teeth. ‘I dunno, man. Movie shit. Mobster’s message, right?’

‘Maybe.’

Daryl wrinkles his nose. ‘This ain’t moonshine or smack goin’ down wrong. Pretty bad picture, but that looks like a clean cut to me. Nobody cuts clean when they’re all jacked up on something. He found the rest some place?’

‘No. Tara and I went out there today but we didn’t find anything either. We checked the scene, but you’re right; someone did this with intent. They cleaned up after themselves.’ Rick puts the phone away. ‘You haven’t been out there at all lately?’

‘Nah, man.’

‘What about Merle?’

‘You think-‘

‘Maybe he saw something,’ Rick says quickly, holding up a soothing hand to make clear that he isn’t casting an accusation. ‘Rigsey hasn’t heard of any new people coming into the area, but he keeps to himself. Merle still hangs around with the old crowd, right? Maybe he’s heard something, or he came across anything like this.’

‘Would have heard if he’d come across a fuckin’ head on a pike, man! Christ. Might be Merle’s place now, but we don’t go there anymore, and Merle’s all talk. Never been much of a hunter, but sure loved the drinkin’ that came with it afterwards.’

Rick nods. ‘Still, can you ask him?’

‘Yo, bro, seen any beheaded animals by the old man’s place lately? Pfft. Not if you want to keep this shit confidential. He’s gonna be runnin’ his mouth about it at the bar.’

The cop wipes a hand over his face. ‘You don’t have to mention – you know how to talk to him without actually telling him anything. Just... poke around a bit for me. Someone in his group of friends knows who the hell did this.’

Daryl sighs but nods. ‘Fine. I’ll sniff around a ‘lil bit.’

‘Thanks, brother.’ Rick puts a heavy hand on his shoulder, squeezing tightly before getting back to drying the dishes Daryl has cleaned. ‘So, what did you want to talk about?’

‘Told you; different shit for sure. Damn.’ He rinses another pan while thinking about what he actually wants to ask the cop. He’s glad that Rick just falls silent beside him, not urging him to speak until he’s ready. It takes a little while, but he finds the words eventually. ‘How’d you introduce Michonne to Carl?’

Rick’s eyebrows shoot up for a moment. ‘Oh. She just came around for dinner one night. Didn’t make a big deal out of it. They got along like a house on fire, thank God. Why? Are you thinking about introducing Jesus to the girls?’

Daryl shrugs. ‘Yeah.’

‘Things are going good between you two then?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Good. I’m glad.’

Daryl scratches at his cheek and then rubs his cheek on his shoulder because his fingers are still wet. ‘You don’t think it’s too soon?’

Rick leans against the counter with his hip. ‘It’s been what? Three months now?’

‘I guess.’

‘No, I don’t think it’s too soon. If you’re thinking about introducing him, then you’re pretty sure about him. It’s not like I see you running after _every_ pretty blond thing and dragging him over to meet the girls.’

Daryl glares at him. ‘Call him that again and I’m gonna fuck you up.’

Rick laughs. ‘Jus teasing, brother.’ The smile fade into a more serious expression. ‘You’re worried about what the girls will think?’

‘Nah. Katie’s cool with it, I think. Kinda wants to meet him. And you know how Lex is, so that won’t be a problem.’

‘So what is the problem?’

Daryl scowls. ‘Didn’t say there were one.’

Rick nods. ‘Okay. Then go for it. He seems like a good guy, talked to him a couple of times while he was working. And Tara really likes having him back in town, so… Hey.’ He puts his hand on Daryl’s shoulder again. ‘You’re happy. This is a _good_ thing.’

‘Hmh.’

‘God knows you deserve it.’

Daryl glances up sharply but the bell rings and Rick gives him a small smile that’s almost sad.

‘Go for it,’ he says before he walks towards the front door.

It’s Shane, who’s come to pick up Carl. The cops shake hands and exchange some small talk before Lexi launches herself at the visitor. Shane easily scoops her up, throwing her over his shoulder without interrupting his talk with Rick. The girl giggles as the man carries her back to the living room.

‘Carl, time to go,’ Rick says as he shuts the console off. ‘Go grab your bag.’

The boy grins at Shane and slinks away to grab his things. The bag is already in the kitchen, packed and ready to go, but he stuffs some last minute things into it. Daryl kneels down to help him close it back up to save the pages of the comic book that had almost gotten stuck in the zipper.

‘Thanks, Daryl,’ Carl breathes, always a bit shy, before darting into the hallway to grab his jacket.

Shane smiles down at him when he comes back out. ‘All good to go, sport? Good. Give your dad a big kiss.’

‘ _Shane_!’ the boy moans.

‘Go on,’ the cop laughs as he swats at the boy’s head. ‘I wish I could give my old man a big kiss, gotta get them while you can, man. Bye Michonne,’ he waves at the woman, ‘Katie, see you around!’

Rick scoops his kid up, hugging him tightly and carrying him towards the front door, their conversation quiet and private. Carl’s forehead against his, eyes exactly the same shade of blue. Their grins match too. ‘I love you,’ Rick says before kissing his cheek soundly.

‘I love you, too, dad,’ Carl says as he lands on his feet again. ‘Oh!’ He darts past his father, back into the living room and jumps on the couch, landing on his knees so he can give Michonne a quick hug. ‘Bye!’

‘See you soon, Carl,’ she smiles. ‘Say hi to your mom from me.’

‘Yeah!’ the boy runs back out of the room, ‘bye Lexi ‘nd Katie. Bye Daryl!’

‘Later, kid,’ Daryl laughs. He watches how the boy grabs hold of Shane’s hand as they walk to the car together. Rick leans against the door post and stays there until they drive off, tail lights disappearing around the corner.

 

 

‘Hey, Lex,’ Daryl murmurs as he lies next to her in her bed. One arm curled around her as she leans against his chest. It’s cramped but cozy. She tears her gaze away from the book he’s holding in his right hand, big blue eyes staring up at him. ‘I already asked Katie, but I figured I might as well ask you, too. There’s this guy, who I  - I erm… He’s probably going to come ‘round for dinner some time. That’d be cool, right?’

She frowns but then her eyes widen even more, excitement flooding her face. ‘ _Eric_?’

Daryl laughs, ‘no, not Eric, silly. But it’s kinda like that. You know how Eric and Aaron are together? Eric is Aaron’s boyfriend?’

Lexi nods.

‘I have a friend like that, too. A boyfriend.’

A slow blink and a silence.

‘Remember how we talked about that? That a boy can like a girl, like Rick likes Michonne? But a boy can like a boy, too? Like Aaron and Eric?’

She nods again. ‘And a girl can like a girl, like Tara and Denise!’

‘That’s right. But there are also people who like both. Boys and girls.’

‘Like you because you have a boyfriend!’

Daryl smiles. ‘Yeah.’

‘But you liked mom first!’

‘Yeah.’

Lexi grins at him, reaching up to touch the dip at the base of his neck, between his collarbones. It’s a spot she’s always been fascinated with, though Daryl has no idea why. As long as she’s gentle, he doesn’t mind. The tiny fingers soon migrate to the scruff on his chin, plucking at it. He playfully bites at her fingers to make her stop.

‘Would it be okay if he came to have dinner? His name is Paul. He’s really nice.’

‘Yeah, okay.’

‘Thanks,’ Daryl smiles. ‘Want to hear the rest of the story now?’

Lexi scoots even closer, burying herself in his side. ‘Yeah. But it’s okay if you read the rest.’

‘Nice try. I read a paragraph, you read a paragraph until we reach the end of the chapter, okay, Bat-man?’

She presses her face briefly into the crook of his neck with a suffering groan but settles down when he starts to read, his finger pointing out the words so she can keep track of them. Her parts are slow and she stumbles over words, but she’s getting better at it, picking up speed near the end of her paragraph.

‘Good job,’ he mutters softly when the chapter ends. A kiss good night, the blanket tucked around her shoulders and then he slips out of the room.

 

**Daryl Dixon**

_You busy next Friday night?_

**Paul Rovia**

_Work! Next Saturday?_

**Daryl Dixon**

_Katie at work. Got a night off during the week?_

 

**Paul Rovia**

_Next Thursday. We going on a date?_

 

**Daryl Dixon**

_You wanna come have dinner here? The girls will be home. You don’t have to._

 

Daryl bites on the nail of his thumb while he waits for Paul to respond.

 

**Paul Rovia**

_Sounds like a date to me! Do I need to bring anything? Chocolate ice cream?_

Daryl smirks at the screen.

 

**Daryl Dixon**

_Only if you want to never get rid of us._

 

 


	12. Dinner

 

 

* * *

 

 

The girls are sitting at the kitchen table. Katie is using Lexi’s colored pencils to finish her anatomy drawings for biology while her little sister draws a crooked Batman sign next to her. They’re talking about a television show that will be on Saturday. Katie always stays up to watch it, curled up under her blanket on the couch, but Lexi isn’t allowed to stay up so late. It doesn’t really matter because the teenager doesn’t mind watching it again on Sunday morning, even though she sometimes can’t resist to spoil minor things.

‘Start clearing the table in a minute, Kit-Kat,’ Daryl says while he checks whether the lasagna is almost ready in the oven. ‘And Lex, help set the table, okay?’

‘What time is it?’ Lexi asks eagerly. ‘Is it six o’clock yet?’

‘Five more minutes,’ Katie tells her after a glance at the clock. ‘Finish your drawing.’

‘He’s going to be here in _five_ minutes?’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl laughs. ‘Dinner, remember?’

‘Why are you so excited? My God, it’s just some guy,’ Katie murmurs.

‘ _Dad’s boyfriend_ ,’ Lexi whispers at her like it’s a secret.

‘Yeah…’

Daryl sits down on the counter and wipes his hand dry on his jeans. It doesn’t surprise him that Katie doesn’t seem thrilled about meeting Paul now. He recognizes the reluctance and faked nonchalance for what it is; nerves. He watches how she starts to rearrange her drawings, putting them back in the folder before stuffing it into the backpack that’s by the backdoor. Lexi gathers the pencils to put them back into the case before running over to the cabinet where they keep their art supplies.

Together they grab the plates, knives and forks, with Lexi slapping them down on the table while Katie follows her; rearranging them until everything is in its proper place. One plastic cup and three glasses next to the plates. Katie fills a carafe with water but won’t let Lexi carry it to the table because she might drop it.

‘But I can do it!’ Lexi shouts as she dances around her sister. ‘Katie, I can – ‘

The doorbell rings and she immediately falls silent. Eyes wide, frozen in place. After a second, her gaze flashes to Daryl.

‘Right on time,’ he says as he slides off the counter. ‘Wash your hands, Batman.’

She nods but stays rooted on the spot, eyes tracking how Daryl makes his way into the hallway, closing the door behind him.

Paul is standing on his porch. A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips when Daryl opens the door for him. ‘Hey.’

‘Hey, man,’ Daryl grins, stepping aside so he can come in. ‘You didn’t chicken out, huh?’

‘No, just sweating like a pig now, but that’s okay.’ He takes his coat off and puts it on a hanger. The long hair frames his face as he chews on his lip for a moment, gaze darting to the door to the living room. ‘So… how are you?’

Daryl huffs out a breath of laughter before stepping closer, his hand caressing the man’s cheek before he steals a quick kiss. ‘Fine. Dinner is almost ready.’

‘Great. That’s.. that’s great.’

‘I cooked so they won’t eat you alive,’ Daryl smirks. ‘Come in before you pass out on me.’

The man breathes in deeply and then flashes him a smile. ‘Yeah. Lead the way.’

Daryl shoves his shoulder lightly before heading back into the living room. The carafe is on the table now, ice blocks tinkling quietly. Katie is leaning against the table with her hip, arms crossed as she looks down at Lexi, who is now trying to hide behind her. Despite her usual antics, she’s always nervous when being formally introduced to someone. The whole procedure still baffles her, preferring to just bound up to random people she meets wherever she goes.

Or maybe it’s Katie’s nerves, rubbing off on her this time.

Paul steps into the living room too and closes the door behind him. For a moment he just stands there, looking a bit lost. ‘Hi.’

Katie eyes him suspiciously. At first Daryl thinks he might have to intervene, but she unfolds her arms and pushes herself away from the table, walking over. ‘Hi Paul,’ she holds out her hand. ‘My name is Katie.’

‘It’s nice to meet you,’ Paul nods as they shake. He looks at the little girl who is now pulling nervously at her own fingers near the table. ‘And you must be Lexi. Hi.’

‘Hi,’ Lexi murmurs without looking at him.

‘Lexi,’ Katie scolds gently before Daryl has the chance. ‘Come over and shake his hand.’

‘That’s okay,’ Paul says hurriedly. ‘It’s kind of scary to meet new people sometimes.’

‘But it ain’t no reason to be rude,’ Katie huffs. ‘Lexi, _come on_.’

The little girl slowly walks over and then reaches out to shake Paul’s hand. Fingers limp and Paul doing most of the work, but she shakes it. As soon as the man lets go, she darts behind Daryl, holding onto his waist and leaning into his frame.

‘Good job, Batman,’ her dad strokes her blonde curls. Then he walks over to the fridge, easily shaking her off again. ‘You want a drink, man?’

‘Yeah, sure. Whatever you’re having is fine.’

He pours two glasses of soda because he knows the girls prefer to just have water with their dinner. When he glances over his shoulder, he sees that Paul is nervously fidgeting with the sleeves of his long shirt while Katie twirls a strand of hair around her finger, eyebrows slightly raised as she pointedly look another way. Lexi has drifted over to her usual seat, ready to climb on.

‘Paul,’ Daryl calls out, ‘mind grabbin’ these glasses? I’ll take the lasagna out of the oven. Katie, grab the salad, please.’

The other man looks relieved to have something to do, so he darts over to grab the two glasses from the counter. Then he walks back to the table. He hesitates for a moment. ‘Err – Do you have fixed seats or - ?’

Daryl doesn’t answer as he bends down to grab the lasagna.

‘Here,’ Lexi’s soft voice comes. ‘That’s dad’s plate.’

‘Thank you, Lexi,’ Paul says formally as he puts one glass down. ‘And that’s your seat, right? Next to your dad?’

‘Yeah…’

‘You can sit next to me,’ Katie offers as she slides into her seat across from Lexi and leaves a spot for Paul. ‘We don’t really have fixed seats but Lex is being all shy, so it’s better if she sits next to dad.’

Daryl smiles as he carries the lasagna over to the table. ‘Good, sit your butt down, Lex.’

‘Do you want to say grace?’ Katie asks Paul.

‘I don’t usually, but if you all-‘

‘Nah,’ Daryl falls into his own seat and helps Lexi with scooting her chair closer to the table. ‘We don’t. So, how was work today, Paul?’

‘Oh, yeah – fine. Bit boring.’

Katie wrinkles her nose. ‘You worked today? I thought dad said you are a bartender at that place near the garage. That’s closed during the day.’

Paul nods. ‘I am. I had to come in this morning to do the inventory. We count how many bottles of each wine and hard liquor we have left, whether we need to adjust the orders, stuff like that. It’s mostly just counting things.’ He shifts in his seat. ‘How –err… how – did you have school today?’

The teenager gives him a pointed look. ‘Yeah?’

Paul glances at Daryl for a second, ‘how was that?’

‘Just school.’

‘Oh. Right.’

Daryl snorts. ‘Welcome to my life. You need to nag before she’ll spill all her super-secret school stuff. Don’t take it personally. And this little lady had school today, too. Want to tell Paul about the project you did?’

Lexi squirms in her seat. She glances up at her dad. ‘You tell.’

‘But you did it, so you know the story best,’ he grabs his knife to cut the lasagna into pieces before lifting one to each plate. It’s one of his fail-safe recipes and most people love it. Paul’s not a picky eater, they’ve been to a couple of dinners now and he seems to enjoy all kinds of food, but Daryl still didn’t want to risk making something he might not like. Lasagna was the safest bet.

‘Okay,’ Lexi shifts so she’s sitting on her hands to stop fidgeting. ‘We did a project at school today.’

Paul waits for a beat, clearly expecting more. He blinks. ‘Oh. What kind of project?’

‘With straws.’

‘ _Straws_? Okay…’ Paul grabs his knife and fork, rubbing his thumb over the metal of the utensils. ‘So what did you make?’

‘A maze.’

Katie sighs and rolls her eyes, slumping in her seat.

Daryl gives her a stern look.

‘That sounds cool,’ Paul says after following the exchange between the older Dixon’s with his eyes. ‘How did you do that?’

Lexi takes a deep breath. ‘We had to bend them and stick them to paper and then we had to solve them.’ She glances up at the other man. ‘Some were really hard. Older kid made them.’

‘She’s in a class for kids who are super-smart, right Lex?’ Daryl says with a smirk. ‘One afternoon every two weeks they all come together to do a special project. Last time they had to team up with someone from a different class and they had to build a bridge together, right?’

Lexi nods. ‘Ours didn’t work.’

‘Your bridge didn’t work?’ Paul asks with a frown.

‘Broke.’

‘Oh… Erm… But you had fun building it?’

‘Yeah!’ Lexi smiles at him.

‘Cool!’ Paul smiles back.

Katie scoffs and pokes at her lasagna. Then she turns to Paul. ‘Our mom was really smart, too.’

The suddenness of the comment leaves both Daryl and Paul reeling. The Dixon freezes but the bartender recovers quickly. He reaches up to put his hair into a messy bun, flashing the teenager a smile. ‘She must have been. I don’t think your dad had anything to do with you two turning out so clever.’

‘ _Hey_!’ Daryl says as Lexi giggles and Katie has to suppress her own chuckles.

‘Daryl told me you’re doing good in school,’ Paul tells the teenager. ‘What’s your favorite subject?’

‘History.’

‘Really? I liked that a lot, too.’

‘And English.’

‘I hate grammar!’ Lexi suddenly says loudly, slumping over her plate and kicking her feet against the legs of the chair. ‘And spelling bees! _I hate spelling bees_!’

‘Yeah, I didn’t like those too much either,’ Paul agrees with a nod, ‘but the books are kind of fun, right?’

‘ _No_!’

Katie beams, ‘yeah!’ She meets Paul’s eye and hurriedly hides her smile. ‘I mean _, I guess_ …’

‘Ok, well, nobody complimented me on my damn lasagna yet,’ Daryl cuts in, ‘so I’m just going to say it; tastes great. Here, Lex, have some water. Careful, small bites, it’s hot, okay?’

‘Shi- shoot,’ Paul laughs, ‘sorry. It tastes great, Daryl. Thanks for having me.’

‘Yeah you’re welcome, glad you could come. I told you about the bike we’re building right now, right? The one with-‘

‘The special lighting patterns? All tron-esque?’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl nods. He laughs and shakes his head before telling Paul and the kids all about how the company where he’d had the custom lights made had messed up the order, resulting into something that had reminded both Daryl and Merle more of a botched-up Christmas tree than a cool, sleek bike. It had taken him two hours on the phone to figure the mess out, one hour with the company to put a new order in and get the costs of the first waved, and another hour with the customer who hadn’t been happy with the delay.

It turns into a conversation about how Paul had spent a couple of weeks riding around on his bike with just a flashlight attached to the handlebars because the garage had to order a new part to fix the problem with his wiring and he couldn’t bear to part from his ride. Katie pipes up with the story about how every time Rick spots her riding her bike through the town from school, he’ll flip the lights on on his police car to say hi. It’s a better greeting than the one Shane usually does, because he will force her to pull over, ordering it over the speaker set for the whole town to hear, before inspecting her bike like it’s one of Daryl’s rides. Testing the brakes, the lights, the suspension and then sending her on her way with a warning that she should really be wearing a helmet, but that he’ll let it slide just this once.

Of course that sparks a debate about helmets. Daryl and Paul bickering over whether modular helmets have any advantages, and both of the girls looking horrified when their dad tells them that Shane might have a good point.

The dinner passes quickly. At the end, Lexi is back to talking a mile a minute but Katie sticks to her short answers. She steals glances at Paul out of the corner of her eye as if she’s still trying to figure him out.

Daryl lets her. Over the years he has found out that it’s better to not push her with these kinds of things.

‘Can I have some more?’

Daryl smirks and nods at the same time. He watches how Paul grabs another helping.

‘It was mom’s recipe,’ Katie says. ‘Do you like it?’

Paul’s hand hesitates before he grabs his fork. ‘Yeah,’ he answers. ‘It’s really good.’

‘ _Mom’s_ recipe?’ Daryl asks with a raised eyebrow. ‘What? Your mom is Jamie Oliver now or something? Weren’t her recipe, girl. It’s straight out of a damn cookbook.’

‘Well,’ Katie throws her hair over her shoulder, ‘she used to make it all the time!’

‘No, she didn’t.’ Her dad leans forward, ‘I don’t know what you’re tryin’ to do here, but you _will_ stop it. _Right now_.’

The teenager sneers at him before she turns to Paul fully. ‘My dad still has my mom’s postcard on his nightstand. _Wish you were here_. Did you know that?’

To his credit, Paul just chews on his lasagna, swallows and then gives her a small smile. ‘No, I didn’t. That’s nice. It’s important to keep those things around, I think. Keeps her close, right? Last time I was here, I saw a picture of her on the wall. It was taken at a beach. Did she like the beach?’

Katie blinks at him. ‘… yeah. She did.’

Paul nods. ‘It’s a great picture.’

The girl nods. Her shoulders sag. ‘We used to go there during the summer holiday. The picture is of the first time Lexi saw the ocean.’

‘Amazing.’

‘Yeah.’ Katie hesitates for a moment. ‘She used to make these mobiles, with the shells, you know? She’d drill little holes in them and then tied them to a piece of driftwood with fishing wire. There’s one in each of our rooms.’ She bites on the nail of her thumb. ‘Can I show you?’

‘Sure. Yeah, it sounds great, so…’

Katie slides off her chair, giving Paul a smile that’s still a little uncertain, but genuine at last. Then she glances at Daryl. ‘Is that okay, dad?’

Daryl nods. He listens to how the girl runs up the stairs to her room. When it all goes quiet upstairs for a second, he meets Paul’s eyes.

The other man smiles at him. Eyes blue in this light, pink tongue darting out to lick some tomato sauce from his lower lip. One elbow on the table, completely relaxed as he scrapes the last bit of lasagna onto his fork, throwing the utensil down when he has taken the bite. ‘ _So good_!’

Lexi giggles and nods in agreement.

‘You eat this all the time?’ Paul ask her with a playful glint in his eyes. ‘How come you aren’t 6oo pounds and a thousand feet tall, hmm?’

The little girl laughs, ‘I don’t know!’

‘Me neither,’ the man grins back. ‘Crazy.’

‘ _You’re_ crazy!’

‘Yeah,’ Paul agrees easily. ‘Sorry about that. I try to keep it under wraps, but sometimes it just slips out.’

Lexi gives him a sympathetic look. ‘That’s okay.’

Paul snorts. ‘Thank you, Lexi.’

Footsteps on the stairs again. Slower this time, because the teenager is carrying something precious and fragile.

Daryl cocks an eyebrow, ‘ready for round two?’

The look the man gives him is one of suffering and fear, but then he laughs. ‘Born ready.’

‘Well, you’re winnin’.’

Paul perks up at that. He sits up and throws Katie a bright smile when she reenters the room. ‘Whoa, that’s it? She made that?’

 

 

Lexi is asleep and Katie has disappeared upstairs.

Paul is lying between Daryl’s legs on the couch, head on the hunter’s chest as he listens to the soft music that’s flowing over them. Fingers card through his long hair. Every couple of minutes there’s a small tug and he’ll lift his head up, kissing Daryl softly.

The Dixon smiles down at the man. ‘Tired, huh?’

‘Didn’t sleep much,’ Paul admits. ‘And that was _rough_.’

‘Never said it would be easy,’ Daryl murmurs. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t think she’d throw all that at you. She said it was fine, you know…’

‘There’s a difference between a hypothetical situation and having a strange guy eat your mom’s special lasagna.’

‘Guess so,’ the Dixon says with a huff of laughter. ‘Mom’s special lasagna…. Pfft.’

Paul shakes against him as a he laughs. ‘Your face when she said that. Gold.’

‘Got some balls makin’ shit like that up with me at the table, I’ll give her that.’

‘Teenagers,’ Paul sighs. ‘I don’t know how you do it. It feels like seven trains ran me over.’

‘It gets easier.’

The man hums and nuzzles Daryl, pressing his nose into the hunter’s neck, hugging him tightly before relaxing against him again. He’s heavy, but not uncomfortably so. A solid weight grounding Daryl. He runs his fingers through the long hair again until they glide onto the man’s back, following his spine. Up and down, up and down, before he draws circles on his shoulder blades.

Paul closes his eyes, enjoying the sensation.

One arm folded behind his own head, his free hand caressing every inch of Paul’s body that he can reach. Fingertips ghosting over the shell of his ear, his jaw, over that shoulder to his ribs, over his toned arms. There’s no real intent when he slips his hand under Paul’s shirt, just the desire to feel that hot skin under his palm.

He leaves it there. Nails softly scratching until Paul hums at him, arching his back a little to urge him to scratch harder.

Daryl smirks and closes his eyes, just enjoying the feeling of holding someone like this after so long.

Fifteen minutes later, Paul pushes himself up when there are footsteps coming down the stairs. He sits up and runs a hand through his hair, trying to not look like a sleepy mess when Katie comes back in.

She walks over to the couch. ‘I’m going to bed,’ she says before she darts forward to press a kiss to her dad’s cheek. ‘Night dad.’ A moment of hesitation. ‘Good night, Paul. It was nice to meet you.’

‘Yeah, you too, Katie. Sweet dreams.’

At the door, she turns back around for a second. ‘I’m sorry about…. I’m just sorry.’

‘It’s fine,’ Paul says with a soft smile. ‘It really was nice meeting you.’

‘Okay,’ she says quietly. ‘Hope I see you around.’

Daryl smiles at his daughter. ‘He ain’t going nowhere,’ he assures her. ‘I still haven’t trained Lexi.’

Katie laughs and disappears around the corner, heading back upstairs.

Paul slides back into Daryl’s embrace. ‘Trained Lexi to do what?’

‘Nothing,’ Daryl murmurs as he puts his arms around the man. ‘Don’t worry about it.’

 

 

The door to his office is open when he enters the shop on Sunday morning. He always locks it out of habit when he leaves. There’s expensive equipment there, his drawing tablets and monitors, the smartboard which helps him give presentations when he needs to show his designs to larger groups, the powerful computer which does all their renderings for them. He trusts all of his staff, of course, but an extra layer of security might be annoying enough for a thief to not even want to try.

Daryl frowns and picks up a wrench from Greg’s cart.

His footsteps are dull thuds on the steel staircase.

‘The fuck is that for a faggoty color? Make it black or something.’

‘Black? No! That’s not.. like… _inviting_.’

‘Want them to dump their cash in our pockets, not a load up our asshole, you dick head. _Inviting_ ,’ Merle scoffs. ‘Twenty dollar whore is inviting plenty, but that don’t mean you gonna give them the twenty bucks, right?’

‘That doesn’t make any sense.’

Daryl relaxes and steps onto the landing. When he leans against the doorpost of his office, he can see that Merle is standing behind the desk, looking over Max’s shoulder. The teenager is working on Daryl’s computer. The eyebrows are drawn together in concentration until Merle clips him across the back of his head.

‘What do ya mean that don’t make sense?’ the oldest Dixon asks. ‘You ever had the clap, boy? You ain’t gonna give them twenty bucks unless you want that in return.’ His eye falls on his brother at the door. ‘Oh shit. You just get summoned whenever I say fag or something? You a gay demon, boy? I’m sorry for usin’ a bad word. It’s your day off. What the hell are you doing here?’

Daryl rolls his eyes but smiles. ‘Got two hours to spare, thought I’d get some work done before heading over to Hershel’s later.’

‘Yeah? Where are the ladies at?’

‘At Rick’s.’

‘That goddamn pig,’ Merle scoffs even though he has long since given up on hating the cop. ‘Two hours to spare and you didn’t think to run to your boyfriend and give him a bit of lovin’? The fuck are you hounding us for?’

‘Did that yesterday,’ Daryl smirks as he stretches lazily.

Max’s head shoot up, eyes wide.

Merle slaps him again. ‘Mind your own damn business, you ain’t old enough to be gettin’ your dick wet with anyone so don’t go judging where we stick ours, okay? Fuck off. Now,’ he turns back to Daryl, ‘you keep that shit to yourself, okay? Might be all peachy, but I ain’t gonna be carrying no goddamn rainbow flag all around town for you. Don’t give me the I-just-got-fucked-look. I’m warnin’ ya.’

‘Maybe I fucked him.’

Merle thinks for a second. ‘Better, but still none of my business, so shut up.’

‘Better?’ Daryl laughs as he walks into the office and falls onto the couch in the corner. ‘You’re a piece of shit, Merle. What the hell are you two doing here anyway?’

‘This is all on you, baby brother,’ Merle snaps as he jobs a finger in Max’s direction. ‘You put him in charge of social media? Our PR? Huh? Still wet behind his ears, don’t even know the difference between a car and a goddamn bike, but he sure can take pretty pictures hmm?’

Max sighs and looks up. ‘I wanted to set up the social media accounts like you asked me to,’ he tells Daryl. ‘But the library is closed today and I ran out of data on my phone. We,’ he looks back at the screen stoically, ‘we don’t really have Wi-Fi or anything at our place. Asked Merle if he could open up for me today. He didn’t need to stay,’ the boy adds with a glare at the other man.

‘Who the hell doesn’t have internet?’ Merle demands to know.

Daryl narrows his eyes. ‘You don’t have to come in on your day-off to do that, Max. You could have done it Tuesday during your regular hours.’

Max shrugs.

‘Max,’ Daryl says softly as he leans forward, elbows on his knees.

‘Didn’t really want to be home,’ Max says because Daryl already knows about that. It’s easy to spot it in someone else when you’re so used to hiding the symptoms yourself. If you’re looking for it. Unlike Merle, Daryl is always looking for it. ‘It’ll be fine in an hour or so.’

‘Okay. Next time, let me know though so I won’t come in just to find you hoggin’ my computer,’ he throws the boy a smirk to show that he isn’t angry. ‘Merle, I need to talk to you for a minute.’

The two Dixon brothers head outside and sit down on the picnic table. It’s their usual spot to take smoke breaks so Daryl gladly accepts one when Merle pulls a rumpled package out of his pocket. He leans in to let his brother light it for him, inhaling sharply until the flame catches.

‘What’s up, baby bro,’ Merle asks after a moment of silence.

‘I know it ain’t the season or anything, but have you been up to the cabin at all?’

Merle looks at him sharply. ‘No. Haven’t been there in years. We closed that door, baby brother.’ He shakes his head, ‘we should have gotten rid of it the moment we got it. That hell hole ain’t worth shit anyway.’

‘The land does,’ Daryl points out. ‘Nah, we’re stickin’ to the plan; once the prices go up again, market gets fixed, we sell it, split the earnings between the girls. It’s part of their college fund, right?’

‘’course,’ Merle nods. ‘Fine. We’ll stick to that plan.’ He inhales sharply through his teeth. ‘Why you askin’?’

‘Nothing, just wonderin’.’

‘Wouldn’t have anything to do with that head Rigsey found, right? Or the fact that there are pigs sniffing around in the woods? And one of those pigs being our best bud, huh? Come on. I ain’t stupid,’ his brother huffs. ‘Thought Rigsey was all talk until Reed started bitchin’ about Rick and Tara just blunderin’ around on his land without permission. Know what Rick told him?’

‘To fuck off?’

‘To fuck off,’ Merle agrees with a laugh. ‘Boy of yours got balls, but no brains. Lot of hunting accidents out there. Hmm-hmm-hmm. He’s just waiting on a bullet coming his way.’

Daryl nods and shrugs at the same time. ‘He’s all right for a cop.’

‘Suppose. Loud-mouth is worse, that’s for damn sure.’

‘What, Shane?’

‘Tara,’ Merle smirks. ‘That firecracker. Gave me an honest to God speeding ticket on her first day. She ever tell you that? She fuckin’ pulled me over and gave me a speedin’ ticket while Rick was pissing himself laughing in the car, hangin’ back like the damn coward he is.’

Daryl laughs. ‘You’ve told me that story a thousand times, man. Happened months ago.’

‘Still pisses me off.’

 You like Tara, just admit it.’

Merle laughs. ‘Yeah, she’s a’right.’ He lifts the cigarette to his mouth again and looks at his brother. ‘But you just run back to that fuckin’ pig and tell him old Merle doesn’t know anything about a deer’s head mounted on a pike, okay? Know it was there,’ he says with a nod when Daryl opens his mouth. ‘Don’t know who put it there, don’t know why. Never happened before, nothing like that. So run along now, Darlina.’ He glances at his watch. ‘If ya hurry, you can still blow your man before pickin’ the girls up.’

Daryl looks at his watch, too. ‘Don’t need ninety minutes to do that. I’m damn good at it. Besides, he’s hanging out with some old friends someplace. Come on, let’s go grab an early drink together, brother. We’ll come back to lock up after Max.’

Twenty five minutes later, Merle is standing in the middle of the mostly-empty bar, a beer in his hand while giving an empty chair a lap dance to act out the story he’s telling about some drunk girl who’d once come onto him. Daryl laughs so hard that his sides hurt and there are tears stinging in his eyes.

 

 

 


	13. The market

 

* * *

 

 

Four weeks later, there’s a big event one town over. It’s a local market which allows independent companies to showcase their products. The farmers flock towards it, eager to get some more money in the till and promote their homemade products. Cheese and meat and all kinds of jams, but also clothing made from wool. It’s not just farmer’s market. Local dance schools give performances on the square while the fire department lets children climb onto their trucks as they try to convince their parents to join the force. The sheriff’s department is there too, giving special demonstrations all day long and urging hunters to get their gear checked thoroughly before the season starts again.

This is the first time that Daryl’s garage will be represented there as well. He’s been in this town for five years now. The first time he hadn’t even known of the phenomenon, too busy with setting everything up to worry about such a thing as marketing, but the second year he’d applied for a spot. It had been rejected. When he’d called to ask why, nobody had been able to give him a clear answer.

He hadn’t tried again.

They usually visit the market though, because the girls actually like it and Daryl thinks it’s something families do. Over the years, he’s grown fonder of the event because he’s gotten to know more people outside of his own small town. Like Tara and Denise. Tara helps at the sheriff’s department stand while Denise usually wanders from stand to stand, chatting with the people of her community. Aaron and Eric who always arrive early to get the best deals before they’re sold out.

The Greene family always has a huge stand at the center of the market. Wildly successful due to the pies Annette makes and the herbal tea mixes Beth creates from wild flower, as well as the products that are usually sold in Maggie’s store. The girls run the show while Hershel and the boys make sure that they’re not running out of stock.

They’re the reason why an invitation suddenly fell on Daryl’s doormat, of course. A gigantic spot right next to the Greene family. Daryl had hesitated. They sell custom bikes, not something you sell at a local market. Sure they can bring their helmets, their gloves and locks to sell, but that’s not their core business. The guys and especially the interns, however, had been over the moon.

Even Merle had started to draw up plans on how to build their stand. Daryl had caved eventually. They might not sell bikes that very day, but getting their name out there would be worth the hassle. He’s let Merle take care of most of it, however. From building the stands to making sure they have enough staff and marketing materials, it’s all been his brother’s task.

Daryl had been a bit skeptical about it all, but Merle loves the shop and he has an odd knack for riling the team up to get things done. The interns have been given agenda’s in which to put appointments for their main mechanics; the first one to fill them up at the market won’t have to pay for drinks for a month. He’d even gone so far as to drag himself to the sheriff’s department, demanding to speak with Tara because he likes her best, and striking a deal where they supply the kid’s helmets for the police stand where they promote bike safety for kids.

All of it had been worth it to see Greg paint a helmet neon-pink before expertly drawing a Hello-Kitty figurine on the top.

It’s still early in the morning when Daryl pushes his bike over the ramp onto the bed of his truck. The bikes of the kids are already secured on one side. They’ll be showpieces just like Daryl’s own bike. It’s the first bike he’d ever built, a monster of a machine, charming in the sense that everyone can clearly see that it was the first one. Just sheet metal and moving parts, no beautiful paintjob or intricate wiring for special light effects, not even a shiny body to hide the ugly parts. A true Dixon bike; raw beauty.

‘Why do we have to be there this early?’ Katie complains while she slumps over to the passenger side of the truck. ‘it won’t start until… in, like… _three hours_ or something.’

‘That’s right,’ Daryl nods as he removes the ramp and shuts the tailgate. ‘And I asked you whether you wanted to come and you said yes. I warned you that we would be going early and you said: _no problem._ ’

‘Our understanding of early is way different, dad.’

‘Apparently, but I don’t want to hear you complaining about it again, okay? You’re free to go back to bed, but I’m no Uber, okay? I’m not going to come back for you and pick you up whenever you feel like it.’

Katie lifts an eyebrow and puts a steel canister on the hood of the truck. ‘Your coffee, your bitchy highness. And yes, I would love to go to a farmer’s market at eight o’clock in the morning. Thank you for this _amazing_ opportunity.’ She rolls her eyes and slips inside the truck, putting her earbuds in.

With a sigh, Daryl grabs the canister before turning back to the house.

Lexi comes flying out of the door. Hair a mess of untamed curls, wearing yellow tights with her pink frilly skirt and orange shirt with a blue heart on her chest. The black boots she wears are the only thing that match with the rest. She holds out a green hairband. ‘Dad, fix my hair, please?’

Daryl glances at Katie, who’s laughing inside the car and trying to hide it by quickly looking away. ‘Sure, but it’s okay for now. Get in the car while I lock up, I’ll fix it later.’

There’s no point in trying to make her go back inside and change now. After so many years, he’s just glad that she’s dressed at all. Going shopping together has gotten significantly easier since he has stopped dragging her over to the girl’s department. She likes her skirts and tights, the more colorful the better, but also loves the shirts that have cartoon characters on them. Dinosaurs, or superhero symbols, and most of those are found in the boy’s side of the store.

Three meltdowns on one afternoon and he decided to just give up on the whole endeavor and let her have her dinosaur shirts.

He locks the house and jumps into the driver’s seat. Sunglasses slide onto the bridge of his nose before he looks at his oldest daughter. ‘Stop laughing.’

‘It wasn’t worth world war three, dad. It just wasn’t.’

‘Did you two at least eat breakfast while I was loading all this shit up?’

‘Annette is bringing us pancakes.’

Daryl frowns. ‘Annette won’t be there for another three hours!’

‘Oh no,’ Katie says as she looks at him. ‘I’m _so_ sorry. I guess we’ll just have to get those bagels from that bakery on the corner and some hot chocolate, right? Bet the cupcakes are on sale, too. You wouldn’t want us to starve, right dad?’

‘You ain’t cute.’

The teenager laughs, ‘liar, liar, pants on fire. Right Lexi? Dad’s a big old liar and he knows it.’

‘Yeah!’ the little girl agrees even though she’s not sure what’s going on.

 ‘I’m always outnumbered,’ Daryl mutters as he turns the keys to start the car.

‘Not anymore,’ Katie points out. ‘What time is Paul gonna be there, anyway?’

‘Around noon, I guess. He’s bringing lunch.’

‘Cool,’ Katie smiles before she turns her music on and slumps in her seat, forehead resting against the window as she waits for Daryl to pull out of their driveway. He does so after checking whether Lexi had buckled herself up correctly.

Then he reaches out and runs a hand through his daughter’s dark hair, squeezing the back of her neck before focusing on the road again. There aren’t many people out on the streets at this time of day, and on a Sunday no less. The temperature is still low, with the sun casting golden light over the fields between the two towns. They’re connected by one long road, just two lanes wide and with a spectacular view of the country side.

After half a mile, he slows down when he spots two figures walking beside the road. Katie plucks one of her earbuds out, sitting up suddenly.

‘Wait,’ she says when Daryl swerves slightly to avoid the two. ‘Dad, pull over. Pull over! I think that’s  - dad, stop the car.’

‘What?’ Daryl pulls over. ‘Something wrong with ‘em?’

‘No, no,’ Katie quickly says as she unbuckles herself, opening the door. ‘It’s one of my friends and her mom. I thought they were coming later, I didn’t know she was coming early, too.’

‘They’re going to the market?’

‘Yeah!’

‘Why the hell are they walkin’?’

Katie throws a look over her shoulder. ‘Can we just help them?’

‘We don’t have any room, Kit-kat, but, shit, that’s a long walk,’ he sighs. ‘Okay, let’s go. I’ll come back for them, leave Lex with Merle and –‘

‘Nah, we’ll fit,’ Katie assures him before she jumps out of the car.

‘Stay put,’ Daryl tells Lexi before closing the door behind him and locking it. He watches how his daughter bounds over to her friend, waving at her and shouting the girl’s name. Sophia. He hasn’t heard the name before but he’s bad at keeping track who is in and out of her circle of friends anyway.

It doesn’t escape his notice that the woman had subtly pushed the girl behind her when Katie had come running over. Nor how she keeps glancing over to him, shifting her weight despite the fact that her daughter runs a comforting hand over her arm before meeting Katie half-way.

Daryl sighs and starts to walk over, too. ‘Morning,’ he nods when he’s within earshot. ‘Headin’ into town?’

The woman seems to be about his age, maybe a couple of years older. Her hair has gone completely gray, cut short but curling at the ends. She’s smaller than him but not by much. She smiles but it looks fake. ‘Yes! Sophia is volunteering at the dance studio stand. I didn’t want her to walk all this way by herself.’

‘Sophia, huh?’

Katie smiles at her dad. ‘Yeah, I told you about her! She moved here, remember?’

‘Sorry, Kit-kat, never caught the name. Hi, Sophia, nice to meet you.’ He holds out his hand. ‘I’m Daryl, Katie’s dad.’

‘Good morning, sir,’ the girl says but she doesn’t reach out to take his hand. He drops it again.

‘Daryl _Dixon_?’ the woman asks.

‘ _Mom_!’ Sophia hisses.

She winches, ducking her head. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-‘

‘Yeah, we’re Dixon’s,’ Katie snarls, rolling her shoulders back and tilting her chin higher. ‘So what?’

Daryl laughs, ‘easy, tiger. She didn’t mean nothing by it, I’m sure. Listen,’ he tells the woman, ‘next town over is quite a walk. Your girl can ride with us if she wanna. Ain’t got enough space for all y’all.’

‘That’s okay, my husband expects me back.’

Sophia turns to her mother, voice low, ‘mom, come with us for the day. I don’t mind walking, you don’t have to go back…’

The woman smiles and brushes the blonde hair out of her daughter’s face, ‘it’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. I’ll tell him you have a project at school. Have fun.’

‘You know,’ Katie says as he scratches at her elbow, looking a bit unsure before offering the woman a gentle smile. ‘Soph and I can totally ride in the back with the bikes, so there will be enough room. And we don’t have to worry about the cops pulling us over, because my dad’s best friend is the deputy here. Rick Grimes. And his partner on the force is Tara Chambler. She’s awesome. Good friends of ours, too.’

The woman looks at her sharply.

‘Come on, Soph,’ Katie holds out her hand. ‘We’ll ride with the bikes.’

Daryl hides his grin. He looks at the woman. ‘Hope you had some coffee, because you’re gonna need it sitting next to the other one.’

‘Other one?’

‘Lexi, my youngest, she’s still in the car. Six,’ he says when the woman opens her mouth.

‘Thank you for this,’ she says as she falls into step beside him, nervously fidgeting with the collar of her shirt. ‘’My name is Carol.’

‘Nice to meet you,’ Daryl opens the door for her. ‘I’ll check whether the girls found a good spot, but Katie has been doing this all her life. Don’t worry about it.’ When the girls are secure, holding on to the handles and Daryl’s bike, he gets back in the car. It doesn’t surprise him that Lexi is already talking with the lady.

‘- gonna have cupcakes and hot chocolate, that’s what Katie said we could do if we skipped breakfast and dad didn’t notice, so we’re going to have cupcakes and hot chocolate.’

Carol blinks at the girl.

Lexi is used to that reaction and soldiers on. ‘And then we’re gonna sell a million bikes but I’m going to sit with Maggie, I think, or with Glenn but I don’t think he brought his games so maybe Maggie.’

‘Of course,’ Carol nods.

‘Paul’s coming, too! He’s gonna bring us lunch and he winked at me when dad told him to bring something healthy so I hope he brings… cake. Or ice cream, he likes ice cream! He can bring ice cream, I think, because he has a bike and he could drive really fast, but I don’t know if he will.’

‘Maybe,’ Carol says.

‘He’s dad’s boyfriend. Paul,’ she clarifies when Carol stares at her. ‘’s dad’s boyfriend.’

‘Okay. That’s nice.’

Lexi nods. ‘Do you like vanilla ice cream? I don’t because I already like chocolate ice cream and it’s the _best_ ice cream but he says no.’

‘I like both.’

‘No,’ Lexi shakes her head. ‘You can’t like both just as much. You have to like one more and chocolate ice cream is the best ice cream so… Paul’s wrong. Lyin’. But he’s real nice. Maybe you can meet him too, because you just met my dad and me and Katie and he’s going to be at the market, so you can meet him too.’

‘Lexi,’ Daryl says, reaching between the two seats to grab her foot. ‘Remember to breathe, okay? We got all day, no need to throw it all at her right now.’

‘Sorry,’ Lexi kicks her feet for a moment. Then she looks up at Carol again. ‘Can you fix my hair? Dad says he’s gonna do it when we get there, but uncle Merle’s gonna tease when he sees it like this, so…’

The woman smiles and turns towards the child. ‘Yeah, sure. I can fix your hair, no problem. Do you have a – ooh, that’s a pretty hairband! Green! I love it.’

‘ _Me too_!’ Lexi screams excitedly.

Daryl hadn’t missed how the woman had relaxed considerably when the girl had mentioned Paul. He rolls his window down and pats the side of the car two times. Katie echoes the greeting to show that they’re fine in the back.

Fifteen minutes later, Daryl pulls up behind their stand. He’d helped to build it yesterday, working together with Merle until it got too dark. And he has to give his brother some credit; it looks amazing. Most of the bikes are already on the little platforms, except for Daryl’s of course. Chrome gleaming in the early morning sunlight. The boys are taking a break, lounging on the bed of Merle’s truck, huddled close together and hiding in their hoodies, hands wrapped around their coffee mugs.

‘Morning,’ Daryl greets as he jumps out of the car. He walks to the back and holds out his hand so Sophia can take it. ‘Lemme help ya down, you can put your feet on the tire and then jump, I got you.’

The teenager looks at him warily. Then at his hand.

‘I got it,’ Katie waves him over. ‘Help me first.’ She puts her hand in his, balances on the side for a second and then just drops down. She hadn’t needed any help of course, not after having done it most of her life, hopping on and off the big trucks they like to drive, but now she can help her friend down.

Sophia does grab her hand and doesn’t mind when Katie later puts a hand on her ankle to guide her foot to the right place. She stumbles down, gasping at first before giggling when Katie catches her easily, the two girls hugging it out.

‘Good job,’ Daryl smiles.

‘Yo, little brother,’ Merle leers. ‘Where’ve you been hidin’ that, huh? What, ya ain’t into sharin’ no more?’

Daryl follows his gaze to Carol, who’d just stepped out of the car. He glares at his brother. ‘Don’t,’ he says simply.

Merle narrows his eyes and then leans back.

Daryl meets his gaze head on.

‘A’right,’ his brother laughs after a couple of seconds. ‘I won’t say nothing.’

‘Best not,’ Daryl agrees. ‘Sorry,’ he tells Carol, ‘just my asshole brother. Don’t worry about it.’

‘Uncle Merle is here already?’ Lexis screams from her seat, tugging at her seatbelt but forgetting to press the button in her excitement. ‘Uncle Merle! Merle, what- why –‘

‘The button, Batman.’

She slams her hand on the button and then jumps out of the car, running up to the truck and jumping on to fly into Merle’s waiting arms. The man laughs and lifts her up easily, hugging her tightly before kissing her cheek. They talk, his deep voice echoing her shrill one, and then burst out into laughter.

Daryl shakes his head. ‘Trouble, those two together.’

‘Your daughter is very sweet.’

‘Yeah, thanks,’ Daryl nods. ‘You gonna be okay now?’

Carol straightens. ‘We’re going to be fine,’ she nods. ‘Thank you for the ride. I appreciate it. Sophia!’ she holds out her hand and her daughter takes it.

‘Thanks mister Dixon!’

‘Just Daryl. And anytime, kid,’ Daryl nods before he heads over to the stand, checking the progress his team has made. It’s just an excuse to wander away from the group for a second. Katie follows him immediately. She glances over her shoulder before talking.

‘We should introduce them to Rick or Shane.’

‘Why is that?’

Katie sits down on the edge of the stage. ‘You know why.’

‘No. I don’t.’

The teenager sighs. ‘I think her dad is…. I think her dad is… I don’t know. She never wants to be home. Sophia, she _never_ wants to be home. And her mom is really… I don’t know. Something just ain’t right with them, you know? Sophia’s scared of men. Like, teachers and people on the street. She wouldn’t even take _your_ hand!’

‘Could be for a million reasons. You can’t just spew accusations. If you wanna help, be their friend, okay? Don’t push too hard, or you’ll push them away.’

Katie nods. She swings her legs lightly. Then she looks up again. ‘Did anyone try to help you when you were little?’

Daryl sits down beside her. ‘Merle did.’

‘Because you did need help, right?’

He nods. ‘Yeah, I needed help. Merle tried, but he were just a kid himself. There was a teacher at school, she was always very nice to me. She helped, too.’

‘But she didn’t get you out of that place.’

‘That place were my home,’ Daryl says as he looks away. ‘Would have shanked anyone who tried to take me away. Just… tell your friend that she’s welcome anytime, okay? To stay over, to come hang out, I don’t care if I have to come pick her up in the middle of the night, just let her know she has a safe place to go to. That helps, even if she never takes you up on the offer.’

‘Okay,’ Katie says softly. ‘Thanks.’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl loops an arm around her shoulders to pull her close, kissing her dark hair. ‘Real proud of you. And I love you, ya know that, right?’

‘Yeah,’ she leans against him. ‘I love you, too, dad.’

 

 

There’s something strange about watching Paul walk up to the stand. Zigzagging between families and couples, raising his hand at people he knows and calling out greetings and promises about stopping by later. He’s graceful and light on his feet, side-stepping a child easily while laughing at the mother. Daryl watches how he approaches and can’t deny that something warm pools in his chest at the sight of him. The easy smile and clear laughter makes his heartrate jump strangely.

‘Hey,’ the man jumps onto the stage. ‘You weren’t kidding about having a great spot!’

‘Yeah, pretty sure Hershel had something to do with it.’

‘You have powerful friends indeed,’ Paul grins. He reaches out and squeezes Daryl’s hand for a second. ‘So,’ he looks around. ‘Oh my God, is that the bike you were talking about last week with the-‘

‘You break it, you buy it, asshole!’ comes a booming voice to their left. ‘Didn’t know a damn bartender was makin’ that kind of money now.’

Paul lifts an unimpressed eyebrow, ‘well, I’d be buying it with your tips, so you might as well just give it to me now.’

Merle sneers at him. ‘I like you servin’ me.’

‘Love taking your money, so that’s fine by me,’ the bartender shrugs. ‘Did you do the body work on this one? Daryl said you were the best, this look awesome, man.’ He runs a hand over the body of the nearest bike, feeling the smooth metal curves.

‘Your boy sweet talkin’ me now?’ Merle asks his brother. ‘He after my dick?’

‘Nobody is after your dick, Merle,’ Daryl laughs as he pushes him away. ‘Fuck off.’ With a hint of pride, he shows Paul around the stand. A couple of men are hanging around one of their custom bikes, kids are being lifted onto Daryl’s ride by Max so the parents can take a picture of them while Greg is sitting at a table, talking to a woman who is interested in getting a bike. Another intern is sitting in a booth at the side, hunched over a kid’s helmet to draw a frog on the top while a little boy watches gleefully from the side.

When the designs get more tricky, or when a guy had come by to get a skull painted on his helmet, the intern will call Daryl over, because the younger Dixon is the best artist they have at the store.

‘This one is yours,’ Paul smiles when he plucks a helmet off a rack, admiring it. It’s dark blue with constellations on it, tiny planets and little stars, mini supernova’s and small black holes. ‘It’s stunning.’

‘Thanks. I got something else to show you, but its back at the truck. Come on.’

Together, they walk towards the truck at the back of the stand. Paul frowns a bit when Daryl leads him towards the passenger’s side. They walk between the vehicles and the brick wall it’s parked next to. At the door, Daryl stops and glances around. There’s nobody in the parking lot.

‘Hey,’ he smiles, roping the other man in and kissing him.

‘Hey,’ Paul laughs, ‘what about keeping our heads down?’

‘Fuck that,’ Daryl grins, pushing him against the car, hands running up and down his sides.

‘That, or me?’

‘Jesus Christ,’ the Dixon laughs. ‘Why does makin’ out with you always turn into a cheese fest, huh?’

‘Just hoping for some dirty talk behind your family truck at a farmer’s market of some kind. The exciting life of a guy dating a dad.’

Daryl laughs and loops his arm around Paul’s neck, bringing him in for a tight hug. One of his hands rubs slow circles into his lower back. He buries his face in his neck, closing his eyes and leaning against Paul.

‘Tired?’ Paul murmurs into his ear, pecking the shell.

‘A little. Thank God Annette came by to take Lexi for a while. I don’t even know where Katie ran off to.’

‘I saw her checking some stalls out with some friends when I parked.’

‘She ignored your ass?’

‘No,’ Paul laughs. ‘Be amazed; she actually came over to say hi. Was really sweet, pointed me into the right direction and then said; _I’ll see you later_. Ha! Second Dixon heart; won. Mission accomplished.’

‘We ain’t easy like that,’ Daryl grins. ‘did you drive the Harley?’

‘Yeah?’

‘She just wanted to get up close and personal with that thing.’

‘God!’ Paul shoves him away and laughs, ‘what is it with you Dixon’s and my damn bike?’

‘It’s a classic Harley, man,’ Daryl moans, pulling him close by his hips, kissing the corner of his mouth. ‘ _Please_ let me ride it,’ he mutters against the lips. ‘Please….’

‘Please kiss me.’

‘But the bike, I want to-‘

Paul chuckles and captures his protesting lips in a soft kiss. ‘I know where Lexi got it from now, damn. You whiny asshole.’

 

 

They have dinner in the parking lot. The boys from the garage, Hershel’s family and Michonne who sits with Carl and Lori. Everyone is sitting on truck beds or on passenger seats, talking to each other while the last people stroll over the market. Some of the stalls are already breaking up, but Daryl had agreed that they can’t work any longer on an empty stomach, so the last taco-stand had a golden final 30 minutes as he’d put in a gigantic order to feed the two companies.

Two families, really.

Daryl sits with Hershel on a curb. He sips from his milkshake and watches over his own family. Greg who has passed his leather jacket to Katie to keep her warm, and arm around her shoulder as he shows her pictures of his family on his phone. Max who horse around with the other intern, acting out scenarios of earlier today, clients who hadn’t known what they were talking about at all. Paul laughs at their antics. He’s sprawled out on the bed of Daryl’s truck, right next to Merle, who is holding Lexi. The little girl is curled up in his lap, lying against his chest.

The oldest Dixon kisses the top of her head every couple of minutes.

‘A changed man,’ Hershel says suddenly.

Daryl nods. ‘Yeah.’

‘Your friend, Paul. He seems nice.’

Daryl scratches at his cheek. ‘He ain’t really my _friend_ ,’ he mutters as he looks away. He can’t bear to lie to Hershel, but he’s also scared to look at him now.

‘I know,’ the man says simply. ‘The little devils like him and Merle hasn’t tied him to the highest tree yet. Must be a good man.’

‘He is.’

Hershel nods. ‘it’s good to see you so… You look happy.’

‘It was a great day.’

‘Yes. It was.’

They both look up when Lexi starts to cry. Soft sobs against his brother’s chest, fingers twisting in his shirt. Paul looks surprised and a little confused, but Merle just shushes and gently rocks her.

Daryl gets up with a sigh, walking over. ‘What’s with the tears, Batman?’

Lexi just whimpers and holds out her arms to him.

He lifts her into his arms, feels how she wraps her legs around his waist and buries her face in his neck. ‘Why’re you cryin’? Uncle merle bein’ mean again?’

‘No,’ Lexi sobs.

‘No, thought not. Snug as two little bugs, the pair of you. So what is it? Tired?’

She nods.

‘Next time, just come to me, okay? No need to start crying about that,’ he looks around and hitches her a little higher.

Merle sits up, ‘we got it here, man. Just take the little buggers home.’

‘No, I didn’t help this morning, everyone is tired. I should stay and help. Lemme just… Lemme just think about who I can… Did Michonne drive here, or is she waitin’ on Rick? I can just take them home and come back again. Wait. Katie! Kit-Kat, come over here for a second.’ He waves his oldest daughter over. ‘I’m gonna take you home, Lex is beat, can you watch her-‘

‘What? No! I’m going to the fair with my friends while you clean up here! You promised I could hang out with them today.’

‘And you did, all day! Can you please just watch-‘

‘I can take her home.’

Daryl blinks and looks at Paul.

Paul shrugs, ‘I can. She can just crash on the couch until you get home, I’ll turn your house upside down for every dirty secret you have stashed away and steal a bit of your money. I saw a dollar under your couch the day before yesterday. That’s mine now.’

Daryl smirks but thinks it over. ‘That won’t work. She ain’t going on your bike, man.’

Paul gets his keys out of his pocket. ‘Switch?’ he offers. ‘We load up the bikes now, I’ll drive the truck back. I make sure your baby is okay, you drive mine home safely.’

Daryl sighs and brushes the blond curls out of his daughter’s face. ‘Baby? Wanna go home with Paul?’

Lexi nods sleepily and holds her arms out again.

Paul steps forward after a nod from Daryl, gently taking the little girl from her dad. The movements are a little clumsy, he’s clearly not used to carrying a child but his hands are gentle when she finally settles against his shoulder, already half-asleep. ‘Start loading up,’ Paul whispers. ‘I got her.’

Daryl leans in and kisses him. ‘Thanks for this, you don’t have to – if you got plans-‘

‘Hopefully with you. Is it okay if… Never mind.’

‘Stay over,’ Daryl smiles, pulling him close by his hip. ‘If you don’t mind me getting up early to take that little monster to school.’

‘No, of course, I – yeah’ Paul grins. ‘Okay. Well… hurry up, then. I got plans.’

Merle groans as he slumps over to get Daryl’s bike. ‘I don’t need to know when my baby brother is getting laid, okay? Good lord. ‘s fuckin’ disgustin’. Free country and all, but that shit ain’t right.’

Paul covers Lexi’s ear with one free hand. ‘Merle! What the- ssh! Shut up! _Shut up_!’

 

 

Lexi is asleep on the couch when he comes home with Katie hours later. Hugging one of the teenager’s blankets and drooling on the cushions, sprawled out with one leg almost falling off the couch.

Paul is asleep in the armchair, feet on the table and head lolled to the side.

Katie smiles and kisses Daryl’s cheek. ‘Good night.’

‘He’s gonna stay over,’ Daryl whispers. ‘Don’t freak out of you run into him tomorrow morning.’

She laughs and shoves his shoulder. ‘I won’t. If you make me pancakes.’

‘School day,’ he reminds her because he likes to pretend that they stick to some kind of rule-system in this house.

‘I’ll get him to make me some.’

‘You can try,’ Daryl nods with a smirk. ‘Now go to bed.’

A couple of minutes later, he carries Lexi to her bed. She doesn’t even wake up when he puts her pajama’s on, just murmurs something before snuggling up to her pillow.

He kisses her cheek and heads downstairs again.

‘Come on,’ he grabs Paul’s hand. ‘Wakey, wakey, mister. Hey, come on.’ He guides a sleepy Paul up the stairs and into the bathroom, giving him a new toothbrush. The man leans heavily against the wall, eyes closed as he brushes his teeth.

Later, he falls into Daryl’s bed with a content sigh. ‘Plans fell through,’ he mutters. ‘Dead tired.’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl agrees as he kicks his jeans off and throws his shirt into the corner. He climbs onto the high bed and works his way up, putting light kisses onto Paul’s spine and then his shoulder blade before falling down beside him. ‘Thanks for lookin’ after Lex.’

‘Hmm,’ Paul murmurs. ‘You’re welcome. She was an angel when she finally fell asleep.’

‘I know. Thank you,’ Daryl says softly, pressing another kiss onto bare skin before the other words he’s thinking about tumble from his lips.

 

 


	14. Skipping class

 

* * *

 

 

 

Soft kisses on his spine wake him up. Going from the dip of his lower back up to his shoulder blades. An arm curls around his chest as Paul lies down on top of him with a soft sigh. He’s heavy but Daryl just hums sleepily, turning his head so he can kiss the hand that’s on his shoulder.

‘Morning.’

Paul nuzzles him. ‘Morning. I’ve shut the alarm off. You have five minutes still. Katie is already up.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Yeah.’ Paul slides off him, curling into his side. His hand strokes over Daryl’s naked back as the Dixon dozes for a couple more minutes. ‘Okay,’ he leans forward and kisses his temple. ‘You’ve got to get up now. Up! Up, or we’re going to be late.’

‘Breakfast or kids?’

 ‘You make breakfast, I’ll round them up.’ Paul rolls away and out of bed, hopping around the put his underwear on and grabbing some jeans off the chair near the closet. He opens the door slightly, ‘Katie? Don’t go back into bed, okay? Breakfast in ten minutes!’

A pained moan from upstairs tells them that the girl had tried to do just that; sneak back into bed after her shower.

‘Just five more minutes!’

‘No,’ Paul objects and he pulls a shirt on. ‘Get up, get ready and don’t forget your stuff for track, okay?’

Daryl shakes his head and gets up, too. He sits on the edge of the bed for a moment and watches how Paul quickly puts his hair in a bun before he walks into Lexi’s room, waking her up with gentle words as he pushes the curtains open. Daryl can hear how his daughter answers sleepily, the words slurred but Paul understands them anyway.

It’s been three months since the market. At this point, Paul has practically moved in even though he still has his own apartment. Daryl had tried to slow things down at first, never asking Paul to babysit Lexi, or to grab some groceries from the store, until Paul had put his foot down about it. If they’re going to try and make this work, he wants to be a part of every aspect of Daryl’s life. He has seamlessly worked his way into their lives, fitting into the chaos perfectly.

The girls adore him. Lexi from the first dinner they had together, and Katie has warmed up to him over the weeks, bonding over books and essay’s, daring to ask for his help with homework after three weeks and giving him her favorite book to read.

With a sigh, Daryl puts his underwear on and slips into a pair of jeans, throwing his shirt over his shoulder as he heads downstairs. He catches a glimpse of Lexi sitting up in her bed, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes before holding out her arms to be carried.

‘She can walk,’ Daryl shouts even though he knows Paul will carry her to the bathroom to wash her face anyway.

He listens to the domestic sounds coming from upstairs. Lexi running back to her bedroom to get changed while Paul washes his own face, trims his beard and shouts at Katie to hurry up before coming downstairs with the youngest Dixon.

‘Morning, Batman,’ Daryl greets. He smiles when he sees that the little girl is getting a piggy back ride from his boyfriend.

‘Morning, dad,’ Lexi chirps and giggles when Paul dumps her in a heap on a chair. ‘Thank you, Jesus.’

‘You’re welcome, mini,’ Paul says as he falls into his own seat and waits until Daryl pours him some freshly brewed coffee. ‘Thanks, babe.’

‘ _Thanks babe_ ,’ Katie echoes in a husky tone, trying to mimic Paul’s rough voice after just having woken up. She breezes into the kitchen, kissing Lexi on the top of her head before sitting down across from Paul. ‘Dad, who’s taking me to the dentist after school? Or do I have to take the bus? _Please_ tell me you didn’t forget the a-‘

‘I’m taking you,’ Paul says as he accepts the plate from Daryl, digging into his breakfast.

 _’You_ are taking me?’

Paul lifts an eyebrow. ‘Yes?’

Katie leans forward with narrowed eyes, ‘with the Harley?’

The man laughs. ‘what is it with you Dixon’s and that Harley?’

‘It’s a classic!’ both Daryl and Katie cry at the same time.

‘You like that bike better than me.’

‘Yeah, I do,’ Katie laughs as she pours some juice into Lexi’s cup. ‘But dad’s still fifty/fifty. Don’t worry about it.’

‘Don’t forget to switch out your jacket for the leather one, wear your boots, gloves, helmet, _everything_ okay? You’re not getting on a bike without your gear,’ Daryl says as he sits down at the table. ‘Paul’s taking you to school on that thing, so hurry up.’

The rest of breakfast passes with its usual chaos of Lexi waking up properly and realizing that she has to go to school; throwing a tantrum over the fact that no, Daryl will not call the school and tell them she won’t be coming in today because she hates school. Katie tries to teach her sister ways of faking to be sick, which only results in Lexi whining about her pinky hurting and Katie giggling that she’s doing it wrong. Paul just watches in his usual bemused fashion, leaning back in his chair and letting Daryl deal with his girls.

Calm settles over the kitchen when Katie dashes back upstairs to grab her motorcycle jacket, gloves and helmet.

Paul puts the dirty plates on the counter so Daryl can put them in the dishwasher. He leans against the fridge with his shoulder. ‘Do you want me to pick up groceries?’

‘Nah, I got it,’ Daryl says. ‘I’ll cook tonight. And hey, thanks for taking Katie to that appointment. You don’t have to, you know? I can ask Merle, or she can take the damn bus or something. You’ve been doing a lot lately.’

‘Yeah, because picking up groceries is so much work, I don’t know how I manage to do it,’ Paul sighs dramatically, rolling his eyes at the same time. ‘And now I have to ride all the way to the next town over, sit outside for fifteen minutes in the sunshine and drive all the way back for my boyfriend’s kid. Oh my lord, give me strength.’

‘I’m serious,’ Daryl says.

‘I know you are. It’s fine. You get groceries, I’ll take Katie to the dentist.’

‘Okay. Thank you,’ Daryl leans over and kisses him.

‘Gross,’ Katie comments as she walks back into the kitchen. ‘Paul? I’m ready to go.’

‘Your track stuff,’ Paul says with a pointed look.

‘Shit.’ Katie ducks back into the hallway.

Daryl grins and pulls his boyfriend closer by his hip, claiming another kiss. ‘Okay, Lex? Lace up those shoes, ‘cause we’re leaving too. I’m dropping you off a little early because I have a meeting, okay? But your teacher said you can come in and help her prepare the classroom. Let’s go, chop, chop!’

Ten minutes later, he’s walking down the street with Lexi’s hand securely in his. Her backpack slung over his shoulder while she tries to avoid the cracks between the tiles. They both look up when a bike roars past them. Katie raises a hand from the back of it, waving at her dad before grabbing hold of Paul’s shoulders again. The man revs the engine to make Lexi squeal before disappearing around the corner.

 

 

Daryl nods at his financial advisor, trying to keep up with what the woman is explaining to him. It might not be his favorite part of his business, but he hates not being in control of it. Other advisors had tried to win him as a customer by claiming that he would never have to look at his finances again. He’d gone with the one who’d offered to explain every aspect to him in words he’d actually understand.

‘See?’ Andrea asks, ‘this construct might cost more right now, but the costs will go down with every year.’

‘Yeah, I get it,’ Daryl murmurs as he looks at the papers. ‘The other one starts low but then grows, right? I think we should go for the one that starts high. We can take that blow now, might not be able to later on.’

Andrea smiles at him. ‘I agree.’

‘I’m glad, means I paid attention, right?’ the Dixon grins. His phone rings suddenly and he fishes it out of his pocket. When he sees the number, he frowns. ‘I’m sorry, I have to take this – no, you can stay, it’s –‘ he rolls his eyes and accepts the call, pushing his phone between his shoulder and ear as he starts to sign the papers.

An automated voice tells him that Katie failed to show up for her third class.

He hangs up and calls Katie.

No answer.

 

**Daryl Dixon**

_Call me. Right now._

‘Something wrong?’

Daryl shakes his head. ‘Kid is skippin’ class.’

‘Katie?’ Andrea asks with a frown. ‘That doesn’t sound like her.’

‘Teenagers think they can get a medal for surprisin’ ya on a regular basis. ‘s their main goal in life. That, and terrify you.’ He throws Andrea a wink and continues the meeting. Worry starts to bleed into his system when Katie doesn’t call him back. He tries calling her again but she doesn’t answer. Another text message, but both of them go unread.

In the end, he cuts the meeting with Andrea short before finding Merle. ‘Listen, I got to-‘

His phone rings.

‘Katie?’

‘It’s Paul,’ his boyfriend says. ‘I’ve just talked to Katie, she’s – I’m going to pick her up from school early. Can you call the school, tell them she’s sick or something? She’s worried about getting into trouble.’

‘She called you?’

‘Yeah, just now. Listen, she’s fine, but…’ Paul hesitates for a moment. ‘Something happened at school and she’s a bit upset. I’m going to pick her up now, take her back to yours and then take her to the dentist later.’

‘Bring her here.’

‘Babe…’ Paul sighs. ‘it’s… there’s nothing you can do right now. Talk to her tonight, okay? She called me because she doesn’t want to worry you.’

‘I got an automated call that my kid didn’t show up for class and now she don’t want to see me? Yeah, good job on the front. Of course I’m worried, man. What the fuck is going on?’

‘I’m not sure,’ Paul says. ‘She just asked me to come get her. She’s waiting for me right now at some street corner, so…’

‘Fine. Go get her, take her home.’

‘Please and thank you, I had other plans today, you know?’ Paul snaps.

Daryl pinches the bridge of his nose. He breathes out slowly. ‘I’m sorry. I can go get her.’

‘No, I – Sorry. I’ll let you know what’s going on. Talk soon.’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl sighs. ‘Talk soon.’

 

 

He gets a text message an hour later.

**Katie Dixon**

_I’m sorry. Home + fine. <3_

 

**Daryl Dixon**

_Pick up your phone._

 

She doesn’t.

 

 

It’s almost closing time at the shop when a man walks in. Biker boots and an open leather jacket, slicked black hair and his trade-mark red scarf he even wears during the summer months. He raises his hands when Daryl grits his teeth in annoyance at the sight of him.

‘I come in peace,’ Negan says. The wolfish grin reveals his perfect white teeth. ‘In fact, I come on official business! What?’ he asks when Daryl gives him a doubtful look. ‘You think I wanted to drag my ass all the way down to this dump on my fucking free afternoon? No, sir, but you know what they say, right? It’s part of the job. Apparently.’ He leans onto the counter, ‘quit fuckin’ around and let’s get this over with, Dixon. Where’s the kid?’

‘Which one?’

‘Your five year old. I wanna learn how to braid my hair.’

‘She’s six.’

Negan closes his eyes and breathes through his nose. ‘Okay. That was a fuckin’ joke, Daryl. I’m not looking for Lexi. From the top! Hi, Daryl. Where the fuck is Max?’

Daryl shrugs. ‘Gave him the day off. He’s got a big history test tomorrow.’

Negan throws him another look. ‘Aren’t you mister suburbia. Jesus Christ. Fine. Later, asshole.’

‘Why are you lookin’ for him?’

Negan is one of the coaches at Katie’s high school, but Max isn’t on any team. Daryl doesn’t like the man, probably because he sees too much of himself in him. He’s crude, and cruel to anyone who tries to help him. Ever since his wife died, he’s been drinking too much, dwelling in the local bar with the gang that seems to adore him for some reason. Probably the money he has inherited from his parents.

Sometimes Daryl sees him the day after a long drinking night. With his baseball bat slung over his shoulder and cap pulled low over his eyes, wincing at the shrill sounds of breaking teenage voices. Swallowing painkillers and leaning against fences, shoulders curled in before barking something at his students.

It reminds him too much of what he could have been, if Merle and Rick hadn’t picked him back up after Samara’s death.

It reminds him of his dad.

Negan rolls one shoulder back, ‘ _why am I looking for him_? Now you see, usually I would say; none of your goddamn business, but this… well…’ he grins, ‘this is, isn’t it?’

Daryl frowns.

Negan narrows his eyes in suspicious. ‘You have no idea what happened. _Oh shit_!’ he laughs. ‘Okay! First I thought it was just loyalty, right? The kid owes you. You gave him a job, I get that, it’s important for that dude. And I mean, _shit_ , it’s _so_ important that he doesn’t even bother with showing up for PE anymore! I don’t give a fuck. You don’t care, you don’t come, that’s the deal. I’m not chasing after teenagers, dragging them onto a pitch kicking and screaming. What I _do_ care about is him only turning up to threaten to beat the goddamn cheer-squad up.’

‘What?’

‘The cheerleaders, Daryl,’ Negan says slowly. ‘Little girls with ponytails and pompons? Your boy threatened to whoop their asses. Stormed right up on the field.’

Daryl folds his arms and leans against the wall with his shoulder. ‘And you let him get away with it?’

‘Wasn’t my practice, you dumb sack of shit,’ Negan tells him. ‘ _Cheer practice_ , do I look like a goddamn cheerleader to you?’

‘Then why are you here?’

Negan hesitates for a second. His dark eyes narrow. ‘Because the other coach wanted to go to _his house_.’ The man gives him a pointed look. ‘I figured the kid doesn’t need any more problems, _right_?’

Daryl works his jaw for a moment. ‘No. He don’t.’

‘Is that why you took him in? Gave him a job? Get him out of that house for a couple of hours a day?’

‘He works hard.’

Negan snorts. ‘Yeah, no shit. Look, tell him to come see me, okay? I can keep this small, but… Can’t help him if I don’t know where he’s at, right? See you later, darling. Always a pleasure.’ He raises his hand and walks out of the garage again.

‘Negan,’ Daryl calls out. He watches how the coach turns with raised eyebrows. ‘He’s at the library. Just… he’s a good kid.’

Negan nods. ‘I know. Thanks, Daryl.’

‘Gonna tell me what this is all about?’

Negan shrugs. ‘Your boyfriend got a sweet-ass bike, man. Attracts a lot of attention. Hey,’ he says as Daryl’s face falls. ‘You – you got a good kid, too. She’s got good friends. The other kids just – They just tried. Teachers are taking care of it, ain’t gonna happen again. I hope she’s okay now. And,’ he puts his hands in his pockets, ‘if there is a next time? Tell her to run to me instead of her boyfriend, okay? I’ll shut that shit down.’

 

 

‘Hey kid.’

Katie looks up from her homework. She plucks her earphones out of her ears and nervously chews on her lower lip for a second. ‘Hi. Paul is sleeping. He has the late shift tonight.’

Daryl nods as he leans against the doorframe. Hands tucked into his armpits as he waits.

‘I’m sorry for skipping school,’ Katie says. ‘And not answering your messages. I just – I just wanted to try it, one time,’ she mutters. Her gaze shifts to her own knees. ‘I cleaned the kitchen and vacuumed everywhere, even your office.’

‘Dixon’s don’t lie, right? Not to each other.’

‘You haven’t asked a question yet.’

‘But you’re still lying to me.’

‘Not technically. I skipped school and I’m sorry.’

Daryl sighs. ‘So you don’t want to tell me? I just got to – what? Worry all day about you, get a visit from fuckin’ Negan who laughs in my goddamn face because I don’t know what the hell is going on with my own damn kid. Huh? That’s how it’s going to be now?’

Katie frowns. ‘What’s Negan got to do with anything?’

‘Max, who totally wasn’t your boyfriend last time we talked about that, threatened to beat a bunch of cheerleaders up. You skipped school and Paul’s got a loud bike. It’s all connected, _somehow_ , and you’re asking me to fuck off. That’s great, Katie. That’s… that’s real good.’

‘Oh my God,’ Katie groans, ‘he did that?’

‘Apparently.’

She giggles.

‘Not funny, Kit-kat.’

‘A _little bit_ funny,’ she says. ‘I can’t believe he did that. He’s so extra sometimes.’

‘Extra?’

‘Over the top. He overreacted, there were just some stupid people and my friends were waiting at my locker but they – look. I just texted Max because he looks out for me. His friends, too. They think you’re awesome and Merle, so… you know,’ she twirls on her chair, ‘kinda use that sometimes as a buffer with the rest of ‘em.’

‘Buffer for what?’

‘Come on,’ Katie laughs, ‘A Dixon first, and now a Dixon with a gay dad? Are you serious? You’re lucky you build sweet-ass bikes and I’m pretty, or I would have been _crucified_ , dad.’

‘You’re pretty? What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Means I’m popular,’ Katie says. ‘I know it’s a concept you were a stranger to, but it _helps_ in high school, okay? These were just a couple of nobodies who tried to turn on me.’

‘A couple of nobodies on the cheer team?’

‘Hmm-hmm. They tried to get the football team involved, _because of course they would_ ,’ she rolls her eyes. ‘They didn’t know one of the defensive ends has two moms. Trust me, they didn’t get very far.’

Daryl frowns. ‘But you still called Paul to come get you.’

She shrugs. ‘Laughed it off and pretended to go with Max to the mall instead of going back to class. I didn’t want them to think that what they said got to me or anything.’ She scratches at her desk. ‘They’re stupid. What do they know, right?’

‘Yeah. They’re dumb as shit,’ Daryl says softly because he can see the tears in her eyes. ‘I’m sorry, kid.’

‘They’re just stupid,’ she naps at him. ‘They don’t even know Paul. Or you. Or us!’

‘No. They don’t. Come here,’ he gently grabs her by the shoulder to pull her up. He hugs her tightly, kissing the top of her head as she sobs into his chest. ‘I’m so sorry, Kit-Kat.’

‘I don’t even know why I’m crying,’ Katie says after a minute. ‘It was just – like four people or something. And all my friends came running, and… God, they’re _nobody_. I don’t give a shit.’

Daryl laughs softly. ‘Good, now work on trying to convince yourself. Dixon-blood, makes you a bad liar, girl. I’m sorry about that. It’s in our genes.’

‘That’s why you always say that? Dixon’s don’t lie to each other?’

He nods. ‘I’m just trying to stop us from embarrassing ourselves. Everyone sees right through.’

Katie laughs into his chest and hugs him a little tighter.

 

 

Paul is reading a book in bed when Daryl steps into the bedroom. He’s wearing just his boxers, hair in a bun so it doesn’t fall into his eyes. He looks up when the door opens and he puts the book aside. ‘I couldn’t sleep. Hey,’ he tilts his head back so he can kiss Daryl, who leans in for it. ‘Did you talk to Katie?’

‘Yeah. I’m surprised it took them this look to take a stab at her. God,’ he sits down on the bed and rubs at his eyes. ‘That’s maybe even the worst part; I knew this would happen. Fucking high school. Hated that place before, hate it now.’

Paul hums softly. ‘She’s got a lot of friends who look after her. She’ll be okay. I think she was more shocked that it happened than actually hurt.’

‘Maybe.’

Daryl looks at him and then moves closer. One hand caressing the side of the man’s face. ‘Thanks for gettin’ her, and – just, _thanks_.’

‘Yeah, of course,’ Paul smiles but he looks a little nervous.

‘What?’

‘Nothing. I mean – she called me.’

‘Yeah?’

‘She called me for help,’ Paul says. ‘She could have called Rick or Lori or Merle… but she called _me_.’

Daryl smiles and kisses him. ‘Yeah.’

‘I mean – she forgot about the automated message you get when she skipped class and freaked, so I don’t know what _that_ says about her mental capabilities, but still… that means something.’

Daryl gently head-butts him for insulting his daughter, and then kisses him deeply. ‘Yeah, that means something.’

 

 

Two weeks later, Daryl walks up to Paul’s apartment. It’s Friday night and he’s excited to spend some time alone with the man. Katie and Lexi are hanging out with Merle, so they got all night together.

He knows the code of the door by heart now and heads down the hallway before knocking on Paul’s door. When the door swings open, Daryl grins.

But Paul doesn’t answer it.

‘Hey,’ Daryl kisses him but Paul turns his head just in time so he ends up pecking him on the cheek instead. ‘What’s going on? What’s wrong?’

‘Just step inside for a moment,’ Paul mutters.

Daryl frowns and walks into the apartment. His heart sinks.

Everything is in boxes. There’s a big bag on the sofa, Paul’s helmet resting on top of it.

Daryl slowly turns around.

Paul is wearing his biker boots and gloves.

He’s ready to go.

‘They’ll come get my stuff in the morning, put it into storage,’ Paul says quietly. ‘I’m just – I’m leaving.’

Daryl swallows harshly. His hands shake and his eyes burn. There’s so much he wants to say and ask. He doesn’t understand any of this. The last fight they were in was three weeks ago, and it was over the fact that Paul had secretly swapped their pillows, claiming that Daryl was hogging the best ones. It had ended with Daryl biting one of those pillows to smother his moans as Paul fucked him, and later them falling asleep in a tangled mess.

There was no warning.

Daryl stares at his boyfriend, opens his mouth and then closes it again.

Anger flashes through him, hot and fast like lightning.

He digs his fingernails into the palms of his hands. Lifts one hand up, pointing a finger at the other man. ‘You’re gonna go home right now. You’re going home and you’re going to make _damn sure_ that those two girls know it aint on them. That you ain’t leavin’ because of them. You hear me? Because they don’t deserve this bullshit. You think you could just walk out like that? Nah. No way, man. Ain’t putting them through that again. You’re going to explain this to them and you’re going to say goodbye. You hear me?’

‘I hear you,’ Paul says softly. ‘I’m so sorry, Daryl. I-‘

 _‘I don’t give a fuck_ ,’ Daryl spats.

Paul lowers his gaze and nods. ‘I’ll tell them I got a different job. That I have to move.’

‘Don’t care what bullshit you’ve made up to think that this is right,’ Daryl snarls. ‘Tell them you fuckin’ hate my guts, that you’re sick of me, but if I have to dry _one_ goddamn tear because they think it’s on them I’ll fuck you up. Are we clear?’

‘Yeah. Daryl,’ Paul starts and he reaches out to him, ‘I really am sorry. It’s just-’

‘- you’re a damn coward, Rovia. ‘s all you are. Say goodbye to the girls and then get the fuck out of here.’

‘You’re right.’

‘You even know why you’re doing this?’ Daryl asks. ‘why the fuck are you – never mind. I don’t care. You want out? You go ahead.’ He stalks out of the apartment and slams the door behind him.

 

 

An hour later, he tries to get Lexi to stop crying and listens to the music Katie is blasting to mask her own sobs.

Paul leaves.

 


	15. Sharks

 

* * *

 

 

 

The first week was hard because he kept expecting to hear that deep rumble of a classic Harley. Those sock-clad feet sneaking up his staircase in the dead of night after a late shift. That special ringtone that notified him that an old-fashioned text message had just come in.

None of that happens.

There’s a deafening silence instead. An empty spot next to him when he wakes up, a couple of untouched shirts and boxers that are too small for him in the back of his closet, found in the laundry. He hasn’t bothered to throw them out, still clinging to tiny glimmer of hope that Paul might come to his senses.

That doesn’t happen either, and Daryl is too proud to call him and beg for answers.

He deletes the phone number to eliminate the chance of that ever happening.

Paul left. He moved to god-knows-where, but Daryl is still here. If the man had wanted to come back or even just send him a message, he could. It hurts to know that he obviously doesn’t want to.

The sudden break-up has left him reeling, but he’s determined to not let the girl notice any of it. Just another part of life, people leave and that’s fine. So he drags himself out of bed and makes them breakfast, chases them around the house to get them ready for school and laughs a little too loudly at something Katie says.

The teenager tiptoes around the whole subject regardless of his own attitude. The name Paul is scrapped from her vocabulary and she never mentions needing help on her essay’s again. He finds one of the books Paul had lend her in the garbage but doesn’t mention it. He won’t come back for it anyway.

Daryl appreciates the fact that Paul had at least taken the time to say goodbye to the girls. They’d been as lost as he had felt, but the man had made up some story about having found another job. It’s clear that Katie knows it’s bullshit, but Lexi had bought it, so that’s something.

However, it also means that she thinks he could just come back.

‘What if we ask real nice?’ Lexi asks quietly. She’s curled up next to him on the couch, leaning against his side as he tries to get her to read a book. ‘He had a job here. We should ask real nice. It works with you sometimes.’

Daryl kisses the crown of her head. ‘You should always ask real nicely, but I don’t think he’s coming back, sweetie. He likes his new job, so we should just be happy for him.’

‘But he promised to come to my recital, so he has to come back.’

Daryl sighs, ‘he’s not coming, Bat-man. I’m going to be there and Michonne and Lori and-

‘But I want Paul to come, too!’

‘I know, baby, but-‘

‘ _He promised_!’

Katie rolls her eyes. She’s sitting on the floor with headphones on that allow her to watch television while Daryl tries to get some reading done with her sister. ‘Be quiet, Lexi,’ she snaps. ‘Stop making it a big deal. It’s just a stupid recital.’

‘But Jesus promised to come!’

‘Yeah, well, he ain’t so _suck it up_ ,’ Katie snarls.

There are tears in Lexi’s eyes as she sits up. She throws the book across the room in anger. ‘He _lied_ to me?’ she screeches, turning to her dad with a helpless expression on her young face. The bottom lip trembles. ‘But Dixon’s don’t lie to each other.’

‘Calm do-‘

A loud bang cuts Daryl off. Lexi screams and covers her ears, shrinking back into her father’s broad frame as she cries. Daryl’s gaze snaps to Katie, who’d gotten up too quickly. The cord of her headphones had moved with her and knocked a lamp off the cabinet. She doesn’t seem to notice at all. She just plucks the headphones off, throws them onto the floor as well and walks over to the couch. She looks so angry that it breaks Daryl’s heart.

‘ _He wasn’t a real Dixon_ ,’ the teenager screams. ‘ _Don’t call him that! He was just a stupid, worthless piece of shit who didn’t give a damn about us! He just wanted to bang dad and screw us all over and he doesn’t give a fuck about your stupid recital!’_

Daryl slowly gets to his feet. Katie is standing so close to him that their chests almost touch, but the girl doesn’t back down. Teeth bared in anger, a feral little thing now, she stares up at him.

‘Go to your room,’ Daryl says softly.

‘This is all your fault anyway,’ she snarls. ‘What did you do? You made him leave!’

‘I know you’re upset, but-‘

‘What did you do?’ she screams as she shoves at his chest. ‘ _What the fuck did you do_?’

‘Katie,’ he says as his hands curls into fists, ‘calm down. Go upstairs. Right now.’

‘You probably fucked it up like you fuck everything else up, too!’

‘Katie, just go-‘

‘Well at least he isn’t fucking _dead_ , right? So you’re not fucking up _that_ bad this time! At least you learned your damn lesson from when you got mom killed!’

Daryl stares at his daughter. It feels like she’s punched him in the gut, forcing the air out of his lungs. Anger rises, flashes through his whole system, making him see red in a second.

Katie takes a small step backwards, looking horrified as she gazes at her father. ‘I’m sorry. Dad, I’m so sorry – I didn’t mean…’

‘Go to your room, right now,’ Daryl manages to growl as his hand curls into a fist, nails digging into the palm of his hand. It hurts enough to get him to focus. ‘ _Not another_ _word_.’

The teenager fights against her tears as she turns on her heels and runs up the stairs.

‘It’s okay, baby,’ Daryl mutters as he turns back to Lexi, holding out his arms so she can fling herself into his chest, holding on tightly as she sobs. It takes a long time to calm her down again but he manages after promising that Merle will come to the recital as well. The youngest and oldest Dixons are thick as thieves, though Merle sitting through a primary school recital might take some convincing.

She falls asleep on the couch and he carries her upstairs, tucking her into bed.

When he closes the door behind him, he leans against it for a second with his eyes closed. There’s still anger simmering in his system, too easily ignited into another fire storm. It doesn’t help that Katie slowly walks down the staircase, obviously cautious as she sinks down on the steps, arms wrapped around her knees.

‘I really am sorry,’ she says.

‘Yeah, I don’t give a shit,’ Daryl mutters without looking at her.

‘Dad, I’m _sorry_.’

He pushes himself away from the door and faces her with a scowl darkening his features. He brings a hand up to jab a finger into her face. ‘One of these days, someone’s gonna make you eat your goddamn words, okay? ‘cause you’re just throwin’ them out there, not givin’ a shit about what you say, who you hurt. You _want_ it to hurt. That’s all you were tryin’ to do; make yourself feel better by hurtin’ someone else.’

‘I didn’t mean it, I swear-‘

‘You think that makes it okay? _You didn’t mean it_?  _You’re sorry_? You said it and it fucking hurt and you’re just going to have to live with that for a while. What did you think was going to happen, huh? You accuse me of _getting your mom killed_ and I just accept your goddamn _apology_? Nah.’

Katie frowns, ‘what else do you want me to do? I made a mistake and-‘

‘Making a mistake is forgetting someone’s birthday. This weren’t no _mistake_ , girl. This was you trying to make it hurt. And guess what, kid. It did. I don’t have to accept your apology. I appreciate you saying you’re sorry, but I don’t owe you shit right now.’

‘So you’re just going to stay mad at me forever? _Great_.’

He narrows his eyes. ‘You want to change your tone or what? _I did something shitty and thought I could get away with it and now I can’t so dad’s being an asshole_. It don’t work like that, Katie. Now get your ass upstairs. I’m going out, so you watch Lex.’

‘Why?’

‘ _Because I’m telling you to_!’

‘No – why’re you going out right now? Dad _, come on_. Can’t we just talk about this?’

‘We just did.’

Katie holds up her hands in outrage, ‘no we didn’t! You just yelled at me for being a piece of shit and now you’re storming out.’

He cocks his head to the side, ‘I _yelled_ at you? Lexi is sleeping two steps behind me, what’re you talkin’ about; me yelling at you. Don’t start this bullshit with me, girl. You ain’t some cowering kid who gets shown good, okay? Good lord. Might be a lot of things, but I ain’t my old man.’

‘I didn’t mean-‘

‘You’re sayin’ a lot of shit you don’t mean. Being sorry don’t make it right,’ he snaps. ‘Now get your ass into your room and stop talkin’ back. Watch your sister.’

Katie gets up but walks a couple of steps down instead of up. ‘Dad, why are you walking away, we can just-‘

‘Stop it. I fucking mean it, Katie,’ he snarls. ‘Back off and go to your goddamn room. I don’t want talk to you right now, I don’t even want to _look_ at you.’

‘ _Fine_!’ Katie hisses back before she runs up the stairs towards her room. ‘ _That’s fine_!’

 

 

There’s a college kid behind the bar now. Blonde hair in a high ponytail and easily a foot smaller than Merle, but feisty enough to put the men in their place and remind them that she’s not something to be fooled around with. Daryl likes that. Most of them are just like Merle; pieces of shit that mostly mean well, so the most she has to deal with are nicknames anyone could do without. That’s always a hard habit to break, Daryl has noticed, even though he always threatens to kick the shit out of them if they ever call his girls those name.

The girl behind the bar is quick with a glare and raised middle finger, however, so the local boys like her. She pulls a good beer, too.

Daryl is staring at one now. Has been for almost ten minutes and the foam has died for the most part. He hasn’t had a beer in over five years now, but here he is.

‘He’ll have a goddamn coke, Nathalie,’ a voice says as someone slides onto the seat beside him. ‘And I know you’re still learning the ropes here, but that’s the last time you’re giving him alcohol. Recovering alcoholic and we like to support that shit,’ Negan says as he takes the beer. ‘Give the boy his soda.’

Nathalie raises an eyebrow.

‘Ain’t _recoverin’_ ,’ Daryl growls.

‘But you’re still having a coke.’

He sighs and nods at the bartender.

‘Atta boy,’ Negan grins before taking a sip and toasting him with it. ‘So, I don’t see that piece of shit of a brother of yours anywhere. No Rick Grimes, or Walsh. Hell, not even that pizza kid. Where’s the little piss parade?’

Daryl sighs and looks away. ‘Fuck off, man.’

‘That,’ Negan says as he points at him, ‘I can’t do. You see, Rick and I? We’re _friends_ now.’ The man pokes his tongue out a little and leers at the man next to him, always eager for a reaction. He doesn’t get any. Daryl just accepts the coke Nathalie gives him with a quiet thanks and stares at the bottle in front of him. ‘Bet he’d be real disappointed if I let his right-hand man have his first drink in years.’

Daryl looks at him. He looks better than he normally does. The dark circles are gone and he doesn’t reek of alcohol. The leather jacket is hanging open and his clothes are clean. Ironed, even. ‘He finally talked some damn sense into ya?’

‘Hardest nut he ever cracked,’ Negan grins, ‘but that guy is _persistent_. Gotta give him that.’

Daryl hums.

‘Managed to drag my ass to counseling, if you can believe it. Load of bullshit that was,’ the man huffs as he scans the bar. ‘Talking about your goddamn feelings like a bunch of wrinkled old ladies.’

Daryl shrugs. ‘It helped, right?’

Negan throws him a small smile. ‘Don’t tell anyone. And you’ve been wanting to punch my teeth out for years but hey,’ he grins, ‘I finally got my dead-wives club. Got a shoulder to cry on, got a local sheriff breathing down my neck to get my act together, hell, I got it all. Life is _good_.’

The Dixon huffs out a breath of laughter. ‘You’re such an asshole.’

‘Never claimed to be anything else,’ Negan shrugs easily. ‘Everyone knows what happened to yours, man, and that was some fucked up shit. But Lucille? She got sick, and I just tucked tail and ran. Checked out of there, _real quick_ , ya know?’ Something darker passes over his features, making him seem older and tired. ‘Never deserved her.’

‘No, you probably didn’t.’

They look at each other.

 Negan laughs. ‘Asshole,’ he knocks their shoulders together. ‘So why’re you here, breaking your winning streak?’

‘Fucking teenagers, man,’ Daryl mutters. ‘She’s a goddamn shark sometimes.’

‘Katie?’

Daryl nods.

‘A firecracker, that one,’ Negan laughs. ‘Hundred percent Dixon, right there. Have fucking at it! I mean, she’s a sweet kid when she wants to be, but she doesn’t want to be half of the time. First day of school and she was rolling around on the ground with a quarterback, trading punches, remember? _Hot damn_!’

Daryl laughs and wipes a hand over his face. ‘Don’t remind me.’ He throws Negan another look. ‘There’s another one comin’. Prepare yourself.’

‘I’ve been hearing some things,’ Negan says, ‘but apparently, she’s all talk. Katie, now she was the quiet one you had to watch out for. She can throw a sneaky jab to your nuts but Lexi? She’s coming out screaming, I’ve heard.’

Daryl snorts and nods at the same time. ‘Wants to be Batman though, so she’s gonna learn the moves.’

The other lifts an eyebrow, ‘you gonna teach her to jab someone in the balls, Batman style?’

‘Hey, ya don’t gotta fight fair, man. You just gotta win.’

‘Now that’s a mentality I can get behind,’ Negan grins as he takes another sip of the beer. ‘Good thing we got two of those rascal Dixon’s running around the schools again, man. I’m telling you; those white-picket-fence-kids? Gets boring.’

‘Wish it were,’ Daryl grunts. He traces the rim of his glass.

Negan scoffs. ‘If you really wanted that, you wouldn’t have hooked up with that hippie who breezed through town. Heard he left like a bat outta hell last week. What happened?’

‘He left.’

‘Just like that?’ the man asks, sounding surprised. He grabs a bowl of peanuts from behind the bar, leaning over it to do so. Nathalie spots it out of the corner of her eye but doesn’t say anything about it and Negan throws her a wink.

‘Just like that.’

‘Well, shit.’

‘Yeah.’

 Negan glances at him. ‘If you’re waiting for goddamn advice, you’re gonna be waiting a long ass time.’

Daryl shakes his head but a smile pulls at the corner of his lips. ‘I don’t even know why I’m talkin’ to you. I fuckin’ hate you, man.’

‘Ahw,’ Negan places a hand over his heart and slumps at the bar. ‘That stung. Your kid ain’t the only shark in town, man.’ He props his head up with his hand. ‘Come on, big boy. Tell Negan what happened. Your boy toy left and your kid is Batman, what else?’

Daryl shoves him, but not hard enough to push him off his chair.

‘Come on,’ Negan grins lazily, swatting at his head. ‘Tell me. Let me be Rick for a second. Your secret is save with me.’

The Dixon sighs. ‘Why am I even – fine. There was a whole thing with Lexi thinking that Jesus would come back for her damn recital, I tried to break it to her gently that he wouldn’t because he fucking bailed, and then she _freaked out_ of course. Screaming that he’d lied and Dixon’s don’t lie to each other and – that fuckin’ caused Katie to go on a rampage and a half. He ain’t no Dixon and how I’d fucked everything up again.’

Negan hums and takes a sip from his beer.

‘That I’d gotten Sam killed.’

Negan’s eyebrows shoot up. He whistles. ‘Damn, son. Did you?’

Daryl winces at the question. ‘The hell, man?’

‘It’s part of the process,’ Negan says with a significant look. ‘Forgive thyself, you know? All that bullshit. See, I didn’t get Lucille killed, but was I too busy screwing younger versions of her to sit by her bed while she were dying? _Yes, sir_. So I’m a certified asshole. Did I love her more than anything? _Hell yeah_. Gotta learn to accept all that. She died alone and probably scared because I was too scared to hold her hand. What about you? Got anything to be sorry about?’

Daryl chews on his lip. ‘No.’

‘No?’

‘I mean – I weren’t home when it happened. I was working, but – nah, man. This weren’t on me. If I’d been home, it would have been both of us. Some crazy junky with a gun, what would I have done? Fucking nothing, man.’

‘So what does that say, huh?’

Daryl looks at him. ‘What?’

‘That your kid is full of shit, man,’ Negan laughs. ‘All teenagers are sharks. Don’t let them smell blood by hiding out in a goddamn bar.’

 

 

_There’s a sixteen year old girl standing in the middle of a shack. Shadows dance around her, cast by the moonlight that’s coming in through the tiny gaps in the boarded up windows. She follows them, looks around to try to orient herself. She’s still dizzy from the amount of times the other kids had spun her around and around and around before shoving her inside._

_On unsteady legs, she walks to the nearest window. A whimper and moan drips from her lips when she bumps into something, a table or box. Her hands on cold glass when she finally reaches the window. One of her fingertips catches on a sharp ridge where the glass is broken. It stings. She hisses and withdraws her hand, putting her finger into her mouth instinctually._

_It’s boarded up from the outside, of course._

_She looks around again._

_The door is on the other side of the room. It’s easier to see in the darkness now. The shadows become deeper, sharper, but smaller too, and they reveal a saggy couch, an armchair, the table she’d walked into just now. There’s an ancient looking television in the corner. A small kitchen on her right hand. Some of the doors are hanging off their hinges._

_It smells like mold here._

_The girl wrinkles her nose and brushes blonde hair out of her face. She listens for a moment but the laughter of her friends has already faded, even though it ran out longer than the sound of the door locking had done._

_Her breath catches in her throat and she tries to run towards the door. She nearly bumps into the armchair and catches herself on the wall next to the exit. Shaking hands find the handle, she pulls, pushes, rattles it. They really did lock it._

_‘No,’ she whispers, suddenly even more afraid. ‘No, let me out! This isn’t funny, you guys! Let me out!’_

_She hopes they’re hiding outside, behind some bushes which smother their laughter. She doesn’t care that they’ll laugh and call her a pussy, a chicken, or far harsher words. She doesn’t care that they’ll always point and laugh and whisper behind her back after this, she doesn’t care._

_She just wants to go home._

_‘Let me out!’ she screams, pounding on the door with her fists. She tries to knock the door down, bumping her shoulder against it as hard as she can until she can feel bruises bloom on her skin. ‘Please, please! Oh God, please, just let me go home.’_

_There’s no answer._

_She turns around again and walks carefully back to the kitchen, trying to find a back door. It’s boarded up, too. She tries to do the same thing, with her other shoulder this time but not less force. The wooden boards groan but don’t give._

_In a fit of rage, she storms back to the living room, grabs the table and tries to throw it against the window. It’s far too heavy to do any damage. It lands against the wall instead, a soft thud and no harm done._

_‘Fuck,’ the girl whispers, running her hands over her face. They took her phone. Her fingertips ghost over her lips and she wonders how the best night of her life could have ended like this._

_‘I’m sorry, okay?’ the girl says softly, then she walks back to the front door and pounds on it with her fist. ‘Let me out, you sick fucks! Let me out!’_

_She closes her eyes and breathes a sigh of relief when footsteps come closer to the shack. The sound of a key in the lock. She takes a couple of steps backwards to get some distance between her and the door._

_She frowns when it swings open._

_A flashlight shines into her face._

_She raises a hand against the blinding light, her hand casting a shadow over her eyes._

_‘Who are you?’ she asks._

 

 

He gets home at midnight. The lights are still on in the living room but he assumes that Katie never went back downstairs to check whether they were off. He locks the door behind him and kicks his boots off in the hallway before making his way into the kitchen to throw his keys into the bowl and put his cigarettes back in their place.

On his socks, he walks up the stairs to Lexi’s room. The girl is still asleep. The blankets are kicked to the side and she doesn’t react when he pulls them back over her small frame. He sits on her bed and runs his fingers through her blonde curls. Katie’s hair had faded into his own darker color by this time. He thinks she might hold on to Samara’s color for a little longer.

With a sigh, he presses a kiss to her temple and heads back out. For a moment he hesitates.

He should go up and talk to Katie, but the light upstairs is already off.

She’s probably already asleep.

He checks his watch and drags himself to the bathroom instead, brushing his teeth.

They’ll talk in the morning, when they’ve both calmed down a little.

He throws his shirt and socks into the laundry basket and walks to his bedroom. The jeans get kicked into a corner. He falls onto his bed and barely remembers to set the alarm.

He falls asleep.

 

 

He doesn’t know that the bed upstairs is empty.

 

 


	16. Lilly Sawyer

 

* * *

 

 

 

The phone call wakes him up.

With a groan, he reaches for his mobile phone that’s charging on his nightstand. It’s still dark in his room, the only light now coming from the display of the device and the red numbers glowing on his alarm clock that’s right next to it. It’s three o’clock in the morning.

Adrenaline causes the sleepy fog in his brain to melt away instantly. Nothing good has ever come from phone calls in the dead of night.

The phone is cold and slippery in his clumsy hand. He yanks the charging cord out of the socket by accident, causing it to clatter onto his wooden floor. The sound is deafening in the quiet. The phone keeps buzzing in his hand as he falls onto his back, swiping his thumb over the touchscreen to accept the call without even checking the caller ID.

‘What?’ he asks in a rough voice. ‘Daryl Dixon,’ he adds even though Katie always laughs at him for it, because who else would the caller expect to pick up his personal cellphone.

‘Daryl? Man, it’s Shane,’ the cop tells him. The words sound clipped and the Dixon can hear other voices in the background, the bustling of the police station going by the sheer amount of noise. ‘Listen, we got a situation here.’

Daryl sits up and rubs at his eyes. His vision is slowly adjusting to the dark, causing him to be able to make out his own bedroom. He hasn’t closed the curtains fully, which now allows a small stream of moonlight to land on his floor and wall. He can see the jeans he’d kicked off just a couple of hours ago, the glint of his lighter that had skidded out of his pocket.

‘What’s goin’ on?’

Shane sighs. ‘I don’t know, man, but – you know the Peletier’s right? They moved into town a couple of months ago.’

‘Yeah, I know them,’ Daryl mutters. He runs a hand through his shaggy hair. ‘What of them? Something went down?’

Shane ignores his question. ‘Carol says Sophia is a friend of Katie’s. That she comes around yours sometimes.’

‘Yeah, sometimes. Haven’t seen her in a while now,’ he says. After the market, Katie had turned up with Sophia in tow a couple of times. The other girl had made excuses about needing to study for a project, or that their cable was out so she came over to watch a popular show with Katie. It were the same excuses he’d always used to hang out at Rick’s or Shane’s when things got too heated at his own place, so he’d never objected. Most of the times, Carol would turn up later that night with hunched shoulders and a dark look in her sunken eyes, never quite meeting his gaze as she waited for her daughter to gather her things and come home with her.

They always refused a ride home, disappearing into the night together, arms wrapped around each other. Once or twice, he’d made clear that he knew what was going on, and that Carol could come over too, but the woman had always flashed him a horribly fake smile and lied that everything was fine.

It’s been a while since he’s seen either of them. With everything that had been going on in the past couple of weeks and the tension in his own house surrounding Paul’s sudden departure, he’d been too busy to keep his own family from falling apart in fits of anger to keep an eye on the Peletier’s.

‘Haven’t seen her in a while?’ Shane repeats and Daryl knows that his partner is sitting near him because of it because there’s a short pause before the cop speaks again. ‘You sure, man?’

‘Of course I’m sure.’

‘How long is a while?’

‘Couple of weeks or something,’ Daryl yawns. ‘The hell is going on, Shane? They alright?’

‘Couple of weeks,’ Shane repeats. ‘So Sophia ain’t at yours tonight?’

‘What? No.’

‘Are you sure?’ the cop presses. ‘She ain’t with Katie? There ain’t no way she’s up in her room right now?’

Daryl frowns and swings his legs over the edge of his matrass. His feet touch the cold floorboards. He pulls them up so they rest on the ridge of his bed, he leans his elbow onto his bare knee and lets his chin rest in the palm of his hand. ‘She weren’t here tonight, man.’

‘And there’s no way Katie could have snuck her upstairs?’ Daryl hears how Shane gets up and moves away from all the noise. A door opens, closes, footsteps down a hallway and then another set of doors. He can hear the wind now, the sound of distant traffic and he knows that the cop stepped outside to talk to him. ‘Kid’s missing, man.’

‘ _Missing_?’

‘Yeah,’ Shane sighs. ‘We’re trying to check out her friends, see if she’s hunkering down somewhere. I know you talked to Rick about them, he told me about it – we’ve been trying to keep an eye on Carol and the girl, man, but – hard without them asking for our help, you know? Carol says she had a fight with her husband, that they were yelling and Sophia might have gotten scared. Ran off.’

There’s doubt lacing his every word. He knows far worse things went down than just some yelling.

Daryl grits his teeth. He hates the system. And he hates that Carol is just as good at hiding the physical evidence as he was when he was younger. Long-sleeved shirts and scarves, jackets zipped up and shirts that never ride up. Ed is smarter than his old man was, too. He never marks her face.

‘Are you sure Katie didn’t sneak her upstairs?’ Shane presses.

‘Nah, she would have woken me up if-‘

‘Kids do the darnest things, man. Can you just – can you just check for me? We need to start eliminating places. That kid doesn’t have too many friends, Katie is our best bet here.’

‘Fine,’ Daryl mutters. ‘I’ll check, but y’all better go out there, lookin’ for her, ‘cause I’m tellin’ you man; she ain’t here.’

‘Rick and Tara are looking for her on the streets, the rest of us is checking in with people they know. We can’t get a hold of some uncle they have up north, but the bus station is closed this time of night. Might have hitchhiked, but – Carol says she wouldn’t, not when she has a place to go nearby. And you’re closer than goddamn Washington, man.’

‘I’ll go check. I’ll call you back.’

Shane gives a sigh of relief. ‘Yeah. Hurry.’ He breaks the connection before Daryl can do it.

Daryl flicks his phone back onto the bed and runs his hands through his hair before getting up. He yawns as he puts his jeans back on, figuring that he’s not going back to bed soon. Maybe he’ll step out for a cigarette later while he waits for news from Shane. There’s worry gnawing on the back of his mind. He can’t imagine what Carol must be going through, having her kid gone missing during the night.

He doesn’t know Sophia that well. The kid is shy around him, always nervous when Katie darts upstairs to grab her laptop or phone charger and leaves them alone. He normally sits at the kitchen table with his own laptop to clear his inbox for the next day, but she’ll still keep an eye on him regardless. She’s polite when he addresses her though, always offering to set the table or do the dishes when she eats at his table even though guests never have to help.

   His footsteps are silent as he makes his way up the stairs. He frowns when he hits the landing because Katie’s door is closed. When she’s home alone with Lexi, she usually leaves it open just in case her little sister needs her. She probably just didn’t want to see him after their fight. If he’s completely honest, he would have done the same thing.

He opens the door and steps inside. No light spills from her window, the curtains are firmly shut, but that doesn’t matter. He scans the floor, hoping to see that the girls had dragging the camping bed into Katie’s bedroom and that her friend is sleeping soundly, safe and warm under his roof, but the floor is empty except for a couple of items of clothing. His gaze slides to Katie’s bed. It’s big enough to fit two teenage girls, after all. Maybe they had just been too tired to set up the-

It’s empty.

Daryl freezes before he reaches behind him, flicking the lights on. There’s no muttered curse coming from the bed, no girl ducking away into her blankets and pillows while batting a sleepy hand at him, no slurred promises that she’ll hurry if she only gets to sleep for five more minutes. The blankets are rumpled, the pillow dented, but there’s no trace of the girl.

With a curse, Daryl darts back out of the room, heading into the spare room right next to it. He flicks the lights on there, too, but there’s nobody in it. The camping equipment is still in its place. The bed resting against the wall.

‘What the hell,’ Daryl breathes as he looks around. What the-‘ he turns and heads back downstairs, checking his office and the bathroom for some reason, before running downstairs. The living room is empty too. There’s no teenager asleep on his couch, no two giggling teenage girls curled up in front of his television, watching some chick flick with popcorn. Everything is just as he’d left it earlier.

Fear causes his breath to stutter a little. He forces himself to calm down. He heads back upstairs, pushing Lexi’s door open.

She’s still in her bed, sound asleep.

He leaves the door open and walks back to his own bedroom, groping around the blankets to find his phone.

Shane picks up immediately. ‘Hey man, is she-‘

‘I can’t find Katie.’

‘ _What_?’

‘She ain’t here,’ Daryl breathes. With his free hand, he grabs their landline phone and dials her number. It starts ringing but nobody picks it up.

‘She ain’t in her room?’ Shane asks. ‘Where is she? Was she there when you went to bed?’

‘I-‘ Daryl falls silent for a second. ‘I don’t know.’

‘ _How can you not know_?’

‘She ain’t picking up her phone,’ Daryl says as he tries to call her again and again and again. ‘I just –I don’t know, man! We –We had a fight and I told her to watch Lex while I – I went down to the bar, to – it don’t matter, okay? I came back and the doors were locked, everything was fine and I just went to bed. Figured we’d talk in the morning.’

‘So you don’t know if she left or-‘

Daryl freezes, ‘what do you mean?’

Shane sighs. ‘I need you to do something for me, okay? We need to know _how_ Katie left, _when_ she left and _why_. Where are you now?’

‘My bedroom.’

‘Good, go upstairs to her room,’ Shane orders and Daryl follows his instructions. ‘Did she take things with her? Is her phone there, her bag, her shoes, anything that she would definitely take with her?’

Daryl looks around. Everything seems normal. Her room is always messy, so he can’t be sure that those shorts are actually the ones she sleeps in, or that she had gone to bed just because the blankets are a mess. She probably hadn’t made her bed this morning. He never makes a big deal out of that but regrets it now. Then he spots something. ‘Her phone ain’t charging,’ he says as he grabs the charger and yanks it towards him to be sure that her phone isn’t hiding under her pillow or something. ‘She took her phone.’

‘Okay, that’s good. Go downstairs for me. You keep your keys in that bowl on the counter, right? Are hers there?’

Daryl hurries downstairs, ‘she don’t, she carries them with her but – her coat is gone. Shoes too. She got dressed. She left, man.’

‘Okay, okay,’ Shane says. ‘That’s good.’

‘ _Good_? How the fuck is that-’

‘She left on her own, brother,’ Shane cuts in. ‘She took her coat, she took her keys and phone. Means she was thinking clearly, didn’t run out in a panic. You said the doors were locked, right? She locked them on her way out.’

Daryl grunts. ‘Lexi is home. She wouldn’t leave her alone. Katie is fucking scared on her own, man, she wouldn’t leave Batman like that.’

‘Something happened,’ Shane agrees. ‘But she was thinking clearly, and we have two teenagers missing. They’re probably together somewhere. Look, this could be just a case of them sneaking off to a party. Remember Merle called the police on our asses when we were their age?’

‘Hypocrite,’ the Dixon huffs but the words don’t take the worry away. He feels sick. ‘Look man, we – maybe she’s at Merle’s. We got into a fight last night and I – maybe she just ran someplace.’

Shane is silent for a second. ‘She would have taken Lexi with her, Daryl. Or she would have called Merle, not gone over to his.’

               ‘She were upset so maybe-‘

               ‘You start calling people,’ Shane orders. ‘Rick is on his way to you. Call Merle, check anyone you can think of. Glenn and Maggie, Hershel’s place, _Beth_ , check Beth. Her friends from school if you have their number, pass their names to Rick if you don’t, we can pull their information up. Just – stay calm. She’s a smart girl.’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl nods as he sinks down on the couch. ‘She is.’

 

 

He sits on the porch and smokes a cigarette. His hands won’t stop shaking. His thoughts are just a jumble of guilt and rage now. There’s the nagging sensation that this is the _one_ _time_ he didn’t check whether his girls were safe and sound, the one time that he’d just let it go and went to get some sleep without worrying over them. And she’d been gone all along.

But there’s also rage. A fierce anger in his chest that makes him chew his fingernails until they bleed. He doesn’t understand why she would do this. It isn’t like her to just get up and leave, especially not in the middle of the damn night. And not with Lexi home alone. The girl is far from perfect, quick with her excuses and white lies, but there’s no denying that her heart is in the right place.

Maybe he’s freaking out over nothing. He remembers his own teenage years, just a blur of booze and drugs now, remembers slinging an arm around his friend’s shoulder and laughing at the dumb preppy kids who had curfews and worried parents. He’d always mocked them for texting their mom where they were, or the fact that their dads were picking them up from parties.

In retrospect, he’d just been jealous. It must have been nice to slide into a warm car after a good party, to not have to worry about how you were supposed to get home and have someone who looked after your ass. Once, he’d called his dad at night.

He can still hear the drunken laughter when he closes his eyes.

He wonders whether things would have been different if his mother had survived that fire. Merle assures him that it wouldn’t have been, but people can change. She might not have given a damn about where Merle was most of the time, but maybe she would have stayed up for him when he was out on Saturday nights.

One time, he’d gone home with Rick after a party. They’d gotten back to Rick’s place at two in the morning, sweaty from dancing and clumsy while trying to be quiet. They’d snuck into the house, toeing off their shoes near the backdoor.

A light had been on in the hall.

That was the first thing Daryl noticed. A lamp that had been left on so Rick wouldn’t have to fumble around in the dark to kick off his shoes. A silent, luminous _welcome home_.

And then the light of the television in the living room. Rick’s dad slumped in an armchair, head propped up with his hand , glasses askew as he slept. Rick had groaned softly before walking over, shaking his shoulder gently and scolding his dad for trying to stay up.

Daryl had awkwardly muttered something to get through the seemingly standard talk, with Rick telling his dad how the party had been, that they’d had a good time and then his dad making his way back upstairs to finally sleep easy now that his son was home safely.

Must have been nice, Daryl thinks as he inhales the smoke and tries to steady his hands.

All those years of trying to convince those girls to not text their moms, to get Rick to stay out later than he’d promised his dad, of trying to drag Shane to another bar instead of going home… he regrets doing that now.

It’s all fun and games until the tables are turned.

He has tried to be like Rick’s dad. The one who waits up even though he didn’t have to, not locking the girls inside and trusting them enough to call him if they needed help or their plans changed, but he thinks he might have missed the mark somewhere along the way. Of course he has. It’s in his blood to do that.

The police car comes around the corner and parks right in front of his house. Rick gets out of the passenger’s side and looks up and down the street out of habit to make sure the coast is clear before tapping on the roof of the car. He spots the Dixon on the porch a second later.

There’s an easy smile on his face as he walks up the garden path. Hands in his pockets, shoulders curled in against the cool night air. The mere sight of him makes Daryl feel more stupid than relieved. He wonders how many concerned parents the man has talked to in his life, only to have their kids turn up at the crack of dawn, gushing about an awesome party they’d snuck out to and snickering at their parent’s fears.

‘Hey, brother,’ Rick says with a nod.

Behind him, Tara gets out of the car as well.

‘Shane gave me the update. Did you call Merle? Maggie? Everyone?’

Daryl nods. ‘She ain’t with them. Merle is checking the garage and the way to Hershel’s, but she didn’t take her bike. If that were her plan, she would have taken her damn bike instead of walking.’

‘Yeah,’ Rick nods. ‘Mind if I head in, look around a bit? Might see something you dismissed.’

‘Go ahead,’ Daryl says with a wave of his hand. ‘If you think she’s hidin’ under the bed, she ain’t. I fucking checked. Twice.’

Rick smiles and puts a hand on his shoulder in the passing. He disappears inside and his footsteps fade away.

Tara leans against the porch, hands in the pockets of her jacket. She’s chewing on some gum and keeps an eye on the end of the street. ‘Don’t worry. She’ll turn up.’

Daryl grunts.

It doesn’t take Rick very long to go through his house. After five minutes, just as Daryl throws his cigarette to the curb, he’s back by his side. He sits down on the porch next to him. He looks at Tara.

‘Right,’ the woman says. ‘Daryl, mind if I step inside and call Shane for an update?’

‘Go right ahead,’ he mutters. It’s quiet for a little while after that.

Rick looks at him. ‘What’re you thinking about?’

The Dixon drags a hand over his face. His kid who’s gone missing, of course, but another name spills over his lips. ‘Lilly Sawyer.’

Rick closes his eyes.

Daryl shivers. His shoulders curl in. ‘He did it, man. I know he did.’

‘You don’t _know_ that.’

‘Sixteen year old blonde girl goes missing, last seen in the company of Will Dixon. She ends up dead some place, he claims he came down after a bender in his cabin.’ Daryl shakes his head and runs a finger over his lower lip before glancing at the cop. ‘Real convenient that place burned down, right?’

‘Different times, there was a gaslight and-‘

‘And all evidence went up in smoke,’ Daryl nods. ‘He did it. ‘s a reason this town hates Dixon’s, man. There’s a hint of truth in every bit of gossip, ain’t that what everyone always claims? He was a piece of shit. Fuckin’ scum. He killed that girl. He was fuckin’ proud of that rep, Rick. Always going on about it. Lilly Sawyer, Lilly Sawyer, Lilly fuckin’ Sawyer with the nice tits,’ Daryl mutters. ‘Twenty years later and he was still braggin’ about it. Going on about how those damn pigs never found the body. My life that it’s out there somewhere. He knew those woods better than anyone alive. He found a place.’

Rick shakes his head but looks away.

‘He rebuild that damn cabin. Same spot, everything. Like a fuckin’ monument.’

‘He owned the land,’ Rick says.

‘He was sick and you fuckin’ know it. Just because they couldn’t prove it, don’t mean it didn’t happen. Will Dixon killed that girl.’

Rick looks at him. ‘He’s dead. This doesn’t have anything to do with that.’

‘Girl’s missing, man. Of course I’m thinking about Lilly Sawyer. What if the same shit is happening to -,’ Daryl closes his eyes and doesn’t want to think about any of that. But he’s so angry that the words just keep coming. ‘He got away with _everything_. I just – fuck, man. What he did to that girl, what he’d done to my ma. Me ‘nd Merle. And he got away with it. Thought it was over once I left, right? Finally got my head in the game, went up to Atlanta, had a _good_ fucking life. And then it all went to shit and there he was.’ Daryl laughs humorlessly. ‘At the goddamn funeral.’

‘I remember,’ Rick says.

‘Ignored him for a while, but when they lowered her into the ground and he just… He just laughed, man. That old, washed-up good for nothing piece of shit laughed while my girl went into the ground, too. Know what he said?’

Rick nods. He bites his lip before saying; ‘hate to see that happen.’

‘ _Hate to see that happen_ ,’ Daryl echoes. ‘Would have killed him if it hadn’t been for Shane. Merle had the girls, and I just – I just went _at_ him, man.’

‘Shane let you get a good couple of hits in,’ Rick says with a faint smile, trying to break mood.

‘Weren’t enough man,’ Daryl mutters as he looks out into the darkness. ‘Weren’t nearly enough to pay that all back.’

‘I know, brother. But Katie is not Lilly. This is nothing like that. Shane said you two had a fight, maybe she just went to one of her friends, or maybe she just went to a party just to piss you off. That sounds like a Dixon move right there,’ he smirks. ‘She’ll find her way home. She’s got a lot of people looking for her. That counts for something.’

They sit in silence after that. Both of them just waiting. Daryl resists the urge to light another cigarette and plays around with his phone, hoping to see Katie’s name pop up as a caller-id but nothing happens.

Not until the front door opens and Tara comes rushing out, her phone still in her hand.

‘What is it?’ Rick asks sharply as he gets to his feet, but then the radio on his belt crackles. A woman calls out a couple of codes which causes Rick to freeze. His hand shakes as it goes to his transmitter, but Tara beats him to it.

She takes her own and states their number before copying.

‘What’s that?’ Daryl asks as he jumps to his feet, too. ‘What’s going on, what does that mean?’

‘There’s a fire,’ Tara says with wide eyes.

‘Where?’ Daryl asks even though he already knows.

‘Your dad’s old cabin.’

 

 


	17. Sophia Peletier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry for the late upload. And for not yet replying to all your amazing comments, they truly give me life.  
> I hope you know that.

 

* * *

 

**Additional chapter warnings; mentions of selfharm, child abuse**

 

* * *

 

 

‘Tara, you head back to the station and join Shane and Mathew, I’ll stay here in case Katie comes back,’ Rick says as he walks her to the car. ‘Daryl, sit down, brother.’

‘No, I gotta go there, see if-‘

‘You need to stay _here_ ,’ Rick tells him.

‘But the cabin, what if Katie is-‘

‘Did you ever take her to the cabin? Does she know where it is?’

Daryl runs a shaking hand through his shaggy hair. He wrecks his brain, ‘no, man, I never took her there, but _everyone_ knows where that place is. I go down there once a month to check on things, make sure there’s no weird shit going on, or after a big storm or something. Rigsey keeps an eye on it for us.’

‘There’s no reason for her to be there,’ Rick assures him.

‘There ain’t no reason for her to be anywhere but in her goddamn bed, man, but she ain’t there!’

‘I know, I know,’ the cop shushes. ‘Tara, get going. I can take Daryl’s truck later. Go.’

His partner nods and slides back into the driver’s seat. A couple of seconds later, she pulls out onto the road again, lights coming on to guide her through traffic faster. Daryl listens to her crackling voice coming from the small radio transmitter near his friend’s shoulder as Rick walks back to him.

The man places a warm hand on his cheek and forces him to meet his eyes. ‘I need you to stay calm. This could be anything. It could be _nothing_.’

Daryl stares at his best friend. He hasn’t felt this powerless in so long, he’d almost forgotten the feeling. The last time he’d felt it, it had send him spiraling into alcohol and far darker things that made him feel like he was in control of _something_. The scars have faded from his hands now, but they linger under his skin. They itch.

‘Let’s go inside. We need to call Merle and we’re attracting some attention.’

Daryl looks around. The lights have come on in bedrooms and living rooms on the block. He can see dark figures in front of the windows. They’re watching him. They have been watching him since the moment he moved in. Distrusting eyes only softened by the sight of the baby on his arm and the wide-eyed kid bouncing into the new house. People walking their dogs and huddling close together, casting glances at his front door while whispering about that disturbing last name. Dixon. The man who’d disappeared with a young girl and came back with a blank memory and soot under his fingernails, laughing at accusations of murder and sneering at despairing parents who would never find their child.

He knows the stories. He knows about Lilly and how beautiful she’d been because Will wouldn’t stop boasting about his conquest after shots of moonshine. The town told him the other stories. The ones about how Will had come to the church when Lilly’s memorial was held, a year after her disappearance. How he’d laughed at the fact that people were mourning when there was no body.

The town had shunned him, but the man’s easy grace and silver tongue had managed to rope in yet another girl two years later. Even now, Daryl still can’t understand why their mother would ever lower herself to a Dixon’s standards, but Merle claims she’d been too kind for this world.

Maybe she’d tried to save him.

Maybe she’d thought the town had judged him too harshly, that he really was innocent like he’d always claimed despite his sneers and smirks whenever the subject came up. Oh he’d fucked that girl all right, but he hadn’t murdered her. What made her believe that, Daryl will never understand.

He knows what kind of monster Will was. And if he could beat the shit out of his own sons and wife he’d claimed to love… there’s no telling what he’d done to that girl he hadn’t cared about.

There’s not much he remembers of his own mother. Sometimes Merle will mention things when he’s too far gone, wasted and nostalgic, telling him how much she’d loved to cook. Award-winning pies that could even charm the hostile community at church meetings or Sunday dinners with just Merle and their father, before he was born. That there had been a time when she’d laughed.

He doesn’t remember that. Never knew her like that.

Maybe his birth hadn’t been an accident like Merle would always joke, but he knows his parents regretted it all the same. Two months before he was born, Will lost his job and he didn’t come into the world as a blessing but as just another mouth to feed.

The rest of their family had tried to help. He remembers his aunts coming over and sliding coupons into a drawer, pretending to have made too much food and stocking their fridge until their kindness was taken for pity and Will shut them all out. The clearest memory he has of his mother is her sitting at the kitchen table, cutting out her own coupons while smoking cigarette after cigarette with shaking fingers and vacant eyes.

He doesn’t remember much about her death, save for watching how their home burned down. Panting from running after his friends, the flames hot even though he was standing on the other side of the street. Later, a police officer would tell him that his mom had died and he would wonder why she was in bed in the middle of the afternoon.

A cigarette, burning. Then the bed, the room, the floor, the entire house. For years he would wonder why she hadn’t noticed. Why she hadn’t been able to get up as soon as the fire had started to bite at her skin, why she had died in that room. She’d been drunk, the reports had said. Too drunk to notice she was dying, passed out and unable to get up. On nights when he was drunk and high on some of Merle’s drug, he would think about how the master bedroom had been the only room in the house with a decent lock.

The police wouldn’t have thought twice about it. Parents needing to make sure that no nosy children barged in on things they shouldn’t, perhaps. But Will’s vocabulary had always lacked the word _decency_ , and both Dixon boys had learned to stay away from their father at all costs. They wouldn’t go inside his bedroom, not when they were afraid of shadows in the dark or when they just couldn’t sleep, not when he’d wetted the bed when he was young.

Years later, he would still think about that fire. And that lock.

And about how Merle had once inverted it so they could lock their dad in, instead of him locked them out. That had ended with both of them bleeding and crying and Merle whimpering that it had been an April fool’s joke.

As far as he knows, no one had switched the lock back around.

Their mom had died in that room and the police would tell a young boy that his mom just hadn’t been able to get out.

‘ _Daryl_.’

He looks up at Rick again.

‘Let’s go inside,’ his brother says softly, putting a hand on the back of his neck and squeezing like he would do with Carl. It’s enough to get him to move. Rick takes out his phone and pushes a speed dial while stepping onto the porch. ‘Merle? It’s Rick. No- we haven’t found her yet. I need you to come back though, there’s something happening at-‘

‘ _Rick_.’ Daryl shoves his brother aside and jumps down the small set of stairs leading down his porch. ‘Katie.’

Two figures have appeared at the corner of the street. Illuminated by the streetlights they’re passing under. They’re walking so close together that they blend into one dark blob, but he knows what Katie’s silhouette looks like. He has stared at it from the moment she was born, leaning against the doorpost in dark bedrooms to watch over his sleeping child, hands tucked into his armpits while he marveled at the miracle that was his whole life. A baby, toddler, a little girl and the teenager.

He’s seen that silhouette being lit up by Fourth of July fireworks to expose the wonder and joy on her face. Seen that dark figure waiting in the wings of the stage, nervously pulling at her own fingers while waiting for her cue and then stumbling into the light to make her debut at one of her school plays. He’s seen that smaller silhouette leaning against her mother near the ocean, watching the sun set on the horizon and keeping each other warm.

He’d recognize her anywhere, any time.

It takes him longer to recognize the other figure. Two heads shoot up as he steps onto the pavement. The shadows melt away as they get closer. Katie has her arms wrapped around herself, her jacket hanging open to reveal one of Daryl’s old hoodies. She likes to wear them sometimes when she’s sick or curled up on the couch with a heating pad on her stomach, accepting chocolate with soft whimpers. Her heavy motorcycle boots are a sharp contrast with her usual ballerina’s. The brown curls are tied into a messy bun on top of her head. Some have escaped, twirling past her ear and down her neck.

Her cheeks are wet with tears. They glisten under the streetlight.

‘ _Katie_!’

‘Dad?’ She untangles herself from the other figure. ‘What are you doing –‘

Here? Outside?

Anger makes him grit his teeth and he doesn’t wait for her to finish the question. ‘What am _I_ doing? _What am I doing_?’ he snarls. ‘Are you fucking kiddin’ me right now? Where _the fuck_ have you been?’

‘What do you care?’ Katie wipes at her cheeks angrily. ‘You fucking bailed! You left us!’

‘I didn’t leave - or at least I didn’t fucking sneak out in the dead of night, leaving my baby sister all alone! What the hell were you thinking? You fucking left her. _Anything_ could have happened!’

‘ _Nothing_ happened!’ Katie snaps back.

Daryl walks over to her. He breathes into her face, hands itching to grab her chin but he resists the urge. ‘ _Nothing happened_?’ he hisses. ‘I get a phone call in the middle of the goddamn night. A teenager gone missing. Hey, maybe she’s hiding at ours again, right? So I go up, expecting to see my child sleeping in her bed but it is empty. You’re gone and so is your friend and there’s some fucking maniac out there leaving their game’s head on pikes in the goddamn woods. So I panic and look and there’s no note. And you doesn’t answer your phone, there’s no note, nothing!’

Katie stares at him with wide eyes. ‘What – what do you mean, you got a phone call?’

‘Where the hell have you been?’ Daryl snarls.

‘I’m sorry, sir, she was at my place. We forgot the time.’ Max says as he scratches at his elbow and doesn’t dare to meet his eye. He scuffs his shoe on the curb.

Daryl glances at him. ‘ _Forgot the time_? Do you think I’m a fucking idiot? Get the hell out of my sight, you asshole. You’re lucky to still be breathing. Next time, I’m gonna break all your goddamn bones, you hear me?’

‘Nothing happened,’ Max says as he takes a step back pushing his hands in the pockets of his jeans and curling his shoulders defensively, trying to make himself smaller. ‘I’m really sorry.’

‘Nothing happened? _A girl is missing_ , you son of a bitch. What party did you drag them off to, huh? Where the fuck did you take them?’

‘What party? We weren’t – don’t talk to him like that!’ Katie shouts. She shoves him backwards, away from them. ‘I just wanted to get away from you and he came to get me, okay? I just – ‘ she works her jaw for a moment and glances at Rick, who is standing behind his brother. ‘You were so mad and I got scared and-.’

‘Oh no,’ Daryl says immediately. ‘Don’t you _dare_ play that card. Where the hell is she?’ he asks Max.

‘Don’t even know who you’re talking about,’ the boy mutters.

‘Katie.’ Rick steps forward, gently pulling Daryl away from the teenagers to create some distance between them, ‘we need to know where Sophia is. Her parents are worried sick about her. Have you seen her tonight?’

‘No. I haven’t seen her.’

‘Did you talk to her at all?’ Rick urges. ‘When’s the last time you talked to her?’

‘At school today.’

‘She went missing tonight, after dinner. You didn’t talk to her at all? No text messages? What is it, snapchat?’

‘No!’

‘And that didn’t strike you as odd?’ Rick presses. ‘You’re friends, right? I’ve seen you with that phone,’ he smiles, ‘you all seem to be online twenty-four seven.’

‘So what, now it’s _my_ fault?’ Katie shouts, eyes filling with tears. ‘I had nothing to do with it! I don’t know where she is! God! This is so unfair!’

‘Unfair? Christ, Katie, there’s a kid missing!’ Daryl snaps. ‘Rick’s just askin’-‘

‘Yeah, he’s just asking _me_! And I just told him; _I didn’t talk to her_! Her dad confiscates her phone as soon as she gets home, okay? Because he’s an asshole, just like you!’ she shoves Daryl’s shoulder and then runs towards the house, wrenching the door open and disappearing inside.

Daryl folds a shaking hand over his eyes for a moment, trying to breathe.

Max bites on his lip and bounces on his feet, glancing at the door, ‘can I go say bye and make sure-‘

‘ _You can shut the fuck up and get the hell out of my sight, you fucking waste of-‘_

‘Daryl, brother, calm down. Calm down,’ Rick urges.

‘Yeah man, fuck,’ Max mutters. ‘Brought her home ‘nd everything.’

‘You want a fucking medal for that, you son of a bitch!’

‘Just don’t wanna be yelled at, but fuck me, I guess...’ He turns on his heels and starts to walk away.

‘Why was she crying?’ Daryl shouts after him. ‘If that whole bullshit story is true, and you were such a boy scout, picking her up and bringing her home, _nothing happening_ , then why the fuck was she crying?’

‘Well I don’t know,’ Max shouts back at him, ‘maybe because you’re a fucking asshole?’

‘Max,’ Rick says, stepping forward now. ‘That’s your name, right? Max?’ After a nod, the cop looks at him pleadingly. ‘Max, my name is Rick Grimes. I’m with the sheriff’s department. We got a call earlier this evening. There’s a sixteen year old girl missing. Sophia Peletier. You know her, right?’

Max shrugs. ‘Yeah. Everyone knows her. Small town, fresh meat, I guess.’

‘Fresh meat?’ Daryl growls.

‘Just a newbie! That’s what I meant; _a new fucking person in town_ , okay?’ Max glowers at him and lowers his voice to a mutter again. ‘You psycho.’

‘Okay, focus on _me_ ,’ Rick cuts in. ‘You know Sophia. Have you seen her tonight?’

‘No. _Fine_. This is what went down; I was hanging with the guys behind Taylor’s when Katie calls me. Real upset. Like _, real upset_ ,’ he tells the cop. ‘She won’t calm the fuck down and tell me what’s wrong, I can’t take her back to my place because – just can’t, right? That’d be hella weird to explain to my pop. Got a crying girl _I ain’t banging -’_ he glances at Daryl before continuing ‘ - on my arm, we’re gonna study in my room now. Yeah, no.’

‘So where did you take her?’

‘Nowhere, man. Just around. Borrowed my buddy’s truck and we just hung out.’

‘Hung out _where_?’

‘Just _around_ , man!’ Max says, the pitch of his voice rising a little. ‘Didn’t want to go too far in case she wanted to go home again or my buddy needed his ride back. She got car sick, too. Pulled over someplace and we just hung out there.’

Daryl frowns. ‘Katie doesn’t get car sick, ever.’

‘Well, she did, and _that weren’t my fault neither_ , if that’s what you’re getting at.’

Rick glances at his brother. ‘Where did she ask you to pull over, Max? The exact street.’

‘I don’t know, man. Know that one house behind the gas station, you know way past, but that neighborhood down there - like behind it? That house with the _crazy_ Christmas lights every year?’

‘What kind of fucking directions are those?’ Daryl shouts. ‘Are you fucking kidding me, kid?’

‘Everyone knows that house, you dickhead!’

‘I do – I do know that house, yeah,’ Rick nods, ‘you were on that street?’

‘The one behind it. _Parallel_ to it,’ he says slowly and at Daryl as if that makes up for the horrible directions earlier.

Rick looks at his brother.

‘What?’ Daryl asks.

‘That’s the street the Peletier’s live on.’

Daryl breathes in through his nose, out through his mouth before rubbing his hands over his face. ‘What the hell is going on, man.’

‘Go inside,’ Rick tells him, ‘and please talk to Katie. She knows something, brother. I need you to get her to talk to us. And you,’ he snaps his fingers at Max. ‘You’re not going anywhere. You’re going to tell me what happened, second by second, from the moment Katie called you. What she said, what you did, where you went. _Everything_.’

 

 

The teenager is sitting on her bed when he walks into her room. Back against the headboard, arms wrapped around her knees and eyes trained on the mobile phone that’s charging next to her on a pillow. The dark curls tumble over her narrows shoulders. There are fresh tears on her cheeks. She wipes her nose on the back of her hand.

For a moment he just stands there. He’s not sure what to do.

Katie sobs softly, pressing her forehead against her knees. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl sighs as he sits down beside her. ‘Me too. Scoot.’

The girl looks up and then shifts to the side so he can lay down beside her, stretched out and staring up at her ceiling. He chews the nail of his thumb while folding one arm behind his head, using it as a pillow. ‘You were right about one thing,’ he tells her. ‘Everything is so fucked up.’

‘Yeah,’ she whispers.

‘You know…’ he sighs. ‘There’s no point in tellin’ you all the shit I got into when I were your age. Ain’t the same thing. Didn’t deserve what my dad gave me,’ he tells his daughter, ‘but I wasn’t a good kid, either. Kind of a bummer now though, can’t ever use my own experiences to teach you shit. Don’t know how to get extra credit, don’t know how to apply for university, or a goddamn legal first job. You’re figuring all that out on your own.’

Katie shrugs. ‘You’re helping anyway. We figure it out together.’

‘Guess so. You know that Rick got grounded once?’

Katie frowns and glances at him. ‘ _Rick_?’

‘Mister goody-two shoes himself,’ Daryl smirks. ‘Was my fault, of course. Got him into a world of hurt with his folks.’

‘What happened?’

The man shrugs. ‘Got wasted at some dumb party. Didn’t have no-one else to call, so I called him to get my ass. Was in the dead of night, but he came to get me. I couldn’t go home because my dad was… out of it. On a bender, he’d have fucking killed me,’ Daryl mutters. ‘I’d normally crash at his place but I couldn’t go there wasted. Was throwing up and shit, it was bad. So he just… we stayed out. All night. His parents _freaked_. His mom had woken up to no Rick anywhere. Car missing. No note, nothing. They were worried sick about him. He was grounded for two months.’

Katie wipes her tears away. ‘I didn’t mean to worry you.’

Daryl nods. ‘I know that. And the only thing that kept me sane tonight was the fact that you’re a smart girl. Tough. You can take care of yourself. But you’re just like your mom,’ he says while reaching out and brushing the last tear from her cheek. ‘You want to save the whole world by yourself.’

Katie closes her eyes with a shudder.

‘Katie,’ he says softly. ‘Where’s Sophia?’

She shakes her head. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Please tell me what happened.’

‘No.’

‘Look at me.’ He watches how she slowly opens her eyes again. ‘Carol is worried sick. Her little girl is out there somewhere, and she’s worried _sick_. Whatever happened. Hey,’ he puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes. ‘Whatever you’ve done, we’ll work it out. You and me.’

His heart clenches when her eyes fill with fresh tears.

‘She didn’t want to be my friend anymore.’

‘Who? Sophia?’

Katie nods.

‘Why not?’

‘Because I told her her dad should be in jail or dead,’ the teenager says, not meeting his eye and wincing at her own words. ‘She had these bruises. I saw them on her arm – like someone had grabbed her really hard, you know? And she wouldn’t tell me what happened. She didn’t need to. I know he did it. She’s scared of him, dad.’

Daryl nods. ‘She got mad?’

‘Yeah. She freaked. Told me to mind my own business, that it wasn’t true, that it wasn’t him – but that’s _bullshit_! I know it was! I told her we could go to Rick, that he could help. Or you could help, but she just went crazy. Yelled at me to fuck off, so I just… got mad, too, you know? I just was trying to _help,_ be her friend, and she acts like that?’

Daryl sighs. ‘That’s her _dad_ you were talking about, Katie.’

‘He’s a piece of shit!’

‘Still her dad,’ Daryl says with a shake of his head. ‘It doesn’t have to make sense,’ he adds when Katie opens her mouth. ‘It’s just the way things work. So, what? You two stopped being friends?’

She nods. ‘Yeah, kinda. She’d just ignore me so I was – like, _whatever_ , you know?’

‘Hmmh. So what happened tonight?

Katie sighs and runs a hand through her curls. ‘I don’t know… I just – I’d posted something on snapchat about…. It doesn’t matter.’

‘ _Katie_.’

‘Okay! I’m sorry. I’d posted that I was having a shit night and that you were being… mean.’

He arches an eyebrow because he knows she didn’t formulate it like that in her posts.

A tiny smile tugs at the corner of her mouth for just a second. ‘An asshole. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done it, but I was so mad and you just _left_ and-‘

‘It’s fine. So you posted that, and then what?’

‘She sent me messages. It’s like the pictures with a line of text on it, okay?’ she says because the various social media apps still baffle him sometimes and he’s never such which does what, exactly. ‘There was one of her bedroom window, open, and it had a message like; _going to have the best night of my life_. And one of her on the corner of the street, flipping off her house. So she snuck out, right? She was just sending me those to piss me off because I was having a shit night. Ooh, gonna go have the best night of my life. Pfft.’

‘Hmh.’

‘But later she sends me this,’ Katie grabs her phone and opens an app to show the message.

 

**Sooopph <3**

_Do we have any homework for history tomorrow?_

 

Daryl frowns. ‘Why would she-‘

‘It’s a code, we made it up,’ Katie cuts in. ‘We’re not even in the same history class.’ She closes the app again. ‘Her dad checks her phone every night. Nothing suspicious about asking for the homework, right?’

‘Right,’ Daryl nods. ‘So you got this before? What did you say?’

‘We never had to use it before. She thought it was stupid because her dad is an angel, right? Guess she remembered it, after all. I tried to call her a million times, but she didn’t pick up.’

‘So you went over to her house? And you called Max so he could give you a ride?’

‘No - well, yeah, but she called me back. Like, half an hour after that message she called me back. I was already freaking out – she was being a bitch before but she’s still my friend, right? She wouldn’t send that message just to fuck with me. She’s not like that. But when I picked up, I couldn’t even hear her at first. There was people shouting and laughing. I thought she was at a party or something, but then I could make her out. She was crying. Screaming.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yeah I’m sure! She was asking them to stop, saying that it wasn’t funny anymore and that she wanted to go home. And she screamed my name, dad. She yelled for me.’

Daryl swallows with some difficulty. ‘Okay. Okay. So it wasn’t a party?’

‘No! Well – no. I don’t think so. Does that matter? She wanted to go home and people were laughing at her for something, I don’t know where she was.’

‘Yeah, okay. So then what?’

‘Call got disconnected after that. I tried calling her back but the phone got turned off. So I called Max to come get me and made him drive to her street. Told him I was carsick at the corner of Soph’s street so I could see when she’d come back.’

‘But she didn’t.’

‘No. And after a while the lights came on in her parents’ room and then the whole house – I think her mom woke up and realized something was wrong or something. It was getting really late and I’d left Lex home alone. I just figured – if Sophia came home then, it’d be okay, right? Because her mom would be up and she’d take care of her. Didn’t know she called the cops!’

‘Of course she did. Her kid is missing!’

‘I know that!’

‘Why the hell didn’t you tell anyone this was going down? You said so yourself; she could be in fucking trouble, Katie. You could have called me! _Should_ have called me. Or Rick! Or Merle, Lori, Shane, Maggie – hell, _anyone_!’

‘ _I did_!’ Katie says new tears brimming in her eyes. Her voice cracks on the words and she hides her face behind shaking hands. ‘I did tell someone.’

‘Yeah? Who then?’

‘Paul. I told Paul.’

Daryl’s heart stutters at the name and his brain has trouble processing it. ‘Paul _Rovia_?’

Katie nods. ‘I’m sorry, I just – I just wanted… I don’t know. He just left and I – I looked him up, liked one of his pictures and we just… we started talking a bit. He said I could still talk to him about stuff, if I needed to. And – ‘ she wipes her tears away, ‘I liked having him around and I’m sorry I wasn’t very – like – welcoming? But I _did_ like him and you were happy and-‘

‘Ssh, it’s okay. It’s okay,’ Daryl says as he reaches out to run a hand through her hair. ‘None of that – him leaving – was on you. It had _nothing_ to do with _you_.’

‘I’m just sorry,’ the girl cries. ‘Maybe if I’d been nicer to him then...’

‘No. No, Kit-Kat, God.’ He pulls her close. ‘He ran, okay? He ran. That’s on him.’

She nods against his shoulder.

‘You called him tonight, about Sophia?’

‘Messaged him. He doesn’t like to talk on the phone.’

Daryl frowns.

‘He said she was probably just at a party. He told me to go home. Said that everything would be fine and that she’d turn up in the morning.’

Daryl gently pushes her back so he can look her in the eye. ‘Show me the messages.’

‘Why? I’m not lying!’

‘I’m not saying you are, I just want to see what he wrote.’

‘I just told you what he-‘

‘Show me, right now.’

Katie frowns but reaches for her phone. Just when her fingers curl around the device, it dings and the display lights up with a new incoming message. It’s not a regular text message. Daryl sees the flash of Paul’s name on the screen, the name of some kind of app, and the symbol that a picture is loading.

‘It’s just him,’ Katie says with disappointment in her voice. ‘Probably checking whether I got home okay.’ It’s clear that she’d been anticipating a message from her friend, but she opens this one with a swipe of her finger.

Daryl watches how the picture loads.

Katie’s eyes grow wide. ‘What the fuck…’

It’s a slightly blurry picture of a wooden door. It seems to be lit by a flashlight, the illumination harshly cutting through the darkness at the edges of the screen.

There are words written on the door. Red, still wet and dripping down the wood.

Daryl feels sick.

He knows that door.

It’s burning in the woods right now.

Katie looks at him. ‘What the fuck, dad? What does _that_ mean?’

Daryl swallows with difficulty. His hand shakes as he reaches out to take the phone from her. Then he flings himself off the bed, runs down the stairs while shouting for Rick.

The screen of the phone grows darker and darker before it switches off and the device locks itself again. The red words disappear.

 

_Hate to see that happen again_

 

 


	18. Past the point of sorry

 

* * *

 

 

 

Max looks at him warily but still accepts the steaming mug of coffee. He’s sitting on the porch, shoulders curled in to make himself look smaller than he is. It doesn’t really work. He’s wearing his boots with the steel-capped noses he has to wear at the garage, and his jeans are dirty. Motor oil and grease stains, some splashes of paint from the time he’d worked at the farmer’s market and got to help with decorating the kid’s helmets.

The kid doesn’t own too many clothes. He’s rather proud of his leather jacket, bought from saving up his pay-checks and Merle sliding him the last twenty bucks he’d needed to get it. Daryl remembers how he’d come in the next morning, after snatching the paycheck out of his hands and running off to get to the store before it closed, beaming and even twirling for the guys before laughing and flipping them off. That little grin when Daryl had clapped him on the back with a compliment. That moment of hesitation before asking whether he got the right size and he didn’t really look like a drowned rat like Merle had been shouting all morning.

He’s wearing that jacket now. It still looks good, not a scratch on it.

Daryl sits down next to the boy with a groan, his joints cracking.

Max glances at him.

‘Gettin’ old,’ Daryl mutters. He stretches one leg out and takes a sip from his coffee. ‘Katie is a’right. Well – she’s doing okay, I guess. I told her to try and get some sleep but I doubt that’s happening tonight.’

The teenager looks at him suspiciously. ‘Right. Thanks. Rick told me to stay here, so…’

‘Yeah, I know. Ain’t kicking you out. You were worried about her earlier. She’s good.’

Max nods and wraps his hands around the coffee mug. ‘Good.’

‘Did you call your old man to tell him where you’re at? It’s almost morning.’

‘Nah. Don’t have to. He don’t care.’

‘Are you sure?

‘Yeah, pretty damn sure, man,’ Max scoffs. ‘I doubt he has noticed I haven’t been home all night. And if he did, he wouldn’t give a fuck. Could be dead in a ditch somewhere. Nobody would notice.’

Daryl looks at him. ‘Hey. I’d be tracking your ass down, ten past eight sharp.’

Max snorts, ‘to fire me for being late at work. Thanks, man.’

‘Yeah, you’re welcome,’ Daryl smirks. ‘You’d be dead in a ditch somewhere, remember? You wouldn’t give a flying fuck about losing your job.’ He puts his own coffee aside and grabs a cigarette, lighting it with a flick of his thumb. He doesn’t bother to offer the teenager one, even though he’s old enough. Max doesn’t smoke despite being surrounded by people who light one up every five seconds. Daryl can respect that. ‘Hey,’ he says, leaning closer and knocking their shoulders together briefly. ‘Sorry about comin’ at you like that earlier. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that.’

‘It’s fine,’ the teenager mutters into his coffee cup.

‘No, I’m sorry. Thanks for looking after Katie.’

‘You got it.’ Max throws a look over his shoulder but he can’t see Rick pacing in the living room. ‘I hope they find the other girl, man. Sophia, I mean.’

‘Yeah, me too.’ Daryl takes a drag from his cigarette. ‘I want you to look at something for me real quick. Tell me what you think.’

‘A’right. What then?’

Daryl takes Katie’s phone out of his pocket and unlocks it with the code. It’s her birthday, with the days first instead of the month. They’d picked it out together on the first day she had the device, with Daryl insisted to know the code too in case something happened and the girl begrudgingly allowing it because, technically, it was his phone even though she could use it. She never changed it even after she started to buy her own phones.

The picture still causes Daryl’s stomach to turn, but no longer with fear.

He passes the device to Max.

‘Oh shit,’ the boy mutters, holding it further away from him as if that might help. ‘Ew. What’s that? Oh my God, is that _blood_? Gross. What does it say?’ He tilts the screen a little because the words are hard to make out. ‘Hate to see that happen again? What the hell, man? That’s fucked up.’

Daryl hums and watches him closely.

‘That’s _fucked up_. This is Katie’s phone, right? It has a pink case,’ Max flips the phone around to study the pink, white and black stars on the case. ‘I mean, you’re a fa- I mean, you had a boyfriend, but you’re not like _that_ – I mean, it’s fine to be like that but you’re not really a –‘

‘There’s no saving that sentence,’ Daryl tells him, ‘so you best not finish it.’

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-‘

‘I know you didn’t, but there are words you need to stop saying, and things you need to change your mind about. That’s hard, I know,’ the man nods. ‘I had to learn, too.’

Max glances at him. ‘I’m trying.’

‘Try harder.’ He knocks their shoulders together. ‘Merle might be a lost cause, but you ain’t.’

A tiny smile drags the corner of the boy’s mouth up. It disappears when he turns the phone back around, looking at the picture again. ‘Rovia sent that? ‘s fucked up, man. What a psycho. Or – oh shit, do you think someone is using his phone? That maybe he’s in trouble or something? I mean – why else would he be at your cabin?’

Daryl hums and takes the phone back. ‘No. I don’t think he’s in trouble. What? I’m supposed to believe that someone drove to Atlanta to kidnap the dude? Yeah, good luck with that. Guy is a mixed martial arts pro, but sure, you drag your ass there to see how it gets handed back to ya. ‘sides, nobody but Tara, Maggie and myself even know he’s living his life two hours from here. I wasn’t even supposed to know but Tara ran her mouth, of course. Were bitchin’ about how he was never gonna find a better place to stay at than that shithole she’d arranged for him here. _Especially not in downtown Atlanta, am I right_? Pffft.’

Max wrinkles his nose. His eyebrows draw together. ‘So he made that picture himself? He’s trying to scare Katie or something?’

‘I don’t think Paul’s got anything to do with this.’

‘What?’

Daryl takes a drag from his cigarette and looks out over his street. Most of the lights have gone out inside the house again, everyone going back to bed now that the show is over. Curtains yanked back into place, people curling up together under the blankets while muttering about those damn Dixon’s.

‘This fucking town, man,’ he says while flicking some ash. ‘Toxic. Everyone is always watching each other but everyone pretends not to see shit. That’s why I hated this goddamn place when I were young. Dixon’s boy, of course everyone was watching my every move. And no one saw them bruises? No one saw Merle limp down the road? ‘s bullshit, man. Everyone knows but they’re so goddamn bored here, they couldn’t throw their only entertainment into jail. Wouldn’t have nothing to gossip about if it weren’t for us.’

Max looks at him from the corner of his eye.

‘I’ve been trying to see it and not ignore it. Like with your dad? Same piece of shit mine was. Can’t do anything but give you a safe space until you decide to fucking press charges, so that’s what I did,’ Daryl tells the boy. ‘Gave you a job, you can use my office on Sundays for your schoolwork.’

‘Yeah,’ Max rubs his thumbs over the rim of his coffee mug. ‘I’m real grateful though.’

‘I’m not asking you to be grateful.’ Daryl captures the smoke in his lungs until it starts to burn and then exhales sharply. ‘I shouldn’t have brought the girls back here. As a dad, you try to teach them stuff, right? Just to help them get by. And Katie had her mom for a long while, so she had a fair shot at least, but it’s still…’ he sighs and shakes his head. ‘Kids fuck up, I guess. Just like their parents do.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘I didn’t either in the beginning. I didn’t until just now, actually. There was just so much weird shit happening, and I was so scared - I almost fell for it.’

‘Fell for what?’

‘Katie’s lie. That’s it – right? You teach them to never lie, that’s the goddamn Dixon family code now, they throw it in your face every time you tell them there’s no damn chocolate left, so when something happens, you just…. At first she said nothing had happened, but that was too weak, I mean I had to drive there in the middle of the night to pick her up and she were crying. _Of course_ something had happened. But then she said some people had just been hassling her a bit, asking whether her grandpa had killed her mom or some bullshit like that. And I believed her. I believed that story.’

Max looks away.

‘But that ain’t what happened, right?’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘She goes to a party where you and your friends are and ends up in tears. Months later, she skips school and you threaten to beat up the cheer squad. She told me her friends had her back, that they were nobodies just taking a shot because her dad had a boyfriend. But that wasn’t it at all, was it?’

Max works his jaw but doesn’t answer.

‘Nothing about this makes sense,’ Daryl says as he throws the cigarette away. ‘Some weird asshole is leaving the heads of their game on pikes in the woods. That’s some Hollywood bullshit right there. That doesn’t happen here.’

‘Obviously it does,’ Max mutters.

‘Yeah? So some evil mastermind ran to Atlanta to kidnap my ex-boyfriend, too?’

The boy frowns unhappily at the word but just shrugs. ‘Or maybe he’s behind all this. You ever thought about that? That maybe he’s the sick fuck behind all of this?’

Daryl shakes his head. ‘Nah, he ain’t. Because this?’ He holds the phone up. ‘This ain’t Paul.’ He unlocks the device and scrolls through the messages. ‘Katie said she’d liked one of his pictures and that’s how they got talking. Turns out, she’d done the same thing as me; deleted his number the moment he walked out. But after a little while, she… she just missed him. So she looked him up, found him on one of those social media sites, right?’

‘So?’

‘So, he ain’t on there, man. He has a goddamn flip phone. He hates those kinds of websites, so now I’m supposed to believe he made one just to talk to my kid? Nah. This is it.’ He angels the screen so the boy can see it too. He scrolls through the pictures. ‘That one is taken from Tara’s page. It’s – like – magnified or some shit, that’s why the quality is so bad.’

It’s him and Paul, dancing at Denise’s birthday party.

‘Whole lot of random pics about goddamn coffee and whatnot. Oh, this one is taken from the garage’s website.’

It’s the classic Harley bike right next to his own custom bike. Merle had ended up giving Paul a discount despite whining that it would put them out of business just so he could get a chance to work on the man’s stunning ride. After, they’d used it in the photo shoot so they could update the new website and use it for their promotional stuff on social media.

‘Maggie took this one at Hershel’s farm.’

Paul is lying in the grass, one hand covering half of his face, mouth open and caught mid-laughter.

‘The captions are all wrong,’ Daryl points out. ‘ _Date with the dude_? Pffft. I weren’t the one taking the picture. And that ain’t what the back of the bar looks like,’ he says with a nod at the next picture. ‘ _Smoke break_. Yeah, right. Except he don’t smoke. This ain’t him. She weren’t talking to Paul.’

‘How can you be so sure?’

‘’cause I _know_ him. And he might be a son of a bitch for leaving, but he loves my kids. And he loved me. This ain’t him.’

‘What’re you saying then, someone’s pretending to be him?’

‘Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m saying,’ Daryl skips the next couple of pictures and then hands the phone to Max. It’s him and Paul again. They’re standing on the landing in front of his office, Daryl backed up against the railing and Paul standing between his feet. The mechanic’s hands on the bartender’s ass, pulling him close while they kiss. Paul’s hand on his neck, thumb on the skin just below his ear.

Daryl remembers that moment.

Remembers groaning into the kiss, how his hand had found its way to Paul’s back pocket, wriggling inside and then squeezing to make Paul laugh. That hot breath on his cheek, the embrace afterwards, his forehead resting against the man’s shoulder and his boyfriend dragging his fingers through his hair.

How he could have sworn he saw a light flash.

Like a picture being taken.

How they’d both shrugged it off because there were more important things to attend to, like more kisses and trying to get to the couch in his office, shoving each other inside the room while trying to get jackets and shirts off –

And how they’d stopped abruptly when Max had cleared his throat pointedly. Daryl had fallen onto the couch, laughing as the boy scrambled to grab his book bag and get out of there, while Paul held the door open for him with reddened cheeks but a smirk on his lips.

They both had other things to think about when they finally heard the door open and close.

‘Guess it was a stupid fucking idea to put you in charge of our social media, huh? Looks like you learned a lot.’

‘ _Fuck_ ,’ Max breathes, eyes falling closed and shoulders slumping.

‘Yeah.’

‘No – but I didn’t send that last one! I swear to God, Daryl. I don’t have anything to do with that shit. Any of that!’

‘No?’

‘No, man! I mean – yeah, I took that last picture but I have nothing to do with the rest!’

Daryl throws his cigarette to the curb. He goes back to the first picture, the one with the gleaming red words. ‘then how do you know that this is the door of my cabin?’

‘What?’

‘That’s what you said. You asked what the hell Paul would be doing at my cabin. How do you know it’s mine? Could be any random ass door.’

Max hesitates for a moment. ‘I don’t know. I guess it just made sense-‘

‘Look,’ Daryl turns fully to him, shifting his weight and meeting his eye now. ‘I want to believe you, but you have got to cut it out with the bullshit, man. Sophia is in serious trouble. So, I’m going to give you two options here; either you’re going back inside with me and talk to Rick about what really went down, or Rick is going to take your ass back to the station. You’ll have to spend the rest of the night there,’ he scratches at the scruff on his chin, ‘and they’ll call your dad.’

‘No! Daryl – please, you know what he’ll do if-‘

‘I’m done helping you,’ Daryl grunts as he gets up. ‘You got five seconds to fucking decide what you wanna do.’

 

 

Rick is pacing around in the living room when Daryl steps back inside. There’s a light on in the kitchen which causes his shadow to be cast onto the wall. Narrow hips and bow legs, that little tilt of his head before he speaks. He’s not fidgeting and doesn’t appear to be angry, but his movements are clipped and short nevertheless.

‘Yeah,’ he nods, gaze landing on Daryl. ‘Okay, thanks Paul. I need you to come in and make a statement at some point. No – no, it would be best if you came down here. Did they mess your apartment up?’

Daryl leans against the doorpost and listens.

Rick nods again. ‘That’s good. Tara wanted to come down herself but you know… yeah. Hmmh. No,’ he sighs and looks away. ‘No, you can’t talk to him right now. He’s with Katie. Yeah, I’ll tell him. What? No – it’s best if you don’t. Trust me. Okay. Okay, yeah. Bye, Paul.’

Rick hangs up and looks at his phone for a moment.

‘What did he say?’

‘Yeah – it isn’t him.’ The cop puts his phone away. ‘He was working tonight, so he’s got an alibi. He let a couple of people from Atlanta PD look through his apartment. Nothing suspicious. He has a computer, but I mean… we’ll have to wait for more information, but I think you’re right. It’s not him, man.’

‘No, it ain’t. I’ll go get her.’ With a sigh, he heads back upstairs. He stops half-way on the second set because Katie is sitting at the top. There’s a blanket draped over her shoulders. Trembling fingers fidget with the edge of it.

She looks at him with red-rimmed eyes. ‘It really wasn’t him?’

‘No, baby. I’m sorry.’

‘God, I feel so _stupid_. How could I not realize that?’

Daryl shrugs. ‘You never know who’s on the other side of a screen. And sometimes if you want things bad enough… it doesn’t have to make sense to you no more, you just believe it and…’ he shakes his head. ‘It’s not your fault someone did this.’

‘I thought it was weird how he never wanted me to call him, but I just thought… you know, he didn’t want you to find out, or he didn’t really like me but was just being nice and…’

‘I wish you would have told me. All of this – whatever it is that went down. Why didn’t you? Did you think I would get mad or something?’

‘No! No. With Paul, I just didn’t want you to be sad about it or something. You were just pretending he never even existed so I wasn’t going to be a brat and bring him up again. At first I didn’t even wanna talk to him, like – fuck him, right? But… I don’t know. He was just posting these pictures of you and I thought that maybe he missed you,’ she pulls at her own fingers and looks down at her feet. ‘And maybe us, too. A little bit.’ She wipes her nose on the back of her hand. ‘Turns out it wasn’t even him. Who would do something like that? That’s messed up.’

‘Yeah.’ Daryl nods. ‘It is. What about the other stuff. Why didn’t you tell me about that?’

Katie covers her face with her hands and shakes her head. ‘It was supposed to be a _joke_ but they took it way too far.’

‘A joke.’

‘I’m so sorry!’

‘We’re past the point of being _sorry_ , Katie!’

‘ _She wanted it_!’

Daryl frowns. ‘ _What_?’

‘She wanted to be a part of that _stupid_ group! I warned her. I told her she couldn’t trust them, that they weren’t our friends, but she just – _God_. She thought they were – like – _so cool_ and everything, but they’re not! They’re fucking trash and I hate them!’

‘So now she’s fucking missing and that’s somehow her own damn fault?’

‘No! I mean – I don’t know! Christ…’

The door behind Daryl opens slowly. First a small hand curls around the wood, pushing it open further and then Lexi pads into the hallway on bare feet. She’s rubbing at her face with one clumsy hand. Her shirt is hanging off one shoulder. It takes her a couple of blinks to realize that Daryl is standing right there. Then she holds out her arms with a soft whimper.

‘Did we wake you up?’ Daryl asks as he lifts her up. ‘Sorry, Batman.’

‘’s okay,’ Lexi murmurs into his neck. ‘Bad dreams.’

‘You had bad dreams?’

She nods.

‘Good thing you’re awake then. They’re over now.’

‘Hmyah.’

Daryl smiles at the botched up agreement and holds her tightly. ‘Let me put you back into bed, it’s really late. We’ll be quiet.’

She’s already falling asleep again on his shoulder, fingers playing with his long hair. ‘Okay.’

Katie gets up and walks down the stairs. She runs a hand over Lexi’s back. ‘Good night, Batman.’

The little girl makes a sleepy noise, one hand reaching out to her sister.

Katie smiles and stands on her tiptoes to press a kiss to her cheek. ‘There.’

Lexi smiles and snuggles back up into Daryl’s warmth. ‘Night,’ she mumbles, thumb slipping into her mouth.

Daryl leaves it for just this once. ‘Go downstairs,’ he tells his oldest daughter. ‘Rick is waiting.’

 

 

‘Okay. Look. I know it was stupid and wrong but –‘ Max sighs and squares his shoulders. ‘We were all hanging out at Matt’s place one night – like a year ago, okay? And it was just after Halloween. So we were just dicking around, talking about horror movies and shit, and – I don’t even know how it came up, but someone said that… you know, we had our own – like – horror story in this town.’

Daryl leans against the wall with his shoulder. He’s gnawing on the nail of his thumb as he listens to the boy. The two teenagers are sitting at the kitchen table, across from Rick who is nodding along. There’s a notepad in front of him. The tip of his pen taps onto the hardwood table.

‘It was supposed to be a stupid joke!’ the boy tells the cop. ‘Like – like if you wanted to be part of our group, you had to do it. It was like some sort of hazing, okay?’

Rick shakes his head. ‘What was?’

Max squirms in his seat. He fidgets with the collar of his leather jacket, tugging it up a little as if he wants to hide from Daryl’s stare.

Katie sighs. ‘You had to stay in our cabin for an hour.’

‘Why?’

The girl glances at her father. ‘Because it’s creepy? Everyone knows the story about Lilly Sawyer. They think he murdered her and buried her somewhere in the woods. And the place is exactly like how grandpa left it, right? You never go there, and Merle doesn’t either, so there’s all this creepy stuff and no electricity, in the middle of the woods?’

Daryl closes his eyes and breathes through his nose.

‘So what would happen?’ Rick asks. ‘People would want to be your friend and you’d take them there?’

‘Yeah,’ Max murmurs, scratching at the table with his nails. ‘Would have to show they ain’t no damn pussy, so we’d take them out there. Blindfold them, make them spin around in circles so they wouldn’t know where they were no more or how to get back, and then we’d lock them in there. Weren’t ever long,’ he adds. ‘Just an hour or so.’

Rick frowns. ‘How would you get in? Daryl checks it once a month, that place is locked up-‘

‘The key is in his office. In the box on the wall, with the garage’s spare keys and everything,’ Katie mutters.

Daryl grabs his own upper arm and digs his nails in.

‘You took the keys?’ Rick asks.

‘Yeah…. Dad, I’m _sorry_.’

‘You keep sayin’ that,’ he mutters with a shake of his hand. ‘God, Katie. What were you thinking?’

Katie works her jaw and glances at Max. ‘I just wanted to… I just wanted to have friends, okay? Everyone looks at us like we’re some sort of freak in this town! And if they thought it was kinda cool, you know, that I’m a Dixon, then... yeah. I did it, but – I didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt!’

‘Nobody is getting hurt,’ Max sighs. ‘They just took Sophia out there, locked her up – look, I’m not doing it anymore. I got out of that whole thing, because…’ he glances at Katie, ‘saw her at the party. Right?’ he asks her. ‘You wanted in on it, too!’

She nods.

‘So we took you out there, but you got, like, really scared.’ He turns to Rick, ‘she was crying and everything before we even got there, and people were making fun of her for it. A Dixon who loses their shit on their own turf, right? So they were – it was messed up, okay? And I was like; _oh shit_ , you know? ‘cause that’s Daryl’s girl. He’s always watching over my ass, so I couldn’t just let his girl be treated like that. Put a stop to it and took her back to the actual party so he could come get her.’

‘Because she is Daryl’s daughter.’

‘Yeah! And…’ he blushes and squirms again. ‘She’s real pretty, so I thought, maybe… you know… If I helped, she’d think I was kinda cool, too.’

Rick raises his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything.

‘Worked,’ Max mutters with a defiant glare at the cop.

Katie kicks him under the table.

‘Whatever, man,’ the boy sulks, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. ‘Don’t got nothing to do with that no more. They fucking turned on her – the whole gang, so fuck ‘em. It was supposed to be goddamn joke, okay? And suddenly they’re going apeshit with the whole deal. The thing with the heads? I had nothing to do with that. That was all them.’

‘Who is them?’ Rick asks and writes down the names Max rattles off.

Katie rubs at her arms as if she’s cold. ‘I told them I’d tell you if they didn’t quit it.’

‘Yeah and they tried fucking with you at school because of that,’ Max huffs. ‘To keep you quiet.’

Katie glances at Daryl. ‘The time I skipped school? And Paul came to get me?’

He nods.

‘So I just –‘ the girl shrugs. ‘I didn’t hang out with them anymore, avoided them in school. Coach Negan made sure they never tried anything after that. He thought it was – you know – about you and Paul, but… weren’t going to tell him any different. It worked, anyway. They didn’t come near me again.’

Max cracks his knuckles and scowls at the table.

Katie smiles at him.

Rick sighs and shifts in his chair. ‘Okay. So… what happened tonight?’

‘Sophia…’ Katie starts with a shake of her head. ‘She thought they were so cool. That whole group? She wanted to be their friend, but I told her that it wasn’t a good idea! That they were just pieces of shit, but she wouldn’t believe me. Thought I was jealous that she would be in that gang or something…. She has a crush on Matt.’

Max makes a gagging noise but stops when Rick glares at him.

‘I told her not to go near them! I _told_ her!’ the girl continues, ‘but she wouldn’t listen to me after we had that fight about her dad. That’s why she said she was gonna have the best night of her life. She thought she was going to hang out with just Matt, but it was that whole hazing thing! So I tried to get her to come back, and then just waited by her house in case they brought her back.’

‘But they didn’t,’ Rick says.

‘No,’ she agrees softly. Then her gaze flicks up sharply, ‘but I told this… this person. I thought it was Paul! I told him everything and he said it would be fine, that I should just go home and she’d be fine! He promised!’

‘Weren’t Paul,’ Daryl answers.

‘Yeah, I know that _now_!’

Daryl looks at Max. ‘Don’t got nothing to say about that?’

The teenager closes his eyes for a moment and then looks at Katie. ‘I’m – Look, I – I’m so sorry. I… I made that account. Like, Paul’s?’

‘ _What_?’

‘Just grabbed some pictures from other accounts and changed them a bit. First I was just fucking around some, no-one was meant to find it-‘

‘You created an account with _my dad’s boyfriend’s name_ just to _fuck around_?’

Max sighs and runs a hand over his face. ‘It was with that group, okay? He’d just blown into town, everyone were talking about him and Daryl and – we were just messing around. Like – making fun a bit…’ he trails off and winces. ‘No-one was meant to fucking find it, but then you started poking around, liking the pictures and… I don’t know, you were so sad, right? So I just… talked to you a bit.’

‘While pretending to be Paul!’

‘Yeah…’

Katie stares at him for a second and then gets up in a flash. ‘That’s fucking sick! You stupid son of a bitch! I hate you! _I hate you_! Why would you do that? Who _does_ that?’

‘I’m so sorry, Katie. I just wanted to help!’

‘ _How is that helping_?’ the girl shrieks. ‘You fucking _asshole_!’

‘Okay, okay, enough,’ Rick gets up too and holds out a calming hand to Katie. ‘Please, calm down, Kit-Kat.’

She glares at the boy but sinks down on her chair again.

Max turns to the cop now. ‘But that last picture? That weren’t me, man. Guess they still have the log-in for that account or something.’

‘ _Yeah right_ ,’ Katie snaps.

‘I swear!’

‘All right, a’right,’ Rick sighs. ‘So all of this is what…?  Some hazing ritual gone wrong? Jesus Christ.’

Max shrugs and nods at the same time. ‘But I swear – that picture with the blood-‘

‘Ain’t blood,’ Daryl snaps. ‘It’s fucking _paint_.’

Max breathes a sigh of relief. ‘See? Was meant to be a joke.’

The Dixon walks over to the table and slams his hand down on it, looming over the boy. ‘You fucking idiot. They dragged a sixteen year old girl in the middle of the night to a remote hunting cabin – and that’s a goddamn joke? Just to be a part of your cool-club or something? If something happens to her…’

‘ _Nothing will happen_!’ Max snarls.

‘ _The cabin is on fucking fire, man! It’s burning to the ground as we speak and we can’t find the girl, you fucking piece of shit_!’

Rick grabs his arm and yanks him away from the teenager. ‘Go outside. Daryl, go outside now.’

 

 

He’s so angry.

He feels so useless. Powerless.

He’s so _angry_.

It’s dark in the shed behind the house. Faint outlines of shelves and tools, parts of his bikes and Katie’s old one. Some gardening tools he forgot he even owned, the land mower Merle promised to fix but never got around to. Pots Katie had wanted to grow edible flowers in for a while, old toys Lexi has outgrown by now.

He stands in the middle of it. Looks around. Uncurls and curls his hands into fists, and then grabs hold of one of the shelves.

He tears it down with a snarl. The sound of metal crashing onto the floor. Of nails tinkling on concrete, pots shattering, plastic toys scattering. He kicks at them, whirls around and aims a kick at the old frame of a bike. It falls over with a deafening crash.

It’s not enough.

Another shelf. Another frame, more pots shattering, more toys destroyed, tools wiped from his workbench. Sharp edges nick his skin. His ears are ringing.

He screams. The palms of his hands pressing into his eyes, nails digging into his scalp. He screams until he can’t anymore and then just stands there, thinking about how it had all gone wrong.

How he’d tried to keep all of this away from his family, how he’d tried _so_ hard…

The door to the shed opens, but it’s not Rick who came to check on him.

It’s Merle. Face drawn and pale. Boots muddy from the woods.

Daryl straightens. His hands are shaking. ‘No,’ he says softly. ‘Please…’

Merle shakes his head. ‘Found her on the bottom of a cliff. That dried up riverbed, ya know? Must have slipped… fell down. Hit her head. They say she ran. A stupid accident.’

‘How can this be an accident?’ Daryl whispers.

Merle shakes his head again. ‘I don’t know, brother.’

‘She’s _sixteen_ years old.’

‘I know.’

‘She’s…’ Daryl can feel tears burning in his eyes. ‘Was someone’s little girl, man.’

‘I know.’

‘Was _Carol’s_.’

Merle walks towards him, avoiding the rubble on the ground. For a moment, he hesitates, but then he puts his arms around his little brother and drags him into a tight hug. ‘I know, man. I’m sorry.’

Daryl grabs hold of him, presses himself closer and buries his face in his brother’s neck. Nails digging into the leather jacket, tears soaking the collar of his shirt.

‘I got you,’ Merle murmurs as he puts a warm hand on the back of Daryl’s head. ‘It’s gonna be okay.’

 

But it’s not.

It won’t ever be _okay_

Not when their last name has put another girl into an early grave.

 

 


	19. if you need help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Discussion of/reference to self harm. Death of a teenager.

 

* * *

 

 

The funeral is a week later.

He’d felt sick when he saw the death notice in the paper. Black letters stark against white paper, making this whole nightmare more of a reality. Sophia Peletier. Sixteen years old. Tragically torn away from her loved ones, leaving behind a loving mother, her father and distant relatives.

The town had been quiet in the wake of the accident. The gossip dying down now that mothers didn’t dare to meet each other’s eyes because their children had been involved, too. Fathers avoiding the local bar and wincing every time they had to face someone who knew what their child had done. It been an accident, officially, but everyone knew what had let to the death of the teenager.

The local police force had organized nights for parents to come together and talk about what had happened. The church, too. At Katie’s school, there had been counselors available and a memorial service was held as well as long talks in classrooms about the effects your behavior can have on others. Actions and consequences. How to help friends, how to not buckle under peer pressure, the dangers of mob mentality and keeping secrets from those who can actually help.

Katie comes downstairs, not wearing any make-up, in her biker boots, a floral dress and black blazer. Her face is drawn, bags under her eyes and her nails short from chewing on them. Her dull eyes land on Daryl, who’s standing near the window with a cup of coffee in his hands.

He’s wearing a gray suit, white shirt and black tie.

‘Do we have to go?’ the teenager asks softly.

‘I’m going,’ Daryl says, fingers tightening on the coffee cup to keep his hand still. ‘I won’t force you, but you were her friend. You might regret not going later.’

‘They won’t want me there.’

Daryl looks out over his garden. He watches the leaves of the big oak tree sway in a light breeze. The last time he’d been at a funeral, it had been colder than this. He remembers how Merle had helped get Lexi ready, still just a baby and fuzzy, grumpy even when her uncle had tried to dress her in warmer clothes. How Lori had intervened when the oldest Dixon had started to lose his patience, scooping the baby up and wrapping her in blanket instead, holding her close to her chest and singing softly.

‘You were her friend,’ he repeats. The coffee leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

Katie sits down on the couch. She wraps her arms around her stomach. There are no tears in her eyes, but they’re red anyway. She hasn’t slept.

Daryl isn’t sure whether she has talked to anyone at school about what happened. He doesn’t know whether she has participated in any of the class discussion, whether she’d read the pamphlets or heard the advice from her teachers. She’s not talking to him, that’s for sure. She hides in her room, only coming down to have dinner and do her chores before disappearing again.

It’s not her fault. None of what happened is her fault, he knows that. He doubts she feels the same way.

They’ve told Lexi that there had been a terrible accident and that Sophia had died. That that is the reason why she’s not coming around anymore, and why Katie is so upset. He’s glad that the funeral is on a Thursday morning. Lexi is at school. It’s just any other day for her.

‘It’s time to go,’ Daryl mutters. He walks to the kitchen and puts his mug into the dishwasher. Then he grabs his keys and cigarettes, slipping the lighter into his pocket.

Katie gets up, too.

They’re silent while Daryl drives to the funeral home. The parking lot is almost full when they arrive. He finds a spot on the last row and kills the engine. ‘Hey,’ he says as Katie reaches to get her door. He holds out his hand, palm up. ‘I’m right here with you. I’m always _with you_.’

Katie puts her hand in his, entwining their fingers. She squeezes hard. There are tears in her eyes now.

‘I love you, so much.’

She nods, a tear rolling down her pale cheek.

He reaches out and brushes it away gently. Then he hooks his hand around the back of her neck, drawing her close so he can kiss her forehead. ‘Together, okay?’

‘Okay,’ Katie murmurs.

‘Chin up,’ he taps her chin with his finger and then gets out of the truck. It takes Katie a few seconds longer but she joins him, falling into step beside him. She hesitates for a moment and then drapes her arm around his waist, tucking herself into his side.

Daryl kisses the top of her head, an arm curling around her shoulders protectively as they walk into the building.

The service is held in the biggest room. There are rows and rows of fold-up chairs. An aisle lined with colorful flowers leading down to a small altar. The coffin is white. It’s surrounded by wreaths and stuffed animals, cards and some drawings. It’s open.

Katie squeezes his side, shivering and pressing herself closer to him.

‘It’s okay,’ he whispers, gaze going around the room. It’s busy. He recognizes most of the town’s people. Other parents, teenagers sobbing quietly at their first funerals, shopkeepers and teachers. For a second he pauses and watches how Negan puts a comforting arm around Max’s shoulders. The boy is crying, huddling in a corner on the last row, trying to disappear into the shadows. Of course his father isn’t there with him and Daryl is glad that Negan seems to be looking after him.

‘There,’ he guides Katie to the front, just two rows behind where Carol is sitting with Ed. The mother stares at a spot on the wall, unmoving and with unseeing eyes. The father is talking to a family member, eyes sunken and voice rough.

Three seats have been saved between the Grimes and Walsh family. Daryl is grateful when Lori greets Katie with a warm smile, immediately reaching for the teenage girl. They hold hands, Lori rubbing soothing circles into her skin in silent support.

Michonne reaches out and puts a hand on Daryl’s knee, squeezing it once.

Daryl nods his thanks.

Five minutes before it starts, Merle claims the last free seat. He’s wearing a black suit but no tie. A warm hand on his brother’s shoulder, a kiss to Katie’s cheek and then he settles down, nodding at Michonne who asks whether he had trouble finding a parking spot.

The service is beautiful. The music is fitting; popular pop-songs teenagers love given new meaning when played at such an occasion, speeches from an aunt and teacher, and then one from Carol who doesn’t address the crowd but turns around to talk to her little girl for one last time.

At the end, most people beat a hasty retreat into the next room where coffee and tea is being served along with some glasses of wine for the adults. Carol stands next to the coffin, a hand on the wood as she gazes at her baby girl, resting on white pillows, one of her stuffed animals from her childhood secured in a last embrace.

‘Did you bring it?’ Daryl asks his brother.

Merle nods and reaches down under his seat. He hands Katie a single flower.

‘Thanks, man. Come on, Kit-kat,’ he puts a warm hand on his daughter’s back and guides her to the aisle. They stand there for a moment, the girl hesitating and fidgeting with the rose in her hands. ‘I can do it for you,’ Daryl offers.

‘No. Just – can you come with me?’

‘Done told you,’ he whispers in her ear. ‘I’m with you.’

She reaches down and grabs his hand, holding on tightly as they make their way to the coffin. There are tears rolling down Katie’s cheeks. They step onto the altar, bowing their heads respectfully.

Daryl takes a deep breath and looks at the girl. Blonde hair combed, eyes shut as if she’s sleeping. She’s wearing her regular clothes. A simple blue shirt and dark jeans. There are freckles on her cheeks, bracelets on her wrists.

Katie sobs when she sees her friend.

Daryl rubs her back and glances at Carol, who is watching the two of them. He dips his chin.

Carol nods, too.

‘Can you – dad, can you – I’m-‘

‘I got it,’ he takes the rose from her and places it in the coffin, next to the girl’s side. ‘There.’

Katie cries, the sobs growing louder as she tries to wipe her tears away with shaking hands. She tries to say something but chokes on the words.

 ‘We’ll miss you,’ Daryl says in her stead. ‘Rest in peace.’ He looks over his shoulder and nods at Lori, who is waiting for them. The woman steps forward and curls an arm around Katie, whispering in her ear and then leading the girl to the next room. When they pass the big doors, Katie flings her arms around Lori’s neck.

The sound of his daughter crying causes Daryl to tear up, too.

He looks at Carol again, setting his jaw as a single tear runs down his cheek. ‘We’re so sorry for your loss.’

Carol nods. ‘Thank you. And thank you both for coming.’ She reaches down and touches the rose. ‘It’s beautiful. She would have loved it.’

‘It’s a Cherokee rose. It grew near the place she died,’ he worries his bottom lip for a second. ‘I’ll tell you the story sometime.’

The woman nods and gives him a watery smile. ‘I’d like that. Thank you, Daryl.’

Daryl reaches out and touches her elbow before walking down the aisle again. Katie is now standing with Merle, hiccupping as she tries to dry her tears while her uncle talks to her urgently. A hand on her shoulder, him a little crouched to be on eye-level. She nods along but then says something that makes Merle shake his hand and cup her face, rough thumb stroking her wet cheeks.

Daryl watches how his brother comforts his daughter and wipes his own tear away.

Rick steps up next to him and hands him a glass of water. He looks around the room. Crying teenagers and nervous parents, suspicious looks now aimed at everyone instead of just the Dixon’s. The cop sighs softly, looking very tired. ‘How does a town recover from this?’

Daryl takes a sip of water. ‘Done it before.’

‘I don’t think it did,’ Rick says as he surveys the room. ‘It was bad the first time around, but this? This is on everyone – no one. This was just kids being stupid. It was an accident.’

‘Maybe that’s the problem,’ Daryl grunts. ‘It weren’t. They locked her in a cabin, opened it up an hour later and were real surprised that she freaked the fuck out and hightailed out of there. Girl slipped and fell to her goddamn death. How are they innocent?’

Rick shakes his head with a sigh. ‘This is going to be hard enough to overcome without everyone demanding kids to be put on trial for a mistake, brother.’

‘Maybe it’d be easier if someone got the blame.’

‘Maybe,’ Rick allows. ‘But most of them are feeling the blame anyway. Even if they shouldn’t.’ He glances at his best friend. ‘Are you keeping an eye on her?’

‘I’ve seen it,’ Daryl replies curtly.

Rick nods. ‘If you need help, I can call that doctor at-‘

‘We’ll be fine.’

 

 

They’re sitting on the couch together a couple of hours later, just Daryl and Katie. Their hair wet from hot showers, suit and dress replaced by sweatpants and old hoodies with stains on them. There’s a tub of chocolate ice cream wedged between their entangled legs. A bag of marshmallows is being squashed by Daryl’s knee but they both already had enough of them. The table is littered with dirty cups, coffee and tea and hot chocolate. Whatever they felt like.

There’s a spoon hanging out of Daryl mouth. Chocolate melts on his tongue. He takes it out with a soft plop and then narrows his eyes. ‘Do you know why I don’t drink?’

Katie shrugs. ‘Because grandpa did?’

‘Yeah, I guess. I mean – some people drink and they suddenly got jokes, right? Get real funny. Some just get real sleepy. Rick’s like that, you know? Give him three beers and a blanket, and you’re all set for the night.’

A smile tugs the corner of Katie’s mouth up. ‘I didn’t know that.’

‘Got all kinds of dirty secrets on that guy,’ Daryl smirks before grabbing another spoon of ice cream. ‘But my dad weren’t like that. I ain’t like that. Merle neither. We start drinking, our temper just gets shorter and shorter ‘till we just explode all up in everyone’s faces. Aint’no _talking things over_ , or _working things out_. Nah. Just our fists and fucking _rage_.’

Katie nods.

‘I got sober when I moved to Atlanta to be with your mom. Quit the drugs, the alcohol, quit everything. Cold turkey from the day I knew I still had a shot. Ain’t gonna lie; it was fucking hard. Not just – you know – my body wanting it all and hurting something awful, but also… I thought it was the only way I could talk, right? Just down a couple of shots and shout at someone to make myself feel better, get myself into a fight just to fend off some frustration. Couldn’t do that no more,’ he licks his spoon clean. ‘Had to sit down and talk about shit.’

Katie laughs softly at the look on his face. ‘Did mom teach you how that works?’

‘She was a saint, girl. Like, I don’t know how she ever managed to not walk out on my ass. Must have been frustrating for her, too, ya know? Sometimes nothing would be happening, I’d just be chilling on the couch and – I wouldn’t have anything to say, right? So I wouldn’t say a thing. For hours. It drove her _mad_. She’d think I was angry or upset or whatever, and I’d just be chill, not getting it at all.’ He shakes his head and laughs.

‘But you learned.’

Daryl nods. ‘It’s still not my first instinct, right? When something happens, I kind of shut down sometimes. Don’t say a lot – try to figure stuff out on my own first. But,’ he scratches at his cheek, ‘some things are just so – they’re too big, right? Or they can’t be _solved_ , even.’

Katie looks at him warily. ‘Yeah, I guess.’

‘When I was little, my dad would beat me whenever I fucked up. He would take his belt out, give me a few lashes to make me behave, and I thought that was normal. That it was my fault even, because I’d been so bad, right? So I’d try to be good. Of course it didn’t work all the time and he’d still get mad and go to town on me, but after that? I’d be so mad at myself for fucking up. So mad that I wouldn’t know what to do with myself anymore.’

Katie nods.

‘So, sometimes I’d just… do things to myself. At first it was just running my nails over my arm real hard. Then I started using a knife. Later, cigarettes.’

The teenager looks horrified.

Daryl shrugs. ‘It helped me. Or I thought it did, anyway. It would give me something else to focus on, sometimes it was punishment for what I’d done. I stopped doing it when I was with your mom. Still felt the urge, of course, but we’d talk things out and that helped more than the other thing. But after your mom died? Hmm.’ He shakes his head.

‘You did it again?’

‘Did everything,’ Daryl nods. ‘Must have been a week after the funeral and I just dropped you both at Merle’s and ran to the nearest bar. Drank myself stupid, dragged my ass to a motel to sleep there and when I’d wake up I would feel so guilty. I’d feel like such a waste of space, a bad dad, and I’d miss your mom so much that I’d just needed to…’ he shrugs and looks away, ‘use my arm as an ashtray, I suppose.’

‘What made you stop?’

‘Rick tearing me a new one,’ Daryl says with a small smile. ‘Getting some professional help, just so I could talk to someone who wouldn’t just say how sorry they were all the damn time. That helped. Not drinking anything just makes it easier to not go back to that whole cycle.’

Katie nods her understanding. ‘Yeah…’ she plucks at her sweater. ‘Why’re you telling me this?’

 ‘Because you got unlucky, kid,’ her dad smirks. ‘I’m pretty sure you’re 99% Dixon, not the usual 50. And I want you to know that we can talk about stuff. It’s hard, and we’ve both tried over the years but… we gotta do this now, or…’ he shakes his head, ‘I’m scared…’ he runs a hand over his face, ‘I just… You didn’t tell me about what was going on, and I get that now; okay? I get it, but… I need you to know that I’m here for you, always. No matter how sad I am over Paul leaving, over anyone leaving, no matter whether I’m having a bad day or whatever else is happening – you come first. Always.’

Katie frowns, ‘I know that…’

Daryl catches her eye. ‘Do you?’ he reaches forward and pushes her sleeve up.

There are angry red marks on her forearm.

‘What were you going to say to that? I used the excuse once that I fell while trying to jump a fence, the metal caught my skin and all that… nobody believed me. Pro-tips, that what you call that, right?’

Katie closes her eyes.

‘I’m not doing this to call you out, I’m just – I want to help, Katie. I’ve been there, kid. I know you. And you can hide in your room all you want, but I’m… I’m _always_ going to be here.’

‘It was stupid,’ the girl whispers. ‘It didn’t even help!’

‘No, it doesn’t,’ Daryl agrees. ‘Why did you do it?’

‘I don’t know. _I don’t know_.’

Daryl makes a shushing noise and kicks the bag with marshmallows from the couch before pulling her to his side. She settles between his legs, arms around his waist and face pressed into the softness of his belly.

‘I’m sorry,’ she cries.

‘Yeah, you gotta stop marking my baby girl. I did enough damage with those ears,’ he pulls at one that’s poking out between her curls. Despite everything, he can feel her choke out a small laugh between her sobs. He wraps his arms around her and stares up at the ceiling. One hand stroking her hair, the other her back. ‘I love you so much, Katie. I don’t tell you enough.’

‘I love you, too, dad.’

She falls asleep on his chest as if she’s six months old instead of sixteen years.

He remembers sitting in the hospital chair next to Samara’s bed, holding his little girl for the very first time. Laughing with his wife over the fact that everyone is going to lie and say that she’s the most beautiful child ever. Eyes puffy, hair only coming through in some spots, nose a little crooked; she’d been perfect.

‘We made her,’ Samara had laughed, exhausted and reaching out just to hold onto a tiny foot, not wanting to let her daughter go. ‘Fifty bucks that Merle is the only one who’s going to call her ugly.’

‘You think Shane is going to bite his tongue?’

‘I think Lori has a mean glare, is what I think,’ Samara had said as she’d reached for her daughter again.

‘Hey,’ Daryl had batted her hand away before getting up carefully and lying down on the bed next to her, back propped up by a spare pillow, his firstborn resting peacefully in his arms. ‘You had her for nine months already. Share.’

When no smart-ass comment had come, Daryl had glanced at her, an eyebrow arched.

‘You’re going to be an awesome dad, you dork.’

‘I’m gonna need some help,’ he’d answered. ‘I have no idea what I’m supposed to do.’

She’d leaned against him, closing her eyes. ‘We’ll figure it out together.’

And now he’s lying on the couch with his teenage daughter safely in his arms, still with no idea of what he’s supposed to do.

 

 

There’s a knock on his office door. It’s late at night and Daryl doesn’t need to look up to see who it is. He gestures with his hand for them to come in while pushing his headphones half off his left ear. There’s a pen clenched between his front teeth. His gaze sweeps over their latest sales figures displayed on his computer screen.

‘I cleaned the kitchen and swept the floor of the garage. Anything else you need me to do, sir?’

‘No. It’s late. Go home.’

‘I can order those parts if you – ‘

‘I said; no,’ Daryl snaps as he looks up to meet Max’s gaze. ‘Go home.’

‘But I can-‘

Daryl gets up and puts his headphones on his desk. ‘I thought we had a good thing going, Max; you stay the hell out of my way and I don’t kick your ass to the curb. You finish that internship and then we’re done with each other.’

Max lowers his gaze. ‘Yeah – yeah, of course. I just – can I just ask; how’s Katie?’

‘You can get the hell out of my office,’ Daryl growls at him. ‘Or I’m gonna help you get down those stairs faster. Ya hear me?’

The boy nods quickly, a little paler than before, and he hurries down the stairs himself and starts to grab his stuff so he can leave for the night.

The Dixon sighs and runs a hand over his face. It takes him a couple of moments to regain his calm, but then he moves to the landing, leaning on the banister with both hands. ‘She’s doing okay,’ he calls out to the kid, who looks at him with wide eyes. ‘She’s going to school, working her job – that’s all going fine. Has nightmares though. Bad ones.’

‘Oh,’ Max mutters. ‘Is there anything I can do?’

‘Stay the hell out of her way.’

‘Yeah,’ he nods, ‘but, you know… anything else?’

‘No. First time we both showed up for work after… that whole thing? I wanted to gut you on the fucking spot, kid. You were lucky Merle was around to talk some sense into me. We’re not friends. I’m not your friend anymore. Not your mentor, not your fucking guidance counselor, not anything but your employer, you hear me? The only thing I owe you is your fucking paycheck and whatever I can teach you about these bikes and engine blocks. That’s it.’

‘I know. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.’

‘No, you shouldn’t have. This isn’t going to be on your terms. You don’t get to decide when you’re forgiven for what you’ve done and when you’re coming back into our lives.’

Max shakes his head, ‘I know, I wasn’t trying-‘

‘Yes, you were.’

The boy sighs. ‘I just miss her.’

‘This ain’t about you, or what you want. Get your head out of your ass, kid, and just walk away. You’ve said everything you needed to say that night, now leave her be. She wanna be your friend after all this? Then she’ll come find you. And if she don’t? Then you fucking respect that and make sure she doesn’t have to deal with your ass.’

‘You’re right. I’m sorry.’

‘Good. Go home. And I don’t want you working overtime anymore, go to the fucking library and study or something. I’m not paying you to sweep my floors and clean the kitchen.’

‘Just wanted to help,’ Max mutters as he throws his bag over his shoulder.

‘You’re not, so stop trying,’ Daryl tells him. He hesitates for a moment. ‘How did the history test go?’

‘Got a seventy-eight on it, so a’right.’

‘Good,’ Daryl nods. ‘Did you ask Negan for help with your college applications yet?’

Max rubs at his nose, ‘not yet. I can do it myself.’

‘Or you can give Negan a call and actually land a spot.’

The teenager sighs and pulls his leather jacket on. ‘Fine. I’ll call him during my break tomorrow.’

‘Good,’ Daryl smirks. ‘Not that I give a damn about you or your fucking future, of course.’

‘Right,’ a small, hesitant smile creeps onto the boy’s face. ‘Of course not.  Good night, sir.‘

 

 

When he comes home, it smells of venison. The kitchen is a complete mess, water splashed everywhere from the washing up, dirty dishcloths on the counter, the left-overs not yet properly stored in the fridge. Two crumpled cans of coke never made it to the trash. The jar with honey sits next to the microwave, several mint-leaves litter the floor. One of Lexi’s markers has left a blue stripe on the door of a cupboard.

The dirty plates have been put into the dishwasher, at least.

An abandoned board game sits on the kitchen table, surrounded by now-cold tea mugs and one plastic cup. Traces of chocolate have been rubbed into the wood by stained fingers. Blankets cover the couch. Between all of them, Lexi sleeps. Blonde curls covered by one of Merle’s old hats, thumb locked between pale lips.

She makes a soft noise of protest when Daryl pulls it out.

He shuts the television off and heads towards his backyard, where Merle is smoking a cigarette.

‘Don’t know how you do it,’ his brother tells him. ‘I’m gonna need six days of sleep after all that.’

Daryl sits down on the railing, boots kicking the white paneling. He accepts a cigarette and has to lean in close when Merle lights it for him. ‘Yeah? They give you trouble?’

‘Nah. ‘s just a lot more work than eating TV-dinners and drinkin’ beer, is all,’ he glances over his shoulder. ‘Batman is on the couch. Never learned the trick of movin’ ‘em without wakin’ ‘em. Figured I might as well let her sleep there.’

‘I’ll take her up later,’ Daryl shrugs as he looks out over his garden. ‘Ain’t no problem. Thanks for watching them tonight. Got us caught up for now.’

‘Yeah? We almost bankrupt or what?’

‘It’s going great, you know that. Doesn’t mean we can be three months behind on damn paperwork,’ Daryl answers. ‘I was thinking, couple of months from now? We leave the shop with Greg for a little while, head out to the coast. Get us a cabin out there for a couple of weeks during summer. Just get away from all of this.’ He glances at his brother. ‘You in?’

Merle nods. ‘Don’t think we can get Katie to camp this year. Last year was a battle, man,’ he laughs at the face his brother pulls. ‘What was that bullshit she came up with? Glamour – glammy-  what was it?’

‘ _Glamping_.’ Daryl snorts. ‘Dragged the whole damn house with us on that trip.’

‘ _Uncle Merle, can you please carry my backpack because I brought my beauty case and didn’t think I had to walk half a mile to the camping spot so_ ….’

‘Hey, you did it, too. Can’t blame a girl for tryin’ if you never say no, man.’

‘Ain’t ever gonna say no to them, man,’ Merle grins. ‘Got them wrapped around their pinkies, the pair of ‘em.’

‘Tell me about it,’ Daryl inhales sharply. He lets the tainted air escape slowly. Then he licks his lips. ‘How was Katie?’

‘Good as can be,’ Merle grunts. He rubs a hand over his forearm. ‘No funny business.’

‘Calling that shit funny now?’

‘You know I don’t mean it like that, brother. She’ll pull through, don’t you worry about that. Got her daddy’s backbone, that’s for damn sure,’ he lands a heavy hand on his brother’s shoulder. ‘And her mom’s brains, so she’s gonna be good.’

Daryl nods. He looks at the cigarette burning up between his fingers. ‘Real glad you’re here, Merle. Just –‘ he glances at him, ‘real glad, ya know?’

‘Me too.’ Merle squeezes his shoulder. ‘Ain’t going anywhere. Shit. These girls mean everything to me. You do. That night you left me that note, high-tailed to Atlanta? Hmm-hmm, thought you were gonna be back in two days, cryin’ like the little bitch you were,’ he clips him over the back of his head. ‘But you didn’t, so I thought; okay, okay, gonna go see what trouble he got himself into over there, and _damn_.’

Daryl grins, ‘Sam had me whipped good.’

‘She did, brother. She did. And I could have kissed the ground she walked on. You had a job, went back to school, had a girl, a house. Something to get up in the morning for, ya know? A man needs that. The life we were livin’? Weren’t ever for you.’

‘Or you.’

‘Nah,’ Merle looks away. ‘Suited me. Too small a brain to realize that what we were taught weren’t… wasn’t real. Blood stronger than anything, all this bullshit dad was spewing all the time. Where are they now, huh? Big ass family and nobody to call when shit goes down.’

Daryl takes a deep breath and looks at the dark sky above them. He knows the names of the stars by heart.

‘But there’s Rick,’ Merle says with a shrug. ‘Lori, Maggie, all of them, right?’

Daryl nods. ‘Yeah.’

‘Gonna sound twisted, brother, but I was so fuckin’ glad you called that night, with Sam? Not that it happened, of course. Fucking hell, man. But I was so glad you called me.’

Daryl frowns. ‘’course, man.’

His big brother shrugs, ‘weren’t any sort of brother before. Dragged you right down with me, I know that. The fact that you made it in the end, don’t make that right. Just glad I get to be a part of it all now. Could have shut me out for good, I wouldn’t have blamed you.’

‘Thought about it,’ Daryl admits. ‘But you got clean, got a job, got your life straightened out. We made it work. We always do.’

A huff of laughter and Merle digs his nails into his shoulder. ‘Damn straight we do. _Damn straight_.’

 

 

The sun is high in the sky when Daryl is working on his bike in his backyard the next day. There’s sweat running down his neck and bare chest. A cigarette sits in the corner of his mouth, the smoke stinging his eyes a little when he leans forward to check a bolt. With a satisfied grunt, he straightens again, wipes his hands on the shirt he’d been wearing earlier.

Footsteps on the driveway cause him to turn around. He narrows his eyes and plucks the cigarette out of his mouth. A grim smile hardens his features. ‘Ya know,’ he nods, ‘I’ll give it to ya; you got _balls of steel_ , showin’ your face here.’

Paul takes his sunglasses off. ‘Hello Daryl.’

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

 

* * *

 

 

 

‘How are you?’

The question nearly flings him into a fit of rage. He looks down and cleans his fingers with the shirt. There’s already a tear in it so he’s given up on the garment completely. The grease and motor-oil stains don’t matter anymore now.

‘ _How am I_?’ he echoes to get some more time to gather his thoughts. ‘Yeah, doin’ great. My kid lost one of her friends to a stupid prank gone wrong and thinks it’s on her. Scratched herself up over it, so now I got stacks of books next to my goddamn bed about fucking self-harm prevention and help, because God knows I don’t know what else to do. But, you know, things are going _great_. How’s Atlanta been treatin’ ya?’

Paul nods and looks at his boots. ‘Daryl… I don’t know what to say.’

‘Yeah. Good talkin’ to ya. Sheriff’s office is over yonder, ya took a wrong turn. Best get going,’ Daryl gestures to the road behind them, ‘wouldn’t want to keep Rick waitin’. He got shit to do.’

‘I’m so sorry.’

Daryl huffs and brushes his hair out of his face. ‘Don’t pretend to give a damn. I know you’re just here because you need to give a statement.’

‘I could have just gone to the station and back to Atlanta,’ Paul says as he crosses his arms in front of his chest.

‘Wish you would have.’

The other man works his jaw for a moment. ‘I wanted to say that I really am sorry about what happened. When Rick called, I – I wanted to come down and –‘ he searches for the right words, ‘be here, but…’

‘But what?’ Daryl challenges, stepping closer to him with a dark look in his eyes. ‘But Rick told you to stay away? He wouldn’t pass the phone to me, is that it? Nah, that just made it easy to stay away, right? Gave you the excuse you wanted. Bet you didn’t call neither to give me some peace and quiet after that fucking mess, right? Is that what you tell yourself?’

Paul winces. He narrows his eyes, ‘you wouldn’t have picked up anyway.’

‘That’s you assuming shit about me,’ Daryl jabs a finger into the man’s chest. Then he sneers at him. ‘Guess we’ll never know now. But don’t come here and pretend you tried, or wanted to, when you didn’t. _You didn’t_.’

Paul looks at his feet.

‘Yeah,’ the Dixon sneers. ‘That’s what I thought. Bye, Jesus.’

The other man flinches at the nickname Daryl has never used before.

Daryl walks away but the fact that Paul doesn’t call him back only makes him angrier. He throws the shirt onto his porch. His hands shake when he lights another cigarette. Paul’s gaze burns on his back. The smoke hits his lungs but does nothing to take away his anger. He turns around with a snarl, stalking back to the other man.

Paul is looking at him with hurt in his eyes. His arms are still folded, but he’s hunching a little, making himself even smaller than he is.

‘I told you… I _warned_ you this would happen,’ Daryl wags his finger at the bartender. ‘ _You_ wanted this, all of this. Back in Atlanta, when you told me you didn’t want to be nobodies dirty little secret; I fucking warned you that these girls would get attached. And you _wanted_ that. And I tried to take it slow, I tried to keep you at a distance but you were _all in_ from day one.’ He shakes his head. ‘Thought it would work out. Took a chance.’

Paul looks away.

‘Don’t got nothing to say?’ Daryl demands. ‘You came out here! Why?’

Paul works his jaw, searching for the right words. ‘I think I’m in love with you.’

‘You _think_?’ The uncertainty in the man’s eyes makes him laugh. ‘Are you fucking kidding me right now?’

‘I – I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I left – I just – I-‘ Paul shakes his head and stops himself, fingers tightening on his arm.

Daryl steps up to him, their noses almost touching. It forces Paul to meet his eye. ‘You loved me before you ran, and you fucking know it. You loved me and you loved those girls. Do you think I’m a fucking blind idiot? I know it weren’t easy but you toughed it out when you didn’t have to. Could have ran before it even hurt but you _didn’t_. You stuck with us.’

Paul closes his eyes.

‘Wouldn’t have blamed you,’ Daryl says. ‘Sometimes things just don’t work out. That would have been fine. But I know the _exact_ moment you freaked out and decided to leave. And you _waited_ and you _planned_ and then you just _ran_. That’s why I’m mad. Because everything was going great, everything was fine but you freaked and didn’t talk and just took off.’

‘You think you got it all figured out, huh?’ Paul asks, eyes slowly opening to reveal the shimmering of unshed tears.

Daryl nods. ‘Yeah. I do. Because Katie were in trouble and could have called anyone, but she called _you_. And it fucking freaked you out. I saw it, man. I _get_ it. But you stayed for weeks after that, made her think she really could count on ya, and _then_ bounced. Why?’

‘Because I really wanted to stay.’

‘You didn’t.’

‘No. I didn’t.’

Daryl nods. ‘So that ain’t even a real answer. That’s… yeah. What the hell, man. You can’t even give me that? A _real_ answer?’

‘What do you want me to say?’ Paul snaps. ‘You got this picture perfect life here and I – What the hell do I bring to the table, huh? Suddenly there’s a sixteen year old girl lookin’ at me like I know what the fuck I’m doing with my life. I’m a goddamn high school drop-out who works at the local dive bar! The only thing I know is that I love you, and I love them and I’m _sorry_!’

‘That would have been enough.’

Paul blinks. ‘What?’

‘The fact that you loved us? Would have been enough, man,’ Daryl says as he runs a hand through his hair to push it out of his small eyes. ‘What the _fuck_. You think you need a doctorate to be a kid’s… anything? You don’t, man. You just need to _be there_.’

‘Yeah, well… I fucked up. I’m sorry.’

‘Yeah.’ Daryl waits for a beat but nothing else follows the statement. He sighs and makes a throw-away gesture. ‘Rick’s waiting for you,’ he mutters as he walks away again. This time he does make it to the porch, picking up his shirt and opening the door.

Paul doesn’t call him back.

 

 

The next day, Daryl is sitting on a fold-up chair in the middle of an auditorium. There’s a stage in front of him, red velvet drapes now drawn back to reveal a line-up of students. Some are nervously wobbling on the balls of their feet, pulling at their own fingers and looking at their scuffed shoes while others try to spot their parents in the crowd. They wave enthusiastically.

Lexi is standing at the back of the line. She’d spotted him the moment he entered the room. The wide smile she’d given him had caused him to laugh. Now she looks serious. Mouth just a determined thin line and blue eyes slits as she watches how her friends step up to the teacher before her.

‘I heard that Jesus is back in town.’

Daryl glances at Lori, who is sitting next to him. One leg over the other, lips pursed as her gaze roams over the faces of the small students on the stage. Carl had finished an hour earlier but she’d stayed behind to watch Lexi’s performance. The school day is over after this anyway, there’d been no point in her driving home first and then picking up her kid again.

‘Tell Rick to stop running his mouth.’

‘Tara,’ she corrects. ‘Rick never runs his mouth. It’s why we split up.’

Daryl smirks. ‘Right. Tara, then.’

‘Did he come to see you?’

‘Yeah.’

She looks at him and then sighs, running a hand through her long hair. ‘Well, I can see why you and Rick get along. Does either one of you even say anything when you hang out?’

The Dixon scoffs. ‘You’re just sticking your nose in. I’m great at communicating. Learned from the best.’

‘You did,’ Lori muses. ‘You talk more now, that’s true. And it only took Samara ten years. She was a trooper, that girl.’

Daryl smiles. ‘Yeah. She was.’ He listens how another kid spells a word correctly and gets to move to the back of the line again. The little boy almost trips over his own feet as he tries to catch his mother’s eye in the crow, beaming with pride and then blushing when his friends snigger behind their hands.

‘I almost didn’t give you that postcard, you know.’

‘Why not?’

Lori shrugs. ‘Because you were Daryl Dixon? She was my best friend. At first it was kind of exciting when she started dating you. You were older than us, in Rick’s class but older than him even. You got held back once, right?’

‘Hmm-hmm.’

‘Yeah. She was dating the bad boy of the school. Always smoking, skipping classes, riding that dirt bike. It was exciting. But she’d always tell these stories about you, and they always seemed so fake. It couldn’t be real.’

He frowns and takes a sip from his luke-warm coffee. ‘What stories?’

‘You brought her a bouquet of wild flowers once, when you came to pick her up for a date.’

‘So? Didn’t have money to go to the store and get one there. Just got some from the side of the road. Ain’t no big deal.’

Lori knocks their shoulders together. ‘You got her _flowers_ , you sap. You were… you were sweet. The classic bad boy from all the stories; the one with the biggest heart.’

He scoffs and looks away. ‘Whatever.’

‘No! No. We’d hear it all the time. _Ooh, Daryl picked me up in his car and drove me back after the movies. He got me flowers. He walked me home after school even though he lives on the other side of town._ We just couldn’t believe it. I mean, we were friends, sort of, when I dated Rick, and he said it too; _he’s a good guy, Lor. A great guy_.’

‘I thought we were friends,’ Daryl nods. ‘So what’s the deal? I was a good guy. Why not give me the damn postcard?’

‘You were a good guy and then you just… weren’t. Broke her heart, upped and left, turned up at Rick’s doorstep high and drunk whenever you needed a safe place to stay only to run off again with Merle. You weren’t there to pick up the pieces. She was devastated when you left.’

Daryl chews on the nail of his thumb. ‘Yeah, well… Thought it was best, ya know?’

‘I do,’ she nods. ‘And I agreed. I was _wrong_ ,’ she adds with emphasis, ‘but I agreed at the time. She was better off without you. The you you were at the time.’

‘Yeah. So why did you give it then?’

Lori shrugs. ‘She was my best friend. I couldn’t lie to her, tell her I hadn’t seen you around. She wouldn’t stop asking about you. Refused to move on. I thought that maybe if I just gave it to you, and you threw it away, then that would be it. A sign for her to move on already.’

He bites on his thumb.

She smiles at him. ‘And you took that chance and ran with it. I watched you grab your stuff at Rick’s place and thought; there he is. There’s the Daryl we once knew.’

‘Bullshit. That one thing didn’t change nothing about me.’

‘It was the start though.’

‘Fine. Whatever. Yeah. But don’t turn this on me, now. I know what you’re getting at; I ran out on Sam, Paul ran out on me. It ain’t remotely the same.’

‘Why not?’ she asks with raised eyebrows. ‘At least Paul isn’t a drug-dealing, smoking fuck-up like you were.’

‘ _Thanks_.’

She laughs and reaches out to push his hair behind his ear. ‘We both know it was true.’

‘Shut the fuck up,’ he says without heat as he bats her hand away. ‘My kid’s up next. Stop talking shit about me.’

They watch how Lexi bounds up to her teacher, chin high in eager anticipation of her word. There’s obvious fondness in the way the lady smiles down at her, raising another flashcard to see what the word shall be.

‘Lexi,’ she says. ‘Please spell the word _job_ for us.’

‘Katie’s got a job!’

Lori sniggers behind her coffee cup and Daryl groans.

‘That’s great, Lexi,’ her teacher says patiently, used to dealing with her excitement. ‘Can you spell the word _job_ for us, please?’

‘Yeah! Job!’ Lexi says as she bounces on the spot. ‘J – O – B! JOB! I know that word! I did it right, right? Because Katie got a job and we learned the word and I know it because-‘

‘You did great, Lexi,’ the teacher laughs. ‘Go to the back of the line please, you’re still in it!’

‘ _Yes_!’ Lexi tears away to get to the back. ‘Dad!’ she shouts. ‘Lori! I got it right! Did you hear? _Did you hear_?’

‘We heard, Batman. Great work,’ Daryl answers. ‘Now hush. Your friend is up next.’

‘She’s not my friend!’

‘Oh shit,’ Daryl laughs under his breath and Lori knocks their shoulders together again. ‘Okay,’ he yells back. ‘Shush, now!’

Other parents glance his way disapprovingly.

‘The stage is right there,’ Lori tells them. ‘I wouldn’t want you to miss any of this.’ She flicks her hair over her shoulder and inspects her nails with a smirk as she lowers her voice again to talk to the Dixon next to her. ‘Though this conversation is a show in itself. Are you going to talk to Jesus again?’

‘Ain’t nothing to say no more.’

‘Then you better find something,’ Lori says as she looks at Lexi and sticks her thumb up when the little girl beams at her, ‘because he’s moving back here. Got his old job back. I think he’s crashing on Tara’s couch now, but he’s trying to find his own place. He called yesterday whether I knew a spot. Said you told him how I’d found you a house.’

Daryl stares at her. ‘You’re fuckin’ with me, right?’

‘No.’ Lori’s eyebrows shoot up. ‘He didn’t tell you he’d moved back here?’

‘No. He didn’t tell me shit.’

‘Oh.’

Daryl grits his teeth and watches how the line moves forward until Lexi skips towards her teacher again. The annoyance he felt seconds earlier melts away when the word is happy and Lexi starts telling this story about the time she got to pet a massive dog at one of his PR events. He remembers that moment. Heart in his throat at having lost her in the crowd, pushing past bikers clad in leather to try and find his little blonde girl.

And finding her hanging around the neck of a drooling and vicious looking bulldog, beaming at the biker holding a metal chain. The man, covered in tattoos and wearing a gang sign on his vest, laughing with the little girl in the pink tights.

‘Happy!’ Lexi repeats when her teacher asks her to actually spell the word now. ‘H-A-P-Y. _Happy_!’

‘I’m sorry, Lexi,’ her teacher says with a shake of her head, ‘but that is incorrect. Please take a seat. A round of applause for Lexi, everyone! You did really well!’

Lexi blinks and looks at the chairs before turning on the spot and jumping off the stage. She runs past the other parents to get to Daryl. ‘Dad! Dad! I didn’t get it right!’

He nods and already holds an arm out so she can give him a hug. ‘I heard, batman, but that’s okay. You’ll get it next time.’

‘Yeah!’ The girl laughs and he’s glad that she’s not sad about losing the competition. ‘I got one right! And it was a really hard word, too. _Job_. Did you hear? You heard, right? I got it first try.’

‘I heard,’ he pulls her back by her small hips so she’s standing between his legs. Arms around her waist, hugging her tightly as they watch how her friends continue to spell the words. He kisses her cheek. ‘Really proud of you.’

She nods and melts into his frame.

‘Daryl, Lex?’

They look to the side.

Lori takes their picture. ‘Thanks,’ she reaches out and strokes Lexi’s cheek for a moment. ‘You did so good, honey.’ She pushes some buttons on her phone and then glances up, ‘I’m just sending it to our group. I won’t post it anywhere, don’t worry.’

Seconds later his phone dings. The picture with two hearts under it and the message; ‘cutest losers in history. <3 XD ‘

 

 

They’re eating at the kitchen table, just the three of them. Lexi is quiet for a change. She’s decided that corn is her new favorite food and is now munching on a cob, butter running down her hands and wrists. After a glance at Daryl, she quickly licks at her forearm.

‘Napkin,’ Daryl grunts, throwing some at her plate while keeping his attention on Katie, who is telling him about something that happened in class today. She looks happy, eyes twinkling and arms bare; the wounds hadn’t been deep enough to leave scars and they’ve faded over the past week.

‘I’m really excited,’ Katie finishes her story with a decisive nod.

‘Good. Great! It sounds like a great project,’ Daryl says even though he doesn’t understand what can be so great about an English project about dead writers. Because Lexi is still working on her food, he shifts and clears his throat. ‘There’s something else I wanted to tell you girls. It’s not – it’s nothing big or important, it’s just-‘

‘Paul’s back in town,’ Katie says as she reaches for another helping. ‘I already know.’

Lexi nearly chokes on her corn. Eyes going wide as she stares at her sister. ‘ _Jesus_?’

‘Yeah. My God, use the napkins dad gave you, Lex, you’re eating like a dog, come here,’ Katie grunts as she wipes her sister’s hands and forearms. ‘How did it even get there? You’re so weird.’

‘Yes. Paul’s back, but that doesn’t mean he’s _back_ ,’ Daryl says.

‘A plus for communication there, dad,’ Katie laughs at him. ‘He’s not dad’s boyfriend anymore,’ she tells her little sister, ‘so he’s not coming around, but we might run into him at Maggie’s or in town. Yes,’ she laughs when her sister starts to chew quickly with wide eyes, eager to ask a question, ‘you can say hi to him when you see him. Right, dad?’

‘Yeah, sure.’ Daryl shifts and drums his fingers on the table. ‘When did you see him?’

‘Yesterday. He came in to pick up some pizzas. He didn’t see me,’ Katie shrugs.

‘Because you were hiding in the back?’

Katie laughs softly but blushes a bit. ‘Yeah. I recognized the sound of his bike. Classic Harley, right? So, I just – took my break a little early and prayed he wasn’t there to actually sit down and have a pizza.’

Her dad nods. ‘Why didn’t you want to see him?’

‘ _Awkward_?’ the teenager asks with raised eyebrows. ‘Hey, you totally ran out on us and you used to screw my dad and I totally embarrassed myself by trying to still talk to you on social media. Like... _yeah_.’

‘Watch your language,’ Daryl warns. ‘And none of that stuff is embarrassing. You liked him and reached out. Ain’t nothing wrong with that.’

‘Except it wasn’t even him.’

‘That wasn’t on you.’

She sighs. ‘Yeah. You’re right. It’s just – weird, you know? Is he moving back here?’

Daryl nods. ‘Yeah, Lori told me yesterday. He’s looking for a place still, I think he’s on Tara’s couch right now.’

Lexi wipes her mouth with her hands, ‘Jesus is moving back here?’

‘Yeah, baby,’ Daryl smiles before turning back to Katie. ‘Lori mentioned he got his old job back, too, so I guess he’s gonna be around for a while again.’

Katie nods. ‘I guess so. Maybe he really missed it.’ A small smirk plays around her lips. ‘The job, I mean.’

 

 

Maggie’s birthday is held at the farm.

There are several big picnic tables dragged out of the barn, dusted off and now hosting pitchers with sweet tea, home-baked pies and buckets filled with ice and soda cans. Buckets have been overturned, a plank laid over two to form enough seating space for the elderly and young. Most people are milling about, however. They form small clusters around the farm and their laughter rings out over the fields.

It’s a beautiful day.

Daryl wears a plain white shirt and his lighter jeans, dark biker boots. Sunglasses hide his small eyes as he jumps out of his truck, opening the other door so Lexi can hop out, too. She’s wearing a yellow dress she’d picked out with Michonne, pink converse sneakers approved by her big sister.

‘See? We’re totally late,’ Katie says as she gets out. ‘Hershel doesn’t do fashionably late, okay? He says a party starts at noon, it starts at noon, dad!’

Daryl laughs at her attempt to blame him for their timing. ‘It’s fine. Come on.’

All their friends are already there. Lexi squeals when she spots Hershel sitting near one of the tables with refreshments and runs off to tell him they’ve arrived, screaming at the top of her lungs that they’re late because Katie couldn’t decide whether to wear her boots or sneakers and how stupid that is. Daryl watches her go and then heads to where Maggie and Glenn are sitting.

Katie hugs their friends and hands the present to the birthday girl, chatting excitedly about a new shop that has opened up beside the garage. Daryl shakes Glenn’s hand and sits down next to him on the bench. They talk about their business for a while, both annoyed by a new tax system that’s being rolled out and competition in their fields.

The afternoon passes quickly. He talks to Glenn and then Maggie, hangs out with Shane and then throws a ball around with Carl and Rick. Katie sits with Aaron and Denise before hanging out with Beth and Noah, retreating into the house to listen to music. Sometimes Lexi comes running past, chased by Carl and later Eric, stopping by Daryl for a hug and cuddle and permission to eat another slice of cake before disappearing into the crowd again.

Most of the people start to head home by the time dinner rolls around, except for their group of friends. Daryl helps Annette in the kitchen, carrying big pots and plates to the tables outside while Shane fires up the barbeque so they can grill out.

The first people are eating their burgers when Daryl sets out to find his youngest daughter. His heart aches when he finds her.

One arm around Paul’s neck as she sits on his hip, pointing at one of the horses out in the field. Their heads close together, obviously very comfortable around each other. Paul is nodding along with her, asking the occasional question as he reaches out and tucks a blonde strand of hair behind the girl’s ear.

‘Dinner is ready.’

Paul turns around. In the soft light of the sinking sun, he looks stunning. Long hair in a messy bun, wearing a red flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up past his elbows, blue jeans and scuffed sneakers that are now stained by the grass. He looks a little guilty as he hitches Lexi higher onto his hip. ‘Hi. She was just showing me which horse Katie will ride on when her lessons start.’

‘Right. Hey, Lexi? Go into the house and wash your hands. Shane has a burger with your name on it.’

‘Okay!’ She beams at Paul who lifts her back to the ground, ‘thanks, Jesus!’ She runs away, leaving the two men standing there.

Paul bites the bullet. ‘You’ve been avoiding me.’

‘Yeah,’ Daryl nods because he’s not going to lie about that. He has made sure to not go to the bar when the man was working and not visiting Tara at home but asking her to come to his instead, claiming to not be able to find a babysitter in time. Whenever he saw the other man anywhere in town, he’d made sure to cross the street.

‘Can we talk after dinner?’

Daryl sighs and then nods. He tries to ignore the feeling in his stomach when Paul puts a warm hand on his elbow as he passes him on the way back to the house. He follows him. Lexi is waiting for him near the tables, wobbling on her feet with a plate in her hands. A small burger still steaming.

‘What’re ya waitin’ for, go find a seat,’ Daryl laughs, running hand over her curls. ‘Where’s Katie?’

‘I’m right here, but I’m going to sit with Shane and Lori. Can I try some apple cider? Hershel said I could try a sip, but…’ she falls silent when she spots Paul. ‘Oh. Hi, Jesus.’

‘Hello, Katie. How are you?’

‘Fine,’ the teenager sniffs and looks up at her father. ‘So can I? The apple cider?’

‘No.’

‘But Hershel said-‘

‘I don’t care what Hershel said,’ Daryl tells her. ‘You’re not drinking.’

‘It just tastes like apple juice. There’s nothing to it,’ Paul tells the girl.

Katie glances at him but then just ignores him. She turns back to Daryl. ‘Okay, dad, whatever. Chill. I’m going to sit with Lori. Lex, are you coming with me?’

‘I’m sitting with dad,’ Lexi says as she leans against Daryl’s leg.

‘ _Lex_ ,’ Katie hisses as she glances at Paul and then her father. ‘Just come with me!’

‘No! I’m sitting with dad!’

Paul chuckles and touches Daryl’s elbow again, ‘I’ll see you after dinner. Enjoy your burger, Batman, Kit- _Katie_ ,’ he says, quickly covering up the attempted use of the nickname.

Katie huffs and throws her hands up before walking away to go sit with the Walsh family. Daryl steers Lexi towards an empty seat next to Carl so he can sit with Rick where there’s already a plate waiting for him, courtesy of his brother.

Throughout dinner, he steals glances of Paul, who is sitting with Tara and Maggie. The bartender pretends not to notice even though the tips of his ears glow red the entire time.

It’s an hour later when the man gets up and comes over. He has two water bottles in his hand, holding one out to Daryl as he gets to his table. ‘Here. Want to take a walk?’ He spots Lexi curled up in Michonne’s lap, sleepy after the exciting afternoon. ‘Or do you need to take her home?’

‘Nah, she’s good,’ Daryl smiles when Michonne kisses the girl’s curls absent-mindedly while talking to Hershel. ‘Just needs some lovin’. Let’s talk.’

They walk past the barn and through the fields. It’s getting dark and there’s no illumination around them, but Daryl knows the way by heart. He leads them into the forest, following one of the trails until they reach a small pond. The moonlight causes the water to appear as melted silver.

Daryl sits down on the dock. The soles of his boots touch the water.

Paul sits down next to him. He looks around. ‘It’s beautiful here.’

‘Can’t see shit now,’ Daryl huffs. His hands curl around the edge of the dock.

‘Okay. No small talk. Got it,’ Paul mutters. ‘Lori found me a place in town, by the way. It’s in the neighborhood across from Lexi’s school, a little place. Looks great,’ he nods and kicks his feet. They don’t reach the water. ‘I’m taking on another job, too. A day-job. I’m thinking about getting my GED’s, maybe go to college after, so I’ll need the money.’

‘Sounds good.’

‘I thought a lot about what you said, about kids just needing you to be there. I know you’re right, but it’s easier to have people looking at you when you’re proud of what they see. That’s my problem though, and I’m working on it.’

‘Okay. Hope it works out for ya.’

‘Daryl…’

‘What?’ the Dixon asks.

‘I’m _trying_ here.’

‘Don’t understand what you want from me,’ Daryl shrugs. ‘Congratulations on the new place and-‘

‘I want a second chance,’ Paul cuts in. ‘That’s what I want from you. I know I fucked up and I’m sorry, but I want another shot at this. Us, because you were right; I don’t _think_ I’m in love with you… I _know_ it. We were good together.’

Daryl nods. ‘We were, but if you think it’s gonna be that easy, you’re dead wrong. You can’t just walk in and out of our lives like that, no matter how happy everyone would be to have you back. It don’t work like that. You can’t just be here for the good times. Gotta stick around, man.’

‘I will,’ Paul shifts so he’s facing the other man. He reaches out so puts his hand over Daryl’s. ’Just give me a second chance. We’ll take it slow. Just go out on a date with me.’

Daryl looks down at their hands. Slowly, he parts his fingers so Paul can grip his hand tightly, fingers entwined. ‘Yeah. Okay.’ He looks up with a frown. ‘Slow still means we can make out though, right? You gonna kiss me or what?’

He does.

There’s no awkwardness in the way Paul captures his lips, no sense of this being the first time in ages that their hands drag through their hair, hook around necks to bring the other closer. Their noses bump but that’s due to their own eagerness. Quick, feverish kisses at first before one opens his mouth to deepen the kiss into something slower that causes Daryl’s insides to burn and hands to shake.

Paul pants lightly when he pulls away, pupils blown wide. He shoves at Daryl’s shoulder.

The Dixon lets himself fall onto his back. There are stars above them but he pays them no mind. There’s a far better view here, with Paul climbing on top of him, straddling his waist and letting his hands run over his chest before leaning down and kissing him again.

Daryl groans. He arches his back under Paul’s touch, one hand disappearing into the long hair to keep him locked in place for their next kiss, the other roaming over the man’s thigh, side and then reaching for his ass to pull him closer.

A hand rucks Daryl’s shirt up. The night air causes him to shiver and moan into Paul’s mouth, writhing beneath him and trying to grind their groins together. Then he stills, gripping Paul’s shoulder and pushing him back.

‘This don’t mean-‘

‘I know, I know,’ Paul pants. ‘I’m not forgiven,’ he leans down to kiss Daryl’s chest, lips closing around his nipple while Daryl takes his shirt off. ‘Fuck, I’ve missed you so much.’

‘Way to take it slow,’ Daryl laughs as Paul palms him through his jeans. ‘ _Goddamn_.’

‘You started it.’ Paul smirks. He nudges Daryl’s cheek with his nose. ‘Do you _really_ want me to slow down?’

‘Ain’t going back to Hershel’s farm smellin’ of sex, that’s for sure.’ Daryl grabs Paul’s chin and kisses his pouting lips lightly. ‘And you need to buy me dinner first.’

‘Been there, done that,’ Paul huffs as he lies down half on the other man. One of his legs wedged between Daryl’s, a hand on his scarred side. They trade slow kisses as the sun disappears over the horizon. Paul tells him about his job in Atlanta, how he’d actually missed the small town and that Maggie had refused to talk to him for over a month after he’d upped and left.

Daryl tells him about Lexi’s recital he’d missed, how she’d just stood on the stage with her sheet music and had been too busy waving at Merle to actually sing her part. About the spelling bee where she’d gotten one word right. They talk about Katie. That the teenager feels embarrassed because she’d tried to reach out to Paul, how she’s still struggling with what happened that night but now seeks Daryl out so they can talk about it.

They talk about Daryl’s garage and Paul’s new day job. He’ll take tourists out into the woods, acting as a local guide and showing them the best sights.

They talk until the fireflies come out.

 

 

Several weeks later, they’re in Daryl’s kitchen. The Dixon is making a new recipe he got from Carol. Some sort of casserole she swears can be made in under half an hour, but Daryl’s been at it for forty minutes already. It doesn’t help that Paul keeps distracting him, of course. The man is sitting on the counter, next to the sink. His feet bump into the cupboard below him. There’s a cold beer in his hands and he scratches at the label while talking about something that happened at work yesterday.

‘What’s this,’ Daryl asks as he pushes the recipe closer to him. ‘What does this even mean?’

Paul reads the line. ‘I don’t know. Just skip it.’

Daryl frowns.

‘Who the hell follows a recipe anyway? Just chuck it into the oven and we’ll order pizza when it comes out all fucked up.’

‘Language.’

‘Sorry.’

‘ _Pizza_!’ Lexi screams from where she’s drawing at the kitchen table.

Daryl gives Paul a pointed look.

The man laughs, shaking his head. ‘Thought you actually meant the cursing and not the forbidden word.’

‘You’re so unhelpful,’ Daryl murmurs as he reads the recipe again. ‘God only knows why we keep you around.’

‘Yeah, wonder why,’ he raises the beer bottle and licks his lips before closing them around the glass, eyes hooded and dark.

Daryl hits him in the stomach.

He splutters, couching and kicking at the Dixon in retaliation before laughing. ‘The one time I’m trying to be sexy and you just kill the mood like that…’

‘Ew?’ Katie asks with raised eyebrows as she walks into the kitchen to grab a drink. ‘Dad, oh my god. It’s _still_ not in the oven? What are you even doing? I’m hungry! Oh – oh my God,’ she laughs when her father glares at her. ‘Okay, okay. Chill.’ When Daryl looks away, she mimes making a phone call at Paul and then mouths _pizza_.

Paul gives her the thumbs up. ‘You’re doing great, sweetie,’ he tells Daryl with a smirk. ‘Don’t let us distract you.’

‘Just want to get one home-cooked meal in before we go,’ Daryl murmurs. ‘Merle is going to spoil them rotten.’

‘ _How many nights left_?’ Lexi screams from the table, planting her hands on the wood and staring at Paul with wide eyes.

‘One more night, Batman,’ Paul laughs. ‘We packed your bag an hour ago, remember?’

The little girl nods and then wrinkles her nose. ‘Can I bring another toy?’

The man groans, ‘another one? You know what your dad said, as long as it fits into your bag.’

‘Can I go try?’

Paul slips off the counter and puts his beer bottle next to his plate. ‘Sure. I’ll help you, and we can sneak it into Daryl’s bag if it doesn’t fit. But don’t tell him.’

‘We already put my markers in his bag!’

‘ _Sssh_!’ Paul laughs as he herds her out of the room.

Daryl smirks and glances at Katie who is leaning against the counter with her can of coke. He clears his throat. ‘We should have never invited him back. He’s a terrible influence on her.’

Katie nods. ‘She wants to become a ninja turtle because they do karate like Paul and they’re green and that’s her favorite color this week.’ She looks down at her hands and rolls the can around between them. ‘He could come, you know? We wouldn’t mind having him around.’

‘Nah. It’s going to be a Dixon-only thing,’ Daryl says as he puts the dish into the oven. ‘A family vacation.’

Katie sucks on her teeth for a moment and pushes herself away from the counter with raised eyebrows. ‘Then why isn’t he coming?’

 

 

The sun is setting. Daryl walks through the loose sand on bare feet. Star- and moonlight guides him along the shoreline. Waves crash onto the sand, breaking apart with a dull roar. He has left the girls with Merle, who’d been teaching them the star signs.

He walks. Occasionally something catches his eye and he’ll bend down to grab it before moving on.

‘The kids are okay, Sam,’ he says. ‘Rough year. Feels like you’ve been slacking on the job, missy,’ he tells the ocean with a mock glare. ‘Didn’t feel like I had a guardian angel on my shoulder, lemme tell ya. Was all fucked up, but we made it.’

He sits down in the sand that’s still warm from the afternoon sunshine. There’s a seashell pressed into the palm of his hand. He rubs his thumb over it.

He tells her everything. About Max and Katie, about Paul walking out and coming back, about Lexi, about Merle, every single one of their friends. He tells her about the garage and Hershel’s farm, how Glenn is thinking about helping Maggie out with the shop now that the girl wants to expand her business. About Lori and Shane, who are expecting a daughter. About Rick and Michonne, who are so happy. About Carol, too, who has divorced Ed and hates the town her daughter died in but still comes around to dinner and has gotten adopted by their weird group of friends. About Denise and Tara, who want to get married.

He talks about how scared he’s been. Not just that night, but every night since. How unsteady the ground he’s walking on is. He tells her about his own nightmares, which came after Katie’s, and left him screaming in the dark.

He tells her they’re fading now. That he can’t remember them in the morning anymore.

‘We made it,’ he murmurs and the tide takes his words with it. ‘We’ll be okay. Eventually.’

After half an hour, he gets up. He slips the seashell into his pocket and walks back to the cabin.

Lexi and Katie are sitting on the porch. The little girl in between her sister’s legs as they both gaze up at the night sky. Katie points out constellations and tells stories about gods and monsters.

Her smile is so perfect that, for just a moment, he doesn’t worry about her at all.

 

 

‘Can I send this to Maggie? Dad? Can I?’

Daryl looks down at his youngest daughter, who is holding a birthday card that’s almost as big as her head. He raises an eyebrow. ‘No. It’s not her birthday. We’re sending her a normal postcard.’

‘But I want to tell her about the crab we found and Katie says there’s no more room! This one is bigger.’

‘You can tell her about the crab when we’re back.’

The girl huffs but stomps back towards her sister, insisting that Katie lets her write her own name on the cards. They’re standing in a tourist shop in a village just a couple of miles from their cabin. Merle is getting their groceries while Daryl explores the town with the girls.

He walks over to Katie, too.

‘You miscounted,’ she tells him, shoving an empty postcard back at him. ‘Can you put it back?’

‘No, it’s mine, give me the pen?’

Lexi gasps and looks at him with wide eyes. ‘Are you going to tell Maggie about the crab?’

‘No, it’s for someone else.’ He writes the address down, knowing it by heart, as well as the address of the cabin and then taps the tip of his pen on the table.

In the end, he writes just four words.

 

 

_Wish you were here._

 

 

Three days later, he’s sitting on the porch of the cabin. He watches how Lexi runs into the water, closely followed by Katie. They’re laughing and splashing around, enjoying the sunshine and cold water.

He closes his eyes and looks up at the sun.

He smiles.

The sound of a classic Harley cuts through all the noise.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this story, please consider buying me a coffee [here](http://ko-fi.com/jamesjohneye).
> 
> [Tumblr](https://jamesjohneye.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Thank you so much for everything;
> 
> you were the best part of this.


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